A/N: this update is long overdue; so sorry for that. The updates should become more frequent since I only have two stories to worry about now, also this story should be picking up in the next few chapters.
As always, thanks to my beta, her work is deeply appreciated. Also to SpookyCj for providing the much needed brainstorm.
The pain is almost unbearable. It keeps Cosima sleepless and secluded at home with the drapes closed, submerged in a darkness that she hopes will help mask the agony.
She never thought there could be a worse feeling than what she experienced when she trained her mind and body to forgo the regular doses of blood. In those days Cosima experienced real suffering for the first time, even considering her difficult upbringing - or perhaps her early life had been so long ago that she had all but forgotten, retreated to the dark spaces of her mind. Either way, as far as she can remember, that primal hunger tearing her up inside, clawing its way out, had been the worst period she had endured… until now.
The hunger is there, gnawing at her mercilessly, back with a vengeance for being neglected for too long. Along with it comes the physical pain. It starts as barely a thing, a constant, unrelenting tension in her muscles that Cosima can almost ignore.
However, as time passes and she continues without treatment, it begins to escalate. A soreness at first, as if she had been a victim of a violent beating, her bones ached like they've been broken and then it as if they were being shattered, over and over again. After a few days the muscles spasms begin, the cramps seizing the largest muscles of her body. Through it all, she's feeling constantly queasy and unable to eat. In her mind, only one remedy seems viable to make it all go away: blood.
Blood holds the solution to her problems.
Despite her weakness, Cosima's still able to drag herself out of bed, determined to put an end to her suffering. So for the first time in years, she goes out on the hunt. She's particular about the place and target, knowing that most of her strength is abandoning her. She chooses to wait near a college campus, late at night, where she knows she will find an unsuspecting student, returning from a night of partying in the city.
Hidden in the shadows of a side wall, with her eyes on the entrance, she waits for her prey. During that time the vampire contemplates the end of the code of conduct she had adopted in her early days: no victims; only volunteers. It was an easy code to abide by when one is healthy and able to captivate a willing blood supplier, not so much when she's literally dying for a meal.
The perfect target comes along after only twenty minutes of waiting, Cosima confident that the end of the pain is near, that her luck is about to turn. A small girl, close to her own height, visibly drunk, approaching with unsteady steps the gate. Cosima moves slowly and silently, preferring a stealth attack to catch the girl by surprise, making more difficult for the human to fight back.
There is no time for the victim to scream, Cosima may be weak, but she's still an experienced hunter. She pierces soft, fragile skin even before the vampire's arms wrap the girl's torso from behind, to keep her in place. With the first gulp Cosima can feel her strength return, he arms hold the weakening body more tightly, pulling her closer. But something's not right. It's like the blood rots in her mouth, the stench of decomposing flesh fills her nostrils.
Cosima has barely taken a few swallows when she's pushing the girl away and bends over herself, hurling what she had consumed onto the grass covered ground. The human, shaking off the shocked stupor, runs away screaming, entering the building. Cosima only has time to go to her feet, still feeling nauseous and makes herself scarce before the police arrive.
She gets home as quickly as she can, which is not very fast to begin with. Cosima has spent a great deal of dwindling energy in the failed attack. Confusion grips her mind, whatever went wrong had nothing to do with the victim. The girl was drunk, but it wasn't the first time the vampire had blood laced with alcohol, in fact, unless the person was completely impaired, it was usually a pleasant experience. Cosima enjoyed the light buzz it came with it, like topping an appetizing meal with a great vintage. No, it's something inside her that prevents her from getting what she most needs.
After that, Cosima spends hours lost in delirium, the few times the pain gives her some fleeting reprieve and she can close her eyes, she dreams of gorging herself, make up for lost time. However, when she's fully conscious that idea brings back memories of the attack, the disgusting taste of rotten blood touches her tongue and it is enough to dissuade her from giving it another try. And she keeps getting weaker, each day that passes without blood sees what's left of her strength leave her, the excruciating pain increase.
Still, most of the time Cosima is yet to fully lose control of her faculties. She's still capable to assure Alison, albeit through a closed door, that everything is okay and keep Felix away. Several times throughout the last weeks they've tried to contact her, their investigation into the elders activities is still ongoing but Cosima has other priorities, she doesn't trust herself to leave the house in her condition.
She has decided to wait it out, perhaps after the drugs leave her system, she'll be fully restored, her strength will return. She has come to terms with the idea of losing the sun again, as long as she can get back to what she was before she started the treatment.
However, she only gets weaker, the periods of derangement are becoming more frequent, and she knows she's running out of time soon, the beast will take over and control every aspect of her existence, controlling her every thought and she no longer has the energy or the lucidity to make it stop. She's becoming the beast. Cosima is losing her mind.
With her drapes fully closed and slipping in and out of conscience, Cosima has lost the notion of time, of night and day. On her bed, fully covered, she shivers with a cold that she can't keep away because it's born within her. Her mind dangles between fiction and reality. In the distance she hears the phone ringing, but she isn't sure if it's reality or imagination. She doesn't move as the loud, annoying ring continues for what feels like hours.
Delphine looks around herself. The storage room hasn't changed since she was here last, perhaps another layer of dust covers the abandoned furniture. She stands awkwardly in the middle of the enclosed space, glancing at her watch every other minute. Five minutes pass and she's still all by herself, locked inside as far as she knows. Ten minutes. When exactly seventeen minutes have passed she walks to the door, ready to test her theory about being locked, but it swings open fast, nearly hitting her forehead.
"Something's wrong!" Sarah storms in with a flustered expression and a concerned frown of her brows. "She's not answering her phone."
After this, Sarah crosses the room and goes to the door that leads outside, an obvious urgency in her movements. Delphine blinks a few times, after long minutes of inactivity, this urgency catches her entirely by surprise, staring blankly to the open door and the darkness that comes from the alley.
"Well? C'mon!" Sarah's head appears on the threshold, already impatient.
Delphine finally starts to move, walking quickly to keep up with the werewolf. "Where are we going?" She asks as she walks, closing the jacket tightly around her torso.
"We're going to her place, of course," Sarah answers over her shoulder.
The human hesitates, her steps falter. "What if she's not home?"
Sensing the other woman staggering, Sarah turns around. "Cosima's not that interesting," she comments. "She has a pretty standard routine and she does visit us quite often. You got me thinking… I don't remember her not showing up for so long. She needs a steady supply of… something." It's Sarah's time to stammer and she turns back around, restarting to walk.
"Do you supply her with blood?" Delphine asks, reading into the werewolf's hesitation.
"What?!" Sarah looks back. "No! Weed! I'm sorry to inform you, doctor, but your patient is a pothead."
"Oh!" Delphine expels in relief.
She's well aware of Cosima's habit, it would be impossible to ignore it with all the blood work the vampire had undergone. What she was really worried was the possibility of Cosima lying to her regarding her… diet.
They near the corner of the alley into the main street, but before Delphine can reach it a hand presses against her ribs, pushing her back and against the brick wall.
"Shit!" Sarah mutters under her breath, moving quickly to stand very close to Delphine, a subtle menace in her glowing brown eyes. "Tell me you have nothing to do with that!" She demands, her arm aiming at the main road.
"What?!" Delphine asks, confused and slightly scared. "What are you talking about?"
For almost a minute, the werewolf says nothing, studying the doctor's face, searching for the truth. "You've been followed!" She states, deciding to trust the human's words.
"What?!" Delphine whispers, becoming even more confused and tries to peek around the corner to see what Sarah's talking about, but the hand still on her chest prevents her from doing it.
"My guess is that those are your people," Sarah says and moves back, walking in the direction they came from, finding a set of keys in her pocket. "They're not exactly discreet."
"Are you sure about that?" Delphine remains doubtful, but follows Sarah back inside.
"Yeah…" Sarah says, closing the door once Delphine's inside. "You lot have a… distinct smell."
Delphine hums in understanding with an instinctive twist of her nose. "What now?" She asks, still trailing behind Sarah, who has moved to the hall and is now climbing the steps, getting further away from the bar.
"There's another door," she explains, not stopping on her way. "We use it to access the private side of the building. Hopefully that's not being watched."
Delphine makes no other comments as she follows Sarah. They cross the living room, past a low table a stacked with blank sheets of paper and some crayons. The couch is draped with a pink blanket, decorated with cartoon animals, left to be folded by an adult. Next they pass the kitchen and held with magnets are some child's drawings on the fridge. Still, and despite all evidences of a child living here, Delphine doesn't make any comment regarding it, keeping her thoughts to herself, fearing that her interest would be misinterpreted. The doctor senses that she's walking on some very thin ice with these people, any wrong movement or misplaced word could mean the end of the small amount of trust she's earned.
On the front door, Sarah stops her again and peeks outside, only motioning for Delphine to follow her when she's satisfied. They move down a flight of rusted metal stairs and walk a couple of blocks before the werewolf hails a cab and gives the driver an address that's ten minutes away.
At the edge of her mind, Cosima hears a muffled thud. She groans and pulls the covers over her head, the muscles of her arms aching with the simple gesture. But the noise persists, becoming louder and impossible to ignore, but still the vampire doesn't move. After a while, a voice joins the sound, deep and rude, indistinguishable words pressed with a nervous emphasis.
"If you don't open this fucking door, I swear to god, I'll kick it down!" The loud words are joined by a violent thud against wood.
It has one effect, at least. Cosima can identify the obnoxious invader.
"Go away, Sarah!" She tries to yell, uncovering her head, but her voice is too weak to reach the unwelcome visit.
Another kick on the door and then another. Cosima has no doubt the werewolf will make good on her threat. With great effort, Cosima pushes through the pain, every joint of her body hurts as she gets to her feet and, walks to the door, still wrapped in her blanket.
"Alright, alright…" she mumbles in a faint voice, dragging herself across the room.
She finally reaches the door and unlocks it with slow, difficult movements, opening it just a sliver, meaning to only shoo the insistent werewolf away. However, something makes her pause… that smell.
In Cosima's weakened state it took the door to be open for the vampire to sense it, but when it came to her, it's with a sudden force, so unexpectedly that sends her senses into overdrive. Cosima's sight, previously blurred, ignores the werewolf in front of her and immediately locks on the human a couple of steps behind with a clarity that it hasn't had for weeks. Her gaze make a pass over shocked, bright eyes and lands solidly on the rapidly beating pulse in the long, pale neck. Instinctively she takes a step forward, but quickly loses her balance, no longer having the support of the wall next to the door where she was resting her shoulder.
"Whoa there…" Sarah says, her voice almost gentle, reaching out quickly to prevent her from falling. "Where do you think you're going?"
Only then does Cosima looks at Sarah, whose face is equally shocked, staring at her with wide open eyes and raised brows before turning back to look over her shoulder to the doctor.
"What have you done to her?" She accuses in a loud, angry voice.
"I…" Delphine hesitates, her eyes are frozen on the vampire, now held in the werewolf's arms. "She's too weak, let's move her inside," she suggests, carefully giving one step forward to help.
Sarah scoffs. "You think?!"
The werewolf is not interested in her help, strong and agile, Sarah practically lifts the small vampire in her arms and moves back inside the apartment. Sensing Sarah's hostility, Delphine decides to keep her distance, closing the door behind herself and allowing the werewolf to carry Cosima to her bed, staying a few steps behind, but her eyes don't leave the vampire.
Cosima's too pale, her skin wrinkled, her eyes have lost the warm and lively tones of brown and are of a haze blue. She looks smaller somehow, barely able to stand on herself, her shoulders slumped, her spine curved on itself. She's but a sad version of the woman Delphine remembers. And still the menace is there, present by the unsheathed fangs, more pronounced on the shrunken expression.
Delphine has never seen a vampire in such a weakened state. Her previous contact had been with healthy creatures, even though she knows DYAD has in their facilities its fair share of unhealthy ones. She hears rumours of it in the corridors, a team of scientists with high level clearance are responsible for them. What their assignment is, Delphine doesn't know, but now she suspects it might have to do with whatever is wrong with Cosima. Too long without blood or any other viable replacement has had devastating consequences for Cosima's body, her once strong immune system might be compromised, and although Delphine isn't sure how long it will take, she knows they don't have much time before Cosima's body gives up entirely.
"How is she?" Delphine asks, even though the answer is right before her.
"How do you think?" Sarah replies with the same hostility. "What have you done to her?" She repeats.
Delphine shakes her head, wanting to get closer but the werewolf's expression keeps her away. "She's been missing her treatments," she explains, her eyes going again to the vampire, laid on the bed and staring at her with a blank expression. "I assume she hasn't been eaten as well…"
"Why would she do that?" Sarah's voice is getting more concerned than angry.
"I don't know," Delphine answers. "I thought she had gone back to blood, that she…" she stops and continues to shake her head.
None of this makes sense. Delphine was sure that once the subjects left the program they would return to blood consumption, going directly to the source. They need it to survive, like humans need air and, without DYAD's plasma treatment, they have no other option. The reason why Delphine decided to look for Cosima's whereabouts was because she was worried that DYAD would send a team after the vampire and capture her, using the tracker in the chip. Delphine was not expecting to find Cosima half-dead in her apartment.
Frowning, Delphine finds the courage to push pat Sarah and approach Cosima, ignoring Sarah's protests or words of caution. The vampire is too weak to represent a real danger, after all, no matter how hungry she is. Cosima is barely conscious, the energy it took her to get to the door seemed too much for her to handle. Taking the right limp arm in her hands, Delphine feels through cold skin, searching for the chip to see if it's still implanted. There is no scar, but that means very little given the ability for the vampire's cells to regenerate. However, it doesn't take long for Delphine to locate the small protrusion under Cosima's skin and if it's still working, there is no reason for DYAD to not have yet come for her.
This doesn't feel right. Delphine's gut twists with anxiety mixed with fear, wondering what DYAD's playing at, their motivation. She catches herself when she notices her hand rubbing Cosima's arm still, less clinically, more affectionately and let's go of it, pulling it under the covers and making sure the vampire's entire body is covered, except for the head. As she does this Delphine can feel Sarah eyeing her with curiosity, but whatever the werewolf is thinking, she keeps it to herself.
The idea comes to her suddenly and it feels so obvious now, considering what she knows about DYAD and their methods. They must be onto her and they're using Cosima's debilitated condition to catch Delphine red-handed.
"Do you have any way of knowing if those men are still watching your bar?" She asks, turning her head to Sarah.
Sarah understands what she's implying, and without further explanation, pulls the phone out of her pocket. Delphine hears only one side of the conversation with who she assumes is the older werewolf, but it's enough to get the gist of it. When Sarah hangs up she simply nods at Delphine before walking to the window, opening the drapes just enough to peek outside.
"We seem to have dodged them," the werewolf informs, closing back the drapes.
"Yes, but for how long…" Delphine says under her breath, returning her attention to the feeble vampire, who has started to moan unintelligibly. "She needs blood," she then says, her eyes on Cosima, placing a hand on a sweaty forehead as if it could provide any sort of relief.
"Don't look at me," Sarah raises her hands quickly and gives one step back. "My blood is no good to her."
"I didn't mean it like that," Delphine shakes her head. "I know you serve it in your fine establishment, maybe you could've someone bring it over."
"Or we could use yours!" Sarah suggests.
"She needs too much," Delphine says as if she truly considers that a reasonable solution. "I need to stay conscious if I am to look after her."
"Yeah, because you've been doing such a great job so far," Sarah scoffs.
"Could you just get it done!" Delphine's temper is turning sour, they don't have time for this kind of bullshit.
The werewolf is not exactly enjoying this forced coexistence either, but she knows Delphine is her best option at the moment to help Cosima. "Alison can do it," she replies. "She lives upstairs," Sarah aims a finger up. "I'm actually surprised she hasn't come down after all the commotion."
"Alison is chipped, they'll flag her," Delphine shakes her head. "You could always do it yourself, you know…"
"Yeah… like I'm gonna leave you alone with her," the werewolf says, her thumb rolling over the screen of the phone still in her hand. "I know who can do it."
"Do you really think I'd do her any harm after all this?" Delphine asks.
She doesn't get an answer though, since Sarah is already with the phone attached to her ear and turning her back on the human.
"I need you to get off your ass and do something other than shag and suck on rent boys," Sarah says over the phone without any sort of greetings. "Yeah? Well, I don't care if it's not a good time. Just get to the bar and bring two liters of the good stuff to Cosima's," she continues as she looks at Delphine again, asking for confirmation that she gets in the form of a head nod.
The doctor figures that in order for Cosima to be fully recovered it will take more, but for now that should be enough. Once Cosima feels better she should be able to procure more on her own. Delphine is also not sure if it's a good idea to give Cosima all the blood she can get in one sitting. All this situation is new to her and Delphine will have to improvise as she goes. She considers all this as Sarah ends the conversation, shrugging off all the questions that surely come from the other side.
"It shouldn't take long," Sarah informs her when she hangs up.
"Do you trust this person?" Delphine asks, looking around the dark room and finding a chair that she pushes closer to Cosima's bedside.
"I trust him more than I do you!" The werewolf's animosity hasn't relent, despite the situation.
Delphine is growing tired of it, but she won't spend her energy fighting with the other woman. She has to focus her attention on keeping Cosima as comfortable as possible until they find a solution. Besides, part of her understands Sarah's reluctance in trusting her, it even gives her some relief to know that there are people who care this much about Cosima. Other than the few interactions she had with the vampire, the doctor knows very little about her life or her friends. She didn't even know that two of her patients were neighbors. Everything concerning the subjects' personal lives is redacted, limited to the clinical aspect of their existences. If not for the necessary face-to-face consultations, these creatures wouldn't mean much more to her than numbers in a medical file. She knows, however that the path Cosima took probably isn't easy. Knows that more often than not, the vampires who've chosen to unroll in the program find themselves with very little or no support system at all. It can be a lonely road when one dismisses all that they've known for a very long time, or, in Cosima's case, for centuries.
"I didn't know the treatment would do this to her if she stopped," Delphine offers as a gesture of good faith. "As soon as I knew, I told her."
"And she stopped going," Sarah concludes.
The human nods and returns her eyes to Cosima, her fingers lightly brushing off a dreadlock from the vampire's forehead. "Perhaps it would've been better if I hadn't said anything."
"Have you told any other of your patients? Alison?" Sarah asks, not as combative.
Delphine shakes her head. "No… I … I didn't want to cause alarm in the community," she justifies.
"But you told her…" Sarah says, approaching the bed. To that she doesn't get any sort of reply. "They do this intentionally?" She moves on.
Delphine nods. "It's designed to make them come back for more?"
"Well, that doesn't explain why Cosima wouldn't get some blood on her own when she was capable," the werewolf reasons.
"No, it doesn't," Delphine agrees thoughtfully.
Sarah's right. Cosima must've fallen ill rather quickly after missing the treatment for the first time, but the symptoms of abstinence are gradual, as far as Delphine could gather from the reports she had access to. There must've been a time when Cosima was aware of her condition but strong enough to get out and try to find a solution to her problem. The more Delphine thinks about it, the less sense it makes. If blood was in fact the solution what would compel the vampires who abandon treatment to return to DYAD and not disappear without a trace. Surely search for another source of blood should be a priority.
"What if blood is not the solution?" Sarah gives voice to Delphine's thoughts after several minutes of silence.
There's a tremor in the doctor's heart. If another sort of solution is required, what is it and how can they find out which is the right direction? The only thing Delphine can think about is getting Cosima back on the treatment but, even if Delphine was able to get it - which doesn't seem likely with DYAD on her heels, she doubts Cosima would approve. The vampire might not be in condition to reject it, but Delphine refuses to, once more, put Cosima through a treatment without her consent.
"Hey! Blondie!" Sarah recaptures her wandering attention.
"We don't know that," Delphine answers quietly, not yet fully out of her head. "We have to try it."
"Yeah, no shit! But what if it doesn't work? You can fix it, right?" The werewolf pushes.
"I don't know what's wrong with her," Delphine admits. "I've read some reports, I know the symptoms and what causes them, but, physiologically, I don't know what's wrong with her body… it seems like her immune system is shutting down, I just don't…"
"Yeah, yeah… you can't fix it!" Sarah interrupts rudely, losing her patience.
"I didn't say that!" The doctor counters.
The phone in Sarah's hand hips announcing a new message. "I guess we're about to find out," the werewolf says, reading the text at the same time, walking out of the room.
Delphine watches her cross to the front door and open it, standing on the threshold as she waits for whoever is bringing the blood. Next to her, she hears Cosima moan again as she shifts on the bed. She's becoming restless, her eyes fluttering open to look at the human with an unfocused gaze. The vampire tries to talk, her lips move, but no sound comes out.
"It'll be okay," Delphine hushes gently, one of her hands going back to the vampire's forehead while the other she uses to keep Cosima in bed as she attempts to get up. "Help's on the way."