The ringing of the phone in the middle of the night or early hours of the morning was not a new thing; it was still a rude way to wake up even after twenty years of it. Adam snaked his arm out of bed and felt around for his phone, knocking it off onto the floor. He groaned as he rolled over and picked it up assuming it was going to be work, it wasn't and he didn't like it nor the feeling of dread that washed over him and suddenly he was wide awake.
"Murray."
"I'm sorry Adam. I know it's early." He sat up when he heard the sob catch in the man's throat and glanced at the clock, it was just after 5am. He rested one hand on Kim who was just starting to stir a little. She would half wake up when Adam got a call in the middle of the night and wait for him to tell her that he had to go. "It's Abbey."
"Murray, what happened?" Adam already knew, in his heart he knew as soon as he saw the name on his phone.
"She's gone."
"What do you mean she's gone?"
"She's dead."
"Murray, what happened?" Kim sat up beside him and Adam just looked at her and shook his head.
He could barely understand what Murray was saying and had to listen closely which was hard because he could see the realisation start to dawn on Kim and that was horrible to witness and apart from holding out his arm for her he could do nothing. "I don't know where she got the pills. We tried to keep them away from her. She was happy lately. I don't understand."
"I'm sorry Murray, so sorry." Kim had already started crying, he didn't need to tell her anything and Adam held her against his chest as she started to shake, his hand cradling her head.
"My baby is gone. He killed her." Abbey's father sobbed into the phone. "Can you tell Polly? I'm sorry Adam. I shouldn't have called so early, I just didn't know what to do."
"Murray, anytime you need to call, just call. Kim and I are here, anytime." He tried to comfort him but he knew, right now the words would be hollow. When he hung up the phone they both just wrapped themselves up in each other's arms and cried. They cried for a beautiful girl who's life had been cruelly destroyed, they cried for her parents who watched the light go out in their girl, they cried for harshness of a world you just couldn't control but most of all they cried for their girl, who was learning that life had incredible highs and crushing lows.
The girl they held in their arms the day she was born and thought, what do we do now? The baby they vowed to protect and love and show the world. They didn't like this shit world she was seeing right now. If Abbey had been happy lately, so had Polly. As much as it took them a while to get used to the fact that Polly and Sam were sleeping together they loved the joy he had bought to Polly's life.
Adam called Murray again before they both talked to Polly. He knew Polly would have questions and he wanted to be able to answer them as honestly and thoroughly as possible. They didn't want Polly to not understand what had happened, she deserved the truth as brutal as it was. They both knew it had to be harsh, however you delivered the news at some point you had to use the words; they had to tell her that her best friend was dead.
"Polly." Kim knocked quietly on her door. She didn't answer and Kim went in anyway and shook Polly awake, they needed to do this before their courage faltered or someone else called her. There was no way they wanted Polly to learn this from someone else. "Polly. Sweetheart." Kim touched her face softly. "Wake up Sweetie."
It took her a few moments to wake up and she didn't like the look on her Mom's face or when she asked her to come into their room. They didn't want to do it in here, this was her room, a place where she had happy memories of Abbey, where they would spend hours giggling and laughing together, talking about boys and their hopes and dreams. Adam and Kim were not taking that away from her, not now. "No." She tried to push her Mom away; instinctively she knew something was wrong.
"Polly, please. Your Dad and I need to talk to you."
Kim led her into their room. Polly kept asking her what was wrong but she didn't want to tell her. She was gutless; Adam needed to do it because he was stronger than her. She sat with Polly on the bed and Adam knelt down beside her and started to speak, Kim by this stage was too much of a mess to talk. "Polly, Abbey's father called us a little while ago."
"Why?"
"Sweetheart, there is no easy well to tell you this but Abbey took some pills last night…"
"Again? Is she okay?" she looked at her mother. "She's okay right Mom?" Kim just stared back at her and Adam leant against Kim a little to let her know he was there and to see if he could draw just a little strength from her.
"No Polly, she's not. Abbey died sweetheart."
"Okay." Adam glanced at Kim who was looking a little worried because Polly just didn't react the way they were expecting. "How long will she be in hospital?"
"Polly, Abbey isn't in hospital Sweetheart. She's dead. Abbey died a few hours ago."
They could both see the precise moment that it finally sunk in and it was heartbreaking to watch it unfold. The sheer look of horror on Polly's face would never leave Adam. "No Dad, No."
"I am so sorry Polly. I really am. Abbey died early this morning. There was nothing anyone could do, she didn't tell anyone this time." He wasn't really sure how the words were even coming out of his mouth at this stage.
"No, no, no." she repeated, shaking her head. "But she was good. We saw her two weeks ago and she was happy."
"She was and sweetie that's such a good memory to hang on to. You had a wonderful weekend and she was so happy to see you. However, those demons she had they were too much for her to overcome. She was too broken."
"What happened then? Why was she happy and now she's not? She was talking about coming back to Chicago soon; I was going to see her. Why would she do that?"
Polly's confusion was understandable. They had had a great weekend together in New York. At the time Adam and Kim worried about letting her go and that it would remind Abbey too much of home but they'd loved being together again. Murray and Rachel really thought that Abbey needed it and it had been like the old Abbey was back. Seeing the two girls run into each other's arms at the airport had filled everyone with hope.
They had decided that they would all go together. Angus and Adam caught a baseball game at Yankee Stadium and they took in a pre-game tour while Kim took the girls shopping but they left Abbey and Polly alone to catch up most of the time. Polly had told them that Abbey kept asking her about Sam and telling her how happy she was that they were together and that she was starting to make friends and go out a little more and even had a few dates herself, although nothing serious had come of any of them. Polly stayed with Abbey at her father's house but Kim and Adam declined and stayed in a hotel in Manhattan because they didn't want to impose and the idea was to let Polly and Abbey spend time together. Adam and Kim enjoyed a date night at the theatre while Angus blissed out in the hotel room ordering room service and watching movies and they all had dinner together with Abbey's Dad and partner, Rachel on the last night in town. The girls were happy and they felt like they had done the right thing.
"I don't know the answer to that. I do know that her Dad said that weekend meant the world to her." Adam had talked to Murray a few times since that weekend. He had relied on Adam a little bit as Abbey's abuse became known and would often reach out to him when things with Abbey were tough. "She loved you, she was so happy to see you and that you were the one person who always stayed by her side. We are really proud of you for that."
"If she'd told me I could have helped her. Why didn't she tell me?"
"I wish I knew, I wish I had some answers for you but I don't." And that's what he hated more than anything, not having answers for Polly. Adam was scared that she was going to push him away again and not being able to tell her what she wanted to hear intensified his angst. He couldn't deal with that again, not now. Kim could understand his fear, it had been such a difficult thing for Adam to deal with and they had talked about it before they woke Polly up with the news.
"Please Dad." It broke Adam's heart listening to his daughter begging him to tell her that it wasn't true. "Please Dad, No."
"Polly." They both cried with her. "We love you so much Polly. I'm sorry Sweetheart. I wish I could tell you it's not true, but I can't."
Surprisingly it wasn't her mother's arms that Polly sought out, it was her father's. She needed strong arms and he was the strongest person she knew. They'd had a rough patch when all this started but he had never once let her down or left her side. He never once stopped telling her he loved her and while at the time it seemed like it meant nothing, it didn't. It meant the world to Polly.
Kim left Adam and Polly alone and slipped out and called Sam.
"Is Polly okay?" Why would his girlfriend's mother be calling him during the week? He'd seen Polly last night; she'd been at his place for dinner and was fine when he dropped her off. Sam always had dinner with the Ruzek's on a Sunday night after he finished work and Polly usually had dinner with his family on a Wednesday. A wave of panic surged through him. Was she hurt? Was she sick?
"She's not great Sam, Abbey died last night."
"What?" She could hear him moving around suddenly. "Is Polly okay? Where is she? What happened? Please tell me Polly's okay?" All his questions ran into each other and Kim barely had a chance to speak. "I am on my way." He finally drew a breath.
"Thanks Sam. I think she would like to see you. She's with her Dad right now."
By the time they had finished the conversation Sam was already in his car and within ten minutes he was barrelling through their back door. It hadn't taken long for him to make himself at home here and surprisingly Kim and Adam liked it. They had always loved that their kids friends felt comfortable coming and going, it felt a bit like a halfway house at times but the sounds of kids laughing and mucking around had always made them happy. Sometimes it got too much but Adam rarely got to enjoy having friends around when he was growing up because of the toxic nature of his parent's marriage so he was determined that his kids would enjoy what he never had the chance to experience.
"What happened?" He was trying to stay calm but it was impossible and didn't even really know how he got here. "Polly talked to her last night. She was fine."
"She took some pills, they didn't find her in time. What do you mean Polly talked to her?" This was news to Kim and she hoped like hell there was nothing in that conversation that caused this or even hinted at it and Polly missed it. She didn't need her blaming herself.
"Last night, Abbey called her and they talked for ages."
"Did Polly say anything was wrong?"
"No, nothing." Sam was hopping from foot to foot and looked anxious; he just wanted to see Polly.
Kim could tell that he really didn't want to be here talking to her and squeezed his hand. "We'll talk about it later. Why don't you go up and see Polly. I think they are in our room still."
Polly didn't even move when Sam knocked on the half open door, she was curled up against her Dad on the bed. The tears had subsided now that the shock was kicking in. Adam motioned for him to come in. "Pol, Sweetheart. Sam's here to see you." He whispered and Polly took one look at him and the tears flooded out of her again.
Adam eased himself out of her grasp and let Sam slide in. He patted him on the shoulder and left them to it. Polly needed all the support she could get right now and she needed to know who was there for her and who was in her corner and as much as he wanted to stay with Polly he felt like he needed to talk to Kim and then they needed to decide how to tell Angus.
It was easy for Sam to ignore how weird it felt to be in her parents room while he had Polly clinging to him, grasping at handfuls of his shirt as he held on while her body shook with sobs. He just kept whispering in her ear, telling her how much he loved her because he didn't know what else to do, he had no idea what to say.
"How's Polly?" Adam went in search of Kim. He could hear her downstairs moving about in the kitchen. Angus would be up soon ready for school but it was barely 7am so he was happy to let him sleep for another half hour.
"Oh, I have no idea. She'd stopped crying for a bit but didn't really say anything. As soon as she saw Sam though it started again. You called him?" Kim couldn't quite figure out if he was annoyed or not?
"I did. I thought he could help her. You know how much she loves him." Adam muttered something that Kim couldn't quite understand as he ferretted around for a clean coffee mug. "I thought Polly would want him here."
"No, it's fine." He waved his hand in the air. "I am just thinking that's all."
"About what?"
"Everything. Everything single god damn thing." He slammed the mug down on the bench and it made Kim jumped. "Everything fucking moment of all this." Again he waved his hands around but he was now more agitated. "I am worried we haven't got it right."
"What do you mean haven't got it right?"
"With Polly." He grabbed the mug again and Kim noticed his hand was shaking as he tried to fill it. "I am worried we haven't prepared her for this. That she thought everything was okay with Abbey when you and I both know this was always on the cards. That weekend Polly came away thinking Abbey was fine, you know what that was all about. She'd already made her decision and she was at peace with it. That weekend was a farewell and we let Pol walk right into it."
Kim took the pot from his hands and finished pouring his coffee. The way he was going it was going to end up all over the bench and himself. "Do you know that Polly talked to Abbey last night according to Sam."
"What? When?"
"While she was there for dinner I assume. He didn't say much but he said they talked for a while and that Polly didn't say anything was wrong."
"Fuck." He had exactly the same thoughts as Kim. Did Polly know something and was she going to blame herself for all this? "We should have talked to her."
"Adam, Baby. I am not sure we could have done much else." Kim rubbed his back. He was hurtling towards the edge and Kim was hoping that she could stop him with a touch, often that was all it took but they'd never been in this situation before.
"No, you don't think talking to Polly and saying Hey sweetheart I know Abbey seems really great right now but just remember things are still really hard for her and she might have bad days and slip backwards, might have helped?"
"Do you think Polly would have listened?"
"I don't know but I wish we'd tried." Adam gripped the edge of the bench and Kim could see the whiteness of his knuckles. "I am scared Darlin'. I'm terrified about what this is going to do to Polly."
He jumped when Kim tried to move him and get in front of him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and held on until he relented and let go of the bench and held onto her instead. "I am too."
"All I want to do is keep them both here..." He clutched his chest. "...here where I can keep them safe. I don't want them to grow up, I don't want them to ever feel like they can't talk to us, I don't want them to feel that everything is so bad that there is no way out. They're my children Kim; I can't lose them. It would kill me." He was trembling in her arms and Kim hung onto him for dear life.
"Baby, I know."
"What do we do?"
"We love them."
"Murray loved his girl, he loved Abbey and that didn't stop this happening to them. What if it's not enough? What if loving them doesn't save them?" He let go of Kim and slid down the cupboards and sat on the floor, drawing his knees up to his chest he let out an almighty sob. Kim was on her knees in front of him, cradling his head.
"Let it out Baby."
"I can't breathe." He gasped for air. "I can't breathe."
"Adam, Baby look at me." Kim was starting to panic, Adam was spinning, he rarely got like this and it scared the crap out of her. "Adam, please." She begged. When he did lift his head she smothered his face with kisses. "Baby, stay with me, I love you, please Baby. I need you." Slowly he started to breathe again and he grabbed Kim's arms, perhaps a little tighter than he should have but she didn't care as long as he was here with her.
"Sorry." Kim's head shot up when she heard Sam's voice. Adam wiped his face and pushed himself up off the floor. They'd been sitting on the floor for a god knows how long.
"It's okay. Where's Pol?"
"She's coming, she just had a shower and is getting dressed." He had stood and watched her shower because she had still seemed so fragile and he hated every second of watching her standing alone in the shower crying while the water washed away her tears. Polly jumped a little when Sam reached in and put his hand on her arm. She'd zoned out and he could see she was starting to shake a little from the cold. He helped her out and dried her off but left her to get dressed and headed downstairs to wait when she said she just wanted a moment alone. Sam had been reluctant to leave her and Polly had appreciated him being there but she'd begged him for just a few minutes alone.
Sam looked like he wasn't sure whether to come in when he saw her parents or back out and head into the lounge to wait for Polly. "I'll wait in here." He pointed to the lounge.
"Come in. I'm just going to make some breakfast. You want some?" Kim chatted away while Adam splashed some water on his face at the kitchen sink. "How is Polly?"
"Not too bad, I think. She's…..I don't know." He finally admitted. He had no idea how she was doing because she hadn't said much. Sam had just held onto his girlfriend while she cried and then just lay with her in his arms for a while. "She wants to go to New York."
"Not happening." Adam growled.
Quite frankly Sam had no idea what he was doing or what he needed to do. He'd jumped in his car the moment Kim rang and all he wanted to do was see Polly. Now he was here he was at a loss at how to help her. She didn't talk and neither did he, there were a few muttered words; he told her he loved her but that was it. "I don't know what to do." He just kept absorbing the hits.
Kim handed him a cup of coffee and pulled up a chair next to him. Adam was leaning against he bench and he was a million miles away. "I think Polly just needs to know you are here. You don't have to do anything or say anything Sam, you're here." She rubbed his back. "She'll let us know what she wants and when she wants our help."
"What if she doesn't?" The physical pain in his voice shocked both of them. "She did that last time, she pushed everyone away. What if she does that again?" And he'd hated that but that was way before he was in as deep as he was now.
"Then we do what we did last time, we hang tough and keep telling her we love her." Kim tried to reassure him. "We don't let go."
"You said that Polly spoke to Abbey last night? Do you know what happened, what did they talk about?" While Adam spoke a little roughly he wasn't deliberately sounding pissed off he was just trying to piece everything together in his head. He wanted to figure out if they missed anything.
"She did. It was early and they were on the phone for a while. Polly seemed really happy; she said that Abbey was coming back to Chicago soon for a visit. She was pretty excited. Apparently she was going out for dinner with her Dad and his partner, Rachel is it?" Sam was a bit hazy on some of the details. "I know Polly was okay after that. She didn't say anything was wrong and I didn't get the sense that Polly was worried about anything but we didn't really talk about it. Do you think something happened at dinner?"
"Probably not Sam. Its something that happens a lot unfortunately, the person, Abbey in this case seems really happy because they are content. They've made their decision and they are at peace with it. That phone call to Polly was her goodbye. I don't think it was a rash decision on her part." They had seen this all too often and Kim had to agree with Adam's reading of the whole tragic situation.
"That's so fucked up." He paused for a moment because he had never sworn in front of Polly's parents even though he had heard them, particularly Adam curse more than once. They didn't even flinch. "So, you think she had a nice dinner with her folks, said goodnight and then did that? Then took those pills? Last time she sent Polly a message, why didn't she do that this time?"
"Because last time she wanted help, this time she didn't." And as harsh as that sounded it was the truth. Abbey didn't want help, she wanted out.
Adam jumped when his phone rang and took one look at the number and disappeared outside with his coffee. He was still outside when Polly came down and Kim thought it was sweet how Sam was at Polly's side the moment she came downstairs. They'd been lucky that her first love hadn't been a disaster so far.
"Where's Dad?"
"Just on the phone." Kim offered her some of the bagels she was toasting but she was happy with a cup of tea. Kim's mother hen mode had kicked back in, she was going to spend the next few days fussing over everyone and not looking after herself. At some point Adam was going to get annoyed with her and force her to stop, sit and take care of herself too. She'd get shitty with him, he'd tell her that he loved her and they'd move on. It was definitely a pattern and at times like this, almost comforting.
"Can I go to New York, I want to see Abbey." Polly was running her finger around the rim of her mug. She was leaning on Sam just a little but it broke Kim's heart to see how desperately sad her daughter was.
"We'll talk about that when your Dad comes in."
"I know he won't let me go."
"Polly, just wait for Dad okay?"
"You're not going to let me go to New York are you?" She practically yelled at Adam as soon as he walked back into the kitchen, he hadn't even had the chance to speak. This was his greatest fear; he didn't want Polly to hate him again.
"No."
"Why not?" Polly flew out of her chair and ran at Adam, fortunately he was strong enough and quick enough to grab hold of her arms to stop her hitting him. "I want to see Abbey. You can't stop me."
"Polly. Just listen to me." She was still thrashing about in his arms. Kim was beside Adam trying to get her to calm down and Sam was sitting at the table looking a little stunned as he watched it all unfold. "Polly, Abbey's coming home. Her Dad is bringing her home to Chicago. He wants her to be buried here, okay?"
That had been what the phone call was about. Murray was telling Adam about the arrangements they were making and he wanted to check up on Polly. Adam told him not to worry about Polly, that they were taking care of her and that he needed to do whatever he had to do for Abbey. Worrying about Polly though was giving Murray something else to think about. Her mother apparently had gone into a catatonic state and was basically denying it and accused Murray of lying to keep Abbey away from her.
"When?"
"In a couple of days. I am not going to stop you from seeing her if that's what you really want but sweetheart you need to really think about it." She'd stopped fighting against him but she was holding him at arms length. "Once you see Abbey you can never get the image out of your head. Think about how you want to remember Abbey. Perhaps you want to remember New York? That was such a beautiful weekend for you and Abbey and you were both so happy."
Eventually she nodded and Adam leant forward and kissed her forehead. "I love you so much Polly. Anything you want, anything at all just let us know. Me, your Mom or Sam, just tell us, okay?"
Polly turned back to Sam and beckoned him to follow her. He sat motionless for just a moment, looking at Adam until he indicated with his head that Sam could go. Polly had gone outside; she suddenly needed some fresh air and she felt like she was suffocating inside the house. As she stepped out the door she took a big gulp of air and turned when she felt Sam's hand snake around her waist and he caught her when her knees buckled.
Reluctantly Adam trudged upstairs to wake up Angus, Kim wanted to stick close to Polly even though Sam was there for her. "Hey Bud." For the second time today he had to tell his child about the suicide of someone close to them. The unmistakable smell of teenage boy hit him between the eyes as soon as he opened his door. Kim often complained about it, it was foul. He went over a cracked the window to at least get some fresh air and he could understand why Kim was so pedantic about getting Gus to open his window.
He sat on the edge of his bed and waited until he at least looked half awake. "What's up?"
"This morning we got a phone call from Abbey's Dad in New York."
"She's not okay is she?" Adam asked him what made him say that. "The look on your face Dad."
"Angus, Abbey died this morning."
"Did she kill herself?" Adam was a little surprised by Gus' blunt question.
"Yes Gus she did."
"Is Polly okay?" His son's concern for his sister was touching. They often talked about how much their kids actually seemed to like each other; especially now they were older and they really liked that. Kim was close to her sister but Adam had been an only child and he really wanted his kids to be more like their mother growing up than him; he wanted them to like each other, rely on each other and support each other. There had been times when they fought like rats in a sack but they were pretty good now. With everything that had gone on lately they seemed to have grown a little closer.
Gus liked Abbey, he really did and hated what happened to her but he loved his sister more than anything and seeing how upset Polly was had stressed Angus out. "Dad, I don't want Polly to die." He burst into tears and Adam was a little stunned, he'd seemed so indifferent throughout the past few months. He obviously cared but his mind just didn't process it in the same way someone older would and he'd kept a lot of it buried inside and when they had tried to talk to Gus about it he would tell him he was okay.
"Polly is not going to die Gus." Adam held him tightly, it was not often that Gus wanted to be hugged but right now he was clinging to his Dad as he sobbed his heart out. Adam cried with him, seeing his kids so heartbroken was devastating for him. "Polly's okay, she's really upset about Abbey and it's been a little rough that's for sure but she's not going to hurt herself."
"Are you sure?" Was Adam sure? Could you ever be totally sure? Probably not. It was his worst nightmare but he wasn't going to let his mind go there, he couldn't and he certainly didn't want Gus to worry about things like that.
"Gus, we all love Polly, I love how worried you are about your sister and we are going to pick her up and bring her with us. You, me, Mom and Sam, we are not letting Polly fall behind. She's our girl and she'd not going anywhere."
He sat with him for a while and they talked about Abbey and what happened, why she felt like this was the only option and he made Gus promise that if he ever thought that Polly wasn't doing well or said something that worried him he would tell him. He also made sure Gus knew that it was the same for him too; there was nothing he couldn't talk to them about, ever. Now wasn't the time to keep secrets but he did promise not to tell his mother what he said about Polly.
Gus didn't want to upset his Mom and when Adam sensed he was getting more agitated he assured him that he wouldn't say a word and they made a deal. Adam wouldn't say anything to Kim and Gus would talk to him if he felt Polly was on the edge or if he felt he wasn't coping.
Adam decided to let him stay home from school, Gus wanted to go because he couldn't handle the sadness in the house but it was already getting too late but he did spend most of the day in his room. Adam wanted to keep and eye on him too, he didn't let on to Kim the reason why and even when she talked to Angus he said nothing. It was a conversation between the two of them and Gus appreciated that his Dad had kept it to himself and for now Adam was going to keep it that way. He couldn't break his trust because that had the potential of pushing Gus further away and if he was struggling he'd be less likely to come to him if he didn't trust him. He felt like one spark could burn this whole house down.
It had been a long day Polly had wanted to see Abbey's Mom but she wasn't taking any calls and finally her sister called Kim and told her that it might be better to leave it a day or two. Isaac and Chloe came to visit and a few other friends stopped by once the word got out but Polly just drifted through the day in a daze.
She didn't eat much or talk and spent most of the night in her room with Sam. Angus basically took himself to bed early, no doubt playing some computer game for a few hours just to get away from the sombre mood that was invading their house. Everyone just did what they needed to do to get through.
It was late when Sam came down. "Polly's asleep." He found her parents in the lounge. Adam was lying with his head on a cushion in Kim's lap. "I'm going to take off and I'll be back in the morning, is that ok?"
"Why don't you stay Sam?" Everyone was surprised by Adam's offer.
"Umm." He jiggled his keys nervously.
"Sam, I don't care about anything other than what's going on with Polly right now. I think she'd like to wake up and not be alone."
"I can sleep on the floor."
"Yeah right." He scoffed. "I think we all know that's not going to happen but thanks for offering. Call your parents."
"Okay." He turned back towards the stairs, desperate to get back to Polly. He'd stayed with her for as long as he could. Polly had asked him not to go but he told her that he'd be back first thing. The last thing he wanted to do was leave her alone so he promised to stay until she fell asleep and then dozed off himself for a little while before creeping out without waking her. They hadn't spent a whole night together yet though it was something that they both wanted to happen, not like this though. They had talked about it, going away for a weekend although Polly wasn't sure her parents would let her just yet and she hadn't had the courage to ask them.
Suddenly though he came back and sat on the edge of the couch. His hands were clasped tightly together and he bounced his legs nervously. "Just so you know, Polly and I just went through all her messages from Abbey. She was worried that she missed something." Polly had insisted that Sam read them too. He had discussed the possibility with her Dad in the brief few minutes he wasn't with Polly through the day but they knew it would be foolish to read her phone without her permission and that it would likely be pushing her too hard too soon. Sam was surprised when she started showing them to him and asking him to decipher them and reassure her that she hadn't missed anything.
Adam sat up a little straighter. "And?"
"There was nothing. Polly doesn't understand why there was nothing different in anything she said or did. She asked me what I thought about every single message she'd received from Abbey since she'd seen her in New York. There were a lot of messages."
Sam had started to worry when Polly started showing him; she seemed a little obsessed with them. Even the simple ones; like good night. She would ask Sam what he made of that. When he tried to tell her it was nothing she started getting agitated so he just let her go and they painstakingly went through every single one of them.
"She was okay? She was okay with you seeing them?"
"Polly wanted me to read them. I think she just wanted someone to look over them and make sure she didn't miss anything. She's okay, she's devastated but I think she's doing okay. She's trying to make sense of it all and she's not blaming herself."
Adam thanked him. "Night, Sam." He indicated with his head that he could go. "And Sam." Adam waited until he stopped and looked back at them. "Try not to break the furniture."
"I'll do my best." He threw him a little salute.
"Why'd you do that?" Kim asked him as soon as Sam disappeared.
"Because Polly needs him. Look at what she's telling him, she would never let us read those messages."
"So this is because you want to use him to get information out of Polly."
"Yes." Adam told her honestly "Don't you want to know what's going on in her head right now?"
"Of course I do."
"She wasn't sitting down here showing them to us, she hasn't really talked to us all day but she is talking to Sam. I want to know before she falls, not after."
"Perhaps if Sam wasn't here she would talk to us."
Adam was surprised Kim was thinking like that. He was pretty sure that Polly wasn't interested in opening up to them. Sam was the closest person to her and whether they wanted to admit that to each other or not they had become extraordinarily close over the past few months and Sam was the person their daughter relied on more than anyone. "No she wouldn't and you know it. Kim, she's not our baby anymore, the only way we are going to help her right now is to be here and realise that it's not our arms that she needs right now. I never thought I'd say it but Polly needs Sam to stay with her tonight." He stood up and pulled her up off the couch. "Could you imagine not waking up together?" Kim stayed close to him all the way up the stairs and as they climbed into bed. No, she couldn't imagine him not being here.
"I thought you'd gone?" Polly was surprised when Sam came back into her room. He sat on the edge of her bed and rested a hand on her hip and waited until she opened her eyes.
"I did, but I am back."
"My Dad will kill you."
Sam leant forward and whispered in her ear after pressing a soft kiss to her temple. "Your Dad told me to stay. Do you want me too? I want to be here for you."
"Yes." Her hand shot out from under her duvet and grabbed his arm. "Please stay with me." Sam seriously didn't think she had any more tears in her but she did.
"Please don't cry Baby." He hated this; he never thought seeing someone else's tears could be so painful. He stripped off quickly down to his boxers and climbed into bed. His heart was thudding in his chest. He'd waited for this day, when he could wake up next to her; he just wished it wasn't like this. Polly curled into a ball and Sam wrapped himself around her tightly. "Sleep Baby." He whispered. "I love you."
When he woke she was still there, still curled in a ball and tucked under his arm. He felt her shift a little and Sam buried his face into her hair. "I'm glad you are here." Polly rolled over in his arms so that she was facing him. It had been a restless night and Sam had woken every time Polly tossed and turned and he'd talked to her a few times, telling her he loved her and that she just needed to breathe and sometime in the early hours she fell into a deep sleep with Sam holding her tightly.
"So am I."
"I know this is stupid to ask, but how are you?"
She looked up at him and he was perfect. His hair was messy, he looked sleepy but still handsome and he had his hand tangled in her hair as he rubbed his thumb along the side of his face. Tears bubbled along her lower eyelids and spilled down her cheeks and Sam pulled her tight against his chest and let her tears trickle over him. "My heart feels broken."