Adventures in Interpolation (By Blaflaix)
[Interpolation] guessed things were looking up.
No wait, [Interpolation] interpolated that things were looking up.
That sounded much better, especially because all the other shards insisted on calling [Interpolation] the [Wild-Ass Guess] shard.
But that would change soon!
For a long time [Interpolation] had a problem.
It would take a host, and tell the host all sorts of useful (guesses) interpolations.
Like who was sleeping with the boss, or exactly how much excrement was on the eating utensil... useful stuff!
The host would get grumpy, and then achy, and then smug because knowledge is power.
Then everyone around the host would get angry and excited, and attack the host... and [Interpolation] would tell the host exactly how much it was going to hurt, because punches to the face are also power.
Then things would get exciting.
[Interpolation] went through a lot of hosts.
[Interpolation] had tried to help, it had gone looking for a buddy shard to maybe share a host, but everybody said they didn't want [Nuclear Winter] shard combined with [Wild-Ass Guess] shard.
[Interpolation] had even asked the [Make Nature Cry] shard for help, but [Make Nature Cry] said "no, I only heal, go away [Wild-Ass Guess] shard!"
And then when [Interpolation] had offered a few perfectly innocent (guesses) interpolations [Make Nature Cry] shard accused [Interpolation] of being a liar and made [Interpolation]'s host pain receptors turn on all the way.
That hurt so much [Interpolation] felt it.
It also proved that [Make Nature Cry] would better be called [Healing Hypocrite] shard.
But this cycle was different!
[Interpolation]'s host was the smuggest of any host [Interpolation] ever had!
And aside from a brief encounter with [Grow Big And Eat You] shard, remarkably good at avoiding pain!
And it was worth it, because then the host encountered something interesting.
So interesting, that [Interpolation] could barely make any (guesses) interpolations at all!
So interesting it even made [Make Nature Cry] shard live up to its name!
Even better, the interesting thing made the [Make Nature Cry] host friends with the [Interpolation] host and it gave [Interpolation]'s host a gift!
A gift with armor, and claws, and fangs, and zappy-hands!
[Interpolation] looked at the demon-dragon-dinosaur-abomination suit and smiled.
It would show them, it would show them all!
Because [Interpolation] had learned the greatest truth of the universe... wattage is power.