"Excuse me."
Mitch ignored the voice, engaged as he was in talking to his friends. "So, in the end I temp banned the bastard for a month," he chuckled. "Teach him to talk back to me. That's not what the forum's for."
"But he didn't break the rules, right?" John asked, looking a little puzzled. "I remember that, he was technically in the right..."
Mitch shrugged. "Rules lawyers piss me off. That's not what the community I want needs. People should be able to work that out."
"So you're working on the basis that people should do what you think they should, not what you told them was OK, explicitly or implicitly?" Anne fixed him with a stare. "Isn't that a bit hypocritical? Changing the rules after the fact then penalizing your users for it? Or enforcing the rules differently depending on whether you like them or not?"
"My forum, my rules," he smiled. "If they don't like it they can fuck off."
"And you wonder why people get annoyed with you," she sighed. "Mitch, you're a decent guy in some respects, but you're an arrogant prick in others."
He glared at the woman. She was John's wife, which was the only reason he really knew her, and she was far too acerbic for his liking. Smart, true, but critical.
"I'm trying to make my site the best it can be," he snapped. "Certain types of people don't seem to get it. It's not a place for idle chatter, they can go somewhere else if they want to swap pointless details of their lives. Facebook, whatever, I don't care."
She looked at John, then back at him, before shaking her head. "Interesting concept of community. And of idle chatter, in a way."
"Excuse me?"
Again he ignored the voice from behind him. "Look, I have a very specific goal, and people need to understand that," he said, as usual getting irate at the woman's comments. She always managed to push his buttons. "That's why the rules. And why we enforce them."
"Intermittently, and inconsistently," she pointed out in mild tones. "I've seen the complaints. Some of them are valid. If you want people to follow rules, you need to be fair about it, and punishing people for violating something that's actually allowed by those rules just because you don't like them, or didn't think of that loophole, is a little excessive. Warn them if they're genuinely being disruptive, fair enough, but you always go overboard."
"It's the spirit of the thing," he growled. "Picking at loopholes is a violation of the whole idea behind the board."
"Your hobby is running a superhero games forum for geeks and fantasy nerds, full of armchair warriors, fanfiction authors, and monomaniacal gamer types, and you're surprised that they actively look for loopholes?" she asked with some incredulity. "What did you think was going to happen?"
Beside her, John was grinning widely. He always found it funny when his wife went off like this.
"Excuse me!" the voice said for the third time, sounding annoyed now. Steaming, he whirled around to glare at the young woman standing behind him.
"What!?" he nearly shouted. "What do you want?"
"Can you move out of the way, please?" she asked, fairly politely, but with a small frown. "You're standing right in the middle of the corridor and I want to get to that stall over there. You're blocking access."
"Oh, well, I'm very sorry, Miss," he said with heavy sarcasm. "Far be it from me to block access to a stupid collection of badly made fantasy props, most of which are from books that the public inexplicably likes even though they're trite and derivative reworks of the classics. Please, forgive me." He stepped to the side and waved the woman towards the stand she was interested in with enormous sarcasm. "Does the Princess require anything else from this humble servant?"
He heard Ann sigh, and saw John put a hand on his face for a moment.
"Do you always have to act like this, Mitch?" his friend said.
"I have no idea what you're talking about, John," he said over his shoulder. "I was merely bowing to the wishes of this young lady, who is clearly more important than I am and has things to do."
He turned back to the brunette, who was watching him with an eyebrow raised and an unimpressed expression, looking her up and down and noting the leather outfit, and the lizard-like tail attached to her rear. "Not that I have any idea what you're meant to be dressed up as, or care. Cosplayers are weird. Well? There you go."
Mitch waved at the stand again.
"Obviously, I'm a combat witch from a different parallel universe," she commented calmly. "You seem to be both rather rude, and somewhat overexcited." Her English accent made the words sound disapproving even though her face didn't change. "This is a place for people to enjoy themselves. Can I politely suggest that you might want to give that a try?"
He went red, his fists clenching. "Do you have any idea who I am?" he gritted.
"No. None whatsoever. Neither do I have any interest." She smiled at him, still looking mildly annoyed under the expression. "All I really want to do is look over that stall. Thank you for moving." She walked forward, stopping when he deliberately blocked her path again. Leaning down from his six and a half foot height to something closer to her five foot seven or so, he glared at her.
"Is there a problem?" she asked.
"Yes. I don't like you."
"You don't like most people, Mitch," John sighed from behind him. The woman glanced past him, then smiled brilliantly.
"I expect the feeling is mutual, for good reasons," she said. Anne muffled a giggle, while he heard John make the little snort he did when he was trying not to laugh.
He clenched his fists harder, trying to control his temper, which was being justifiably tried by the attitude of this woman. Reaching up, he tapped the con ID badge on his chest with a finger. "I am the co-owner of one of the companies sponsoring this event, a company that publishes several very popular video games and turns over nearly eight hundred million dollars a year," he snarled. He pointed over her shoulder to where his stand, which filled a significant portion of the center of the main hall, could be seen a few aisles away, the red and black logo on a rotating sign sticking twenty feet in the air matching the one on his badge. She followed the finger with her gaze, then looked back to him with a raised eyebrow.
"You are merely a lowly visitor, dressed in a silly costume made of fake leather with a stuffed tail sticking out of her ass. Do you have any idea how stupid you look? Why the hell people like you bother to spend money on idiotic costumes is beyond me. Fantasy nerds are the worst. I can have you thrown out of here by security with one call, so watch your mouth."
"I know someone who was a lot like you in school," she remarked after a long pause, their little group somehow isolated in the midst of the heaving crowds. Her eyes had narrowed slightly as he spoke, now radiating a certain amount of irritation. "It took him years to grow up, and while I'll never like him, to his credit he did at least mostly manage it. I fear you may not have achieved the same. Please get out of my way."
Mitch raised his hand almost without thinking. She caught his wrist before it had moved more than a few inches, her grip insanely strong. Her other hand was suddenly holding the wooden stick that had been in some sort of mechanism strapped to her right forearm, the thing flicking it out on a spring or something. "I'm sorry, were you thinking of striking me?" she asked sweetly. "Merely because you felt insulted?"
"Let go," he growled.
"When you stop trying to hit me, I will," she replied. "Honestly, Americans." The woman shook her head a little sadly.
John put his hand on Mitch's shoulder, pulling him back. "Mitch, drop it. She didn't do anything wrong. Remember what happened last time, you don't need the publicity."
Breathing heavily, Mitch pulled his shoulder out of his friend's grasp with a jerk, but lowered his hand. The woman let go immediately. He was puzzled about how strong she was. "Thank you," she said, the stick retracting as she let go of it. "Now, if you don't mind, I still would like to look at that stall."
With ill grace, and a helping hand from John on his elbow, he stepped to the side. She moved past with a nod, heading for the stall in question, the proprietor of which was watching them with a slight grin. Unable to help himself, as she passed he raised a foot and placed it on the end of her costume's tail, hoping that it would get pulled off. It was a childish move, he knew that even as he did it, but she really pissed him off. The accent, the costume, the overall attitude.
He was somewhat startled when he felt something a lot more solid under his foot than foam and rubber, and she stopped dead.
There was a pause.
"You are standing on the end of my tail," she said in a low voice. "Get off it, right now, or there's going to be trouble."
Amused at her response, and thinking that there must be an internal plastic structure to the costume accessory, he leaned on it, wondering if it would crack under his weight. The woman sighed, then made a gesture with her stick.
"I warned you," she said. Moments later the red and gold scaled appendage whipped out from under his foot, curved sideways, and returned with significant force to catch him right in the nuts.
He collapsed to his knees while both John and Anne gasped in shock. The woman turned around, her vicious smile making him worried even through the pain, but not as much as the sight of her tail, which he suddenly realized was not a costume part, moving fluidly around behind her.
"I don't know why you're being so aggressive, but I don't like it very much," she said pleasantly. The end of the stick she was holding was glowing faintly. "All I wanted to do was have a look at that stall, and you decided to make a bully of yourself. I don't like bullies." She shrugged slightly. "You're really lucky you didn't try the same thing on a friend of mine, she reacts very badly to them. Now, what to do with you?"
"What the hell are you?" he choked out, his entire lower abdomen aching horribly.
"I told you, I'm a combat witch from a parallel universe," the woman replied. "No one ever listens."
He looked around frantically, meeting the eyes of his two friends, who appeared extremely worried and very confused, then staggered to his feet. Still holding his groin. Opening his mouth, he yelled, "SECURITY!" at the top of his voice.
"No one can hear us," the brunette smiled. She held up the stick, which left a trail of light behind it as she moved it. All three of them gaped at it. "It's a simple spell."
Mitch turned around on the spot, seeing how everyone around them now appeared to be looking past that precise area, leaving them in a little bubble of clear space in the crowd. Not one person had reacted to his shout. "Oh, my god," he mumbled.
"That's an actual magic wand?" Anne managed to say. The woman glanced at her.
"It is," she nodded.
"And you're really a witch?"
"I am."
"And that's a real tail?"
"It is." The smile had grown. "And I don't particularly like it trodden on."
Anne and John exchanged glances. "What are you going to do?" the latter asked quietly.
Folding her arms, the wand drooping to the side, the woman tapped her fingers on her elbows. "There are so many possibilities," she mused idly. "I could curse him to only tell the truth. That's always rather funny. Or turn him into a woman, or an animal. Or a combination. That's also good for a laugh. Some people react very strangely..."
Mitch felt himself go as pale as the other two did. "No!" he wheezed, the pain still fairly intense.
"Or..." The witch fixed him with an intense look.
"Yes?" Anne said faintly as the pause dragged on.
"…he could apologize for deliberately standing on my tail."
Everyone stared, then relaxed as she grinned.
"For heaven's sake, I'm not going to curse anyone for a stupid little prank like that," she chuckled. "A good shot to the balls is more than enough."
Mitch gaped again, while Anne started laughing, although she still looked shocked. "Apologize?" he said.
"Yes. It's when you say sorry for being a bigger dick than normal," John commented. He was watching the self-declared witch with wide eyes. "I think it would be a very good idea to do it right now."
"I'm sorry for standing on your tail," Mitch gabbled. "Really sorry. Honest. It won't happen again."
"Apology accepted," the brunette woman smiled. "People don't like having their tails stepped on, for future reference." She glanced at the watch she had on her left wrist. "Just time to finish this row, then I need to meet my friends for something to eat. It was… interesting… meeting you all." She flicked her wand, then let it retract into the holder on her wrist. All three of them looked around and realized that people now seemed to be paying attention to them again. Mitch caught the eye of another cosplayer with a silver wig, who smirked at him slightly, nodded to the brunette past him, and moved on.
"I'm slightly sorry about the ballshot, but only slightly," the brunette said to him. "Considering you tried to hit me, after all. Anyway, let's leave that in the past. Enjoy the event. It's very good. I'll check out your stand later."
Smiling, she looked at Anne and John, then headed towards the stall she'd been aiming at to begin with, while they watched in disbelief. Soon she was engaged in discussion with the proprietor about a book, appearing relaxed and happy.
"Did… that really just happen?" Anne asked, moving to stand beside him. John was on her other side. "A real witch?"
"I think so," John said in a low voice. They watched the woman buy the book, then move off down the row of stalls. "Although I can't believe it."
"Should we do something?"
"What?" John looked at his wife, then Mitch, who was staring after the woman with the tail. "Who would believe us?"
"Not to mention it was this idiot here who started it," Anne sighed, jerking her thumb at Mitch.
"Hey..." he protested weakly.
"You did, and you know it," she grumbled. "Just like last time. You're really lucky that guy was only an ex-cop, all things considered."
Mitch sighed, but couldn't disagree.
"Maybe you'll learn not to get so worked up so quickly next time," Anne added. "Your temper is your biggest weak point."
They watched the woman vanish into the crowd, then turned with mutual wordless agreement and walked in the other direction. A little later, John said, "The thing I'm now wondering…" He glanced at them both, then looked around the crowd. "The thing I'm now wondering… is how many other visitors from… other places… there are here? I mean, we just met someone from a parallel universe!" His voice was barely audible over the crowd, none of whom were paying any attention at all. "Do you think there could be more?"
Anne and Mitch looked at each other, then at John, before peering around. Some way off down a side corridor, a girl in a fantastically detailed lizard costume met their eyes and smiled, before turning away.
"We never speak of this," Anne said five minutes later, when they were at the bar outside the conference hall, each with a bottle of beer.
Three bottles clinked together, then got drained. They sat and thought for a while, before heading back inside.
Mitch resolved to try to keep his temper under control from now on.
Just in case.
Especially considering how many oddly good costumes he kept spotting...