Various people (you know who you are) got P G Wodehouse into my head, and this fell out the other side. I have no idea what the backstory is, or what else would happen, but there you are.
Walking into the domain of my manservant was always a somewhat daunting prospect. The dashed man had an air about him which was quite off-putting at times, such as when he felt that a gentleman was in a place that wasn't quite proper. The kitchen definitely counted as such, but dash it all, it was my flat after all! And I was parched, having just woken rather early, after a late night that had been most entertaining, but admittedly had gone somewhat longer than I had planned on.
Finding oneself awake before noon was something of a shock, which I felt a good cup of tea was just the thing required to deal with. So off to the kitchen I toddled, hoping that good old Jeeves had the kettle on. Braving his disapproving look I headed directly for the stove, on which the trusty vessel was indeed boiling away.
Good old Jeeves. What a treasure he was, despite the eyes I could feel boring into the back of my head.
It was the work of mere moments to begin a pot brewing, after which I turned to regard the fellow with a bright smile and bleary eyes. Jeeves regarded me right back, his expression resigned, although few would be able to read it as well as I could. Years of acquaintance had led to familiarity with his expressions, this one being… hmm… number eight, perhaps, 'the young master is being somewhat awkward again.' Yes, definitely number eight.
Fixing him with a stern eye, I motioned him back to his chair. "Sit, Jeeves. No need to jump to attention like that. I was merely after a cup of tea."
"As you wish, sir," he intoned, retaking his seat. "Is there anything else I might aid you with, sir?"
"Not right this moment, thank you."
"Of course, sir." He glanced at the pot. "It would be my pleasure to take over this task for you, sir, to free time you might find a more suitable use for."
"No, thank you, Jeeves." Sometimes you have to be firm with the domestics, you understand. Given too much latitude, the next thing you know you've been banned from your own kitchen.
I fancied he emitted the faintest of sighs. "Sir." Picking up the newspaper that he had placed on the table, he added respectfully, "Do you mind if I..."
Waving a magnanimous hand, I smiled. "Do carry on, Jeeves."
"Thank you, sir," he replied, shaking out the paper and resuming reading it.
"Would sir be interested in placing a small wager on the 3.30 at Cheltenham?" he inquired moments later, as I was pouring my now-steeped tea into a cup. "I notice that a horse I have reliably been informed is a good runner is in that particular race, at odds that appear quite worth the risk."
"Capital idea, Jeeves," I cried, the thrill of the gamble abruptly overtaking me. "Capital idea. We haven't had a decent flutter in weeks. What do you think, two pounds both ways?"
He raised an eyebrow, visibly cogitating. "I think three pounds might more accurately suffice, sir."
"Excellent." I sipped my tea, finding it exactly the thing I had been seeking. "You can take the required money from my wallet."
He patted his pocket with a small smile. "I have already done so, sir."
"You really are a marvel, Jeeves, the way you anticipate my requirements." My honest appraisal appeared to please him.
"Thank you, sir. One does what one can."
At that moment the door bell chimed. He looked up from the paper, then folded it neatly and put it on the table. "If you will excuse me, sir, I am expecting an old friend. This is most likely her now."
"Ah, yes, I remember you mentioned someone from your mysterious past would be dropping by today," I said with a nod, thinking back a few days. "You didn't say it was a woman, though."
Standing, he smiled that little smile of his again. "No, sir, I was remiss in my clarity. My apologies."
"Think nothing of it, old chap."
"Of course, sir. Very good of you." He left the room, while I trailed after him, curious to see who it was.
Opening the door he looked pleased. "It's lovely to see you again after so long," he said gravely to the person on the other side. "Your message was most unexpected but most welcome. Please come in."
"Thanks, Jeeves," the caller said, her voice betraying an accent that originated in the Colonies by the sound of it. It was cheerful and pleasant, although with a slightly odd sibilance I couldn't immediately place.
He stepped to one side to allow her entry. Coming inside the apartment, she looked around as he closed the door, then took her coat when she removed it. The garment was a very high quality thing of some form of leather, ankle length, and the height of style, I absently noted. Not that I follow women's fashion, but I do pay attention to the various young ladies I know, despite what some of them claim!
She gave him a quick embrace, which he returned in a most un-Jeeves-like manner.
"I'm very glad to see you again as well," she said, sounding it. Releasing him, she glanced past him to see me staring at her. To my shame, I admit the stare was somewhat fixed and impolite.
"Jeeves..."
"Sir?" He turned and raised an eyebrow enquiringly.
"Could I have a quick natter, Jeeves? Just for a moment."
"Of course, sir. Please excuse me, I shan't be long," he added to his guest, who smiled and made a small languid motion. "If you would care to wait in the drawing room?"
"Sure, Jeeves, that's no problem," she nodded, before walking gracefully through the doorway he indicated.
He followed me back to the kitchen. When he was inside, I quickly looked out of the door again. Seeing no one, I closed it and turned around, to find him peering at me with what almost looked like amusement lurking at the backs of his eyes.
"Now, Jeeves," I began sternly.
"Yes, sir?" he responded with that damnable tiny smirk playing about his mouth, the one he thinks I don't notice.
"Jeeves, about your guest..." I trailed off, attempting to think of the most polite way to put it. He waited patiently, although I could see that he was amused in the calm fashion he has.
"Sir?"
"She's… well, how do I put it..." I sighed, running my hand over my face. "She's a lizard, Jeeves."
"Yes, sir. I am aware of that."
"As in, not human."
"Quite, sir. Well noted indeed."
"There's a six and a half foot tall lizard in my drawing room," I persisted. "Wearing a very expensive silk dress, if I'm any judge."
"Most likely, sir. Miss Saurial has a keen eye for fashion and has always been a banner of sartorial excellence."
The damned fellow was definitely finding my reaction funny, I was sure of it. Not a flicker of a smile passed his rigid discipline though.
"May I ask how you happen to know a humanoid reptilian woman, Jeeves?" I finally said, feeling somewhat confused.
"You may, sir," he replied with a tilt of his head.
I sighed, knowing that once again I had walked into his cunning trap.
"How do you happen to know a humanoid reptilian woman, Jeeves?" I went on, attempting to impress upon him that I was wise to his little jape.
"Miss Saurial and I met a considerable number of years ago when I was briefly in the service of Lord Weston, of the Worcestershire Westons, sir. There was a spot of unpleasantness surrounding an electrical machine that his lordship had built, after his correspondence with the famed scientist Nicola Tesla. Regrettably his lordship was not quite as careful with his calculations as might have been wished, and a number of somewhat awkward events were the result."
From the tone of his voice I fancied that the dry description might well be glossing over some details.
"Miss Saurial was good enough to lend her aid in dealing with the situation. She is most competent in the scientific arts and was able to quickly rectify the problem. His lordship was extremely grateful, but for a number of reasons, I deemed it unwise to continue in his service and requested my employment be terminated."
"I see."
I didn't, but I wasn't going to mention that to him. He eyed me in a manner that suggested he was aware of this. Damned perceptive, old Jeeves.
"Miss Saurial and I have corresponded intermittently ever since, although she has been out of touch for some time," he went on. "I find her a very interesting person and a lively conversationalist. When she contacted me to say she was in town for a few days, I requested that we meet once again to renew our friendship. If sir feels it inappropriate, I will of course arrange to do this elsewhere."
"Oh, heavens, no, Jeeves, I have no wish to impose on your relationship with an old friend," I reassured him, mortified that I might have inadvertently insulted him or his female friend. "I was merely somewhat taken aback, that's all. You must admit it's not every day that one encounters a young lady with a tail, especially in London."
"No, sir, I cannot deny that," he nodded. "While cosmopolitan to a remarkable degree, the city is not entirely used to such things. Thank you for your understanding, sir. Would you care to join us?"
"I think not, thank you, Jeeves," I replied after some thought. "The offer is appreciated but it's probably best if I don't intrude. I was meaning to go down to the club in any case." Glancing at the clock, I winced. "Even though it's far too early for most of the lads to be up yet. Not even one o'clock! I shall be the first one there. Never mind, a spot of lunch without the normal goings-on might be a good thing."
"Certainly, sir." Jeeves quickly made up a tray of tea and biscuits as I watched, as always amazed by his precision and speed. The man was frighteningly competent. "In that case, if you'll excuse me?"
"Of course, old man. Carry on. Please convey my apologies for my rudeness to Miss Saurial, if you would."
"It would be my pleasure, sir," he replied graciously, picking up the tray. I helpfully held the kitchen door for him as he passed through, then followed. While I put my overcoat on I listened to the clink of china and a feminine laugh, then left the flat, shaking my head in wonder.
The glimpse into the past of my treasured manservant was, as always, enlightening and fascinating, if somewhat confusing.
Well, in any case, I was looking forward to a nice luncheon. The day seemed agreeable and hopefully would remain so. Whistling, I went on my way.