Negan had barely remembered getting into bed. Somehow staggering back up the stairs and into his room in his inebriated state, Arat's words still ringing in his ears.

He had stripped out of his clothes somehow, flinging them off and clambering into his bed, empty again tonight.

Earlier, five whiskeys in, Negan's instincts had been to ask one of the women downstairs to join him tonight. Maybe not his ex-wives, but he was almost certain there were plenty of women down there who would jump at the chance for a night with him. Who they were didn't really seem to matter to him, but the idea of using sex tonight as a way of coping with his feelings had seemed like a great idea then, feeling alone and bitter that Blake had left him the way that she did.

But now, it seemed his thoughts had cleared somewhat and Negan realised he didn't want someone else. Not even a one night stand….a meaningless pointless screw with a woman he probably wouldn't remember the name of tomorrow.

He needed Blake.

It killed him to know that she was out there somewhere, depressed, hurting, just like he was.

He wanted nothing more now, than to hold her, kiss her, tell her that everything would be ok.

But Arat was probably right.

She needed space.

Away from this place. Or maybe just away from him.

For what worried Negan now, was that when she WAS ready to come back, perhaps her love for him wouldn't be there anymore.

He had acted like an asshole. Said things he didn't mean. And maybe she wouldn't be able to forgive him for that.

Negan knew that she was too good for him.

Like a star burning so brightly amidst the darkness that engulfed him.

It was as though she was heaven sent, whereas Negan belonged in Hell. Damn, maybe he would never be good enough for her.

Maybe she deserved better than him.

What had been a warm and humid afternoon, soon turned into thunderstorms as the early hours crept in.

But passed out, Negan barely heard the crashing of thunder overhead, or saw the lightning that streaked through the sky.

For a sheen of sweat lay thick across his tanned brow, a frown-line littering his features as he mouthed into the darkness, tossing and turning, writhing within white sheets, his muscles taut, his fists clenched, veins throbbing within his forearms.

For in his dreams Negan found himself back there, at that hospital bed he hadn't seen in oh-so many years. With her. With his Lucille. And yet none of it looked like the same hospital he had visited on so many occasions. Instead, their surroundings were the medical room downstairs at the Sanctuary, dark and gloomy, shadowed and oppressive.

There she was now, his wife. His beautiful wife. Sitting up, smiling. And yet her features were somehow obscured by the gloom. And no matter how much he tried to squint, he couldn't quite seem to make her out, his memory of her fading now, he knew that, he felt it every day.

But even so, she reached out for his hand, giving it a squeeze, Negan feeling tears falling from his eyes at her warm touch.

"They need you, Negan," Lucille said in a gentle voice. "Both of them do."

And Negan knew of course who she was talking about.

The two people alive in this world who meant more to him than anyone else.

But he shook his head.

"I know, I know, Lucy," he said, his voice cracking now as he hung his head low. "But they both deserve better than me. I cheated and I lied to you. Maybe I ain't the person to fuckin' save them. Maybe I should just stay here with you. What if I did that, huh?. What if I jus' never wake up?"

He found that he was sobbing hard now, feeling Lucille's hand move to his bearded cheek.

"But Negan, Sweetheart, don't you see?" she said in a voice full of gentle laughter. "You need them too."

Negan stared up, at Lucille's words, only to find her gone, nothing but darkness surrounding him now.

But somewhere….somewherein the distance, he could hear their voices…clear and loud. Blake and Mia's.

"Negan…N-Negan…...Eggy?"

"Eggy?"

Negan awoke with a start, blinking a little as a loud crashes of thunder filled the room.

He wiped at his face, feeling his cheeks wet now.

Shit. Had he been crying in his sleep? Was that what had woken him up.

But his question was suddenly answered, as across the room he heard a tiny sniff that certainly didn't belong there.

He sat bolt upright, his head pounding and his throat dry, realising that he wasn't alone, trying to peer through the darkness, only to see a small, very recognisable figure, standing close to the now-open door.

"Eggy…." came a tiny voice. "Eggy...wher yoo? I scawed."

Negan blinked again several times. Realising at once who it was now...who had come to find him here in the darkness, scared of the storm currently crashing its way across the sky above their heads.

He gave a frown, suddenly feeling such regret for the words uttered earlier today to Frankie

Shit, Beansprout WAS his kid. And as much as he could try and deny it, she fucking needed him. And maybe Lucille had been right. Maybe HE needed her too.

Negan threw the covers off his legs and shifted himself from the bed, padding across the room in nothing but a pair of black boxers.

For Mia was stood there now, dressed in a fluffy white jumpsuit that covered her feet and kind made her like like an oversized bunny rabbit here in the gloom of Negan's bedroom, as she rubbed at her red eyes with her little balled fists.

Shit, maybe he WAS still drunk?

But nevertheless, leaning over her and shoving the bedroom door shut, Negan reached down and hauled the tiny girl by her armpits up into his own strong arms.

"S'alright, Beansprout, Daddy's here," he murmured, barely even noticing what he said, the words spilling so naturally from his mouth.

Fuck. He was tired now, his heart rate slowing to a normal pace, as he felt Mia snuggle into his chest, her paws curling around his broad shoulders.

"I scarwed. Monshers owtsiyd. Monshers, " she repeated, pressing her face into the crook of his neck, covering his skin with sticky tears.

But Negan didn't care, carrying her over with him to the bed and settling back down onto the mattress with her still in his arms.

He lay back with his head propped up against the headboard, rubbing at her back soothingly.

"Ain't no monsters gonna get you when I'm around, Darlin'," he hummed, glancing down at her through the darkness of the room, feeling her breathing settling slightly as she calmed.

The toddler shifted her head against his neck, tucking herself further into him, nibbling on her little fist and looking around to the empty space on the bed beside them.

She was quiet for a moment, before-

"Wher Mommy?"she asked in a quiet little voice, almost seeming like she knew the answer before Negan had even given it to her.

But Negan lifted his hand, smoothing down her short mousy hair with his shovel-like paw.

He sighed. "Well, your Mommy's gone away for a little while," he said in a low voice, trailing off, not really knowing what else to say.

Because did Negan even know for sure she was coming back?

Could he make that promise to the kid right now?

But Mia spoke before he needed to say anything else.

"Daddy shtay wif me thow, yea?" she said letting out a tiny yawn and smacking her lips together a couple of times sleepily.

Negan gave a gulp.

What had she just said?

Had she just….

Damn.

For hearing that shit for the first time, at that moment, caused the ice to break from Negan's heart, shattering it into a million pieces.

Never, ever had he pictured hearing a kid say that to him. But here he was, and fine, maybe Mia wasn't his own flesh and blood, but she was still his. And Negan wasn't ever gonna give her up. Not now. Not ever.

He pulled Mia ever closer and closed his eyes.

"Yeah, Beansprout," he replied in a low, gentle voice. "Daddy's here…"

But, with her head resting on his collarbone, face tucked into his bearded chest, Mia was already fast asleep.

And within just a few seconds, Negan had indeed joined her, this time, in a much more peaceful slumber that the last.

Was that ok?

Thanks to CLTEx, BlueBloodsSVUOrder, Elizabeth, LJH and Guest for reviewing.