Hi all
This is not a chapter I'm afraid, sorry, I've just been thinking that I need to take a little break. Maybe only for like a week or something. But after receiving a very lengthy, very well-articulated review this morning, critiquing and picking apart every little detail in this story and telling me that this fic was certainly not worth the amount of reviews it has, I'm just feeling very, very down at the moment. It's an essay and a half that's for sure, and it hurts that someone would take the time out to write something that must have taken them at least twenty minutes to compose because they dislike my fic that much. The review brings up the fact that my OC Blake is one-dimensional, that the way I've written Mia is amateur, and that my fic is generally poorly constructed and lacks any appeal, and the only reason I've got where I am, is that I, unlike others, post frequently, to the detriment of my plot. And those comments, well, I'm absolutely heartbroken about them if I'm honest.
I've had a rough few months, and I'm going to be upfront about it all now, as I want to share with you a few things which have made me feel utterly insecure recently and the reason I take reviews like this to heart …I found a lump in my breast in August, which thankfully turned out to be benign (and I still hope that is the case) but since then, each and every day I've felt so anxious and nervous about everything. I switch off every appliance in the house before leaving, don't want to meet up with my friends, grind my teeth with stress, all because of one scare. So yeah, that was that. The start of everything. Then our holiday got cancelled due to a hurricane, by baby hamster got sick and passed away, and as much as I am happily married, have great friends and family, and feel like life is actually going ok for once, sometimes I feel lost and without any hope, and writing this fic is the only way I feel I can escape from that utter anxiety and fear sometimes.
Perhaps, as the reviewer said, I should have condensed my fic down into fewer chapters and chosen to create better quality writing. But I was never really going for quantity over quality in the first place. My writing isn't quality. I'm not a great writer. I'm an addicted writer, but not a great one. So it was sort of a fluke that I just carried on and carried on, but maybe, now, I have come to a natural stop here. I don't know….
But I did just wanted to address something the reviewer also brought up, about timelines. Yes this fic takes place between Eugene arriving at the Sanctuary and Sasha being taken prisoner there. But this is a fanfiction which means this is my own sort of AU….and I've stretched out the timeline. Made that week or so, into months, because that's what I have the ability to do as a writer. I can slot in characters and timelines of my own. And I love doing that.
This is never going to be on tv. I know that. I've not been paid to write 117 chapters, but I write because it gives me escape and because I have spoken to many lovely people on here and on tumblr who I adore with all my heart ,who each and every time I post, take time out of their busy lives to leave a review for me. Me?! And that's just crazy and the nicest thing you could do for a writer. I don't get money from writing, but it makes me feel whole sometimes. And yes, I've had a little cry today…ok, maybe more than just one. But I've also received so many lovely words from you guys who have supported me through everything.
I was half way through writing a new chapter…and maybe I can see about getting it out next week at some point before Christmas…but I don't want to make any promises.
I'm just feeling very down at the moment and feel like I've lost, today, the only thing that made me feel happy.
So sorry for the rant, and sorry for spilling stuff that I probably shouldn't talk about on here.
And give me the weekend, and I'm sure I'll be with you all once again, posting as normal. But if not, I really do hope you all have a good Christmas/Vacation/rest/New Year.
I love you all more than I can say.