I must confess I'm not entirely certain where most of this came from. I've been taking too many painkillers recently, I suspect... :D
Colin took a deep breath, glancing at Dragon who was standing beside him outside the main door to the BBFO office, then lifted an armored hand and knocked firmly. He was beginning to dread visiting this place. The lizards were people he definitely counted as friends, and he trusted them more than almost anyone else other than the woman beside him, but even so… Every time he entered their domain, something weird happened that made him have to reevaluate a lot of things about life.
Behind him, Ethan, who had accompanied them for no reason other than pure curiosity, was snickering at the sign over the door. Colin sighed very faintly, trying to ignore the man, who was a pain in the ass at the best of times despite being a good hero and a trusted companion too. Honestly, he preferred Saurial and Raptaur sometimes, they could be more professional about things…
The door opened and he was met by the smiling countenance of the former, who greeted them happily. "Hi, guys," the lizard-girl said cheerily, "Right on time. Come in. Pardon the mess, we've been doing a lot of work recently and it's starting to get a little crowded."
"I'm sure it's not too bad, Saurial," he replied as she moved to the side, letting him and the other two past. "My own lab can become very cluttered… at... times..." His voice failed him as he looked around. Next to him, Dragon was making an odd sound, while Ethan was audibly boggling. Not something Colin had ever thought to hear, he had to admit to himself absently as he watched Saurial go past him having closed the door.
Blinking hard, he looked around, then up, then around again, before he closed his eyes for a second or two. Opening them, he double-checked.
Yes. Still there. Which was… confusing.
"You've remodeled a little since the last time I was here," he said in a slightly detached voice.
Saurial nodded with a smile, looking around as well and seeming proud. "Yep. It was getting stale, and we wanted a bit more room for some of Ianthe's experiments. This seemed like a neat idea so we ran with it."
He stared up at where the ceiling should be, gazing at the bright light in the middle of it. The illumination was being cast by what appeared for all the world to be the sun, but he was also one hundred percent sure that the roof wasn't in fact transparent.
He was sure of this for a number of reasons.
One was that the roof was not transparent. He had seen aerial images of this area of the city only hours ago as part of a routine surveillance operation the PRT carried out daily and the outside of the BBFO building had appeared completely normal.
The next, and more obvious, reason that this wasn't the sun seen through a transparent roof was that it was currently dark outside, it being both seven in the evening and raining fairly hard. Not to mention that his instrumentation showed it was about two hundred and eighty eight yards away, which while a lot further than it should be in a building that outside was only fifty feet or so tall, was at least plausible.
Plausible for the lizards and their hazy grasp on the concept of space, that is...
A slightly less important reason was that it was the wrong color, being rather whiter than it should have been, and when he ran a spectroscopic analysis of the light, it didn't quite match the standard solar one. What his suit processor helpfully told him, though, was that it perfectly matched what the spectrum would have been on a sun that was about sixty million years younger.
The implications of that would bother him for days. As would the mere existence of what seemed to be a G2V star indoors. And measuring, according to every instrument he could bring to bear, about eight feet in diameter.
Which was clearly impossible.
On the other hand, he was looking right at it, and with the right filtering he could see solar prominences and even a couple of sunspots slowly traversing the surface. After a very long pause in which he merely gaped, he lowered his gaze to meet Saurial's. Dragon was still staring at the anomalous ball of fusing gas, and Ethan was making a slightly deranged giggling sound behind him.
"We needed some more light in here and this seemed like a good method," Saurial explained with an innocent smile. "Warms the place up nicely too."
"Most people use electricity to light their office," Dragon commented in a slightly dreamy tone, still staring at the teeny tiny star above them. "Not hydrogen fusion."
The reptilian girl shrugged. "This was easier," she said. Which was deeply worrying in some ways, Colin thought numbly. Especially if it was true. "Anyway, that's not important right now. Come have a look at the stuff we've been working on."
She waved them onwards. With the sensation of unreality growing, Colin managed to tear his fascinated gaze from the impossibly tiny star overhead and cast his eyes around the rest of the building.
Once again, he blinked several times.
"It's considerably… larger… than it was last time," he stated evenly. "You have been making use of your fractal dimensional techniques, I assume?" Even knowing that they could do this sort of thing, it was still something of a shock to actually see it. The Family took the concept of 'normal space' and just shrugged and tore it up, he mused. Even in Parahuman terms, their casual violations of what most people would think of as the laws of physics both astounded and slightly worried him every time he came across a new example, which only seemed to be becoming more overt.
Now, rather than the large but sensible single room the office had been last time, it was an enormous cavernous space large enough that the far wall, the one that from the outside was about two hundred feet or so from the door they'd come in, was barely visible in the very distant distance. The side walls likewise were much, much further away than they should have been, and he'd already noticed that the ceiling was something like three hundred and fifty yards above them, based on a quick laser ranging measurement.
His HUD told him that the room was, in fact, something approaching a square mile in size, although there was a level of uncertainty to that measurement which appeared to be down to a deeply confused computer.
He sympathized, he was a deeply confused Tinker. Which was about par for the course these days, he sighed mentally.
"Yep. We decided we needed more space for some of the larger projects, and I've been meaning to rework the place for a while now," Saurial nodded, smiling and watching them with interest. "This is definitely an improvement, I think."
A couple of hundred yards from where they were standing the floor seemed to turn into a green and pleasant land, tall plants springing up from a wide verdant stretch of something that was nearly, but not quite, entirely unlike grass. He didn't recognize any of the plants he could see and neither did his computer system.
He did recognize the dragonfly that flew up to them and stopped, hovering in mid-air with a rattle of membranous wings. Huge compound eyes seemed to examine them, the insect rotating in the air like a drone, before it wheeled about and zipped off at high speed. Following it with his eyes he saw there were a couple of dozen of the things flying around over the large body of water that was off to the side of the planted area.
That wouldn't have been too unusual if it wasn't for the little fact that the things had a wingspan of at least three feet, and had looked at them with a definite air of being far too smart for an insect…
"Ianthe's been experimenting a lot recently," Saurial explained as she started walking towards the rather incongruous, considering the massively changed interior of the building, table and chairs sitting off to the side, fifty feet or so away. It was the same table that they'd always had, and it looked a little out of place where it was. Beyond it was the computer desk, Ianthe's workroom, and the rest of the original office fittings, on a neat square of bare floor marked out with a faint yellow border, the purpose of which eluded him.
"She's on sort of a retro kick right now, I think it would be in human terms, and playing with a lot of ideas that date back some time." The lizard girl looked at another huge dragonfly that passed them, waving to it.
Colin tried to erase from his memory the way that the thing waved back.
"No idea if anything useful will come from it, but it's nice to see touches of home," she added. Dragon and Ethan were following along behind them, their heads swiveling back and forth constantly. The latter was looking very puzzled indeed, and his ever present grin was definitely smaller than normal. The reptilian girl led them to the table where Metis and Ianthe were bent over something, fiddling with it. "Hey, Armsmaster and the guys are here, you two. Is it ready yet?"
Ianthe looked back over her shoulder, her long neck allowing her to turn her head completely back to them. She smiled. "I think so. Hello, Armsmaster, Assault, Dragon. How are you all today?"
"We're fine, Ianthe," Dragon said in a faintly wondering tone. She turned her head to watch something that looked a lot like a scaly kangaroo with far too many teeth hop out of the undergrowth in the middle distance, look around, then bound off. Moments later two more did the same. "Ah… I hate to ask, but where did all this come from?"
The violet lizard waved a hand, having returned her attention to whatever she was working on. "I made it," she replied absently. "Don't worry, nothing here can survive outside the building, they're biologically keyed to a number of security techniques Saurial and Raptaur designed."
Something very big and very deep blue jumped out of the substantial lake that was somehow fitting inside the building, splashing back into the water with a boom of displaced foam. Despite his best efforts, Colin twitched, while Ethan made a little sound of shock. "Ignore the Liopleurodon, he just wants attention. And is probably chasing the Spinosaurus again. Honestly, those two are total attention-seekers," she added, shaking her head. "Always showing off to visitors."
The thing made another leap, and produced a sound like a truck horn mixed with a rock crusher in the process. "Quiet, Lippy, I'll come play with you later," Ianthe shouted, turning her head.
Colin was almost certain he heard Ethan boggle again.
"Lippy?" Dragon mumbled.
Saurial snickered. "She's not good with naming things."
"Oh, like you're any better, cousin," Ianthe said, straightening up and glaring at her smaller relative, who was grinning. Metis, who'd remained quiet until now, started chuckling.
"They're both terrible at it," the black lizard confided with her hand covering her muzzle, while the other two hissed insults at each other in their own language. Colin merely sighed a little. After a second or two, the other pair of reptiles seemed to be done calling each other names, and grinned at each other.
Ianthe turned around. "Now, listen carefully, Bond," she said happily, causing Ethan to instantly start laughing. "We here at Family Laboratories have been working tirelessly on a number of new products that we think may be of use to you at the Protectorate." She waved at the table, which had a number of odd looking things on, which both Colin and Dragon had been examining in between staring at the weird life forms around them.
A pterodactyl flew overhead, orbited them a couple of times, and disappeared into the distance. Colin, with an effort of will, ignored it.
Ethan sat down in the nearest chair and simply gaped after the animal.
"Excuse, please." The deep voice made them all twitch and turn. A very short bipedal more or less humanoid thing with enormous bat ears and wide glowing eyes, and of course, far too many teeth, was glaring at Ethan. Oddly enough it was wearing a fur hat with a hammer and sickle emblem on the front, and had a thick Russian accent. "Are in spot belonging to me."
"Um..." Ethan stared at it. "Sorry?" he tried.
"Move. Or lose fingers." He hastily got up. The creature stomped over and grabbed the chair, pushing it off to the side with a couple of annoyed looks at the man, then sort of… disappeared… into a fold in the universe that was a little like one of Vista's tricks.
There was silence for a while.
Eventually, Dragon asked in a voice that was betraying nearly as much confusion as Colin was feeling, "What was that?"
"A Kremlin," Metis sighed. "Very good workers, but very grumpy."
"And don't give them vodka after midnight," Saurial added in a serious voice.
"Why not?" Ethan asked the question like he simply couldn't help himself, but really wished he could.
"They get vicious hangovers and are very rude the next morning," the girl replied with a slight smile. "You wouldn't believe the vocabulary they have, either. Quite impressive."
"Oh."
Trying desperately to ignore the entire event, Colin moved closer to the table. His eye was caught by a box that contained… wonderful things.
Reaching out, he picked one of the small widgets up, turning it over in his armored hands, fascinated. It was sparking ideas in his Tinkering ability like nothing he'd seen before. Grabbing another one, he held them against each other, moving them around. Beside him, he was dimly aware of Dragon doing likewise. Finding a configuration he liked, he found that the two almost indescribable shapes somehow stuck together exactly as he'd desired. With a smile, he selected another one, adding it to the first set, then picked out a sort of möbius-strip like rod thing and added that to one side. Which meant that he needed that part there that looked like the pi symbol to balance it, which in turn required one of those infinity shaped doohickeys added on another möbius rod, and so on...
He was barely aware of time passing, and had a faint idea that Ethan was prodding him and complaining about something. He ignored that as unimportant, engrossed in the device he was assembling, and which Dragon had added her own work too, until suddenly the whole mass of shimmering and not-quite-properly-there blocks was removed from his grasp.
"Hey!" he snapped in momentary annoyance, turning to see what was happening. Saurial had pulled it from his and Dragon's hands and was quickly disassembling their masterpiece, putting the parts back into the box, which she then somehow made go away. Her face betrayed a certain amount of amusement mixed with embarrassment.
"Sorry, shouldn't have left them out," she said, while Colin shook his head, wondering what had happened. "Leet did the same thing. I may have overdone it when I made them."
"What the hell was that?" Ethan asked, sounding intrigued. "It sure made both of them happy."
"We read an advertisement in an old magazine and thought we'd make some," Saurial explained. "But the description was a little vague, so we had to improvise. Seems to work a little too well, if you ask me. Although it keeps them quiet."
"What advert?" Colin asked slowly. She picked up an old Scientific American dating from the sixties and showed him the half-page ad for Tinker Toys.
Dragon started giggling, while he sighed heavily and handed the magazine back.
'Oh, god,' he thought tiredly. 'Why me?'
"If you're done playing, have a look at this," Ianthe said, on his other side. He turned, as did his colleagues. "We decided that you lot needed some better non-lethal weapons for certain cases where containment foam and tasers doesn't quite work out," she went on, reaching out and picking up a very large and very dangerous looking rifle type weapon with a barrel you could fit your thumb into. It had a number of controls on the side, a large hexagonal container in place of the normal magazine a standard firearm would have, and rather worryingly was emitting a deep droning sound.
"What the hell is that!?" Ethan asked, sounding startled. "It looks a damn sight more dangerous than non-lethal would describe."
"It's perfectly safe," Ianthe smiled. She seemed thoughtful for a moment, her smile vanishing. "Hmm. Safeish. Probably. I think." Turning to Metis, she said something in a slightly doubtful tone in the Family language, the other reptile replying at length. After a moment, she nodded. "Should be safe. Most of the time. Assuming you don't use the dangerous ammunition."
"But what is it?" he persisted, while Colin tried to work out if he should start running now or wait until she actually fired it.
"A B gun," she replied with a smile.
"A BB gun? What good would that do?" he queried, an expression of puzzlement crossing his face.
"No, not a BB gun, a B gun," Metis responded. She looked at Ianthe. "Show them."
"OK," her sister replied happily, turning around to aim the weapon over the trees in the distance. She prodded a control which made the droning sound get louder and a lot more dangerous sounding, then pulled the trigger.
Something small and very fast moving shot out of the barrel with a loud BUZZZZzzzzzzzz sound that faded into the distance.
Colin stared.
Dragon stared.
Ethan burst out laughing.
She fired it again.
BUZZZZzzzzzzzz
Tracking the projectile, which was moving a lot slower than a real bullet, but much faster than seemed safe, Colin saw it hit one of the pterodactyls that he'd been trying to ignore as they circled above them. The flying reptile shrieked in anger, then flapped off rapidly.
"Sorry, Bob, I didn't mean to hit you!" Ianthe shouted.
Meeting Dragon's gaze, Colin mouthed 'Bob?' His best friend shrugged.
Saurial picked a small transparent jar off the table and handed it to him. "It fires these," she explained, as he and Dragon examined the large and very annoyed-looking insect, striped yellow and black and somewhat fuzzy, that was moving around in the container. It had an extremely nasty looking stinger coming out the rear end, which glistened with something liquid. "A .68 caliber bee."
"A… bee gun," Dragon sighed, shaking her head.
"Yep."
Saurial looked proudly at her cousin, who was grinning. "Selectable venom, you can pick from purgative, soporific, pain inducer, paralytic, and now for no extra charge, universal healer, they auto-track the target, and will look for openings in vehicles or buildings if necessary. We can also offer tracking versions for vehicle chases, explosive variants for times when you need to make a really serious entry, and for those particularly hard targets, these." She motioned to another container, which had a bright red and black insect exploring the interior. "Armor piercing bees. Obviously those aren't recommended for use on non-Brute targets."
Turning around, she aimed the weapon at a target that had appeared when they weren't looking. "Magazine capacity is functionally infinite as long as you top up the biomass reservoir with something suitable. Onions work well." Pressing a thumb-control on the side of the gun, she moved it off target when the thing beeped. "Once the target is locked, all shots converge on it no matter where you shoot, even if it moves." She fired half a dozen shots, all of them BUZZZZzzzzzzzzing off and hitting the target as she waved the muzzle of the weapon around randomly with great enthusiasm.
The visitors stared with mixed shock and horror. Colin was impressed despite himself, and more than a little terrified.
"Full auto too, up to four hundred and fifty BPM with this model," Ianthe continued blithely, tapping another control. "Let's try the explosive shots just for fun. And it's more obvious when you hit something, of course."
She aimed straight upwards, then pulled the trigger.
BUZZZZzzzzzzzz BUZZZZzzzzzzzz BUZZZZzzzzzzzz BUZZZZzzzzzzzz BUZZZZzzzzzzzz BUZZZZzzzzzzzz BUZZZZzzzzzzzz BUZZZZzzzzzzzz BUZZZZzzzzzzzz BUZZZZzzzzzzzz BUZZZZzzzzzzzz BUZZZZzzzzzzzz BUZZZZzzzzzzzz BUZZZZzzzzzzzz BUZZZZzzzzzzzz BUZZZZzzzzzzzz BUZZZZzzzzzzzz BUZZZZzzzzzzzz BUZZZZzzzzzzzz BUZZZZzzzzzzzz BUZZZZzzzzzzzz BUZZZZzzzzzzzz BUZZZZzzzzzzzz
...was immediately followed by
Booomm! Booomm! Booomm! Booomm! Booomm! Booomm! Booomm! Booomm! Booomm! Booomm! Booomm! Booomm! Booomm! Booomm! Booomm! Booomm! Booomm! Booomm! Booomm! Booomm! Booomm! Booomm! Booomm!
The target completely disappeared in a cloud of splinters and debris, while Ethan fell off the chair he'd sat in and both Colin and Dragon stepped back.
"Shotgun mode..." Ianthe prodded yet another control, then aimed at another target a bit closer. That one had also appeared when they weren't looking.
The sound was more akin to a roar as dozens of projectiles exited the barrel as one, forming a large cloud that zoomed off towards the target, the explosion this time leaving a crater and nothing much else behind.
"You can designate friend or foe like this," she said, turning around and aiming at Ethan, who had just stood up. He yipped and recoiled as she pulled the trigger, the BUZZZZzzzzzzzz curving around him and disappearing into the undergrowth.
There was a yelp from somewhere in there, followed by a lot of swearing in Russian. She winced, and shouted something in the same language, looking embarrassed. "Oops," she added.
"He deserved it, don't worry," Metis consoled her. "Go on with the demonstration, I think they're enjoying it."
"All right. OK, this next one needs special ammunition. 25mm heat-seekers," Ianthe said brightly, opening a chamber on the side of the weapon and taking the thing Saurial handed her. It seemed to be a small, aerodynamic snake of some sort, Colin decided, even as he tried once again to not think too hard about anything.
"When she's finished showing you this, you can try the catapult," Saurial put in, leaning back on her tail. "I'll get the cats later. Hey, any of you want some trilobite sandwiches? They're great, really remind you of home. Well, us, anyway. I think you'd like them. Sort of like lobster."
"We've got lots of other things to show you all as well," Metis smiled. "Wait until you see the battering ram."
"That thing is great. You can knock down a door then have mutton later," Saurial grinned.
Putting a hand on his helmet and wishing he could rub his eyes with it on, Colin decided that next time, he'd turn down the invitation to see what the crazy lizards were working on. It was getting a little too much even for him, and he liked them.
"We'll show you the FamTech MicroHippos too. I haven't quite worked out the best launching method for them yet, but making them man-portable was a start," Ianthe smiled. She put the insane gun down and picked up something that looked like a small coconut, only purple. "While I think about it, can you guys use a containment foam grenade tree? Only I came up with these seeds and have a bag full I don't need..."
Yes. Definitely getting a little too much, he sighed to himself.
Dragon, rather irritatingly, now seemed to be highly amused, and was asking a lot of questions. He resigned himself to yet another weird few hours.
That was Brockton Bay these days.