Josie's twenty first birthday was huge event for all of them. Josie could finally drink now in front of her parents and she took advantage of it few times during the dinner. Caroline and Rick took girls and MG to dinner to celebrate their birthday. Penelope was a bit late because she was coming from work. As the time went by and the birthday and merge were coming closer she was looking for refuge in her work. Penelope was making progress at school and at the office where she was intern. Josie was not happy that she was missing the dinner but she understood that Penelope's work was also something very important…and a crutch for the time when she would not be there. Penelope got there just in time for the cake. As she was entering the restaurant, they got the cake out. She gave Josie quick peck on the lips and smiled.

''Happy birthday babe.''

''Thank you… I was afraid you wouldn't make it.''

''So was I…''

Josie made a wish and blew the candles and after her Lizzie blew hers. After Lizzie blew her candles, MG got down on one knee and asked her to marry him. She said yes and everyone cheered. Penelope clapped, but felt a bit surprised that she said yes. She was not under impression that she loved him enough to marry him. She believed she had some feelings for him, but not the ones that should be cause to marry someone. Lizzie got a nice ring, but nothing could compare to rocks Josei and Penelope were rocking. Lizzie was showing ring to everyone and all of them were happy for her. Alaric was looking at Lizzie and he raised the glass.

''Well, congratulations…. I am happy for you two.''

Caroline took her glass and wished them all the best. Josie was also happy for them but Penelope was silent. When they got home Josie asked her about it.

''You are not happy Lizzie and MG are getting married…''

''I don't think she loves him.''

''She cares…''

''But is that enough to marry someone?''

Josie was a bit silent.

''I think she is scared…''

''Of what?''

''Next year.''

Penelope took a seat beside her wife and took her hand.

''We all are frightened of what would happen.''

''I think she wants to get married…To experience it… to live that day and all the excitement…in case she…''

Penelope understood. But she was angry for some unknown reason… She knew the reason… Josie's comment was pointing out again that she will be the one letting Lizzie live. And Penelope choose to ignore it for now. She was not in a mood to argue… She hoped to have next few months with Josie just to be happy.

''I wanted to talk to you about something…''

Penelope was sure where this was going.

''You want to try again…''

''Penelope… We can do it.''

''Josie…''

''Please… It might be our last chance.''

''I lost two pregnancies… I am not ready… I am scared.''

''I am scared too… But I want to experience it with you.''

''Jojo…. Please… Let it be my birthday present.''

''I already got you one.''

''Please Penny…''

''Ok… We can try… ''

Josie kissed her wife and took her to bedroom. She started stripping Penelope and kissing her neck collarbone and sliding her very tight dress to the floor.

''I believe it's your birthday… You should be pampered.''

''Shhh… Let me enjoy one of the best gifts life has given me.''

''And what would that be?''

''My wife… My gorgeous, sexy, smart, posh wife.''

''Flatering will get you everywhere my love.''

''I know.''

''I love your vanity…''

''I love you too Jojo.''

They made love for the most of the night and in the morning Penelope woke up to breakfast in bed and news that she and Josie had appointment at their fertility doctor.

''You really don't waste any time Jojo?''

''I can't risk you changing your mind.''

''Penelope was not happy about this. She and Josie spent most of the day enjoying time together at home and in the afternoon they were at the clinic. Doctor did some checkups on Penelope and told them to come next month to try the insemination. He gave instructions to Penelope what hormones to take to incise their chances and Josie was taking notes with a lot of enthusiasm. Penelope was not really sure about this. She was doing this for Josie.

Few days later Hope came to their house for dinner and a movie. Penelope was coming home from work and Josie was already with Hope talking about all the things the other girl missed. She told her about MG and Lizzie, her getting a new job, her and Penelope trying for a baby and Hope just listened. Penelope got in and Josie got up from the sofa.

''Hello wife…''

She gave her a peck and helped her take off her coat.

''Hey babe… How are you?''

''Hope came already and I was catching her up to speed.''

''Oh…''

''Yes.''

''Now since you are home, we can talk about what we want for dinner?''

''You diddn't cook?''

''I was lazy…''

''Pizza?''

''Sure… Where from?''

''How about that place by the lake you love?''

''Delivery will take forever.''

''Well, order it and go and pick it up.''

''That is such a good idea babe.''

''I know.''

She picked up her keys and left the house. Hope followed Penelope to the bedroom and took a seat on their bed.

''New baby? Wow!''

''Yes.''

''You don't sound happy.''

''I am not.''

''Why? I was undrer impression that this is what you want?''

''I do not…''

''Why?''

''Because we both know it would be me raising a baby alone.''

''You don't know that…''

''I don't? She has been saying good bye to me for five years now… I do know Hope... All I know is that since we got married, she has been preparing us for the day she will die…And she is obsessed with me getting pregnant so I don't hurt myself after she dies.''

''You don't know if she would die.''

''Hope, I love her, but I am not an idiot… I've known it since Paris… Since before wedding. Josie can't hide many things from me… I know her…''

''So, you don't want the baby?''

''Not until the merge passes…''

''But you are taking the meds and all?''

''I am, but I hope it would not work… I am not ready to have her baby alone… That baby is her dream… Not mine.''

''Penelope, you have to tell her.''

''How?! How can I tell her that I don't want it? It's all she has been talking about for years? Tell me Hope, how do I tell my wife who has one year of life that I don't want to get pregnant?''

''I don't know.''

''Well, neither do I…''

Penelope took a seat on the bed and started crying.

''It breaks my heart that I don't want it… But I can't have her baby without her. How can I look that baby some day and tell them that their mom wanted them so much and didn't get the chance to be their mom…because their aunt killed her?''

''Well, you can leave out the aunt part… Kids should not have resentment.''

''If she kills Josie, none of them will see my kid…''

''You can't do that Penelope.''

''Watch me Hope! If Josie dies, and I have the baby… Her funeral is the las they will see of me and the baby.''

''You are not being rational. That baby is the only thing they have left of her.''

''Well, too bad… She didn't have to die… There are two of them.''

''Josie would never do that to Lizzie.''

''Yes, and we all know that Lizzie would do it to her.''

''You are being too harsh on Lizzie.''

''Oh, no I am not…''

''It's not easy for her too.''

''Hope, I am too tired of thinking how the rest of the fucking world is feeling. I want to focus on how I am feeling because I will have to burry my wife in a year… So, let's not talk about it anymore…''

She got up and opened her side of the closet. Hope could see a lot of black, navy and dark purple suits, dresses and things at Penelope's side. Josie's was the one with vivid colors. Also Penelope had some pretty drop dead shoes in black, navy or dark purple…to match the clothes.

'' Good thing I have plenty of black outfits. My widow's weeds is on point.''

''Don't talk like that. Josie could hear you.''

Penelope didn't respond. She just went to her side of the closet and changed into yoga pants and top.

''Let's go back to the living room… Josie will be home soon.''

They had no idea that Josie actually didn't even leave the home. She forgot the money so she came back and heard their entire exchange. She sneaked out of the house and got into the car. As soon as she closed the door she started weeping. She had no idea Penelope felt like that…and that she already knew what she decided to do. Now, game sort of changed… Their deepest secrets were out…Josie's that she will die and Penelope's that she doesn't want the baby without Josie in the picture.