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Disclaimer: I do NOT own Bleach or any of its characters.

Warning: Adult themes

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"I don't need you worrying about me," Hisagi said, smugly from his standing position above me. "I'm not some fragile thing incapable of defending itself."

And it was the sheer arrogance, the little smirk that mirrored Ichigo's casual confidence effortlessly, that made me growl.

I didn't look at his feet as I swung my own leg out at them. Swooping them right out from under him. He landed hard, much harder due to his sudden size and mass.

"The fact you think so, really only proves how much you still have to learn." I extended him a hand up.

He took it with a grimace, "Can't you just admit that I've improved? I knocked you down."

"Your improvement can not be solely measured in knocking me on my back."

Hisagi glared at his feet, appearing once again as the young boy I remembered him to be. He grumbled under his breath, "More than anyone else has ever done."

Ichigo opened his mouth but I cut him off. Slapping a hand on Hisagi's shoulder, baffled by how odd it was that I now had to reach up to do so, "But I am proud of how far you've come since I last saw you. It seems you have found a teacher with the patience and skill to properly teach you."

I met eyes with Ichigo and I could only hope he saw the truth in my words. Hope that he realized the magnitude of the debt I now owed him. His face softened and he just lifted the corner of his mouth in answer.

"Now," Hisagi said in way of answer, "you can focus on what matters. Though I'll still miss you while you're gone."

I didn't mention that his life still mattered a great deal, or that I would still worry. I wasn't sure if not voicing it made me strong. Perhaps it was such a grave weakness of mine; To never say what I mean. Either way, the words did not leave my hectic mind.

On my way back to my rooms I thought about it. I thought back on the points in my life when words had formed within me but had been too difficult to say.

"When do you leave again?" Ichigo asked from beside me. I glanced sideways at him, he seemed relaxed enough. Pace slowed to match mine, hands resting in his thick pockets.

"Day after tomorrow."

"When do you think you'll be back?"

I shrugged, "Two months, maybe more. It's hard to say, when I'm not sure what I will find there." I paused, then said, "Ryley is excited to show me his home. He's been buzzing about it since before we decided to go." We reached my door and Ichigo pushed through it without a second thought.

"And Sam hasn't convinced you in letting him come along?" He asked, falling into a wide reading chair. I slipped into the one across from his, swinging my legs over the armrest and settled in.

"No, he will be busy caring for things here. A general can not take her commander with her wherever she goes. The only time Sam and I will ever leave these walls together is when we march for war."

"You two have know each other awhile?"

"Since we were children. His father, Simon, is a diplomat. He travels often when my father needs to get word to the other leaders. Sam says he's in the South now, attempting to assist with the transfer of crops."

Ichigo laughed, "Sam is the son of a diplomat? How did he escape the hold of politics to become a soldier?"

We were nearing very sensitive terrain. "Sam can be very persuasive."

Ichigo didn't miss a beat, "But he's older than you, isn't he? How did you end up in the same recruiting class?"

I sighed deeply, "I started my training far younger than the usual recruiting age, so I was 14 when the next drafting brought in other trainees. Sam was one of the few boys who made it through our trials, and we rose through the ranks together. And after the Southern war, when I became general, I promoted him to be my commander."

Ichigo took a moment to consider his next words carefully, "Was it hard for him? To suddenly be below you in rank?"

Huffing out a laugh, I met his eyes, "While we were new to our military lives, we had already known one another for years- basically since my infancy. He hardly seemed to notice my rank as Heir then, let alone adding on the measly title of general."

"It isn't measly. You earned that rank through blood and sacrifice. You earned it despite your age, despite your gender. The first female to ever become Heir, the first to enter into the golden army, and now you're the leader of all the men who sneered at the mere thought of you being one of them. Be proud of it. Wear it with honor."

He held my gaze, held it with as much honor as he demanded me to hold for myself. "Did you ever consider it? Joining the Bellatonian army?"

Surely it would have offered him an out with his mother. And would have secured him a livable wage. But Ichigo was shaking his head, "I'd make a lousy soldier."

I thought back to the night of my jump from the wall. When we had stumbled upon truly bad soldiers. I could recall with a striking clarity the look on his face that night. The anger at the injustice, at the abuse of power. And how he had not even hesitated to step out of that alley way to protect that boy. I had seen terrible soldiers, had been raised up around them, and I knew he could never be like them.

I could have told him as much, but instead I said, "Yet you joined Bonnie's army."

"I joined her cause. Not her army."

"Is there any difference between the two?"

Ichigo lifted his head from his cushion, gripping the armrests tightly between his fingers, "There is a vast difference between choosing to fight for something you believe in, and fighting because some lord you've never met decided it's a cause he's willing to let you die for."

I could hear the slight edge of accusation in his voice, and I could understand the hostility. "Do you believe Kisuke would send young men out to die?"

He nodded, if a bit solemnly, "Kisuke wants to be remembered as a great man. And great men are not remembered by staying neutral."

"And what of great women? How are they to be remembered." I paused. Giving him time to think back on history, to think of a woman who was remembered for anything other than giving birth to his great men. And when he stayed silent, I continued, "Perhaps I will be the first in that category too. And I will continue to fight to ensure that I will not be the last."

"That is another cause I would gladly join, Princess. My sword is yours whenever you decide to march on the dictators of this world."

I smiled, "I think my female warriors would be very happy indeed to welcome you."

His trademark smirk overtook his entire face, and he chuckled from somewhere deep in his belly, "You'll have to protect my honor, then."

"I'd need to find it first."

His chucking turned into cackles, "Don't tell me Bronzes teasings have warped your vision of me?"

"Don't think I have forgotten about all of your Bellatonian admirers. I don't believe for a moment that it was only flowers you gave them."

Ichigo's eyes sparkled as he shot back, "Been thinking about that a lot have you?"

I rolled my eyes, "The mere thought of it gave me terrible nightmares. I should claim emotional distress."

He brought a hand up to his chest in mock shock, "Are these the things that keep honorable princesses awake at night? I truly had no idea, perhaps I should wear baggier clothing to better prevent these dreams you have of me."

"Nightmares," I corrected, my feet swinging back and forth, heels thumping against the side of my chair again and again.

"Yes, my attractiveness can be quite frightening to an untrained eye." Ichigo winked.

"If that is what you need to believe in order to come to terms with the shrieking of the townsfolk as you pass by." I replied.

Ichigo laughed with me for a moment and then his humor faded off slightly, he stared at me from across our little space. "So have you and Sam ever…" he trailed off suggestively. Waving a hand vaguely in front of him.

I shook my head, trying not to think of Grimmjow's words from earlier today, trying not to remember his touch that had seared my skin in shame. "You may have the courage, or stupidity, to poke a sleeping dragon but Sam is not as willing to risk the flames if he would ever attempt it and be denied."

That didn't seem to offer Ichigo the answer he was seeking, "And if he ever did attempt such an act of bravery, would you meet him with acceptance or refusal?"

In truth, I had never considered it. Sam had been in my life since before I could remember. He had watched me grow up, had watched me suffer and shiver in the cold embrace of my father's shadow, and even when he had reached the peak of his adolescence, when he had no doubt laid with ever girl in the high court's of proper age and attractiveness he had never laid a single finger on me. Had joked about it, and I had noticed at least a few times his wandering eye, but he had never truly attempted it.

Ichigo was growing restless as I pondered, and I was almost tempted to lie just to make him squirm some more. "Sam would never degrade our friendship with such an advance, but if he ever did, no, I would not accept him."

I wondered, briefly, if I would ever come to accept any man that way. If I could ever look past the dark scar I hold within me. For if I could not trust Sam, my companion through every hardship, my comrade in war and politics, to hold his weight over me, to only take what I willingly give, if I could not yield myself to him completely, who else could I possible trust?

I wanted to say it, to tell Ichigo about the slumbering feeling of crippling fear, but saying it out loud would bring me one step closer to being consumed by it.

And I already knew that I would be offered up to Ryley as a prized mare. For him to do with as he would. I would need to produce the Heir that would replace me once Clark comes for my head.

I looked at Ichigo, and he waited for me to say the words that had weighed down the air between us. "If you had been born a prince," I began slowly, "If you knew that your people, and your country depended entirely on you doing something that makes your entire body revolt in disgust. Would you be able to make such a sacrifice?"

Ichigo deliberated, and answered just as slowly, "I wish I could say that I would. That I would have the strength to put so many other lives above my own happiness, but I've come to establish the selfish belief that I have suffered enough and I deserve to take all the happiness I was starved of when I was young." He pursed his lips slightly, "But such a thing is easy for me to say in hypotheticals. I have never known, and will never know, the difficulties of ruling. I do not envy you in the slightest."

The squeezing in my chest yielded slightly, like a loosening of a tightly clenched fist. "Maybe instead I should just let the world go to hell."

Ichigo clicked his tongue, "Now, don't say that."

"Why not?" I huffed in defiance, "What has the world ever done for me?"

Ichigo nodded in understanding, an understanding that he had developed just as youngly as I had. Though there was a difference between us; Ichigo had found his way out. He had found the strength to leave behind his torments, and his tormentor. "Maybe it isn't about what the world can do for us, maybe we save the world just to see what it can one day do for someone else."

Ichigo was very wise when it came to others. Nearly ancient in his optimism. But he was blind when it came to his view of himself. His words of sacrificing being only for rulers had already been proven wrong.

For I know the weight of a nation looking to you for protection, I know the responsibility of thousands of lives depending on the words of a king. And yet, despite all that, despite him never knowing that crushing weight, Ichigo was willing to sacrifice all the happiness he had sought out- that he had taken for himself- all so the world could see a brighter day.

I was thankful that a man such as him existed. And I was glad that Ichigo would never rule a country, for all of the lords and King's and diplomats I'd met could have never envisioned such a selfless world.

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I'm so happy to finally have a nice chapter with Ichihime. It's hard for me to have them be apart even if it helps the plot... but nevertheless that's it for chapter 39! Only one more chapter and my story will be middle aged!

Thank you for reading and hopefully I'll see you next chapter!

Till next time—