The smile appears in Cosima's mind, devious and cold, just as she remembers when her sire had sinister intentions. Cosima had never liked it, not even in the beginning when she was still fascinated with the new world that had opened up before her, with Shay holding the door and encouraging her in. Maybe it's just reflex from the time when that smile was new to her, as part of her humanity was stripped away, but her brain forever associates the enigmatic grin with that singular moment in her life.
For many years, decades really, Cosima felt a shiver run down her spine at the sight of that distinct curl of lips, but it was something that she didn't allow affect her for too long, shrugging it off and moving on. It was an eternal conflict: to be thankful for the new and prosperous life she was given or mourn the person she could've been had she never crossed paths with Shay. In the end, she opted for the practical approach, accepting that mourning an alternative reality was a waste of time.
She has been to places her human self didn't even know existed, experienced civilization's evolution in a way her human self could never have imagined. She has seen revolutions born, gain momentum, and die, all in the expanse of half a century. In Paris, where they settled shortly after her transformation, Cosima was witness to the rise and fall of the precursors of the movement that would ultimately take their lives. At the same time, news came from the New World of the colonies taking up arms against their masters, tired of living under subjugation of a king an ocean away, claiming their independence.
That was the first time Cosima set foot in America. The newly formed country was still in shambles after the war with Imperial Britain, hardly an appropriate place to make a new home, but Shay was tired of France and the never ending conflict. From the ashes of the Revolution a new kind of imperialism was born, and Shay became bored of the constant threat of Napoleon's war at the doorstep of every country in Europe. The United States seemed like a good destination, a way to leave it all behind.
At the time, they settled in Richmond, one of the most prosperous old colonies, vibrant and almost urban. The new country was starving for new ideas, thirsty for evolutionary paths away from the competition. They were poised to prove that they represented the future, while the old continent - and especially their old colonizers - where the past.
Virginia was the perfect blueprint of a country filled with contradictions. For decades the dichotomy between the rush towards industry, and old values had worked. The State was at the frontier of a fractured nation, somehow able to juggle the two realities residing within its borders. There, Cosima and Shay, and the rest of their peculiar family lived quietly. The city was small by European standards, but the James River harbor provided a steady supply of nameless strangers who never returned to their ships.
When rumors of civil war began, Shay was displeased. She had seen it before and was not excited about experiencing it again. Still, they tried to stay, Shay liked the city very much, it had a European charm, but, unlike the big European capitals, eternally immutable, it was not resistant to change. Not until Virginia declared for the Confederate flag did she decided to abandon the new country. It was not a political statement, nor of principle. For the most part, Shay didn't support either side. It was a human conflict to be resolved amongst themselves. No, the decision to leave was motivated by the knowledge that it would only be a matter of time before the war reached them.
From there they went to London. When she arrived Cosima couldn't hide her disappointment. After hearing so much about it, she was expecting something more than buildings on top of each other under a constantly gray sky, either from the weather or the dark clouds of smoke pouring from factory chimneys day and night. The streets were narrow, and the smell of piss pervaded. Only when they left the workers' districts, and headed into the richest areas of the city, could they escape the stench.
And that's where they settled, in a large, centuries' old mansion in the Chelsea district. They were surrounded by the elite and, to Cosima's surprise, were received with open arms as one of their own. A week didn't go by without an invitation to a party or a soirée among friends. There was never a hint of suspicion about the origin of the new arrivals or their obvious wealth without an obvious source. London's best probably assumed they either came from old money, or lived of the backs of the less fortunate. It didn't really matter, and the locals were much too polite to ask; they were simply embraced as one of their own.
Shay thrived. Most nights, when she was present, she was the center of attention. On several occasions, they woke up the next evening with a flushed courier knocking on their door, holding a letter from a secret admirer singing odes to Shay's mesmerizing blue eyes, ignoring the danger lurking in their depths.
Shay enjoyed it so much in fact, that she forbade anyone from hunting among her new friends, fearing it would attract attention to her and threaten her status. No, to feed, they would have to venture down to the middle class, the commerce districts always a good choice. However, the best hunting grounds were always the poorest neighborhoods. The fetid, narrow streets were a fertile feeding ground to find a quick meal and disappear into the night. For the most part, the bodies wouldn't be found until the next morning, with the whistle of the bobbies waking up the neighborhood at dawn after the attacker was long gone, settling in to sleep in a comfortable bed inside a large mansion, among the rich and privileged.
Change came with the great war and bombs dropped from the bleak sky by German blimps. Like many of the higher class, they sought refuge in the north. The green plains surrounded by dense forest could almost disguise the horrors lived in the trenches that scared the earth of a country Cosima once called home over a century ago, when another war painted Parisian streets in a sea of red.
When the war ended, Cosima left Shay's side for the first time. With her sire's permission, she traveled through Europe. Perhaps it was not the best time for such a trip. She visited France, and the places she used to wander on warm summer nights. It was impressive, to say the least. Parts of the country were still recovering from the devastating war, buildings had been reduced to mountains of rocks and yet, there was a generalized euphoria in the air. It only became more surreal when Cosima went back to her birth country. Austria had been on the wrong side of the equation, people starving in the streets, the steps of the great opera houses, once drenched with opulence, were home to countless beggars.
It left a great impression on Cosima. For the first time, she recognized that she'd been living in a bubble. To Shay, these were humanity's problems, the only thing they had in common was the world they shared. It was only then, two centuries after Cosima's transformation, that the distance between them truly grew. After the war, Shay was happy to return to their old life, but Cosima found the endless evenings of gossip terribly tedious. Unlike her sire, she had no interest in the attention men gave her, and she'd actively avoided it. Even the women held no interest for her, fickle and shallow with no true passion for life. She stopped joining Shay for the nights and started to go her own way.
While the city itself has lost most of its charm, the people in it had not. Outside the privileged neighborhoods, one could find a plethora of cultures, all mixed together. India, Pakistan, China, Ireland and England itself shared quarters, under the same roof, in a dingy tavern. Cosima sat in the shadows, and with an amused grin, she watched as brawls broke out nearly every night after one too many jars of cheap, warm beer.
London was changing. Not like America or France, but they were experiencing a revolution of their own. People were becoming more aware of their situation, the depletion of their economic status in favor of the undeserving higher classes. The word communism was whispered while nervous eyes glanced around. Workers' movements were growing, unions forming, and their demands for better conditions were finally reaching the front steps of parliament.
Cosima started to wonder if something similar to the Bolshevik Revolution would happen in the streets of London. But there wasn't time for it to go that far.
Hitler was marching over Europe, his army taking foreign territories, and Europe was in a devastating war for the second time in 25 years. The war that was supposed to end all wars had created a monster, thirsty for revenge from the humiliations suffered after its defeat.
This war, however, was different. There was the fetid smell of terror in the air, oppressive, smothering. Perhaps the advances in technology gave the notion that no one anywhere was safe, or maybe it was because the horrors of the first war were still fresh, imprinted on the memories of the people who had already experienced it and knew another generation would be lost.
This time they left. They packed their belongings, and once again, returned to America, settling in New York. The big city, flooded with immigrants arriving in droves, was the perfect place for them to disappear. They saw the city becoming the greatest melting pot on earth, become the center of the world. After two wars, the world was slowing down, a new world order emerging from those turbulent times, the United States at its center.
It was then that the Council of Elders was created, its purpose to tackle the new challenges that stood before the vampire community, and they pretended to achieve this by making sure all remains the same. With Shay's strong insistence, Cosima had joined the Council has her second in command.
The younger vampire dreaded those endless meetings, and it didn't take long before she was again growing distant from the family. From a society that lived by its own rules while, at the same time, ignoring the rest of the world, shut in on itself, clinging to a world that no longer existed.
She spent months, sometimes up to a year away. South America, North Africa and the Middle East were her favorite destinations, where she could drink of different cultures. Most of the time, she went alone, but occasionally, on shorter outings, Felix would join her.
He had been sired in London, in the period between the two wars. The vampire who transformed and brought him into the family, had found the young man in the streets, offering his services for a few coppers to pay for his next meal. Felix's story was not unlike her own, and perhaps that's why, when his sire found his end in one of the many scuffles with a pack of werewolves, Cosima embraced him almost as a brother.
Both of them were in Cairo when news came that they were to return immediately to the US. Their existence had been discovered and, despite the efforts of the Council, their world was changing again. At the same time, Shay, who had never been a big supporter of Cosima's constant travels, saw in this, the perfect opportunity to keep her close, under the guise of her own safety.
It had backfired. Instead of bringing them closer, it had the opposite effect. Cosima felt trapped, missing the freedom of coming and going whenever she pleased. When she heard about DYAD, and the treatment they were offering, Cosima was hesitant. Could she really leave the life she has lived so long? Shay was intransigent: to enroll in the program was to work with the enemy. It would mean cutting ties with the family, everyone she knew.
Nor was she fooled into thinking that once she was in the program, the humans would consider her one of theirs. She'd be an outsider in both the vampire and human world.
She was aware of the consequences, but in the end, suffocated by Shay's tight grip on the family structure, Cosima made her decision to leave.
Shay was livid. After all those centuries, she hadn't believed that Cosima had it in her to turn away from the community. When they first talked about it, Cosima's sire dismissed the conversation as another demonstration of the persistent defiance she'd always had: sure, Cosima could entertain the idea, but to actually go through with it was absolutely impossible. This is the only explanation for Shay's shock when Cosima had informed her of her decision. Even after Cosima began the treatment, and was ostracized from the family, Shay remained in denial, thinking her creation would regret her mistake, and return home, tail between her legs, begging for forgiveness and acceptance back into the family under Shay's protection.
This is why Shay smiles now, staring down at Cosima in a dismal state, wasting away in bed inside a rathole of an apartment. Shay feels vindicated. Cosima's insolence has cost her dearly, and now Shay, once again, has in her hands the power to decide Cosima's life - or death. Centuries have past and it's as if they're back inside that same palace, in the outskirts of Vienna, surrounded by ostentatious wealth with Shay holding Cosima's life in her hands, waiting for surrender.
As if sensing a presence, Cosima opens her eyes, her sight hazy and unfocused, her sire's silhouette a ghostly form. Her mind is playing tricks on her, and her only thought is of disappointment, that in the few moments she has left, her mind has brought up the image of this woman.
She's dying, she knows she is. Even if she was completely at odds with her own body and her declining health, the look she saw early in the human's face would assure Cosima of her dismal future. Delphine didn't do it intentionally, of course, it was not the doctor's intent to rob her of hope, but there was something in the hazel eyes, the unmistakable glimpse of pity, sorrow and guilt, all bunched up together to reveal Cosima's decline. And still, there was something in the woman's captivating stare… a hint of unyielding determination, a fierce resolve that had given Cosima a self-serving, and perhaps misplaced sense of hope. If there was something that could be done to save her life, Cosima was sure Delphine would stop at nothing to do it. Maybe it was the guilt the doctor carried with her. She had, after all, contributed to the vampire's condition, even if unwillingly or unknowingly.
Regardless of Delphine's motivations, there was no denying the spark of tenacity. Weirdly, it scared Cosima, but not in a conventional way. It didn't send a tendril of fear through her heart, but it did send a shiver of anticipation down her spine, her guts twisted with anxiety. In fact, this was a common occurrence with Delphine, and perhaps that's precisely why the vampire had been so enraptured by the human doctor from the beginning. There was a fire in her which drew Cosima closer, it tempted her to play with it, dared her to see how close she could get before it burned her.
Cosima has lived a long and fulfilled life, and yet she regrets running out of time before she could test how hot those flames can be.
To add salt to a wound, this is the vision she gets when she has to say goodbye to the world. It wasn't enough for her end to be filled with unbearable pain, her last weeks trapped in a bed, she also has to face her sire's expression of contempt paired with a satisfied grin.
Oddly enough, she was actually feeling slightly better, able to rest a little while some of her strength had returned after the effort it took to get to the door. Cosima groans, closes her eyes and pulls the covers over her head, willing the vision to go away. She has so many ghosts to haunt her, why must she tolerate someone who's alive and kicking? There is no fairness in death.
"You've seen better days."
The voice reaches Cosima beneath the covers, smooth as silk, and she would recognize that voice anywhere, under any circumstance, but she wasn't expecting to hear it so clearly in her delirious condition.
"I'm sure I have," she replies to the ghost without moving, willing it to leave her to die in peace.
"I can help you," the voice comes again.
"I'm sure you can," Cosima mumbles back, snorting lightly at the ridiculous situation of arguing with a ghost of a living being. "You've never meet a problem that you couldn't fix."
"You have only to come back, return to the family, be by my side."
The voice is alluring now, tempting, bargaining, and it comes from inside Cosima's head as well as from her bedside. It's a nifty trick Shay used to play on her, as if in doing so, she could convince Cosima that her sire's thoughts were her own. Cosima laughs humorlessly, almost hysterically, surprised that even so weakened her mind still has the ability to produce such an illusion. Only when a hand lands softly on her shoulder does Cosima fully return to reality. As if a jolt of electric current has coursed through her body, Cosima finds herself suddenly very much awake. She snaps her head from under the covers and jerks away from the touch, her eyes no longer deceiving her. Shay's really inside her bedroom, standing tall by the bed, and staring down at her with a gaze that for most people would view as sympathetic. But, Cosima has known her for far too long to believe in any of Shay's many masks.
The younger vampire is slow to sit up, resting her back against the headboard and swallowing the grunt of pain, trying to hide just how weak she really is. Cosima holds her sire's stare with narrowed eyes and makes an effort to speak, but Shay raises a hand, silencing her.
"Choose your next words carefully, Cosima," Shay warns, the mocked gentleness all but gone from her expression. "They quite literally mean the difference between life and death. No one else can help you, not Felix or that dog you have guarding your door… and certainly not that human," the last word muttered in utter contempt. "I alone hold the cure for you. If you agree to my terms, I'll give you your life back," she pauses for effect - Shay always had flair for the dramatic. "It is mine to begin with anyway. I created you. You belong by my side."
"You were always a sucker for empty speeches," Cosima responds recklessly.
Shay's eyes shine, anger sparkles in them. "Very well," she says coldly, turning around. "You've made your choice."
What choice? Cosima wonders to herself, but she knows she can't allow Shay to leave the room. No matter how much Shay still wants her by her side, Cosima knows very well that her sire will have no scruples in letting her die just to teach her a lesson, and although it won't serve Cosima, it will set a precedent for anyone who follows in her footsteps. She doesn't want to concede defeat, admit that Shay's right, but she is. It's an undeniable truth that Cosima is out of options. If Delphine, Sarah, and especially Felix had decided to call Shay, then that has to be their last resort. Felix, in particular, knows how much she'd hate to be back in Shay's claws, with a life debt, no less.
"Wait!" Cosima calls in as strong a voice as she can muster. "How can you fix it?"
Her sire smiles again, that self-satisfied grin of hers, fangs fully in view, Cosima can almost see her lick her lips. Shay knows she has Cosima where she wants her. "A cure. I have it!" Shay indulges her rebel creation's curiosity, she knows Cosima has an inquisitive mind, it won't hurt to give her some answers, if it serves her purpose, of course. "It takes a few doses. We'll give you the first here so you can feed properly and remove the chip. Then we'll transport you back to the mansion."
"I want Delphine to do it," her voice is still weak, but she's able to convey her resolve nonetheless.
Shay's anger grows, it's clear that this was not what she was expecting to hear from Cosima's mouth. "She is the reason why you're like this!" She nearly shouts.
"You want me back?" Cosima challenges, in a calm, collected way. "Bring Delphine into the bedroom."
"I don't think you understand the situation you're in, my dear," her sire says, cold as ice, having regained some composure, her bright blue eyes shining intensely. "This isn't a negotiation! You have no leverage… unless…" she pauses, a thoughtful gaze on Cosima, analyzing, reading the other vampire's expression. "Are you afraid I've harmed your pet human?"
Cosima doesn't answer and just looks straight at her, using every ounce of strength she has left not to break eye contact and show any sign of vulnerability.
"Are you really willing to put your life on the line for her? Do you really think she's worth it?" Shay taunts her.
"Bring her here," Cosima repeats, unfazed by Shay's provocation.
"Alright," Shay concedes with a mocking smile, almost amused by the whole thing. "I'll let you two play doctor one last time."
She laughs at her own joke and turns around to leave, shaking her head.