Polly went straight to her room when they got home. Kim had taken her up to check on Abbey and while Polly didn't go in she was able to see through the window that Abbey was sleeping and her parents were with her. It had started Polly off again and she was still distraught when Kim bought her out to the car. Adam had waited for them there and Polly barely acknowledged him even when he asked how things went.
Adam leant on the kitchen bench and rans his hands over his face. He was tired and struggling under an enormous amount of stress. Kim leant against him, tucking her head under his chin and wrapping her arms around his waist as Adam pulled her closer, it was her little spot and she fitted him perfectly. "I am worried about you."
"I know. I would tell you not to worry but I know that's pointless."
"It is." She leant back a little so she could see his face. He looked down at his wife and the look of weariness in his eyes was upsetting. "Can I tell you how much I love you?"
"Always welcome." Adam kissed her softly.
"Should we go and talk to Polly?"
"I am not sure how much more she can take?"
"Not a lot, but Adam we can't ignore this or keep putting if off. If anything I need to hear it from her mouth. I need to know." He could feel her trembling in his arms. "I need to know."
"I'm scared." They were both terrified; this may just destroy them. "Maybe it should just be you? I am not sure she wants to talk to me?" Adam wasn't ready to face another round of hate from his daughter.
"Probably not, but whether Polly likes it or not I refuse to do this alone, if she thinks she doesn't need you she's wrong. I will not have her turn around and say Dad didn't care and Adam I can't do it without you"
"I hate this so much."
Kim ran her hand over his cheek. "I know. I think tonight, when the kids go to bed I want to curl up in your arms and listen to you breathe."
"I'd really like that."
Polly was lying on her bed and didn't answer when they knocked but they went in anyway. Kim sat on the edge of her bed and rested her hand on her hip while Adam sat on the floor beside her bed. He leant with his back against he cupboard and watched Polly try and ignore the fact he was there.
While they would have preferred not to do this here, in her room but Polly was basically refusing to come out and they weren't about to drag her kicking and screaming downstairs nor did they want to delay this conversation any longer.
"Polly Sweetheart, your Dad and I want to talk to you."
"I don't feel like talking."
"We understand that but it's important."
She sat up a little and her tear stained face was heartbreaking to see and she wiped her hand over her face roughly. "Okay."
"First of all, do you have any questions or thoughts about what we talked about earlier? Is there anything you want to ask us?"
"No."
"Okay. I know you are really upset about today and everything that is going on with Abbey. It's a horrible, terrible thing for anyone to go through." Kim always talked to them so calmly, whereas Adam often just said what needed to be said and did little to try and soften the blow. "Polly, I know Abbey didn't want to tell anyone what was happening to her, but we have to ask… " Kim took a deep breath and glanced at Adam who nodded his head slightly. "…did Simon ever touch you?"
She looked mortified. "No."
"Okay."
"Mom I promise I didn't know anything, he didn't touch me."
"Did you ever see him touch or say anything to Abbey or Chloe or any of your friends?" Adam chimed in.
"No." Her voice changed in an instant and it dripped with disdain as she glared at her father. "I told you no, why don't you believe me?"
"I do believe you Polly. We just want to make sure nobody else was getting hurt by Simon."
"You always told me I could tell you if someone was hurting me. I am not lying."
"Polly, I know you would but it's scary and we know how scared Abbey was to talk about it. We trust you and we believe you, we really do. I know this is hard and confusing but we love you so much we want to make sure that we are doing everything possible to help you." Adam put all his energy into keeping his voice calm.
"Dad." It was the first time she had called him Dad all day and even that small concession gave Adam some hope. "I swear I knew nothing and saw nothing. He never touched me."
"Okay." He felt his phone buzz in his pocket and checked to number. It was Jay; he showed it to Kim as he pushed himself up off the floor. He was also heartened by the fact that Polly let him kiss her forehead before he left.
"Why doesn't he believe me?"
"Polly he does. He's just being a cop and a Dad. The cop part has to know for the case and the Dad part needs to know so he can help you if you need it."
"I want this to stop."
"We all do." Kim watched her as she lay back down and closed her eyes. "Have you talked to Sam today?"
"No."
"Why don't you give him a call, perhaps he can come over later." Kim thought that maybe Polly would open up to him.
"I'm tired. I want to sleep." If she slept then she wouldn't have to think about all this.
Kim found him outside on the back veranda and chose to watch him pacing back and forth rather than go to him. It looked like an intense conversation Adam was in the middle of. Her heart was hurting for her husband because knowing him like she did; his idiosyncrasies, his body language and his tone of voice told her that everything about this was getting to him.
Adam hated what had happened to Abbey, he always took anything to do with children hard even more so since he became a father. They'd had too many of these cases over the years but this was so close to home it had the potential to push him over the edge. Coupled with Polly pushing him away when all he wanted to do was hold her tight was hard for him to cope with.
Even when he hung up he didn't come in immediately and continued pacing. Eventually Kim went outside. "Adam Baby, what is it?"
"They arrested Simon. He's on his way back to Chicago."
"That's good right?"
"They interviewed him briefly and he's denying everything."
"Are you going in?"
"Soon. I am going to stop by the hospital and tell Abbey and her parents first." There was something that Adam wasn't telling her, again she knew him too well. He was staring out across the backyard and was obviously distracted and she tried not to let the panic set in.
"Adam, I get the feeling there is something else."
'What?" he dragged his eyes back to Kim. "No, it's nothing. I just want to get this over with and him denying everything isn't going to help Abbey move on. He keeps on like this she will have to testify and relive it and see him again and I don't want that to happen and I'd certainly don't want Polly to have to live through that either."
"There is still time to get him to change his mind."
"I'll be making sure he does."
He looked at Kim and reached for her hand and lifted it to his lips. "Have I told you how amazing you've been? Especially with Pol but with Gus too."
"Their our babies."
"I feel like I am letting you down though?"
"How?"
"By leaving all this to you." He nodded back towards the house.
"Adam. This is us. You are doing what you need to do and I am proud of you, so proud." Again he kissed her hand. "I'll make sure our babies are okay while you make sure he doesn't get away with it and tonight you and me are just going to be us for a bit."
"I can't wait." Adam held both her cheeks with his hand and put as much of himself as into that kiss as he could. "I need to go."
"You hungry?" Kim asked when Polly came down as she was just starting to marinate the chicken for the curry she was planning on cooking for dinner. It was one of Adam's favourites and she thought that he deserved it and hoped that he would be home so they could all sit down together. He promised her he would do his best.
"A little." She opened the fridge and stood looking at its contents.
Kim came and tucked her long dark blond hair back over her shoulder. "I'll fix you something."
"Maybe one of your omelettes?" Polly grabbed the eggs from the fridge along with the cheese, ham and tomatoes. "Has Dad gone?"
"He has." They had decided not to tell Polly just yet that Simon had been arrested. Adam wanted to see Abbey first and then get into work and find out what was going on. "He had to go back to work. He'll be home for dinner."
"Is that why we are having chicken curry?" Kim was delighted to see Polly crack a smile.
"Yes. You know how much Dad loves it. He's had a tough few days."
"I guess I didn't help did I?"
"He understands Polly but it still was hard for him. He loves you so much."
"I know and I am sorry I said that about Dad this morning. I know I am lucky." Polly looked down at her hands; she couldn't look at her mother for fear of crying again. Rationally she knew her Dad was doing everything he possibly could and it wasn't fair that she was treating him like shit but she didn't know how to stop herself. As soon as he walked away she promised herself that she would try harder next time but then when she saw him again all those feelings overwhelmed her.
Abbey's harsh words, way back when this all started turning to shit, when she told Polly that her Dad was a guy and only wanted one thing kept spinning through her head. She knew that wasn't the case but she couldn't stop herself and that made her push him away even harder. It was unfair and she was hurting him. Some part of her wanted to hurt her Dad because she couldn't hurt Simon. It scared her and she didn't understand all those feelings and thoughts nor how to control them.
"We are all lucky. This is a good family."
Polly had been thinking, she had a million questions but didn't know whom to ask. "Why do people do things like that? Like what Simon did? And I don't understand why Abbey didn't want anyone to know? And if he was forcing her to have sex why did she want to do it with so many other people?"
These were the questions that Kim was expecting she just wasn't sure she had the answers to them. "People like Simon do things like this because they like the power it gives them. He had power over Abbey, he would threaten to take away her home and her mother and tell people that she wasn't a nice person. It's a power trip and quite often it's because they were abused themselves."
Polly nodded. "Abbey had sex with other people because that made Simon stop and that's all she wanted. She didn't know how else to make it stop. It may not make sense to any of us but it did to Abbey. We can't judge her for that. The only person to blame here is Simon."
"That doesn't make it right?" Polly sat at the table as she watched her mother making her lunch. "What Simon did, if he was abused it still doesn't make it right."
"No it doesn't, it doesn't excuse anything Simon did."
"What did he do?"
"Polly, that's not up to me to tell you. Abbey doesn't want to share all those details with you yet; she may never want you to know. You have to be prepared for that and you also have to be prepared if she does."
"What does that mean?"
"Simon told Abbey that no one would like her if they knew, if she tells you what happened the worst thing that anyone can do is turn away from her or feel embarrassed or ashamed. Jamie, her boyfriend stopped calling her when she told him and you can imagine how that felt and that's one of the reason she took those pills." Kim slid the omelette in front of Polly and sat down with her. "Do you understand that?"
"Yes. Was that after you told her Mom?"
"Yes it was, sweetheart just remember the only person to blame is Simon, that's the only person Abbey blames."
"Janice didn't know did she?"
"No, I don't believe she did. We'll get through this Polly and we'll help Abbey and her parents get through this." She squeezed her hand and went back to preparing dinner.
"Is Dad angry with me?"
"No, he would never be angry with you about any of this. He understands how terrible this all is and he hates to see you hurting so much but he loves you, he's worried and just wants to do what's best for you."
"I thought Abbey would want to see me." Kim dropped what she was doing when Polly burst into tears. They had seen so many tears lately and it wasn't getting any easier.
Kim frowned a little when she saw Polly look at her phone when it rang, she caught a glimpse that it was Sam's name on the screen and was surprised when she rejected the call and turned it face down on the table. She was hoping that it was just because they were having a tough conversation but Kim feared that wasn't the reason. In the past she would always take his call no matter what was going on, much to Adam's annoyance at times but Kim had a suspicion that Polly was now pushing him away too.
These feelings that Polly was having were very familiar to her. "I think she will but just remember this is all very new and raw for everyone, sometimes it takes time and you push away people you love, especially the ones you love the most because you know they will always be there." Kim had never told Polly about her miscarriage; it was something that they rarely talked about anymore. It was always there but they only occasionally talked about it if they were alone and Adam would have preferred not talking about it at all. Kim knew it wasn't that he didn't care or had forgotten; it just hurt him too much.
"What happens if they aren't?"
"Then perhaps they were never meant to be in your life forever." Kim asked Polly to wait here a minute as she dashed upstairs and found what she was looking for, tucked away in it's little blue box in the back of her drawer, just like they had tucked away that pain in their heart.
When she came back down she opened the small box and showed Polly the silver necklace with the three tiny hearts. "Your Dad bought me this many years ago. Three hearts for our three babies."
"Three babies?"
Kim ran her finger over the three little charms. "When Angus was only 4 months old I fell pregnant again. Your Dad had just had this major car accident and at one stage I didn't know if we were going to lose him. It was a big shock for both of us but your Dad was so excited."
"What happened to the baby?"
"We had a miscarriage when I was ten weeks pregnant and I pushed your Dad away. He was just as heartbroken as I was but I treated him badly but he never left my side. He put up with my shit, I was horrible to him some days and I think I knew I could treat him like shit because every night he would come to bed and tell me he loved me and while I couldn't talk to him about it I waited for those three little words every night." Kim always talked about it now as 'we' even though at the time it was always 'I', I had a miscarriage, I lost a baby. It took her awhile to see the pain it was causing Adam too. Sure he never fully understood what it was like for her and he often told her that but her sister had reminded her that she would never understand what it felt like to be Adam either and to watch you go through something so painfully heartbreaking and not be able to do a damn thing about it. So now it was always 'we lost a baby'.
"Did you split up?"
"No, never even crossed our minds. It was just really rough for a while. We loved you and Angus so much. You're Dad was amazing though and eventually we put it behind us and moved on. He was so patient with me and he bought me this to remind me that we once had three precious little heartbeats."
"Why don't you talk about it?"
"As time went on we just decided that we'd talked about it enough. Every now and then we talk about it, we don't hide from it but it's something that it just between us, and your Dad finds it hard, he doesn't really like talking about it but I know he still thinks about it sometimes and he will always listen to me if I bring it up. It was always a very personal thing that we kept between us."
"Did you ever want another baby?"
"Part of me did but my pregnancy with Gus was really challenging and I didn't want to go through that again especially after the miscarriage. It was such a painful thing to experience and your Dad didn't want me to go through that again if I didn't want to. If something had gone wrong I don't think we would have survived and having you and Angus was enough for us. Having another baby wasn't worth the risk of losing what we already had."
"So, you think Abbey is pushing me away like you did to Dad? Do you think Abbey will still want me around, eventually?" That's precisely what Kim thought was happening, but more than that she could see that pattern of behaviour in Polly that she had exhibited when she lost the baby; she pushed Adam away and Polly was doing exactly the same thing. Kim knew he had the strength to hang on but she also needed to make sure that Polly had the courage to come back when the time was right for her. It couldn't get so far out of control that the damage was irreparable.
"I think she will but Polly be patient, that's all I am saying." Kim ran her hand through Polly's hair and tucked it behind her ear. "It was tough for us at the time but you know what, it made use stronger. We realised we are stronger together than apart and bought us closer in the end."
"Okay." She nodded. "Can I talk to Dad about the baby if I want too?"
"Yes you can." Kim was pretty sure Adam would take anything at the moment; even a conversation about the weather would be welcome improvement as far as he was concerned. She just had to let him know that it was a possibility so that he wasn't blindsided. She closed the lid on the box and slipped it into her pocket but not before running her fingers over the three little hearts.
"Its really pretty Mom. You should wear it sometimes."
"No, it upsets your Dad."
It was the one thing that he always wanted to keep locked away in the deepest part of his heart.