Note: The following story does not belong to me. I found it on Pinterest and laughed so hard I was crying. Reading it aloud to my husband made it even funnier. I felt the need to share, so here you go. I have copied it word for word, but the original story can be found at cheezburger dot com.

Chapter Twelve – Story Time!

"Welcome to Story Time With Scott," Scott said as an opening, grinning into the camera he was holding out in front of him. He was dressed in his usual blue button-up and slacks and standing in the sunken part of the lounge. "For today's victims," he coughed, laughing just a little, "I mean audience we have Gordon." The camera shifted to show Gordon, lying on his back on the floor, his legs resting in a chair above him. He'd thrown an arm over his face, pretty much intent on trying to ignore his big brother. "His back is acting up so he can't escape."

The camera shifted just a bit to show Virgil stretched out on a couch, his legs thrown over one end. His arm was still in a sling and he was glaring moodily at Scott. "And Virgil, who's physical therapy is making him grumpy." Virgil grumbled something and rolled his eyes. Scott shot him a look, clearly having caught what he had said, and Virgil gave a reluctant apology.

There was a bit of a jostling and the camera was set up presumably on a tripod, angled so that it could capture all three of the brothers. Scott was still grinning as he seated himself in a chair between the two. "Okay grumps," he said to his brothers, who both grunted. "I trawled the internet for a funny story, and you're going to listen to it." Gordon mumbled something from under his arm. "What was that?"

"You don't have a sense of humor though," Gordon repeated after moving his arm just a bit so it wouldn't muffle the words again.

"Uh huh," Scott replied blandly, rolling his eyes at the camera. "Your very welcome for me trying to cheer the two of you up. Now, listen." He sat back, crossed an ankle over his knee and placed a piece of paper on his lap. "When my grandfather was young, he owned a roadside motel, and my mother used to do work around the motel for the family."

"Wait," Virgil interrupted. "How old is this story? For context?"

"Really?" Scott asked with a sigh. "It was found in the old archives of the internet. From around 2016-2018. I don't know. Don't interrupt."

"Fine," Virgil grumbled.

"Good." Scott cleared his throat. "The building was old and they had bad pipes, so visits from the plumber were a fairly regular occurrence over there.

"At one point they had a clogged toilet after a guest checked out, so they called the plumber to come and clean it out. The plumber came in with his bag of gear and set to work, but the clog was stubborn. After a few tries, he decided he needed to get the snake.

"I don't know if you've ever seen a serious plumbing snake, but the big ones are a sight to behold. This isn't a little crank auger, it's a full-on electrical powered snake with a big motor on the back and a little grabby claw on the end."

Scott paused for a moment, his gaze wandering off in exaggerated memory. "I'm having flashbacks to when John had to fix the kitchen sink," he said. Gordon snorted and Scott gave a small smile. "Anyway, so he fires up the snake and sends the metal coil down into the pipes with the claw closed, figuring whatever's down there he'll just bump it a bit, push it down the pipes until it clears—but this doesn't happen either. Finally, in frustration, he twists the control to open the mechanical claw at the end of the coil, closes it on something, throws the motor in reverse and starts to pull it back up."

Scott grinned at the camera upon noticing that both his little brothers seemed invested in listening to this story now. He continued reading, "By now a couple of members of the staff have gathered in the room to try and figure out what the hell got flushed down the toilet and this giant machine couldn't remove. The motor is really straining—you know that sound an electric motor makes when it's working really had? The whole machine is struggling to pull whatever this is back up through the pipes and into the room.

"Finally, after an extended wait the object is slowly dragged, sopping wet, out of the toilet bowl—and it's a shower curtain."

Both Virgil and Gordon made soft, confused noises and Scott visibly had to choke back a laugh. "The staff is dumbfounded. They're trying to figure out how this could have happened. It would be weird enough if the guest had ripped the shower curtain down and flushed it down the toilet, but the shower curtain in the room is still there. It would be even weirder if the guest had brought their own shower curtain to the motel and tried to flush it down the toilet, but it's clearly one of their shower curtains. Did they try and steal the shower curtain, leave with it, then feel guilty and come back only to find that the shower curtain had already been replaced, and then flush the shower curtain down the toilet to hide the evidence?"

Gordon's arm had moved off his face and he was watching Scott now, brow furrowed. Virgil was also gazing at his brother and Scott just returned their looks with a raised eyebrow, turning back to his paper nonchalantly. "While they're discussing this, the room phone rings. The person on the other end is screaming, hysterical, so it takes a few minutes for them to figure out that it's the housekeeper who was cleaning the rooms. After a few moments, they manage to get the story out of her."

Scott paused, clearly for dramatic effect and when Virgil looked ready to throw his shoe at him, he continued. "The snake had missed the clog entirely. Rather than spiraling down into the plumbing where it was intended to go, it had wound its way into the central line, and then back up the pipes in the room next door. It spiraled its way up, out the toilet bowl, and then started flailing wildly around the next-door bathroom like a Lovecraftian nightmare made of steel, knocking things off shelves and clattering furiously around the room. Then, while the hapless housekeeper watched in horror, a metal claw opened on the end of it and snagged the shower curtain, ripped it off the bar ring-by-ring, spun it around the room until it was coiled tightly around the cable, and dragged it back down the toilet bowl.

"The actual clog was never found."

Virgil and Gordon were giggling furiously at the mental image, and Scott smugly sat in his chair. Frankly, he was surprised he'd managed to keep a straight face through the story. "The poor housekeeper," Virgil wheezed, curling around his injured ribs as he tried to control his laughter.

Gordon just laughed. "Oh gosh. That gives me so many ideas."

"No," Scott said sternly, although there was a smile on his face. "Do you remember that one rescue? The flood where the sewer lines were the first thing to fill?"

"Oh god," Virgil groaned, starting to laugh again with a bit of wince. "And the whole town was suddenly attacked by exploding toilets?"

Gordon cracked up again. "I remember that! John got so many calls from the same area all stating that their toilets were spewing nastiness like Mt. Vesuvius."

Scott shook his head, chuckling softly. "Ah, good times. Thankfully John realized what was happening and that the water was rising quickly so we were able to get the people out in time."

Virgil choked on a laugh, snorting helplessly. "You remember when that Colonel tried to cut into Two?" he asked.

"Yeah. Why?" Scott asked back, tilting his head. He didn't remember anything funny about that incident. In fact, he was still a little peeved about the whole thing, even with that Colonel being drummed out of the GDF entirely.

"I never told you this," Virgil grinned, eyes sparkling. "But they were cutting directly into the sewage line. And it hadn't been emptied since the last two rescues."

Scott broke out into a full laugh then. "Oh gosh, I kind wish he'd managed," he said once he had calmed a bit. Scott stretched a leg out and gently nudged Gordon's side. "How you feeling Fish Feet?" he asked, still grinning.

"Better," Gordon responded, rolling his eyes. It was clear he wasn't talking about his back, because he still hadn't moved off the floor, but he did seem to be in much better spirits. "Thanks."

"Welcome. Virge?" Scott turned his attention to his other brother, who had calmed his laughter and was now lying curled on the couch, still protectively cradling his ribs.

"M'good," he muttered, giving a small yawn. "Thank you."

Scott waggled his eyebrows. "Well, what are brothers for if they can't make you laugh?" he asked. He waved his paper. "Just wait. I have so many other weird stories from the internet to tell you."

And the screen went black.

BombasticBabe832 10 hours ago
Holy crap. How did he read that with a straight face?! I'm dying!
18.3k likes
View 972 replies

Cherry Styles 9 hours ago
Oh those poor babies. But seeing them laugh was so worth it!
17.2k likes
View 828 replies

FranklyWonderful2 8 hours ago
But what about the story of John and the kitchen sink?!
16k likes
View 499 replies

UmbrellaUmbrellaYou 7 hours ago
Are we going to get more Story Time With Scott episodes? Cause I'd be all for that!
15.3k likes
View 325 replies

IScreamUScream32 6 hours ago
That poor housekeeper though! I'm laughing so hard I can't breathe, I swear.
13.8k likes
View 279 replies

Rob Everston 5 hours ago
Why hadn't we ever heard about a Colonel that was going after Two? I think that's something the news would be all over, right?
12.5k likes
View 634 replies

Note: The position that Gordon is resting in is a good one for those with chronic back problems (like my husband.) Lie flat on your back on a hard surface and put your feet on a chair or other surface that allows your knees to stay at a ninety-degree angle. Your hips should also be at a ninety-degree angle. Apparently, this helps my husband's back a lot. I have chronic hip issues, however, and only find this position aggravating on them.