THE SANTOS FOR BRIGHTER AMERICA CAMPAIGN 2006
We wake up late that morning and it's time to pick up and go to the next city so we don't have much time to bask in morning romance. It's more scurrying around with quick kisses and occasional frustration as we get in one another's way. By the time we make it downstairs, it feels like we've entered professional mode again. People do look at us oddly as we work together well throughout the rest of the day. I can see the whispers of people wondering what the hell happened before and what the hell changed but I don't particularly care. And I don't think Josh notices it. He's too tunnel visioned with campaigning.
We don't talk about it. We both just know. My bags go to his room and at the end of the day, we quietly are getting ready for bed, exhausted, not in the mood for sex or questioning. But we do hold one another again as we fall asleep.
The next day is much of the same. And the day after that. And before I know it, it's been a week.
"Alright! I'm declaring a day off for everyone tomorrow! That includes you, Josh!" Santos exclaims over the roar of the war room late Saturday night. Some of the staff look confused, others look hesitant. Most look relieved or excited. Josh and I just look at one another.
That night I end up in the room first. About four out of the seven nights, this is what has happened. Once we came up together, another two times when Josh actually beat me up here. One of those he just wanted a different environment to continue to review what the pundits were saying and the other time he was dead on his feet and passed out in his shoes face down on the bed. He still pulled me close in his slumber once I settled in next to him.
I take a long shower. At one point I actually sit down just so I can rub my feet. Even low heels are killer when you're on your feet all day. I only get up when the water goes from steaming to an average heat. Josh thinks I'm a crazy person for liking the water as steaming hot as I do. I smile as I think of him dancing away from the spray, indignantly insisting I turn it to a more human temperature. All while being buck naked.
I'm smiling in the mirror, wrapped in a towel, brushing my hair when I notice Josh leaning against the door frame, watching me. His jacket is off, his sleeves are pushed up and his tie lies undone against his chest. My mouth practically waters.
"Hi." For some reason, I say feeling shy.
"Hi." He smirks, his eyes raking me over. "You look… clean." I scrunch my brows at that which makes him grin and step forward. "It's sexy."
"Yeah?" I say, turning my body so that I am flush against him. I bite my lip to drive him mad.
"Yeah." His voice is low, gravelly, full of lust. Without much warning to him, I reach up and stroke him through his pants. He's semi hard already. It's my turn to smirk now as he gasps and lets out a moan. "So fucking sexy."
"You like me standing here, all wet and waiting for you?" I tease. His hips grind against my hand.
"You might be clean but you're a very dirty woman." He tells me. I've never been comfortable with sex talk. With most of my other partners, it was more hurry up and get to the good stuff. But with Josh, I don't feel like I'm about to make a fool out myself or like I want to just get it over with. I like every single part of sex with Josh.
When my lips attack his, his hands get to work removing my towel and proceeding to mess up the straight hair I'd just brushed. I don't mind very much though.
We fall asleep in each other's arms but wake up with our hands entwined. We're both spread across the bed, a mess of limbs and sheets. Josh has woken up first but he's just staring up at the ceiling with a small grin on his face. To avoid the gooey feeling in my chest, I decide to poke him to let him know I'm awake.
"Oh! Good morning." His small smile erupts into a grin and that doesn't help the gooey feeling. "So what are we doing on our day off?" Josh scratches his head, emphasizing his arms. I almost sigh. I love his arms.
"Well…" I sit up and start to crawl on top of him. "I have a few ideas." I can feel him hardening against my thigh and it inspires confidence in me.
"Really?" Josh says cheekily. "We're supposed to do the last set of questions today, ya know?" He raises an eyebrow. I wonder why he's changing the subject but I'm struck by an idea. I reach over and hand the set of questions to him. The papers are a bit worse for wear at this point so it's a good thing we're almost done. "I-I was kidding!"
"Read it." I instruct him in my most in-charge seductive voice. His eyes widen and he stares at me for a minute before rushing to find the place on the page.
"Make three true-" He sucks in a deep breath, his eyes searching mine as I rotate my hips over him.
"Continue." I challenge.
"You're amazing." He says, his voice emphasizing the sentiment behind his words.
"You're sweet." I tell him, breaking the in charge facade for a second. "Now. Read."
"Yes ma'am." He swallows and goes back to the paper "Make three true we statem- oh god, Donna." He stops as I handle him, positioning myself over him. I give him a look. "Continue, yeah, okay." He takes a deep breath and I don't move until he starts reading again. "Three true we statement each- ughhh. Donna." I slowly push down on him. I'm a little sore from last night and the night before truth be told but I don't mind much. "Donnatella. Oh, god." He goes back to reading at another insistent look. "For instance," He takes another breath. "We are both in this room feeling…"
"You answer first. We'll take turns." I tell him, feeling a little breathless myself at the feeling of him inside me, with me being the one with the power to turn him on this much. He drops the paper beside us and reaches his hands out to my hips as I ride him, looking fascinating by his fingertips on my skin.
"We both, mmm, we both are turned on by you telling me what to do." he bucks his hips and earns a moan from me. We're working ourselves into a good rhythm at this point.
"We both are a little surprised at that?" I say almost as a question.
"No, are you kidding? I've fantasized about this, god, I don't know how many times." He's breathing hard in between words and it makes it hotter.
"You always seems to like being in charge though." I toss back, changing positions, leaning over him.
"Oh, I do." He grunts, his left hand finding my breast earning another moan. "We both had office fantasies back in the day?" He smirks but I can see that he's going out on a limb here.
"Yeah, definitely." I go for his neck, kissing and nipping below his ear. "We both want to get back to work as fast as possible but also not let today end." I go out on a limb too. This time less about sex and more about our feelings. I don't say it as a question though. I could tell it from his look when Santos announced it. I sit up again and he groans. I smile and his expression gets all tender. He swallows hard.
"We both have a lot of regrets with each other." He reaches his hand up and cups my face, smoothing back my hair. His eyes are swirling with emotion and it almost makes me cry.
"We both know there's more to us. More than our past. That we have something in the future. Even if we can't say what." Our rhythm together is slow now but it feels incredible. The connection between us feels unbreakable.
For the next ten, maybe fifteen minutes, we don't say much. It's just symphony of moans and hard breathing but we don't break eye contact and Josh holds my face like it's the most precious thing he can imagine.
When he finishes, I slowly roll off of him and curl into his side. He kisses the top of my head, arms wrapped around me. And I've never felt safer.
We have a quiet morning after that. We're both in our own heads with what I think is happiness and not overthinking surprisingly. We only really speak when Josh asks if I want to shower with him and when I ask him what he wants from room service for breakfast.
By the time breakfast gets here though, I'm ready to start talking again. The quiet was beginning to get unnerving. Josh sits in the chair next to me rather than across and keeps one hand on my leg, or my hand, or brushing my hair back.
"So question 26." I had put the questions on the table before room service arrived. "Complete this sentence. I wish I had someone with whom I could share…" I look at Josh. It's a hard question because in this moment, it's hard to imagine what I can't share with him. "I wish I had someone with whom I could share my feelings for you, to talk them through with or to just gossip about."
"You want someone you can tell about your crush?" Josh jokes but the sobers, squeezing my leg lightly. "What about your sister? Or CJ? Or… you know, me?"
"My sister still sees you as my boss and she'd judge me. CJ… the last time we talked about you, it didn't feel so great. And you… god, Josh, we're already so complicated."
"Are we?" he asks.
"Yeah. It feels great right now but what happens when a crisis happens and you completely shift into rotating around that? I'm not blaming you, it's part of what I love about you. But we've screwed it up before. And I don't want to keep getting hurt."
"Wait- what are you saying exactly?" I can see him putting walls up, I can see the fear.
"This is why I didn't want to talk to you about this. I'm scared, Josh. I'm scared that this can't exist outside the bubble."
"What's so bad about the bubble? I like the bubble." Josh says, removing his hand from my leg.
"I like the bubble too but we also have to live our real lives. And I want to work in politics and I want to get married and I want to have a family. And you can lose that look of panic in your eyes- I'm not asking that of you. I just… want to make sure I prepare myself, make sure my expectations line up with reality."
"So what? This is just a fling before you go off with your happily ever after?" Josh says defensively. I rub my eyes in annoyance and try to take some calming breaths.
"It's not just a fling. A fling is not having unrequited feelings for someone for nearly a decade, being dedicated to them for nearly as long. A fling does not come fight for a relationship, some kind of relationship, by doing these questions. I don't know how you even come to that conclusion. I have been so devoted to you, I don't know how you don't see-"
"You left me!" Josh stands suddenly. He won't look me in the eyes now and my stomach feels like it's dropped to the floor. For all my talk of keeping my expectations within reality, I didn't think it would fall apart now. We'd gotten to this point. "You left me, Donna. And I know I'm not a fling but I also know that I hate the idea of you falling in love with someone else even though I do want you to be happy because I love you so much. But I don't think I'm the one to give you everything you deserve but the idea of you leaving again… That's terrifying. And I'm still mad at you for leaving in the first place."
I'm shocked into silence. He's pacing. I don't know what to say. I'm shocked to hear Josh saying all of this, putting words to his feelings like this and being so articulate about his fears. I know how hard it is for him to do that. But also, somewhere in there… I'm pretty sure he said he loved me. He loves me. He loves me. He loves me.
"You love me?" I say at a volume hardly above a whisper. He stops in his tracks and looks at me now.
"Well-I said- what I meant to say- see. The thing is… I'm not sure what to say now." Josh stumbles over himself but I just start smiling and nodding before getting up to kiss him. "What-" He's interrupting by my lips smashing into his. He takes a few seconds to respond but boy when he does…
Later, we're both lying on the floor (we didn't make it to the bed), curled into one another, Josh is playing with my hair. I can tell there's still a lot on his mind.
"You didn't answer the question. You wish you had someone who…" I say.
"I wish I had someone who could understand how much I love you." He's not looking at me and his voice is scratchy as he says it but the depth of emotion he shows to me melts my heart.
"You do. I understand."
"You can't, Donna."
"I can. Because I love you just as much." He looks at me now. "That got your attention?"
"You always have my attention. Trust me. I am constantly distracted by you."
"Even when you're mad at me?"
"Even when I'm trying to convince myself not to care. Even when I'm upset with you for leaving. Even when I'm in the bubble. I am distracted by all of you all the time."
"I am so in love with you." I tell him, my blue eyes staring into his brown. This time it's my voice that is a little scratchy.
"Ditto." Josh finally smiles. And the gooey feeling is back. But this time I don't want to go away.
AN okay I lied this isn't the last chapter! But it's been a really long time since I've updated and I figured you all deserve an update so here it is- twisty turvy emotional and maybe discombobulated but I hope you enjoyed it (I know i didn't have a flashback in this one oops sorry you'll get it in the next update i promise) and I hope you're looking forward to the next chapter. I have everything all planned out so it shouldn't take me as long to update this time. Actually you have two more updates to look forward to. Anyways! Thanks for tuning in pls review it is balm for my soul