This came about due to a conversation on Sufficient Velocity taking my mind to stranger places than normal :)
Instructions for installation and use of Famtech™ Portable Abyss® Mass Disposal System, Version 1.2
Installation of Portable Abyss®
The Famtech™ Portable Abyss® Mass Disposal System should be installed in an area free from loose items, small children, pets, and eldritch artifacts of class 4 or above, unless fitted with EDM tethers.
A distance of 1 meter (approximately 39 inches) must be maintained between the Portable Abyss® Mass Disposal System input hopper and structural constructions of surrounding area.
Use of Portable Abyss®
Insert mass to be disposed of into hopper to marked line. When inward tug is felt, release mass. Mass will be pulled into hopper and permanently removed from universe.
Caution: Process will continue until input mass fully utilized. Ensure that mass is entirely disconnected from surroundings to prevent reality inversion.
Warnings and prohibited operations for Portable Abyss®
Warning: The Portable Abyss® Mass Disposal System is not designed to cope with more than fifteen giga-grams of mass per calendar day. Exceeding this limit may cause localized causality violations, intense Hawking radiation emission, and gravimetric anomalies in the ±240 G range. In the event that any of these symptoms occur, discontinue use immediately, evacuate the immediate vicinity of system if at all possible, and contact BBFO, LLC for further instructions.
Warning: If during operation of Portable Abyss® unusual scents, sounds, or tactile sensations are experienced, particularly if these symptoms persist when not in immediate vicinity of system, discontinue use immediately, evacuate the immediate vicinity of system if at all possible, and contact BBFO, LLC for further instructions.
Warning: If during operation of Portable Abyss® operator experiences unusual physical mutations, tentacularization, or tendency to chant rhythmically, discontinue use immediately, restrain operator if safe and possible, and contact BBFO, LLC for further instructions.
Danger: Do not stare into Portable Abyss®. Risk of Portable Abyss® returning stare, causing serious cognitive hazard.
Danger: Do not attempt to dispose of Portable Abyss® using second Portable Abyss®. Reality inversion likelihood will reach 98.34%. Unwanted Portable Abyss® Mass Disposal System can be removed by BBFO, LLC for nominal fee. Please contact BBFO, LLC for details of this service.
BBFO, LLC hopes that you find your new Famtech™ Portable Abyss® Mass Disposal System useful, and welcomes feedback and suggestions of improvements.
No liability can be accepted for use outside these directions. Reinstallation of damaged universe caused by neglecting above precautions not covered by lifetime warranty. Dispose of mass responsibly.