For those of you who don't know or who aren't following me as an author I've written a small story based in the 'Anne with an E' series. I didn't know they had a whole other fandom in the TV section, its like they can't handle that actually it was based on this book, but at the same time its so different to the books that I get why its separate, plus it keeps all of those stories neatly in their own section. I'll be honest I have watched the first and second seasons of it. My honest opinion, Physically speaking the actors who plays all the characters are closer in description (their physical appearance) then I've ever seen in any series, bar none, I don't think I'm over exaggerating it, they've done really well on it. However the storyline is NOT the books, and I know they want to put a modern twist on it and that's fine I understand that probably the books have been done to death and honestly too many people would directly compare the 1980s version and freak out because they are nothing alike. The 1980s version although yes did divert from the books quite heavily in the sequel it still had the 'Anne spirit' and so we tend not to care all that much, although why, why use Morgan Harris when you had a Roy in the books I don't know, we won't go into the continuing story or new beginning, these are crimes to the whole series so lets just forget about them!, So yes Anne with an E I like to think is a very good bit of fanfiction where actually they are doing a good job in characterising how they would react in those circumstance... for the most part,one or two things niggle at me but they do repair the damage later so I can forgive them. So its called 'White dress' its in the crossover section with Anne with an E and Anne of green gables series because I can't call it Anne with an E fanfiction its definitely the Anne and Gilbert from the books but it's definitely taking place in that verse because I reference the white dress, oh and I mention Bash too (an out of universe character who totally ships Shirbert!). Or click on my author profile (although the profile itself needs updating the story will show on there).

Back to this story! Its interesting so many of you are looking for a 'Gilbert redemption'. It makes me smile because he is the nice boy next door isn't he? And I'm glad he's translated so well into the modern story that you're all STILL looking for it, I suppose because we all know he's hurting and its realistic that this Gilbert would be, although I maintain the one in the book had it rough, its something I find hard with Montgomery, yes I know its about Anne its about female comradeship, I just find it sad that with all the passion Anne had it goes away, its not the same and Gilbert's relationship with her often feels distance, but then he's barely mentioned in the books. Anyway, This is obviously different, I am working in all these characters in a a different way to the books and I think thats okay. So for all of you waiting I've actually named this chapter...(Something I haven't done in this story!)

love Carrots x

Two weeks later Josh was running late again. He had been working for two it seemed and had just dropped off some notes for Gilbert when he went speeding round the corner and quite literally bumped into a familiar face.

"Philippa Gordon!" He exclaimed with a smile to the dishevelled women. "Well it's been a while, it must have been one of your Friday night parties the last time I saw you, you remember when we were undergraduates you were in Patty's place with Anne." He said with a smile.

"That's right Hello Josh it has been a while." She said with a smile holding up her left hand.

"No way!" He exclaimed looking at the ring on her finger, "Whose the lucky man?!" he exclaimed.

"What do you take me for Josh!" Phil said with a smile. "Still Jonas!" she exclaimed.

"Blake!" he exclaimed. "Well I know who got the better end of that deal!" he said with a smile.

"Oh Hush! Don't say such things about my Jonas!" Phil said. "Where are you off to in such a rush?" she asked him.

"Oh, The hospital," He said "I'm at medical school with Gilbert you know." He said quietly, "well I say with..." he trailed carefully.

"What do you mean?" Phil asked.

"Well, I know he's having a rough time, what with losing the baby and everything but he's going to loose his place if he's not careful. I mean he could have had grievance leave but to just up and..."

"Loose his place?" Phil asked confused. "Take a step back there Josh, what do you mean? Why would he loose his place?"

"Well he's not been in the last two weeks- well a little longer actually." Josh told her.

"Two we-" she started, the stopped gave a heavy sigh and whispered "When Anne left."

"Anne left!" Josh exclaimed in shock his eyes wide. "Are you kidding?" he asked.

"According to Anne he asked her to leave, he'd been going out without telling her where he was going, he wouldn't say when he got back, secretive, snappy, unaffectionate, they got in an argument and he told her to leave."

Josh shook his head "No, no way!" he exclaimed. "Phil, no, that's not Gilbert." He said, "he adores Anne!"

"Evidently heartbroken, the poor lambs!" Phil sighed heavily. "if he can't function enough to walk out the door to school."

"How's Anne handling it?" Josh asked.

Phil sighed heavily. "No much better I'm afraid." She admitted "She's going to lectures but I'm told by a friend that she's there in body but not spirit, but luckily it end of term soon, her job she's doing the minimum hours, she's spending the rest of time in my spare room." She said.

"So she came to you." Josh acknowledged, "Well at least we know she's alive."

"Only just." Phil said "Oh Gil, what have you done?!" she muttered.

"Look, I think I can get the grievance leave for him, a sort of retrospective one the doctors won't mind, they love Gilbert, but there would need to be no more hiccups, Gilbert was ahead of everyone else anyway, in his hours in his experience, and I know they don't want him to fail he's top of the class , as long as he's back first thing next week, but we need to get them back to working order, and fast!" Josh said to her.

"Give me your number," Phil told him reaching for her phone "Go and get Gilbert his leeway."

"What are you going to do?" He asked Phil.

"I'm going to be the preverbal wedge in the door." Phil said. "I'll push them together if I have to, this nonsense of Gilbert and Anne being apart has gone on long enough."

"Mrs Blythe!" Phil said with a smile as she opened the door.

"Anne!" Mrs Blythe exclaimed almost pushing Phil to one side to get to Anne wrapping her arms around her, the older women bursting into tears as she held the girl. "Oh, you're home!" she cried. "Oh my baby girl!" she exclaimed. "Oh Anne!" she cried.

"I'm still not sure why I'm here" she said dully, looking to Phil for a moment, "he doesn't want me here." Anne said quietly.

"Is that what you believe?" Mrs Blythe asked her. She dragged Anne through the door and through the apartment opening the bedroom door.

"He's been like this since you left." Mrs Blythe explained.

Anne looked in horror as he was lying in bed. She couldn't believe her eyes the room was dim, the room stuffy with a sense of musk around it. He was lying completely still, at this moment asleep as Mrs Blythe explained "he went to bed and he hasn't come back out, he hasn't eaten, he's barely drank any water, he hasn't spoken, he's barely slept, this is unusual," she said, "he's not been into school or down to the hosptial." She said to Anne which made Anne turn in horror.

"But, he'll loose his place in medical school!" Anne exclaimed in shock.

"Josh arranged the grievance leave he should have taken with school." Phil said closing the door behind her from the other side of the apartment. "As long as he's back on Monday and do some catch up hours in the next month it'll be fine." Phil said "apparently they want him to succeed."

"Anne, please, please, you can talk sense to him, he listens to you, he might not have done a lot when you lost Joy but you gave him the strength to do something! I can't bare it Anne, I can't see my boy like this anymore!" she said crying to Anne's arms. Anne soothed the older women for a moment before she asked Mrs Blythe to give them some privacy.

Anne walked to the side of the bed behind him slipped off her shoes. She lifted the sheets carefully and slid into the bed beside him, She felt him stir and turn towards her his face reflected the shock he felt upon seeing her face, she couldn't quite believed he was shocked!

But she slid further down the bed wrapping herself in him, she reached up to his lips and kissed him, the gentlest kiss they had ever shared. His eyes shut his lips responding to the feather like kisses she was giving him.

"Hey." She whispered.

"Hey." He whispered back, his throat raw.

With those words she tilted his lips towards hers and pressed her lips there softly. His lips were unusually dry next to her soft lips but it didn't stop her from moving closer. Their arms intertwined his fingers lacing through her red hair before his fingers found the ends where he scrunched them slightly in the palm of his hand, his hand smoothed down her t-shirt and found the small gap between her top and cute skirt she had worn, his fingers grasped at her bare waist holding her tighter his hand travelling up her undraped back finding no interruption of a bra strap. He paused in surprise as she let out a small sigh at his actions , he pulled back for a moment to looked into her eyes, it wasn't an objection to his movement as he found himself letting out a likewise gasp as she lifted the t-shirt which had clung to his body for so long exposing his torso, he was even more surprised when he reflected the action she gave no objection, only wrapped herself around him he took a deep breath of relief. After a few seconds he watched in awe as she slid the already bunched up skirt down her legs closely followed by her tiny knickers. He was quick to join her in the state of undress, he looked at her for a moment and she to him as they lay in their natural state he leaned in and gently kissed her again.

Despite their gentleness their bodies aligned so easily into each other, neither one of them would describe it as sex(although the union took place), but as a intimacy which was healing a wound, there was no frenzy to it, nor sudden release which came with love making, but their heart beat next to each others, their lips never left each other, and all that was shared as they peaked was their eyes squeezing shut and their arms wrapping tighter round the other.

Anne was somewhat shocked when immediately after her release he burst into tears and the sweet sound of his voice crying into her "I'm so sorry Anne." He said simply as he continued to cry into her. "I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry too." She whispered back her voice almost choking on her words. "I, I don't think you were cheating on me, not really." She said quietly.

"How could I cheat on you?" he chocked, "I've wanted you for so long, why would I do that?" he asked her.

She shrugged and muttered "Maybe I'm too damaged to carry babies." She muttered, his eyes widened in shock as she spoke "Maybe you were looking for someone who could child bare." She said.

"Anne!" he gasped abhorred.

"You always wanted children, you said even back in high school that you wanted kids." She said.

"With you!" he told her.

"You didn't know that then..."

"Yes, yes I did, I knew the consequences of my fantasies, I knew you'd be their mother, if it wasn't you it would be no one."

"You'd want kids."

"I wanted you." He told her "I mean even if we have kids, we could think about adoption anyway."

"Adoption?" Anne asked.

"Well yeah." He said with a shrug "I heard some pretty awesome things about adopting." he said with a meaningful look to her which made her look into his eyes, almost with a smile on her face.

"Okay." she whispered. "Maybe." she agreed with a nod.

There was a marked silence before he whispered "I- I wasn't cheating on you, I was out with the Lambs okay?" he said to her.

"Oh." Anne said her head shaking. She pulled him back from her shoulder looking him in the eyes "Well, why didn't you just say? I would have loved to have seen the alumi." She told him softly.

"Not like this you wouldn't." Gilbert said after a pause.

"Not like what?" she asked.

He took a deep breath muttered something, when Anne asked him to repeat himself he said it a little louder "We went parachuting." He told her.

"You..." she shook her head and looked at him like he was crazy "You what?!" she asked he knew what was coming next their bodies separated under the covers, it felt like hell this time, but he knew this conversation was needed, they needed to talk, if he had a chance of saving his relationship. "You promised never do anything dangerous like that again!" Anne exclaimed "Or need I remind you, you nearly died doing a stunt like that."

"I know..." he started

"What is wrong with you!?" she questioned him. "How could you risk your life like that?!" she asked him "How can I lose Joy and you within six weeks of each other!?" she questioned.

"I needed..." he started

"What? A buzz? The thrill?" she asked.

"I needed a release!" he exclaimed "What the hell do you think it was the last time?" he asked her "You think I didn't know what I was doing was dangerous? All I knew last time was that I wasn't numb for a few hours I could feel something other then the pain of loosing you to another man."

"Right." Anne said sarcastically "and that's what you're doing this time?!"

"Why else would I Anne?!" he asked almost shouting.

"Because, Gil, it looks like you don't care!" Anne shouted at him. "Jumping out a plane and risking your life...!"

"I don't care?" he asked her.

"Yes, you, and what I said is that it looks like you don't care." She reiterated "you hadn't cried, you hadn't stopped, you just keep on going as if Joy never happened."

"Because I had to!" he exclaimed. "I don't care, I don't care..." he said pulling back and reaching for his laptop on the bedside table.

"Gil what are you doing?" she asked him.

"Just wait." He told her as he put in his password the screen came up with a background in place which surprised Anne.

"You've never had personal pictures as your computer background." She said.

"I know." Gilbert said his head held steady.

"I keep telling you to change it to a less generic one." She continued confused.

"I know." He repeated.

Anne looked again at the picture.

His desktop icons had always been so neat and tidy and still the same lay to the left of the screen the bin icon the skype icon, his browser icon and a short cut to his documents for school. There on the screen was a picture she had almost forgotten existed. Gilbert wasn't looking at the camera he was too busy looking down onto his chest. The curls from his hair loose down his forehead, you could see the tears on his cheeks his hand lay on top of his tiny daughter who was the object on his chest taking his entire attention, there were wires everywhere and the baby so small, her reddish purple skin showing next to his pink hand.

"That is the reason I kept going why I had no choice but to..." he trailed as the tears started to build in his eyes and he shook his head refusing the words to his lips.

"Are you ever going to talk about your feelings Gil!" She exclaimed. "I know you have them!" she told him "Do you know its been eight weeks? You can't hide them from me, I know you too well for that!"

"If I stop, if I morn what happened you know what will happen? I would lose my place at medical school, all this work all this sacrifice would have been for nothing. I don't get to stop I don't get to think about it because I still have a future to work to for us!" he argued back.

"You haven't been in school for over two weeks!" she exclaimed "You're about to loose it!" she argued.

"Because I lost you!" he cracked her, "Did you really think I haven't been in pain? Do you think there is a single millisecond I don't think about Joy about holding her for seconds before she was taken away from us." He told her "You, got to be a mom, you carried her, you felt her, you grew her, every second until the last, you knew things instinctually about her. Was she active? Was she laid back? What foods made her make you feel sick, what foods she made you crave, did she like classical music and hate heavy metal?" Anne looked at him wide eyed as she saw the tears rolling down his cheeks. "I don't know any of it! I didn't get to be a dad, before it was taken away from me, you got twenty two weeks!" he took a gasp and whispered "I got half an hour." He said with a sniff "and that's okay, that's how it is, but I am hurting Anne, just because I don't express it by crying and locking myself in bedrooms for hours at a time and moping around, it doesn't mean I don't feel it. We aren't all masters of our outward expressions. I have no way of releasing all this negativity! " He told her "and I remembered when I lost you, I did all the adrenaline rush stuff and it helped! If only for an hour or two but it stopped me from feeling nothing!" He took a gasp for air before he looked at a relieved Anne. "And I lost my baby! I lost our baby girl, I could do nothing! Nothing! I have medical training, I'm weeks away from getting my medical licence ready for matching and I couldn't help! and I thought it would help with the pain!" he exclaimed before he whispered "I tried everything, I tried being strong I tried studying more, I tried drinking I tried..."

"Everything but talking about it."

"But none of it worked! It didn't work!" He admitted the tears now running down his face. "and I had to wonder if..." he trailed

"If?" she questioned.

"If you, if you weren't better off without me." He admitted quietly.

He could honestly say he had never seen such a look of horror on Anne's face before. "are you serious?!" she questioned.

"If it weren't for me, if I hadn't..." he swallowed.

Anne didn't need another sign she went back to his side wrapping herself around him again "Oh my love." She whispered sadly.

" I needed a way to keep going and then you went away too." He said choking. "If I still want to be a doctor, which I do, I have to." He said choking back the tears. "I have to keep going." He said in tears, she could tell his narrative had got confused but stayed with him, her arms going around him. "but you were gone and you were better off without me." He whispered.

"No, I could never be better without you, do you know the difference you've made in my life?" She asked him. "I know what love feels like because of you! Do you know, do you have any clue what happens when I'm near you?" she questioned.

"But you wouldn't have got pregnant..." he stated.

"Do you regret Joy?" Anne asked him, to which he looked to her in horror

"No, bu-" he started.

"No, no buts." She objected. "I wouldn't change a single thing, if it meant those 30 minutes with her again I'd do it, I love her."

Gilbert looked to her and swallowed "I do too." he said quietly, "I can't bare the pain I put you through." He whispered. "Pain you might have been spared had you..." he trailed again and to her shock said "stayed with Roy."

Anne sighed heavily "Oh Gil!" she exclaimed "I never would have known love, had I stayed with Roy, a love, only you could give me, you know me you love me, something Roy could never comprehend." She kissed him on his lips only to feel the wet saltiness of his tears "I didn't know." She whispered to him sadly, starting to realise just how much pain he had been in. "I didn't know all of this has been racing around your head!"

"I- I feel it- I feel it everywhere!" he whispered to her "M-my heart is broken, and I don't know if it will ever mend, and then I lost you too!"

She smiled softly then said to him "You didn't loose me." She whispered to him bringing her cheek to his they rubbed together "You just, temporarily misplaced me." She said to him.

"It was up to me to be strong, for us for our future." He told her.

She sighed "No love, its up to us to be strong for each other." She whispered " And you don't have to hide it from me." She told him. "That is what I'm here for." She continued. "Anyone else, everyone else you don't have to, but me, and its not a force thing, but with me, part of the intimacy we share is because we share everything with each other. Now I don't know how it works with other people and quite frankly I don't care, but even before we were friends, we were intimate with each other, you told me about the hockey thing I told you about the song and my mom, I mean I never told anyone anything like that before." She admitted.

"Me neither." He admitted quietly.

"But its when we're apart that things go wrong, like there's this hole right where you should be and its not in a 'you make me whole' kind of way because I'm complete on my own." She told him. "Its just that I'm better, I'm a better person, I do things better, I'm better when I have you." She paused for a moment and the continued quietly "the only way we can get through this is by being honest and open with each other about how it makes us feel." She told him "because that's where our intimacy lies, doesn't it?" she asked him, to which he only nodded. "So, we're in this together?" she asked him.

"We are." he nodded to confirm his reply. "Because its breaking me to lose Joy," he told Anne. "It would kill me to lose you too."

"You're not going to lose me." She told him straight "not now," she said quietly then added in a whisper "not ever." She finished putting her arms around him tighter they held each other close sobbing in each others arms.

A couple of hours later Mrs Blythe opened the door she chuckled slightly at the sight. Anne was lying flat on her back her arms secure around the object, or rather the man who had planted himself firmly near her chest. His head was hiding one breast the other was hidden under his hand the only thing keeping their modesty was their blanket around their waist. She smiled softly, she had heard their 'argument' before but when all had gone quiet she wasn't worried, she knew her son, she knew her daughter in law. She smiled and made a decision, they were both looking too skinny for her liking.

Sometime later they woke in each others arms, they lazily squeezed into each other their lips reaching again for the intimacy.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know." Anne whispered to him.

"Do you really think me so heartless?" he asked her.

"I, no I... I always seem to forget your heart is just like mine, its just you really struggle with expressing it." She admitted "and I can see that now, and I forgot it, but you're telling the truth aren't you? You really have no idea how to release your worries?" she confirmed looking into his eyes.

"I'm not very good at it." He said quietly, "I never have been, when dad was sick I told no one, I retreated, then when I lost you to Roy, even that option wasn't open to me, I had already started on this path and I thought at least if I lost you I would still have school so I worked, and worked and I got tired and sick of being numb so I would do all those dangerous stunts." He shrugged. "And just for a little while I wouldn't feel so empty or sick or tired." He took a deep breath and shrugged "but then I would rather feel that way then deal with loosing..." he said his eyes filling with tears again. "I can't feel like this, I can't do it Anne." He said daring not to move away from her.

She reached for his ear and whispered "You can, and you should, its okay to cry Gil, its okay to feel sad or mad, its okay to be down right depressed." She sighed holding him again as she felt him hold her tighter "Its okay," she told him, then looked up at the bedside table with a confused look on her face, there lay an assortment of snacks and treats all baked goods, none of them healthy, Anne chuckled "Your mothers way of hinting we need to eat again." She told him.

"Trust mom for that." He rolled his eyes "You've not been eating have you?" he whispered kissing her shoulder from behind.

"Neither have you." Anne observed.

"You need to, you're body is healing, or trying to."

"I ate what I could, which hasn't been a lot, its just..." she blushed a little and admitted "its hard." She looked at him a little worried before he nodded his head in agreement and he reached for the banana bread breaking some off offering some to her which she took and looked down at the food before she asked "So um, can I ask, was it a message from Christine that day, do you remember when your mom saw the message come through?"

"Yeah, weirdest thing." He said shaking his head "she'd heard on the lambs grapevine that I was doing a jump, and she was texting me to welcome me back to life, then asked me if we had spilt up." He scoffed biting the banana bread, "Stupid girl, still hasn't married Andy, he's the best thing that could happen to her you know I don't know why she doesn't just marry him already."

Anne rolled her eyes picking at the corner of the food "she's waiting for a better offer."

"While being engaged to another man?" he asked "That's a flawed plan."

"Some guys are into girls who are taken, they see it as a challenge." She said with a playful raised eyebrow to him.

"Me?" he asked her. "Anne come on she knew I was into you..."

"She knew you'd been into me for a long time with no signs from me of any return of affection..."

"That's not true..." he started.

"So she knows you can stick in it, if she managed to tempt you..."

"Tempt?!"

"Lure, lure you away from me!"

He pinned her playful to the bed their pieces of banana bread almost flying out their hands, he brought his legs on either side of her he kissed into her neck before he whispered into her "Never." He sat up and looked down at her "Anne Shirley, did you think I was cheating on you with her!?"

Anne blushed slightly "its not impossible..." she said to him.

"Urgh!" he exclaimed in disgust. "That's disgusting!"

"Disgusting?" Anne said in disbelief "Christine is pretty."

"Christine is dull and predictable, she has no opinions which are individual she'd be in a mob without knowing the cause but because it was the 'popular' thing to do!" Gilbert exclaimed he brought himself to sitting up next to her in the bed his back to the headboard.

Anne looked up at him confused for a moment she asked "every single one of those had nothing to do with how she looks."

He looked to Anne and said "I know what you're thinking Anne Shirley." He told her. "I know you think 'well he doesn't go for looks, no wonder he's with me then'." He sighed "its so much more then that." He admitted. "Some people are physically gorgeous, like you said with Leslie when you first met her, and its true, as I said with Leslie once I notice, you can't deny it." He said thoughtfully "then some people you meet them and their souls are big they just burst out of them, and that's what I saw that first day I met you. " He told her "I mean you were beautiful because your soul was bursting from you." He took a breath and thought out loud "then gradually as I got to know you the pieces fell into place." He said with a grin "and as they did one by one, piece by piece I fell more and more in love with you because it made sense of just how wonderful you were, and one day, looks will fade you know people get old, but spirits last forever." He smiled and whispered "Yours was bursting out, because it was so beautiful, I associate all those things which make you you, all those eccentricities all that passion, that knowledge those opinions and love!" he gave a peaceful grin "I associate those things with beauty."

Anne looked up at him and smiled widely "You know Gilbert Blythe you do surprise me at times."

He looked down into her eyes and whispered "You are beautiful, the most beautiful girl I know." He told her "All those things all put together make a picture of you." He shrugged "and I will never never cheat on you!"

Anne snuggled in beside him and whispered "I know."