Contributed by Hangwind on SpaceBattles
The Beast of Brockton Bay (affectionate parody of The Beast of Pirate's Bay)
Gather weary travelers,
I have a tale to tell.
It might just save your lives but only if you listen well.
'Cause there before the breakers
And just around the way,
There's a sign that says,
"Beware The Beast of Brockton Bay!"
Some say she's a guppy a kid threw in the sea.
She ate so many Nazis, now she's bigger than a tree.
Her teeth are sharp as scissors
Her claws, they are like knives.
And if you think she's ugly, wait 'til you see her insides!
(Chorus)
Oh, don't you steal and don't you fight and certainly don't murder,
'Cause if you aren't careful you'll end up inside of her.
She'll eat you up, she'll spit you out. You'd better stay away.
Heed the sign that says, "Beware the Beast of Brockton Bay!"
Some say she's a serpent that came straight from hell,
She came to eat the souls of Merchants and other ne'er-do-wells.
Some they don't believe it, as for me I've got a hunch.
'Cause they used to have some pushers here,
But she ate them all for lunch!
(Chorus)
Oh, don't you steal and don't you fight and certainly don't murder,
'Cause if you aren't careful you'll end up inside of her.
She'll eat you up, she'll spit you out. You'd better stay away.
Heed the sign that says, "Beware the Beast of Brockton Bay!"
Well, old Hookwolf, you've heard of him, he came to Brockton Bay.
It seems his lizard nemesis had found a place to stay.
He charged into the union to grab at Saurial.
There was a crunch and a splash!
And now that metal nazi is scared of Ariel!
(Chorus)
Oh, don't you steal and don't you fight and certainly don't murder,
'Cause if you aren't careful you'll end up inside of her.
She'll eat you up, she'll spit you out. You'd better stay away.
Heed the sign that says, "Beware the Beast of Brockton Bay!"
Well, Lung the Yakuza, you know for what he's jeered.
It's mostly for the fear and terror whenever Kaiju rears.
He saw the beast and now nobody's scared of him because,
His growth just stops as she slanders,
And calls him a Salamander.
(Chorus)
Oh, don't you steal and don't you fight and certainly don't murder,
'Cause if you aren't careful you'll end up inside of her.
She'll eat you up, she'll spit you out. You'd better stay away.
Heed the sign that says, "Beware the Beast of Brockton Bay!"
Well, now the tavern's empty and there's only you and me.
And if you care I'd like to share how this song came to be.
So come a little closer if you really want to know.
This very sad and woeful tale happened so long ago.
Well, I was just a little girl here in Brockton Bay
When I was locked in my locker and was very much dismayed.
With a tampon in his open sore and no sound or light inside,
I was ready to give up everything and I began to cry.
I pushed and I shoved, but it wouldn't give way
The only working lock in all of Brockton Bay.
Then a demon possessed me and my problems went away.
So I gave an ultimatum then, "Beware The Beast of Brockton Bay!"
And what did I say?
Oh, don't you steal and don't you fight and certainly don't murder,
'Cause if you aren't careful you'll end up inside of her.
She'll eat you up, she'll spit you out. You'd better stay away.
Heed the sign that says, "Beware."
Hell I should know, I put it there!
Heed the sign that says, "Beware the Beast of Brockton Bay!"