Chapter 13: In which Hiccup let's go but Astrid doesn't

He couldn't kill a dragon. All these years of dreaming of killing a dragon and receiving the glory he longed for. The countless hours spent inventing dragon killing weapons that would help him obtain his goal. He'd failed at the one task he set out to complete!

Out of all the dragons he could have shot down, he aimed for the most prized. The elusive and deadly Night Fury. He would have been revered a hero. His father would have beamed at him with such immense pride that would last for weeks, maybe even months. Astrid would have planted a long-awaited kiss on his lips in front of the entire village. Everyone would have cheered. Hiccup Haddock would no longer be a useless loser.

But as he raised the dagger over his head, pumping himself up to kill the mighty beast…he couldn't. No, Hiccup reasoned within himself, he wouldn't. This dragon gazed into the depths of his soul. He saw himself reflecting from this dragon. The very thought stilled his hand.

I did this.

In that moment, he gave up all the glory and fanfare he'd strived for nearly half his life to accomplish. Within two seconds of cutting the rope, Hiccup found himself accepting his doom as the dragon pinned him to the ground.

I deserve this.

He feared dying, but he was prepared. The dragon's mouth opened to, nonetheless, chomp off his head or blast him to bits. The mighty roar that followed engulfed Hiccup like a screaming wind tunnel and then…the Night Fury was gone.

There was no denying as Hiccup dawdled back to the village (with his ears still ringing) that he'd have to live with the consequences of his actions. No Night Fury meant no one would believe him, and that'd make him more of a laughingstock.

How could he burden Astrid the rest of her life being married to the most useless person in the known world? He had to do what was best for her. A gaping hole would be left if she accepted the offer, but Hiccup couldn't live with himself if he kept their marriage selfishly for himself. He cared too much for her to keep her bound to him.

The morning sun had just begun to peek over the horizon when he'd set out on this epic fail of a dragon killing quest and was now crawling above his head. Late morning was approaching.

Hiccup paused at his front door. He leaned against the wood, shutting his eyes and sighing deeply within his lungs. What he was about to do would hurt more than anything he'd gone through so far in his young life. He pushed open the door with all his weight, his side lingering against the grain as he entered the house.

"Where have you been?"

Hiccup froze. After Astrid didn't return during the night, Hiccup assumed she didn't wish to come home and stayed overnight with her parents. Here she was, fierce and beautiful, before him. A hand was planted on her hip and her bright eyes flashed with ire.

"I…" He couldn't bring himself to tell her the truth. That he had a Night Fury tied up like a bow on Snoggletog just for him. That he'd intentionally freed the dangerous beast to continue wreaking havoc on their village. What kind of future chief would do that? "I went to search for the Night Fury by myself."

Astrid's jaw clinched, but a tiny fraction of hope laced her words. "Did you find it?"

Hiccup averted his gaze, catching a glimpse of the white bandage wrapped on her injured hand. His chest ached. "No."

A frustrated sigh blew from Astrid's nostrils, but she remained quiet as she glared at him.

"How're your parents?" he asked, weakly.

"They're fine," her tone was clipped, "Only a little roof damage."

A tremble was rising from Hiccup's stomach to the top of his head. He had to lay the offer down soon or he'd lose the courage to. He finally dragged his eyes up to look at her.

"Astrid, I know I don't deserve it, but could you forgive me for what happened last night? I should have been worried about you, but all I could think about was finding that dragon." Before he could stop himself, Hiccup reached for her injured hand and brought it to his lips to place a tender kiss atop the bandage. His heart began to thud painfully at his next words. "If you…if you want an annulment from our marriage, I won't stop you."

He awaited the hammer that would soon fall upon his head. The seconds of silence stretched out for days.

"Are you that thick?"

Hiccup raised his bowed head. "What?"

Astrid looked at him like he'd lost his mind. "I'm not leaving you and we're not getting an annulment."

"I don't want you to be stuck with a useless husband all your life. I'd understand if you-OW!" Hiccup yelped as Astrid's uninjured hand balled up into a fist to punch his shoulder – harder than she'd ever hit him. He really should have seen that coming.

The next moment Astrid's palms were pressed onto his cheeks, hauling him into a kiss. It wasn't the collision of a kiss they'd shared not long ago when he'd doubted her. This was slower, savoring the touch. Hiccup body melted in the palms of Astrid's hands as he forgot all his troubles at the touch of their lips. His hands rose on their own accord to gently hold Astrid's forearms.

She broke the connection, leaving Hiccup's mind in a daze at the surprise show of affection. He blinked away the stars, focusing on the beautiful blues eyes that were still agonizingly close to his.

"I'm still mad at you." Astrid's breath mingled with his, causing a shiver to shimmy down Hiccup's back. "But I made a vow to stand by your side for the rest of our lives, and I'm not backing out of that. I'm not backing out on us. From here on, try harder to not cause disaster."

Hiccup swallowed noisily. "For you, milady, I'll try." He glanced down at her lips, wishing to press his to them once more. He leaned forward. She was so close he could feel her warmth…and he nearly toppled over as Astrid got to her feet. He looked up at her, a bit peeved at the tiny smirk she wore. He deserved the brush off.

The events of the evening and early morning had faded away into a hazy place in the back of his mind. He wouldn't forget the epic fail that was his inability to kill a dragon, but Astrid was still here and committed to him. If all he had was her on his side, he would be happy with his life. With the life they were making together.

She was still mad, of course, but she had forgiven him. Astrid held out a hand to help him to his feet. "Come along, husband. Breakfast is waiting for us in the Great Hall."

This wasn't happening.

Hiccup stared at the mouth of the kill arena wondering why the gods were using him for a good laugh. Why would his father choose nowof all times for him to enter dragon training?

The Chief had stopped by the evening before, and without any greeting, informed Hiccup he'd begin dragon training the following day. Hiccup barely got a word in during the drawn-out, one-sided conversation and by the time Stoick left, he'd given up even attempting to convince his father that killing dragons was not in his blood.

Astrid wasn't too keen on the idea either. She knew how he handled a weapon and it hadn't improved much since they'd began training in the forest. Sometimes it was downright terrible. But she'd stuck with him in weapons training. With the whole raid debacle, Hiccup killing a dragon was a sore subject.

"Remember," Astrid prompted firmly with gentle undertones, "to grab a shield. If you have to choose between a weapon and a shield, take the shield."

Hiccup nodded. His gaze lingered on Astrid's injured hand, the reason she was sitting out on training for the next few days. "Got it."

Astrid's blue eyes pierced him with such intensity and concern. Her uninjured hand tangled in the ties of his tunic, drawing him closer as she planted a quick kiss to his cheek. The shape of her lips were increasingly becoming seared into his skin.

"Be careful, Hiccup."

Her fingers loosed from his ties, leaving her palm resting on his slim chest. Hiccup was sure she could feel his racing heart. "You know me-"

"I do." Fixing him with a sharp look, she spun him around and pushed him down the ramp toward the mouth of the arena.

Hiccup stumbled into the foregrounds, pausing to take in the massiveness of the structure. He'd had no reason to ever enter the arena before. Only a few times did he trail behind his equally massive father when the Chief had come to inspect the structure's conditions. Most times, Hiccup would watch from above as a spectator. He'd witness enough guts being spilt and heads being chopped off to last him a lifetime. Once the gruesome images were something to look forward to, but now, the memories made his stomach turn.

How one moment - one decision - could change everything.

"Great, who let him in?" the first remark flew at him, thanks to Tuffnut.

Snotlout stabbed a hand in the air. "Hey, Hiccup has an unfair advantage since he already, y'know," the brawnier boy couldn't keep the sneer off his face, "killed a Night Fury."

The twins joined Snotlout in a round of snickers.

Ignoring the teen's comment, Gobber stung an arm around Hiccup's shoulders. "Don't worry. You're small and weak. That'll make you less of a target."

Hiccup diverted his view to the dusty stone under his boots, wondering how he was going to make it through his first dragon fighting lesson. He'd watched many times from the spectator's point and knew Gobber believed in "learning on the job".

This was going to be a disaster.

Gobber pushed Hiccup behind him to join the rest of the teens in a clumsy line. "Today, we have our third lesson in 'Survival'." The broad blacksmith pushed down the lever of the pen and out shot like a battering ram, a brownish-green Gronkle. It slammed into the wall on the other side of the arena and eagerly gulped down several large rocks to replenish its firepower.

"I expect you sorry lots to be better at avoiding blasts this time!" Gobber shouted out from the side-lines.

Astrid's advice leapt into his mind, and Hiccup dashed toward the closest shield lying on the floor. A worry whine escaped him as he fumbled to slide his hand into the handle. Gobber yanked him upright and pushed him back into the fray. Thankfully, the Gronkle was chasing a terrified Fishlegs around the encircled area. That is, until it flew over the twins and fired a blast between them as they fought over a shield.

The vague thought of how the new recruits could still be this lousy at dragon fighting crossed Hiccup's mind. How did he miss such a bumbling spectacle all the times he'd watched the training when he could get away from the forge? Maybe he was so engrossed in watching his wife in all her vivid glory that he'd paid attention to nothing else.

A banging noise echoed across the arena, causing the Gronkle to shake its head, disoriented.

"It's working!" Fishlegs shouted in triumph, throwing his arms in the air. As soon as the noise from his hammer against his shield stopped, the Gronkle fired a blast toward the sound of his voice. The shield flew out of Fishlegs' hand and the burly boy ran off screaming.

"Looks like it's you and me, cuz," Hiccup remarked as Snotlout joined him watching Fishlegs high-tailed it.

Snotlout scoffed. "Nope, just you, loser!" He ducked behind Hiccup as the Gronkle buzzed toward its next targets.

Hiccup didn't have time to move before the Gronkle's blast knocked the shield from his grip. The shield rolled off as Hiccup tried desperately to chase it down. The shield switched directions suddenly and Hiccup couldn't maneuver that quickly without the Gronkle catching him. He found himself between a rock and a hard place. The rock his back pressed against about to be splattered with his charred guts.

He was going to die. The Night Fury may have spared his life, but this furious, caged Gronkle would not. He shanked into the wall, clinching his teeth and preparing for the scorching heat of the blast. He hoped he'd find a little mercy if it would kill him instantly.

Hiccup jumped, covering his head as the blast fired just above him. Rocky debris and sparks rained down on him. He chanced a peek from behind his arms to find Gobber wrangling the beast.

"Not so fast," the blacksmith's hooked appendage yanked at the Gronkle's mouth. "Go back to bed, ye overgrown sausage!" He swung the dragon back into its pen, slamming the lock shut.

Gobber hobbled back towards him. "Remember," he leaned down closer to Hiccup, "a dragon will always - always - go for the kill."

Hiccup stared up at him, speechless. His mind raced and his lungs burned from the exertion and unease of nearing dying – again. He didn't even register Astrid's voice until she was right in front of him.

"Hiccup!" her concerned face filled his view. She laid a hand on his shoulder. "Are you okay?"

He nodded absently. "Yeah, I'm fine." He finally made eye contact with her, surprised at the worry that clouded her blue eyes.

Astrid pulled him to his feet, and Hiccup allowing her to lead him out of the arena. He would have been delighted over her apparent concern if his mind would not have been on a certain black dragon and why it didn't go for the kill.