Blake burst into her room, hand clutched over her mouth, her chest rising and falling hard.

And it was only a second later, when she had shut the door behind her hurriedly, making sure she was safe and out of earshot of anyone else, did she burst into floods of tears, unable to hold it in any longer.

This was killing her. Truly and utterly.

Blake couldn't bear to think about Negan with his wives…touching them, kissing them, holding them, just like he had done with her just over a week ago…in that RV….in the bathtub…in her bed back at Alexandria.

Blake gave another sob, closing her eyes and crouching down to her knees.

Everything felt hopeless now…even as the warm evening sun drifted in through her window, shedding a golden light across Blake's neat and tidy room.

But like that she stayed, crouched there crying, for what felt like hours….but might only have been mere minutes...aching from head to toe.

She felt worse now than she had felt with David. For this was a crushing pain…a pain of knowing what she could have had….that feeling being torn away from her.

In the space of a little over a month, not only had she lost Mia but now she had lost Negan too. And things had changed too much to ever go back to way things were.

Blake was alone now…stronger...built up to be a queen in this world.

But that was no good on her own. For she had revelled in the feeling that Negan had given her…boosting her up…making her feel invincible…the king to her queen.

Blake now lifted herself back up to her feet, wiping at her cheeks and letting out a shaky sigh, before gazing around at the small room.

Her bed was made, a pretty blue vase sat empty upon the table, and a couple of pairs of jeans littered one of the couches here, but apart from a few items of clothing, Blake had no personal effects. Nothing she needed.

Perhaps leaving now would be the best thing to do. Pack up what she could, and just….go.

That had to better than staying here and seeing Negan with his wives again, wouldn't it?

But where could she possibly flee to? She had exhausted her options at Alexandria…

So perhaps Blake could just hope for the best. Pick a direction and just leave.

But before Blake could ponder this even a moment longer there came a sharp knock upon her door, causing her to jump where she stood.

The caramel-blonde woman hurriedly wiped at her eyes, just as the door was suddenly shoved open before she could protest.

Blake gave a gulp and took a hasty step back thinking for a moment it might have been one of Negan's men….here to inflict a punishment on her for something.

But instead Blake's green eyes suddenly landed on-

"Steve?" she uttered in a slightly wavering voice, crossing her arms over her chest.

What the hell was he doing here?

Steve glanced her over, tilting his head to the side and taking a wide step forwards into the room.

"I…uh….I just wanted to see if you were ok?" he mumbled earnestly, chancing a quick glance into the empty corridor over his shoulder, before closing the door behind him with a gentle snap.

Fuck.

Now it was just the two of them here, alone.

And as sweet as Steve seemed, Blake was not in the mood for his advances, again.

He wasn't who she wanted.

Steve was tall and muscly, with a great physique, and to many a woman he looked-like the perfect guy. But Blake had had all that in David. A guy who seemed oh-so-wonderful on the outside, but on the inside he was a true monster.

Not that Blake was tarring Steve and her ex with the same brush.

Over the past day or so Steve had obviously tried his best to prove that he was one of them….that he was Negan…

But coming onto her now, would only exacerbate matters, Blake was sure of it.

Maybe now would be the time to let him down gently.

"Listen-" she made to utter, but Steve swiftly cut across her, turning back around and taking a hurried step into the room, his face serious now.

"Thank god. I've been wanting to get you on your own since I got here but haven't found the chance yet," he said closing the gap between the pair of them and staring down into Bake's eyes.

Crap.

Oh, crap.

Blake felt her heart thudding in her chest…her eyes widening slightly and meeting with his.

This wasn't who she wanted. Steve wasn't who she wanted…

This wasn't right.

She could see his gaze flickering to her mouth, as he took in her entire face.

Fuck…this was it. Was he going to try it on with her again?

Blake needed to stop this.

But before she could say even a word, Steve had spoken again.

"I think we can do this, if we're careful," he said with a small nod, lowering his voice slightly.

Blake gave another gulp now, a little confused by his words.

What? Did he want to keep their relationship on the down-low? Was that what this was all about?

"I-" she began, but again, Steve interrupted, talking fast.

"It's going to take us a while to figure out how we're going to do it, but I know we can," he said giving her a small encouraging smile and lifting his hand up, giving her upper arm a squeeze. "We can kill him, Blake. We can kill Negan….take him down."

Blake blinked suddenly.

What had he just said?

She parted her lips staring up at the brown haired man before her.

"Y-You want to kill Negan?" she uttered in a hollow tone, not really believing what she had just heard.

This had to be a mistake. It had to be.

But Steve gave a nod, sliding his hand down her arm and finding hers, gripping it tightly.

"Like I said, I know we can do this together. You don't have to do this alone anymore, I can help," he said in a soft voice, cocking his head to the other side now, his body close to hers.

From here Blake could smell his sweat through his white t-shirt.

After all this…after defending Steve all this time….Negan had been right about him.

He was out for only one thing.

To kill the dark-haired leader of the Saviours.

"T-That's why you're here?" she murmured, her voice shaking slightly as the words spilled from her lips, the smallest of frowns darkening her brow.

But Steve stared down at her purposefully now, gazing at Blake imploringly.

"I'm here to do exactly what you have," she began, licking at his lips. "To live among his people…infiltrate them."

But Blake's eyes darkened, and she tugged her hand out of his grasp, taking a step back.

"I haven't infiltrated them," she said shaking her head, her frown deepening. "I chose to be here….I-I want to be here!"

She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Gazing at Steve like he was an alien object now And in a way, perhaps he was.

"Why?" uttered the Alexandrian, in a confused-sounding voice, staring at Blake hard.

But Blake couldn't no longer give a reason to that particular question.

She turned away from him now, reaching the table and lifting her hands to her face, thinking hard.

"Steve, listen, you need to go. Now," she said chewing on her lips worriedly. "I-If Negan figures out what you're doing-"

But Steve cut across her quickly, causing Blake to look back at him, as he approached her again, taking a step closer.

"He won't," Steve urged in a calculating voice, his fingers reaching her spine. "He trusts you enough now. You and me, Blake. We can be the team that takes him down."

But at his words and his touch, Blake flinched away from him, angry now, remembering.

For there was one other person who used to speak to her like this. One person who used to try and manipulate her into to doing things on his behalf.

And right now, as much as tried to shake herself, Blake could see flashes of David in Steve's face.

"I don't want to take him down, Steve," she said in a louder voice, feeling her cheeks burning red. "I lo-

But Blake stopped herself before she finished her sentence, the words hurting her too much to say aloud right now.

But Steve took another step into her now, relentless.

"You know this is the right thing to do Blake," he said with a sigh, shaking his poignantly. "Once we've done this, you can come back to Alexandria…with me."

Once again, Steve's hand reached her forearm this time, but yet again, she shrugged him off of her, turning to face him.

"Steve, he's going to kill you!" she pleaded with him in an incredulous tone, her eyes desperate now.

Steve couldn't do this. Blake knew what Negan would do to him if he even got a sniff he was about to try anything.

But Steve just smiled reassuringly.

"He won't find out," he uttered with a shake of his head.

But Blake pursed her lips together, her face serious now, staring back at him hard.

"He will if I tell him," she said firmly.

At her words Steve was silent for a long moment, his eyes travelling over her face.

"W-Why would you do that?" he asked, his voice wavering slightly as he spoke now

But Blake blinked just twice, already knowing the answer to this one, as her eyes dropped slowly to the floor, a lump appearing in her throat.

And that was when it hit her. A fact she had known to be true for a long, long, long time now….

"Because I belong here," she said in a pained voice. "Even if I live out the rest of my days working in the gardens scraping together just enough points to eat…it'll still be my home. Negan is my home."

Blake gave a gulp, feeling an ache wash over her, finally having admitted the truth to herself.

She would never have left earlier….for how could she….this place was the only thing she had in the world.

Negan had been the only thing she had in the world…

Both him and Mia had been everything to her, and it hurt her that they were both gone now.

And even despite Negan's words, Negan's actions over these past few days….she still cared for him….enough at least to stop him being killed by Steve.

Although she doubted Steve would get very far in doing so, and then what? Steve would feel the full force of Lucille. And Blake did not want to witness that.

But as her eyes drifted back up to Steve, she saw now to her surprise that he was scowling down at her, looking furious. His features twisted up into a dark grimace.

"You know, Rosita was right about you," he suddenly muttered in a dark voice, pointing at her and taking a threatening step towards her. "She told me you were a traitor...going off with the Saviours, lying about your ex hitting you. At first I didn't believe her, I mean, I thought you were cleverer than that. But you know what? You really are as spineless as she said you were."

Blake stared at him, and in that moment she saw red.

Seeing only David's face scowling down at her….hearing his words from Steve's lips.

And before Steve got the chance to utter another stupid syllable, Blake had grabbed the blue vase from the table behind her and thrown it sharply across his face.

Steve, as tall and muscular as he was stumbled at the impact, falling to the floor and clutching at his cheek.

The vase in Blake's hand cracked, but did not shatter, but the impact was loud enough to have hurt.

"Fuck you," uttered the caramel-blonde woman advancing on him now, standing over him frowning darkly.

Her mind was whirring. What the hell was she supposed to do now?

If she called upon Simon or Dwight and told them what Steve had been suggesting they do, Steve would likely find himself dead in a matter of minutes.

And so, her fists clenched and chest heaving, fill of anger and betrayal right now, Blake made up her mind.

"Get up," she uttered out blackly, through gritted teeth.

Steve, with his hand on his red cheekbone, stared up at her, his eyes wide now.

It was obvious that he had never expected this of her. Not in a million years.

"Get up," Blake repeated louder now. "I don't have you down for a fucking martyr, Steve. So come on, lets go."

Hurriedly Steve scrambled to his feet, seemingly eyeing the vase still in Blake's hand, instantly doing as he was told.

He really was just a big puppy wasn't he?

But once he was on his feet, Blake gave him a hard shove towards the door.

"What are you going to do?" asked Steve trying to sound confident now, but his shaky voice gave him away slightly.

Jesus, Blake had seen some idiots in her time but Steve really did take the biscuit. How far had he really expected to have gotten if he had given up already, submitting to Blake's will.

But, hurling open the door, Blake, jabbed the vase into the small of his back, pushing him out into the gloomy corridor….

…not answering his question just yet anyway….

Blake gave Steve another sharp shove down the winding Sanctuary corridors, making sure they avoided any of the popular route that led down towards the dining hall where she knew most of the Saviours would be at this time of the evening.

Instead she took the back route, dingy and dirty as they were, and barely ever used by the Saviours, let alone by Negan or his generals.

"Are you taking me to him? Is that what you're doing?" mumbled out Steve, in a nervous voice, looking at Blake.

But the caramel-blonde woman merely sighed shaking her head now, cracked blue vase still clutched between her fingers.

She was tired and disappointed in herself for trusting Steve.

Negan had been right about him all along, reading him like a book this entire time.

She didn't utter a word to Steve until they were down on the ground floor, in an empty hallway beside a door that Blake knew led to an underused lot of the far side of the Sanctuary. There was a fence here, but unbeknownst to anyone but the Saviours, it wasn't chained up or locked and so would make for an easy escape for anyone who needed it.

Blake came to a stop beside the white peeling door, and turned to him finally, letting out a huff.

"You need to go, Steve," she said firmly, her eyes large and pleading now.

But the brown-haired man stared down at her, parting his lips.

He looked sad, like a huge puppy dog, his brown hair a little messy, and his white t-shirt that was far too tight for him, slightly dusty and rumpled.

"I came here for a reason, Blake," he said shaking his head.

But Blake merely gave a dark frown giving the door to her right a hard shove open.

"It's leave or die right now," she murmured back, as the last of the setting sun sent orange rays shining over the pair of them, through the open door. So please, just go. Before I change my mind."

Steve lingered for a long moment, gazing out at the lot beyond.

"I-I have no idea to get back to Alexandria from here," he mumbled sounding a little worried now.

But Blake pursed her lips together unsympathetically.

Finding his way home was the least of his problems right now. If Negan ever found out about him…

Blake gave a gulp, not wanting to think on that.

For this was her doing.

She had chosen to defend Steve. To let him stay here.

This was on her head.

Negan had said so himself.

'If he screws up…on your head be it, Sweetheart.'

Blake nibbled on her bottom lip for a moment, staring at the brown haired man before her, before she gave her head a small shake.

"Just go, Steve, please," she whispered.

And with that, with a short downward glance, with his Adam's apple bobbing slightly inside his nervous throat, Steve turned on his heel, heading out into the sunlit lot.

And Blake just watched, as he reached the fence, easing it open, before closing it once again with a creak behind him, throwing her one last long and lingering look.

And a moment later he was gone…

Blake stared out at the empty space for a few moments….before pulling the door silently closed, her hands trembling as she did so….clutching the blue vase in her clammy hand tightly.

For she knew now what she had to do…

…and no matter the outcome, this was sure too hurt more than she could say….

Blake raised her chin aloft feeling a gulp slide its way down her throat, as she brushed down the front of her indigo jeans, the blue vase still clutched tightly one hand.

Here she was, outside a familiar looking door…

…not quite wanting to see what might be on the others side…

Perhaps he was in there…with her…but right now Blake didn't care. All she wanted to was to inform him how right he had been all along…and how she was willing to face any punishment he wanted to send her way.

And so, without so much as even a knock, Blake gave the door to Negan's room a hard shove open, storming inside.

But she stopped short, just a few steps into the room to find the dark-haired Saviour sitting there on his black leather sofa, alone, hands pressed to his face.

Blake blinked, a little shocked to see that there was in fact no Tanya…no rumpled bedclothes…no hint that she had actually been here at all…

But Negan, upon hearing her enter, looked up suddenly, dragging his hands away from his face looking furious, about to snap at whoever had disturbed him.

But he stopped suddenly, the scowl falling away from his face, as his chocolate eyes landed on her, standing there before him.

Blake breathed hard, her chest feeling tight, like all the air had been sucked from her body.

But she steadied her nerves, and, lifting her chin once more defiantly, she strode forwards, slamming the blue vase in her hand down onto the small coffee table in front of him, beside a small stack of magazines.

"You were right about, Steve," she finally uttered in a hollow voice, staring down at him, trying to hold it together enough to stop herself from crying. "He was going to kill you."

Negan stared up at her now, the smallest of frowns drifting across his tanned features, but he kept his mouth pressed tightly together, his chocolate eyes narrowing in her direction questioningly.

But Blake just stood up straight, allowing yet another gulp to slide its way down her slender throat.

"I let him go," she said answering Negan's question before he could ask it, feeling her hands trembling, but she clenched her first tightly at her sides, trying to stay strong now. "But I'm still here, if you're looking for someone to punish…"

Her heart hurt now as she stared over into Negan's eyes. But she could not hold his gaze for long, her tear-filled, glassy gaze dropping to the floor, as she gave a small hopeless shrug.

"…so you can kick me out...o-or lock me back in that cell or whatever, I don't care anymore," Blake finished, shaking her head and letting a single tear slide down her cheek, falling silently to the floor.

She would take her punishment. Of course she would.

But not right now….

He could come find her to do so, if he wanted…or send his men after her.

Whatever he chose, Blake was way past caring now.

She had been an idiot for trusting Steve….just as she had been an idiot for trusting David.

And so, turning on her heel, Blake left the room, without even a second glance up at Negan, heading back out into the gloomy corridor beyond….awaiting her fate…whatever it may be.

Oh gosh. Angst.

Thanks to PokemonTrainerDecmeber, Hmc09, Guest, ElysiumPhoenix, guest12354, CLTex, l0velylexx, Keward2592, MsSharingIsFun,faithackles, Green, xmidniteangel15x, reiningempire and alliesmiley2 for commenting.

Please review if you get a chance. I'm having some real bad luck at the moment and would love some fic comments to cheer me up, even just a little :) Thank you.