Masquerade Act Two: When the Masks Fall
The Seventeenth Dance: The Headmistress of Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
Lying is not only saying what isn't true. It is also, in fact especially, saying more than is true and, in the case of the human heart, saying more than one feels. We all do it, every day, to make life simpler. Albert Camus
McGonagall stared over her cooling cup of tea at the woman in front of her who was pacing the length of the headmistress's office, her constant pacing even putting the normally calm professor on edge. She watched wearily as Hermione strode from one side of the room then to the other without even taking a second to pause. McGonagall wondered how the brunette wasn't dizzy yet, as she herself was getting a bit motion woozy from flicking her eyes left to right so quickly.
Hermione had been like this for the better portion of the morning. Hagrid had found the young girl wandering out in the Forbidden Forest at the crack of dawn, digging holes and muttering under her breath to herself like some sort of madwoman. She had been so engrossed in her task she hadn't noticed the burly giant of a man until he had neared her. He had approached her with all the openness and happiness of a friend being reunited but when his heavy hand had clamped down on her shoulder she had fired a stinging hex into his face without hesitation, knocking him two big blundering steps back.
" 'Ermione, what's tha' for? I reckon I deserved it, creepin' up on you and all," Hagrid had then brought the girl to the castle, albeit not without much fussing from her part, and right to the headmistress's office. McGonagall had nearly fainted in shock. Hermione Granger was awake and alive and in the Forbidden Forest of all places. Despite the amount of joy the older witch felt at seeing her brightest pupil she could not be too cautious and quickly cast a spell to ensure any disillusionment's were gone. But when the girl in front of her, cheeks and hands caked in mud, stayed unerringly Hermione, the witch had pulled her into a hug. Hermione had stayed mute for the duration of it and stood rather still not that McGonagall bothered to think to much of that. One of the Golden Trio was back and all would be well with the world again, at least that was how the headmistress felt. She had sat Hermione down and demanded some tea to be made for both of them as she offered her a wipe for her face. Hermione had looked less than pleased to be here but she sat down, ignored the napkin offered, instead taking the cup given her by the elf that appeared in a crack and disappeared with the same noise once he had served his purpose.
"Miss Granger, I must say this is a surprise. I wasn't aware that you were awake. A true miracle I must say." The headmistress was too excited to drink her tea so she left it off to the side. She wanted to know how this rare occurrence had chanced itself into existence. The older witch swore she almost saw the other girl roll her eyes at the use of the word miracle before she answered. "I simply woke up, which is all fine and dandy. The spell must have worn off. The best healers themselves were left scratching their heads but they couldn't come up with an answer to this conundrum so I've decided not to worry too much about it. There are some things there aren't answers to at all." McGonagall thought the girl had truly matured. If it had been her younger version, she would have blindly kept going, believing that there always had to be an answer to everything. It seemed the war had taught her that sometimes it was just better to accept things how they were, to not get caught up and tangled in logistics and just to move on with action.
Hermione took a sip of her tea, wrinkling up her nose. "Is there sugar in this?"
"Yes. A tablespoon just like every time we've had tea together," the professor replied, slightly concerned. Had her spell check been false, and that this indeed wasn't the Hermione she knew? After all what was the girl doing in the woods of all places after a spell of such magnitude?
"Tea together..." Hermione muttered under her breath. "You'll have to excuse me I don't quite have my memories together."
Oh, that made more sense. "I did not know. As I did not know you were awake Miss Granger other wise I would have paid a visit. Does anyone know and for Merlin's sake, why were you in the Forbidden Forest so early out? Shouldn't you be with the best of healers right now, getting some memory work done?"
Hermione's eyebrow twitched at the sudden barrage of questions and she sucked in a deep breath. "I've been awake for several days now. I merely didn't want people to know about it until I was ready, ready to reenter society."
"And are you, feeling up to it? A lot of work awaits you in the government if you step out into the public eye."
"I can imagine. So that was why I didn't want to tell anyone. Only Ginny, Harry, Ron, Neville, and Luna knew but that was because they were there when I awoke. They promised to keep it quiet and I hope you and Hagrid can do the same."
"Of course," the headmistress promised. "You need all the rest and magical help you can receive to get better, that is why I am bit perplexed as to what you were doing in the woods."
Hermione shifted in her chair uncomfortably. She looked to be debating with herself for a while before she set the tea cup on the desk in between her and the older witch and clamped her hands together in an effort to ground herself. The headmistress sensed the girl was going to tell her something difficult so she merely watched and waited, giving the other one the time to compose themselves.
"It's hard to explain but..." the brunette started off slowly, almost as if tasting the words in her mouth; cautious and partially fearful of them. "When I was under the spell I was dead."
There was a pause here and the headmistress took this as a chance to vocalize a point. "The healers said you weren't dead as in the true sense of the word, just that you had lost your soul and were unable to live as a witch rightly should."
"No, I was dead. I know it. But I wasn't just in limbo, well technically I was," the brunette licked her lips, her brows furrowed in concentration on what word she should say next. "Simply put I don't know how to explain the concept of the place I was in to someone who wasn't there. But it did exist," this last bit was almost growled out as if daring the professor to belittle her.
"Rest assured miss Granger I will not question this. Merlin only knows what happens to us after we die and many a great witch and wizard have claimed that there is some form of an afterlife."
Hermione nodded her head at the others assuring. "Yes, well when I broke free of that place and woke up something nagged at me. The urge to find something. And the urge will not leave me until I find it." At this Hermione looked at the dirt under her nails, and recalled how she had tore through it like a rabid dog.
"And you think this something is in the Forbidden forest?"
"Yes, but I do not know what it is or if it is even there. I merely followed a hunch I had."
"Did you find it?" McGonagall gently pressed and Hermione shook her head "I was interrupted from doing so." This was aimed at the professor who did not know how to take such a snide comment from her former student. "I suppose now that things have been cleared up I can go back to my task." She got up from her seat when McGonagall held out a hand to stop her.
"I'm afraid I can't let you go out by yourself. No doubt you shouldn't have even left the hospital ward if you haven't had your memories properly reinstated. Going on with life without memories is a treacherous thing. I'll call over Potter and Weasley. They can help you."
"I don't need the help," Hermione insisted in a calm voice but the headmistress could see flames of anger growing in her eyes.
"I will not have you going out there and getting hurt. Brightest witch of the age or not, your fragile state does not permit me to leave this be. I will not have a good former student of mine getting hurt while I can help it. And while I certainly cannot go out into the woods with you as I have a school to run, I'm sure Potter and Weasley as well as Hagrid will be more than happy to provide assistance."
And McGonagall had written a letter to the boys and Hermione taken to pacing across the room as she waited impatiently for them to arrive. McGonagall had picked up her now chilled tea and drank it to the accompaniment of Hermione's feet on muffled red carpet before she could take it no more.
"Please sit down miss Granger. They will not come any faster if you do this." Hermione had a sort of unrestrained energy around her, that reminded McGonagall of someone who was used to action and not waiting. She supposed Hermione really had to be impatient to get to this item if she was conducting the opposite of her usually behaved self.
Hermione stopped in her pacing at the teacher's words and shot her a look before she remembered herself and schooled her features into something more calm. Still, even as she just stood there, her body radiated with kines-thesis and if she wasn't tapping a foot or twitching her fingers, she was rocking slightly on the balls of her feet. McGonagall was tempted to scold her again-something that shocked her slightly. After all she couldn't recall a time the brunette had ever gotten on her nerves, but she was in this moment doing what she hadn't in her seven years here as a student managed to pull off even once.
The arrival of Harry and Ron apparating in the room took her attention, thankfully, away from the other girl and she greeted them by rising up from her seat. "Potter, Weasley, I'm glad you could make it."
"Yes, I'm just glad you told us. We were worried over where Hermione-"
"Bloody lost your mind?" Ron exploded on his brunette haired friend. "We were going fucking mental looking for you. How could you just up and disappear without telling us."
"I didn't want to drag you into my mess," she shrugged, an air of indifference around her at her friend's ire.
"What mess? Hermione, we've been through so much together and now you take to keeping secrets from us?" Ron's angry voice was a bit more pleading at this.
"Well have you thought about the fact that I bloody don't recall most of those adventures? If you did then my not telling you what I wanted to do would make a lot more sense." She raised her chin up at him, staring at him down the bridge of her nose.
This cowed the man into silence because he knew she was right. He still didn't have to like that though. "You could have at least left a note saying when you'd be back," he said more quietly.
"I didn't intend on coming back to that boring hospital room. I'm going to go out of my mind if I stay there any longer."
"We could have arranged something." This time it was Harry who spoke. He was glad that Ron and Hermione's fight had blown over quickly and that they hadn't needed any intervention from him.
"I believe that it would have not worked out well in Hermione's favor. She told me today that after she woke up from her curse she has been haunted by the desire to search for something and that it will not give her rest until she can find it." The boys head's snapped to the headmistress who had long given up on drinking her cup of cold tea. She set it down and stepped from behind her desk, closer to the two. "That is why I called upon you two today. I was hoping you could help Hermione figure out whatever it is that causes her discomfort."
"We will gladly do that," Harry said at the same time Hermione stated stubbornly, "I do not need help."
Harry shot his friend a confused look, wondering why she was so against this. "Hermione if you're worried that it will detract from our jobs do not worry. We can make time for a close friend of ours."
The brunette looked like she wanted to say more but simply kept her mouth shut and turned her head away from her friend's. "Thanks," she said, not sounding grateful at all.
The Golden Trio ventured into the woods, Hagrid leading the way and talking excitedly with animated hand gestures. Once they had told him Hermione had lost her memories he was trying to bring them back with stories of the times they had spent in the woods. He wasn't doing a real good job of it, however. "Just like the good old days, 'Arry, 'Ermione and Ron going off on illegal adventures in the Forbidden Forest."
"Good old days," Harry cheerily responded even though the dark and drab nature of the forest should have bothered him, should have put him in low spirits. After all, this was quite a dangerous forest they were going into. Yet he couldn't help but feel joyful as they traversed the length of it, his memories of their countless misadventures here making him smile. This was the first time in months that the trio had been reunited and it felt nice, the natural order of things.
"Remember the centaurs in the woods and how they gave you all a little fright?" Hagrid went on as they passed through brush and pushed undergrowth out of the way. The whole forest felt wet even though it hadn't rained in days. "Or the unicorns, and how someone was slaughtering them and you saved them?"
"Yea, I do," Harry answered, looking around the woods. He noticed several large holes in the ground. He wondered where they had come from and if the dirt on Hermione's face had something to do with it.
"Or the spiders? Remember the spiders Ron?" Hagrid asked when no one responded to his first question.
"Let's not remember them alright," Ron said, his voice small and face pale.
Hermione snickered at that, her hand coming up to cover her mouth. "You're scared of spiders?"
"It's not funny," Ron fought back against the jibe at him. "We all have our fears."
Hermione looked like she wanted to say more but changed her mind and the topic. "Hagrid, since you take care of the forest here, did you happen to notice anything strange?"
"Something strange? Like what?"
"Like a person being here that shouldn't. Did you see anyone? Or hear anyone?" Hermione pressed. The giant was quiet, his brows scrunched up as he thought. "You 'Ermione. You shouldn't haf been in the woods at all."
"Not me, Hagrid." Hermione said in a manner that indicated it should have been obvious that this wasn't the response she had wanted.
"Well when you put it like that, nope. No one crosses my mind except for you young lady," he cheerily responded.
Hermione fell back in line with the boys, her shoulders tensed.
"Say, what are we even looking for?" Ron asked. "If you could tell us we could know where to start rather than just walking around like idiots and gawking at the trees hoping they will reveal something to us." Ron raised his arms to indicate the woods around them.
"Is it an object? An animal? A person?" Harry asked, taking a big step to cross over a log on his side of the path.
Hermione didn't respond. "I'll know when I see it," she said finally and Ron threw his hands up in the air. "Blimey Hermione. That's not helpful at all."
"Well excuse me for not being a help. I never asked you to come along with me anyways."
"Hermione and Ron, it'll be fine. We just have to wait and walk a bit more. I'm sure something will jog her memory."
"Or whatever is left of it," Ron said grumpily but not in a malicious manner.
"Actually now that I think about it, I did happen across something weird," Hagrid said, peaking the interest of everyone in the group.
"What? What happened?" Hermione asked, her tone excited and hopeful.
"About a week back, or was it a week? Maybe it was two or three days ago-" Hagrid began to mumble to himself about dates and Hermione cut him off with a very impatient, "Hagrid!" She folded her arms over her chest. "The time doesn't matter right now. Just tell me what occurred."
"Uh, right. Well I was walking with Fang in the woods, hoping to check on the animals and see if their alright. You know, if they need food or something, or if there was a young one-"
Hermione's abhorrently aggressive throat clearing got the man back on track. "I heard some screaming in the woods. It sounded like a female, and human. So I went ta investigate but when I got there no one was there, just a grave."
"And do you remember where that place was?" Hermione's face was piqued in interest and she leaned closer to him although his voice was loud enough to be heard from a couple feet away.
"Of course I do. I know this forest like the back of me hand."
"Can you take us there?" Hermione was almost breathless in excitement.
"Sure." The giant answered simply.
"Hermione do you think this incident contains what you're looking for?" Harry asked, happy to see his friend grasping a lead.
"I hope so," Ron said. "I don't want to be here any longer than I have to. I'm getting flashbacks to all those spiders." He visibly shivered at this.
"I'm betting it does." Hermione was bursting with eagerness and she was now walking side by side with the giant, craning her neck and asking every couple of seconds if this was the spot. Hagrid would grunt out a no in response until they arrived at the spot. He pushed aside the prickly plants that blocked their path and Hermione shot forward, not waiting up on her friends.
"Hermione slow down," Ron grunted out as she descended the slope to the clearing before them. Just like Hagrid had said, there was a grave there, the gutted dirt dry from air exposure. She crouched over the dirt wordlessly looking it over. Harry and Ron caught up to her and stood by her shoulders, waiting for her. She began to dig in the dirt, with claw like motions, searching for something. When she couldn't find anything she sat back on her heels with a frustrated huff.
"I guess it's not there."
"No shit," she grumbled at Ron. With a sigh she got up to her feet and began to pace the area surrounding the grave. Ron and Harry exchanged a look with one another but let the girl search. Hagrid joined them as well. Their eyes followed the brunette in her mad search. "I found her like this this morning too. What has her acting this way?"
"I'd be buggered if I know," Ron placed his hands on his hips. "Maybe its a side effect of the spell. After all she started spouting nonsense about Voldemort being alive." He shook his head in a soft laugh. "The spell left her a bit mental. But I'm sure Hermione can over come it."
"I'm done," Hermione came back to them, her face heavily displeased and tone bitter. "It's not here. I guess we can go back."
"That's good. We have some explaining to do at the hospital. They won't be happy to learn that you have escaped." Harry held out his hand to get her to disaparate with him.
"I'm not going back there," Hermione flinched back from Harry's outstretched hand. "If I go back they won't let me leave and I need to find this."
"Hermione...are you okay?" Harry was uneasy with the way his friend was acting, and with the desperation in her voice.
"Of course I'm okay," She gave a forced smile.
"No, are you okay?" Her smile dropped at this. He was implying about her mental state. It was the wrong thing to ask.
She strode quickly over to him, slipping the wand from her sleeve and jamming it up against his jaw, forcing his head sharply up.
"Hermione!" Ron cried out, scandalized, and moved to help Harry but the bespectacled boy put his hand up to hold him off.
"I am not crazy! Don't you dare tell me that! Don't you dare!" She howled at his face, her breathing rapid and her features shaking in sudden rage.
"I'm sorry-I didn't mean to. I know you're-not, that you're not crazy," Harry said, finding it hard to swallow with his neck in this position. "Just calm down."
They stayed in that position for what felt like a long time until finally Hermione had calmed down and retracted her wand. She gave him and Ron an odd look as if realizing suddenly that they were her friends. Then she strode off with out another word. Harry rubbed his neck where Hermione's wand had been and looked after her along with a baffled Ron.
"What got into her? Where does she get off attacking you?"
Harry waved his hand dismissively. "We have to give her time. She's probably still confused as to what happened to her. She's probably under a lot of stress." The boy started off across the clearing. "We'd better get a move on before she decides to run away on us again. We have to get her back to the hospital."
They found Hermione on a rock not far from the clearing. She was sitting on it and staring intensely at something in the distance, her eyes never quite focusing on it. Her elbows were on her knees and her hands were folded, her upper half hunched over on itself. It looked a bit painful in Harry's opinion, to be sitting like that.
"Hermione are you..." Harry trailed off, wanting to say okay, but fearing it would trigger her like it had last time.
"I'm fine now. I just had...had a recollection of my time in that place. In the afterlife. I thought I was going to go insane in that place." She rubbed her face with her hands, smearing the dirt smudges there more. She let out a heavy sigh. "I thought it was the end for me."
Harry knelt next to her so that his eyes would be level with her. Hagrid and Ron stood off to the side, hands hanging limply from their sides. They wanted to comfort her too but didn't know how. So they left it to Harry, who was better at motivating and understanding others than anyone in their friend group.
"Hermione, what exactly happened to you there?" He put a comforting hand on her knee.
She pulled her hands back and looked at him, expression unreadable for a couple of seconds before she swallowed and slowly began to reiterate what she had told McGonagall, with some slight additions. "And in this place, I tried to figure out what was going on and it nearly drove me mad because no one would say anything." She concluded, sighing heavily.
"The afterlife can be infuriating. I've never told this before to anyone, but I too went into the afterlife after Voldemort killed me." Hermione bristled on the word Voldemort. "And I was confused and scared. So I know how it feels. It's unpleasant."
Hermione snorted. "It most certainly is. But I guarantee you the afterlife you went to was much more enjoyable then the one they sent me into."
"I know. I trust that you are right. We weren't there so we haven't gone through what you have. But just know that we are here for you Hermione. We will do all we can to help you."
At this Hermione stood up, holding up her chin more confidently. "Then help keep me out of the hospital."
"Hermione..." Harry began, rising to his feet and brushing the leaves off of his knees.
"Hermione we can't do that. You need help," Ron interjected.
"Look. Just let me have this for now. I just want to find this blasted object that won't let me get any peace. And then, if it will please you," Hermione ground out that last part, "I will go back to the hospital at the end."
"Out of the question," Ron made a slashing motion with his hand indicating how against it he was.
"For how long?" Harry asked and Ron turned a hurt gaze on his friend. The red head had thought the two were on the same page. "Mate?"
Harry ignored Ron's look of betrayal. "Hermione, how long would you need to look for this object?"
She shrugged, a violent motion that sent her too thin shoulders cutting through the air. "I don't know."
"I can't let you search for this object for an extended period of time because if that's the case you won't ever go back to the hospital. I'll give you a week, a week but you will have Ron's and mine's help."
"Harry what are you doing? Why are you going to let her do this?" Ron asked, his mouth frowning.
"Ron, just help out on this. It's Hermione, and she's clearly distressed. We owe it this much to here, to help her now when we couldn't help her before."
That shut any and all objections that Ron had. The guilt of not being able to aid Hermione, the endless hours of wishing and praying that she would wake, the breath wasted on cursing all their enemies, on blaming fate. Harry, seeing that he had gotten through to Ron, turned back to Hermione.
"A week isn't enough time."
"Two weeks then," Harry offered. "But no more. And before we go we're going to have to tell Kingsley about you being awake, that way he can convince the healers on our behalf to let you go from the hospital for this time period."
"I don't see why we can't just not tell anyone-"
"Because we can't sneak around. It'll take much longer. Beside, how would the wizarding world react if they saw you? It would lead to chaos and confusion. Additionally, if we tell Kingsley then he could give us resources to aid our search and make it easier."
"I suppose that works," Hermione said reluctantly, dragging out the word suppose.
"Good. Glad that's all settled," Hagrid input. "I wager you'll want to leave the Forest now?" The trio followed after Hagrid as he lead the way out of the woods. As they left the gloom of the woods, for some inexplicable reason, Harry felt they were leaving the darkness only into more darkness.