Overnight, AJ had settled into the way of life that surrounded us in Rivendell. I wanted to speak with him about what he knew about how he came to be here with us. I wasn't as relaxed about the situation when I arrived; perhaps it was due to the repulsive orcs that found me and decided to create scars on me. Despite living the best life possible since I arrived and was rescued, I found it difficult to look at the positive aspects of living here; maybe it was the reason why I never allowed myself to become close to cirdan.

I dressed for the day in a white day dress with long sleeves. Despite wanting to speak to cirdan again about the previous night's discussions; I also wanted to speak to AJ. I was unsure of the priority. However once again fate had decided for me and I was informed that Lord Elrond had sent for me this morning and wanted me to meet him in the throne room.

As I approached the doors I felt myself becoming nervous; in truth, I had no idea what this would be about. With my heart in my chest, I asked the guard to announce me before entering myself.

Despite living in Rivendell for very nearly two years, the feeling of being nervous still came when I had an audience with his lordship.

'Milord,' I acknowledged while looking at him. Despite his request for me not to curtsy and bow my head at him, I did in spite of this. It felt wrong to not show such respect to an individual who had shown me so much kindness.

'Victoria,' I received gently, in reply. 'Please come and sit by me'

'Thank you,' I replied as I sat down lightly at the large meeting table for his lords.

'i assume you are aware of the reason why I asked you here this morning?'

'i'm afraid not my lord'

'I am aware you have been looking for your own home since you travelled here and lived with us here in Rivendell; however, I am wondering how much longer you will be dedicated to this task.'

'Until I find my family once again my lord'

I saw the hesitation in his eyes and he paused before continuing.

'Only, the arrival of our latest guest has caused me to question if that day should arrive, victoria.'

I took a moment to breathe and prepare a reply that wouldn't cause me to sound like a child.

'I will never allow myself to think, I might never go home one day'

'Victoria, Cirdan has made his intentions clear to me with regards to his affections for you and please understand that I only wish the best for you. He wishes to court you and has asked once again for permission.' He stood and walked around so I could no longer see him. 'Victoria, please understand that to be unhappy with only one goal in your sights would be foolish.'

I stood in anger facing him yet lord Elrond did not seem surprised by this; clearly, he understood my character more than I anticipated.

'I do not want to create a life here only for it to be ruined when my life returns to the way it was. I would never assume that I will be here for the rest of my life.' I spoke with a raised voice but actively tried my best not to shout. 'I am very grateful to you for everything you have done but I can't commit myself to be here for the rest of my life.'

I turned my back on lord Elrond and heard a loud sigh, probably in frustration. My mind was a total disaster at this point and I wished that I could make sense of everything around me. I realised at that moment, with AJ's appearance, there was a good chance more individuals would be appearing rather than me returning. Perhaps it was time to accept my situation and make the best of it? I couldn't make sense of it but in everyone else's mind, it would probably make sense. I still struggled with the concept of AJ accepting this so easily despite having a young son back home that waited for him. We still had no idea of how to determine the time difference or how quickly time would pass during our time here. I was brought out of my reverie by lord Elrond placing a hand on mine, atop the table I was leaning on.

'Victoria, please consider what I am saying to you. You are young and I don't believe that you should spend your life pining after your family who isn't a part of this world. You are part of this world now child and I believe that you could be happy here if you make it your home and come to accept your situation here with us. I will always care for you and assist you in your search for your family, but please try to make more of a life for yourself. It pains me to see you so depressed because you feel alone. I am aware of the conversation between yourself and cirdan last evening and I wish for you to consider him.'

A tear ran down my face in the knowledge that he was true, right; my refusal to accept my situation had impacted me more than I realised.

'What if I create a family here and then we find a way for me to return?' I asked without looking at him.

'Should that day arrive, you will choose to return home or reside here. Either decision will result in happiness and regret, but I am confident that day isn't for many years.'

I expected to cry harder at hearing such words but it sobered me, hardened me and made me stronger for the days ahead. I thanked Lord Elrond with the promise to join them that evening for dinner and speak to cirdan.

I stood on the balcony of my room looking over the waterfall, the sound of the water hitting the rocks was so gentle yet harsh. I watched the water carefully, waiting for a decision to enter my mind. Cirdan had been in support for me since I arrived in Rivendell, I still doubted the affection he hoped for on my part. I had refused to accept that would be here longer than a year and yet it had been nearly two, and I was still rejecting any signs of commitment.

Cirdan suddenly came into my view, walking towards the waterfall, not wearing his usual armour and weaponry; I was surprised at how much he looked so normal, so soft and gentle. I was so sure that I didn't want to be here anymore and that my family would be looking for me, so it would be my duty to return home. Cirdan remained sitting on a boulder on the edge of the bank and looked forwards not moving; I assumed he was looking at the waterfall, like I had been moments before. Were we compatible? Elves married much sooner here than we did back home. I could never see myself married and I knew, if I became involved with someone here I would be expected to marry them. Despite it being a concept I never considered myself, the thought of marriage to cirdan did not disgust me. Had my mother marrying three times created a phobia of love in me? I spent the majority of my life looking after my brothers and sisters when our stepfather started to beat our mother, perhaps I was subconsciously protecting myself from something similar.

But loneliness never suited anyone.

Taking a leap of faith, I followed him to the edge of the river and stood there for a moment watching him just resting there. Cirdan wore a white long-sleeved shirt and brown trousers, his blonde hair tied back like he only wears in the palace. The sight of him in none military clothing was unfamiliar to me, which showed how much I had pushed him away without realising. This elf had protected me and cared for me even when I made it clear I wasn't sure of my feelings. In truth, I cannot say I was sure that moment how I felt. I truly felt like a coward.

Deciding to be brave for once, I took the grassy stepping stones and kneeled to the side of him whilst he looked down. I continued to watch him without expression, finally, cirdan looked at me in the eyes and there was a gaze there, between just the two of us; something in synchronised acknowledgement that hadn't been there before. Cirdan stood and to my surprise walked towards me, wading through the water gently, as if he was afraid to disturb anything in the water. He reached me when the water was to his waist, I couldn't move, I didn't dare to. I felt his hands on my own and his forehead was touching mine. He cared for me more than I ever realised and felt I had caused him great pain.

'Please,' He asked softly and quietly.

'What if I can return?' I replied

'I will follow.' It sounded so simple and loving. Did he care so much about me that he would follow me anywhere?

'Please.' I did not know what I was asking but was sure I would not be as safe with anyone else in this world other than cirdan. Could love follow? I was sure it would, I was willing to find out.

He would not kiss me as elven tradition ordered, I felt safe in that knowledge. I stayed there for several minutes slowly turning an embrace of our hands to holding each other entirely.

The sound of the waterfall was in my ears as he pulled away and held out his hand for me to take. I stepped into the water not caring how wet I would become.

'Please give me the chance victoria'

'Lord Elrond spoke to me today and told me you had confided in him,' I began. 'I am sorry for the pain I have caused you'

I was nearly cut off by a gentle 'shhh' from cirdan.

'You were focused on another task. I was not the priority…..' He looked down at our hands. As he looked at me again, his arms were wrapped around my waist. 'But would like to be one day.'

I stood there, in the water, being held by an elf; a creature I barely even believed to exist at one point in my life, in a world that was only fictional during my childhood. He had confessed his affection for me, his care and potentially his love, did I dare not give myself the chance to be loved?

'I'm just….so grateful, we have this time to spend together.' I said, 'I know it is not the answer you want, but maybe we can find out the chances together.'

'Thank you,' he replied.

The evening consisted of drinking and laughter. In earnest, I felt truly alone in the room after my conversation with cirdan. As I sat there watching the room around me, my thoughts turned to AJ. In a matter of hours, he had become much more accepting of his situation and it genuinely surprised me. When I first arrived, I would speak to no one except cirdan. Perhaps that explained why he felt the way he did around me; and why i was also avoiding him where physically possible. It wasn't intentional at first during the evening but I felt his eyes on me when i entered the great hall. It was then that i realised i couldn't shake my mind away from cirdan; no matter how hard i fought it.