Chapter twenty-six - Rid them of the canvas of question
Izuku lay calmly on his bed staring at the ceiling of his dorm in Heights Alliance, praying to whatever God there was that today would be uneventful and dull. He didn't want to eat, drink or sleep. He didn't want to speak to anyone and didn't even have the energy to crave death. Coming to U.A was something he had to accept or it would just become harder on him and nobody else. He knew this was the truth, but why did he hate it so much? When a villain that is cast to the side like trash is given an opportunity to do good and live a normal life, they'd grab it within a heartbeat. If the villain was stubborn, that stubbornness would dwindle away into nothingness and they would become a faithful hero. If this was the case, Izuku shouldn't be any different from the average villain but he is. He was the one chosen to go to U.A and teach, He was the one being given care in abundance, He was the one being bothered over. But why? Because the poor quirkless boy's parents died and they wanted to show pity? That made Izuku snarl in rage.
"They don't give two shits about Mom or Dad..fucking bastards. They don't care as long as it doesn't interfere with their payroll, and that's fine. That's absolutely fine, but why drag me into it?" thought Izuku. He shut his eyes and listened sharply to the crude, virgin sounds within the room to calm himself. He heard the chirping of the birds outside, the clicking of the clock, the buzz of electricity and the sound of his heart thumping in his chest.
The sounds were not bad, they were in fact a warm sound to Izuku as it made him feel less lonely without him interacting with anyone. Like a song with no lyrics, a television with no image, a tree with no birds. Like a man with no presence. He continued to listen to those sounds until he heard footsteps approaching his door. He daren't open his eyes, as that would terminate his peaceful white noise, but he listened steadily.
"Light footsteps." Izuku thought. "Light, but firm steps. Probably not an adult and not a girl either. A boy." He already had a face in mind of who it would be, due to process of elimination.
The footsteps came to an uncertain, hesitant stop when they reached Izuku's door. The person knocked in an uneven rhythm on the door and waited for a reply. Izuku stayed stationary. The person seemed the become quite impatient, and it showed when they knocked on the door much harder than before. That was all Izuku needed to confirm his suspicions.
"Iida."
Izuku got up from his bed and ran his fingers through his hair, pushing down on the cold metal handle. When the door opened, a young, masculine face appeared and discreetly darted their eyes across the room before focusing their gaze on Izuku.
"M-Mr. Midoriya, I would like to speak with you..if it's okay of course." said Iida in a strong tone. His arms were fixed closely to his sides and he bowed when Izuku gave the 'okay' with a slight nod. Izuku stood up on guard and swivelled a black chair towards Iida for him to sit down. Izuku had the habit of being on guard and standing up when in the face of a potential enemy. Better safe than sorry.
"Is there an issue, Iida?" said Izuku as he leaned his back on the wall and crossed his arms while looking at Iida with not his head, but his eyes.
"No. There is not. I actually came to thank you for taking the time out of your…" Iida was looking for an appropriate word. "...villainous rampage to save me from Stain in Hosu. You might have already forgotten me and the events that took place there but they are still fresh in my mind. Thank you for your hospitality." and with that, Iida politely got up and bowed. That made Izuku momentarily flinch. He had never been bowed to before.
"Villainous rampage. Makes me sound like a damned animal." thought Izuku in a jesterly fashion.
"Don't worry about it, Iida. I just didn't think your life should be cut so short over a stupid mistake you made in the spur of anger. However," said Izuku, in a more serious and chilling tone with his eyes cold and hollow as ice.
"My memory is forever-green. Not one thing slips my mind. Remember that, Iida."
Iida cleared his throat and felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise in tension. He adjusted his glasses and desperately looked for something else to talk about, which shocked him as before he met Izuku, he had a neverending list of questions he wanted to ask Izuku. Then he remembered.
"Mr. Midoriya, I crave your pardon, but...how did you become a villain in the first place?" daringly asked Iida. Izuku thought that Iida had quite the nerve and bravery to ask him such a question. But what harm would it do to tell Iida if he would find out in the long run? Not to mention, there was the possibility that he wouldn't tell anybody at all.
"Let's just say I was dropped into the hole of blackened-blaze and darkness and there I found a girl with the hair of purity and a heart of flames." said Izuku in a melancholy tone. Izuku's change in tone didn't go unnoticed by Iida, though Izuku inwardly cursed as he accidently mentioned the only woman next to his mother that he could stand. Tezobi. When the police asked him about his motives for staying with the League, his lips stayed sealed but when he was speaking with Iida, he spoke about it with such a free tongue. Perhaps it was because Izuku knew he wasn't being watched by many eyes or heard by many ears, or maybe because he knew Iida was the only one who seemed to know him to an extent?
"That.. sounds poetic. I dare say that it sounds quite divine..!" commented Iida with a slight chuckle in his tone.
"You dared to say, indeed." replied Izuku. He now knew within himself that Iida wasn't as bad as the other people he had met in his life, let alone U.A. Izuku knew this was true, and all, but he wouldn't just go spilling the League's members and plans to a prehero like a fool. Izuku wasn't like that. Broken beyond repair, he was. A sentimental fool, he was not.
Izuku didn't deny that Iida was an interesting fellow and he just stayed leaning on the wall with his arms folded in await for another question or an offer to leave.
"I don't think I have much else to ask- no..it's not that I have nothing to ask but it isn't my business to ask a villain and a teacher so much about their personal lives. I'm already pushing my luck by being here." thought Iida in humbleness.
He fiddled with his fingers for a second or two before getting up.
"Er- Mr. Midoriya, I truly am grateful that you provided me with answers to my questions in such fruitfulness. I have truly been enlightened." said Iida stepping out of the room.
"Again, I am grateful. Goodbye, Mr. Midoriya." and with that Iida bowed and left the room and marched out of the room respectfully. The room was now filled with air thick with old chatter and emptiness. The white noise was no longer there and it was just Izuku, who stood in his fixed position before sighing. It wasn't a sigh of relief or happiness. It was one of annoyance and lassitude. He could sense that another person was approaching his door.
These footsteps that were approaching his door were ones of nervousness and patience. Ones of sorrow and hope. Of guilt and confidence.
"You've got to be shitting me.." thought Izuku. Guessing games were unnecessary at that point as he knew it was All Might. Who else would be able to bundle up so many emotions within a few footsteps? A man of many wonders.
Izuku stayed in his leaning position and waited expectantly for the knock on the door. He waited patiently for a few seconds before the sound came.
"It's open." said Izuku blandly. Hearing this, the door opened slowly and All Might's lean figure slipped out of the crack of the door. All Might, just as Iida had, glanced around Izuku's room and then looked at Izuku, who was stone faced.
"Midoriya...I came to talk.. I-" the rest of All Might's sentence was snatched from his mouth when Izuku then spoke.
"The chair, All Might. Sit, if you would." said Izuku, nodding his head towards the chair. All Might hesitantly sat on the chair and shifted to make sure he was comfortable. He noticed something about the black chair, though.
"It's still warm..was someone already here?" thought All Might. He wandered about in the green, weathering fields of his own thoughts trying to figure out who could have sat in the chair he was in and why they were there. If he vaguely knew that everyone was somewhat on guard and hostile towards Izuku, who could it be. Bakugou? Iida? Kaminari?
"You wanted to speak, I presume?" asked Izuku.
"Yes, I have. It's..about how badly I've messed up.. And..and!" frantically spewed All Might as he saw how disinterested Izuku began to look. "And..I know you wouldn't care about what I have to say. But just here me out. I have a lot to say and I've been holding myself back. I won't stand for it anymore..!" said All Might in a more confident tone.
Izuku raised a brow. "Oh? Is that so, All Might? Then, please, speak on as you wish."
All Might sighed. "I-Is is true you attempted suicide?"
Izuku's eyes widened in suddenness and shock. It was quite the conversation starter and took even Izuku by surprise, and it showed on his face. He knew it showed on his damned face because he saw All Might's face become overhauled with guilt and nausea. How on earth did he find out?
"So, you did..Midoriya..I don't know what to say.." said All MIght looking to the floor, Izuku bit his lip. "Just..just tell me why? And why did I have to learn this from All for One?"
"So, it was Sensei...shit. That makes things even worse. Ugh.." thought Izuku in disgust. Why couldn't nature just take its course and kill him off? If you hated a gift given to you and had the choice to throw it away, would you cling to it in reluctance or would you throw it away? The latter is what Izuku thought. He'd had enough of the 'gift' of life and would gladly throw the gift away if it didn't keep coming back to possess his body.
"I did it because I had enough. Is that what you want to hear, Mr. Hero? I had enough of this shitty life filled with shitty people and a shitty vessel. You wouldn't get it, though. You threw me away, like the rest of society on that day on the building." said Izuku in dismal.
"You remember, don't you?"
All Might cringed in guilt and embarrassment. To think the No. 1 hero in the world would become the number one hope-crusher. To do this horrible act to a kid who was already dead inside. Why couldn't All Might just lie to Izuku and just say 'yes'? Lies and lies and lies would have kept him going, even if they hurt.
"I am genuinely sorry and utterly disgusted with myself that I said that to you that day, I really am. Midoriya, what I told you that day wasn't out of spite, however." said All Might in comfort. "Believe in me now, Midoriya. I promise I will never make you sad again. I'll never make you cry, Midoriya.."
"I'll be your hero, Midoriya."
Izuku wanted to hold onto every single last word All Might said, as he knew it was good for him and knew it was all truthful. He knew All Might would not make him cry, he knew All Might would never make him sad. He knew All Might was a true hero.
But Izuku was still a cold-hearted villain. He wouldn't be so easily swung to the other side, for a leopard never so easily changed its spots.
"I accept your apology, All Might. That it my answer. It's accepted, though I will not waver. I will not get emotional and hug you and cry. I will not do any of what you are probably thinking."
"I was caught, huh." thought All Might. He just wanted to see Izuku's smile again.
"Tell me this, Midoriya." said All Might, now feeling slightly more comfortable. "How did you become a villain? Forced? Vendetta? Pure evil? For fun?"
"All Might, you give me all those horrible options but you know within yourself none of them are true." replied Izuku. "Perhaps I had nowhere else to go. Or maybe I was saved by the villains..maybe they saw potential in me.." said Izuku sarcastically, putting his arms in his pockets.
"Midoriya, don't be like that. I'm sorry. You know that there is nothing much else I can do. But, making you into a hero would be on my list somewhere." said All Might. Izuku just gave All Might a cold, cold glare that froze him in his place.
"Midoriya. I know about the history between you and Bakugou, Nezu told me he got the information about it from the primary source themself. But...I know that what he told me wasn't as authentic as it probably is." said All Might scratching his head. "Could you, possibly, tell me what it was like for you to go through first hand. I..I just need to know, don't hold back if you really do tell me."
Izuku moved his head to the side and had a dead gaze, as he knocked his own head which caused his hair to move along gracefully.
"Just know what I tell you will haunt you, All Might. Any tale of mine is not for the faint-hearted." and with that, Izuku proceeded to tell in detail the animosity he faced day in and day out of every week and month of his life. He spoke of the facades he put on his face for his parents and the beatings and bullying and humiliation and every single thing that led up to when All Might tipped the scales of good and bad within Izuku. By the time Izuku had finished, All Might was absolutely horrified. And that was an understatement. His eyes looked as if they had been forced open for days and his cheeks looked hollowed and pale, the face of a ghost. His lips quivered in sadness and were curved in disgrace. His entire body was trembling and he had to turn around to cry a little. He felt like his insides had been ripped out of his body and been forced back in. To even put it lightly; All Might looked like he had just encountered the Devil himself.
"Horrific.." whispered All Might. His slender fingers trembled over his mouth. "Midoriya..I'm..so sorry..I pushed you over the edge.."
"Indeed." emotionlessly said Izuku. He gazed at All Might coldly. Not because of hate, but because that was all there was in him. "But let's not cling to the past. That doesn't help me at all."
"What? How can he just dismiss all that trauma and abuse for all those years? And to think he had a smile on his face the whole time, all for his parents. He must have cared for them deeply, to do such a thing.." thought All Might. He was surprised at how Izuku was just telling him all this, but he made no such comment.
"I don't think I feel so well anymore, Midoriya. I know I told you to not hold back but really…" said All MIght clutching his stomach. But then the blonde man smiled. "Thank you. Really. I must go now..Goodbye Midoriya." and with that All MIght sluggishly walked out of the room, very different to when he was going into the room. It was like two different people came in and out of Izuku's room; like Izuku's room was some kind of ominous realm.
Once the door clicked shut, Izuku expressed a crazed, insane smile and clutched at his chest. He then sat hardly on the bed, still clutching his chest. He wasn't in pain. He wasn't upset. He was overwhelmed with an unhealthy, empty excitement that had nowhere to be vented out. He just clutched his chest in madness.
"Ahh.. Did I not warn them that tales of mine are not for the light-hearted? They gave good expressions of fear on their faces, though.." he whispered to himself in a voice of mania.
I want to turn the world upside-down. It's such a simple, clear-cut wish.