Yes, I've uploaded the right one, wait with it, you'll see what its about as you read it.
"What were you thinking?!" The principle tried again with the young man in front of him. "Cutting up and guttering a rabbit then smearing it and hanging it across school property!"
The young man flicked his light brown hair from his blue eyes his lips pouted. "I dunno." He shrugged. "I was bored."
"Bored?!" The Principle said walking round his desk exasperated. "How can I get through to you?" he asked the boy no older the sixteen in front of him. "Hm? This isn't the first thing."
"I know." He said looking down into his lap.
"Lets see," the principle said opening the file in front of him "intimidation..."
"Matt Stevens spun that, that wasn't intimidation, it was banter..."
"A fight with a senior." He continued.
"It was self defence." The boy muttered.
"Lack of attention in class..." the teacher continued.
"If that was a crime half the school would be up for sentence." He muttered.
Whereupon the Principle looked sharply at him "All of these things add up and don't usually happen in the first few weeks of the first semester of a freshmen's high school career." The Principle sighed "And I worry because your brother..."
"I'm nothing like him!" the boy objected standing quickly in temper.
"You are everything like him from what I've seen so far, is that your aim in life? To be like your brother?" the principle probed for the first time seeing a reaction other then a mutter from the lad.
The boys hand hit the desk there. "I'm nothing like him! I'm nothing like any of them! You see me you see my name and you think you know me because of my surname!"
"I think I know you from your actions!" The principle told him which made the lad look confused at him "you can't keep doing the same things over and over again expecting a different result, the same actions will lead to the same reactions." The principle paused seeing the boys demure change "Do you want the same consequences as the rest of your family?" The boy made no reply but his cheeks blushed a little. "I don't know if I should exclude you from school or not." The principle admitted shaking his head "So here's what I'll do." He nodded. "Come tomorrow first thing and we can discuss it further, you sleep on it and decide your fate, you can change it you know, it only takes one determined soul to break the destructive cycle they've been brought up in." Again the boy didn't say anything but turned to leave. "Do you know what you want to be when you leave school? What career path would you pursue?"
The boy said nothing but without turning round shrugged. "You cut and gutted that rabbit perfectly, I know my family were hunters." He admitted. "Knife work like that you could be honourably one of two things." The boy looked back at the principle who told him "a surgeon, or a butcher." The principle bottom lip protruded "give that some thought too." When the boy stood still and didn't move but stared at him unbelievingly he said "Its alright Josh, you can go."
Josh entered silently into the house. He sighed looking around at the empty room. He walked across the small living room to the kitchen opening the fridge and sighed at the sight of the half empty milk a block of butter and the half mouldy cheese. He reached inside his bag grateful for the reduced price loaf of bread he had the money for on the way home. He could make ten dollars go a long way for the week when he was careful and kept his food to himself. He put two slices of bread in the toaster and put the butter on top. He pulled out a tin of shop branded cheap baked beans and heated the whole thing. He took his food and sat in front of the television switching it on. He flicked the channels looking for something to watch, he would probably watch some trash and he knew it, but he stopped suddenly, a new programme called Keeping Canada Alive. His brow furrowed at the memory of his principle saying he could be something, even a surgeon. Something strange had happened when he said it, he felt a tiny bit of hope, he never been told he was good at anything before.
In and out of trouble since he was six, he didn't care at the time, he was following in his big brothers steps, he had adored Micheal and wanted to impress him, but slowly as time went on the comparison became so negative as his older brother dropped out of high school and into drugs and debt. Things had come to ahead with the two brothers the year before hand when he found Micheal was leaving.
"You can't go and leave me here!" Josh had shouted at him. "I'll tell mom and dad!" he threatened.
"You can't threaten me with people who don't care!" Micheal had told him. "Mom gambling away everything and Dad drinking it away, we're just given cash at the beginning of the week and told to get lost so I'm just making it more permeant." He sighed "Don't you get it? You'll get the twenty dollars all to yourself..."
"I don't want the twenty dollars to myself!" Josh objected. "I want my brother!"
"Well I don't want you!" he snapped back. Micheal paused looking at his brother Josh shaking his head.
Still with Josh denying it, Micheal left.
Six weeks later he had seen Micheal down near the docks, shooting himself to high heaven. They had argued, the last words Josh spoke to his brother was "you aren't my brother I hate you!"
His parents never asked or cared when Josh said he knew where Micheal was when he was away from them. Josh knew they wouldn't care if he disappeared either.
Ten weeks ago the police had came to the door and said the homeless elder brother was dead.
Nine weeks ago Josh was the only one in presence at his funeral.
Eight weeks ago he had started high school.
He was a lone man. He knew that the school district had already visited his house when his parents failed to turn up at a parent teacher meeting. That night they had beaten him, several across his chest area, one clearly visible on his eyes, of course the principle had seen him the next day in school. Josh had sat silently as he'd put everything together, but had no proof.
He had no support at home, his parents abused him, they had no formal education between them and mocked their sons into submission, they had been careful with their older son, never to let any abuse show physically, they hadn't been so careful the night before.
Josh looked at his food and the fork hit the plate as he sighed heavily. He watched the programme looking as a surgeon worked on a patient. He looked at his watch then at the TV Programme again.
Something had to change.
Make that someone.
And it had to be him.
"I can do it." Josh told the man following him as he worked "I'm stronger then I look and... and I'm sure I would work hard, and I've been told I'm a natural with the knife and..."
"Prove it." The man said pointing to the heavy net of fish.
Josh looked at the fish and then to the man " 12 pounds an hour."
The man chuckled before he replied "nine and you come early to every shift to dock the boats."
"Eleven, and you dock it yourself." Josh said.
"Ten, and you show me how well you can gut this fish." He suggested.
Josh swallowed looking at the fish "10.50, you show me how and every day I work here I come back after school and you give me one of the fish that you haven't sold that day one which would go to waste otherwise for free."
The man laughed and nodded, "Only if you do it first time." Not believing Josh would. He took him through step by step then watched in amazement as the boy completed the task. "Beginners luck?" he questioned, to which Josh shrugged. "and again."
An hour later the man came back to Josh's side and nodded at his work. "Not bad, not bad at all." He said putting the 10.50 beside the boy. "What's your name?"
"Josh." He replied.
"Four thirty to seven thirty AM Monday Wednesday Friday Saturday and Sunday. You can make it?"
"Yeah its before school." Josh nodded.
"Three hours before school?" he asked.
"Yeah." Josh agreed. He looked over at the grain being brought in to the market. "What's that?" he asked pointing towards it.
"The pulses and grains from the farms." The fishmonger replied.
"To eat?" Josh asked.
Which made the fishmonger laugh "Aye, to eat kid, do you not know how to take care of yourself?" he asked. With no reply from the boy the fishmonger looked seriously at Josh. "Do you not have no parents?" he asked.
Josh gasped then steadied himself "I dunno." He shrugged.
"Pulses, grains, everything over there, a portion counts as one of your fruit and veg a day, generally don't taste too bad if you cook em right. Keep yer self healthy, smart and strong."
"Smart?" Josh asked.
He looked to the boy again "You need to do your research."
Josh took a deep breath as he opened the door into the library. He entered the room not sure of what to expect but was shocked with the rows of books ahead of him.
'Crap!' he thought 'how am I meant to find anything in here?'
"Can I help you?" The librarian asked him.
"Yeah," he said approaching the desk, "where can I find stuff out about nutrition and fitness and stuff?" he asked.
"Applied science 600-699..." she started.
"Shit! There's 600 books on it?!" he exclaimed.
"Mind your language!" the librarian snapped which startled Josh a little but then she clarified "we divided the library into sections, each section has a number attached to it, 600-699 is the number classification for applied science."
"Oh." Josh sighed. "So how many books are there on it?"
The librarian came out from behind her desk and walked him to the section "These two shelves are all applied science."
To which Josh sighed again, "Is there any, applied science for dummies?" he asked her half jokingly.
The librarians lips upturned into a smile "if you wanted a general idea we do have computers." She told him. "You could look it up on the internet come back to me with a more specific topic and we could pick a book or two on it."
"The computer..." Josh nodded. "Right..." he thought outloud. "Can I come back every day and read the books?" he asked.
"You could, or you could borrow them..." she started.
"Oh no, I don't have any money until..." he started in return.
"Borrowing them is free." She told him, to which he looked to her amazed. "I'd give you a library card and as long as you got the books back to us before they are due back, I would tell you that date, but as long as you get them back on time, you'd pay nothing."
Josh let out a big sigh. "Thanks." He said.
"We're open till seven."
"Hey." Josh said as he entered the front door to his dad watching the TV.
"You in trouble?" he grunted.
Josh shook his head "no."
"Where were you then?" His dad asked.
"Out." Josh said not wanting to admit he had both got himself a job and gone to the library, he got a glass out the cabinet and got himself a glass of water.
"You eaten today?" His father asked as he joined Josh in the kitchen.
"Have you?" Josh asked to which he received a slap across the back of his head the smell of stale liquor passing him.
"Have some respect." he muttered.
"Yes dad." He managed. "Going to bed." He muttered before he picked back up his bag from the table and went to his bedroom with his glass of water.
He shut his bedroom door behind him sat on his bed cross-legged and brought one of the library books out.
He looked at the cover and traced the words with his fingers "The Human Body Atlas: How the human body works by the National Geographic. Josh opened the book and started to read.
"Sit down." The principle said to him as he came in the room, to which Josh obeyed. "So, what to do?" he questioned. "I've reached out to your parents, I had no response."
"Don't expect any." Josh muttered.
"No,I figured as much." The Principle said in return. "Will they notice if you don't come to school?" he asked Josh.
"I dunno." He said. "But don't."
The Principle looked up with furrowed brow. "But don't?" he asked.
"Exclude me, expel me, just..." he paused not wanting to show he cared all of a sudden. "...I... um, I think I can do better."
"Oh?" The Principle asked. "You've already had chances to prove it."
"Then give me one more." Josh said.
The Principle paused not saying anything but looking to him for a response.
"Look here." He said pulling out the library books from his bag "I went to the library last night, did you know you can borrow books from there for free?" he asked.
"You don't say." He said tongue in cheek.
"An...aaannd what you said last night about being a doctor or a surgeon or a butcher, I dunno you said it, you said I could and I went down to the docks last night..."
"You were busy last night."
"...and I have a job, guttering fish but its a job." He spouted, the principle watching him as the boy came alive for the first time he had met him eight weeks ago "I did my first shift this morning I made like thirty dollars! Do you know what that means? Three weeks worth of food!" he exclaimed. "I made more in one hour then my parents give me for all week!" he said. "I'm earning and its mine and I have some control in all this, you were right, I can change my destiny, I don't have to end up like the rest of them do I?" he asked his principle.
The Principle looked at him seriously "are you telling me your parents give you ten dollars at the beginning of the week for you to get food for yourself?" he asked.
"That's what you're taking away from all this?!" Josh asked exasperated.
The Principle chuckled. "No of course not." He said shaking his head. "You got a job?" he asked Josh.
"He didn't say but I could tell they thought I was alright, they said all I had to do was show up in the mornings, and I can do that." He said. "I still have time to shower, and get to school on time like I did today. I actually bought some fancy shower gel and deodorant the branded stuff and I got an agreement with my work that if I go there after school he'll give me some fish that would have gone to waste anyway and I can buy grains and stuff there, did you know how good it is for you?" he asked "it says in this book..." he started.
"Slow down Josh!" The Principle smiled. "You have time to learn all this." He nodded. Josh smiled and sat back.
"I think I want to, I don't know, learn about all this." He said. "Health and diet and how to take care of myself and I dunno, maybe slice something more then a fish one day." He said looking to his principle.
"You mean be a surgeon?" he asked Josh.
To which Josh nodded, "But I need to be here to get there." He said quietly.
"Top grades too." His Principle said, looking to the lad who bit his bottom lip. "You care?" he asked.
"I want to." Josh shrugged. "I... I want to care and I want to do it."
"Well then." The Principle said nodding his head looking at Josh seriously. "One more chance."
He pulled out a piece of paper which was his school timetable for the semester "Can I fix this too?"
Josh was the last one into the chemistry classroom, be looked around for a spare seat and the only one to be found was next to a girl. His shoulder flumped slightly but he took a deep breath and walked over to the girl.
"Is anyone sitting here?" he asked her.
The girl looked up at him through her glasses her brown hair tied up in bun. "No." She told him then returned to reading her book.
His brow furrowed for a minute, that still wasn't permission to sit next to her. "Can I?" he asked her.
She looked up again glared at him and sighed "suppose." She shrugged.
He sat in the chair this bag going on the table in front of him.
"I'm Josh Green." He told the girl.
She half smiled and nodded "I'm Zara Roberts." She told him.
He smiled "That's a pretty name. I haven't met a Zara before." He said.
She looked at him then looked around the classroom. "Your joining the class late." She observed.
"Yeah, well its before then end of drop period and I'm trying to, do, I dunno something," he told her "I just, I figured at worse I've wasted a semester." He told her.
Zara nodded "then some advice for you." She started.
"Sure." He said enthusiastically with a smile to her.
"Don't seem like you like me." She told him.
He looked at her confused "I... I'm sorry?"
"Look I'm not popular, people don't like me much and if they see you liking me, they won't like you either."
He half chuckled "You seem confident about that?" he questioned.
"I am, I went to junior high with half of these idiots from the main feeder school, you didn't go to Jefferson did you?"
"No, Montgomery."
"So you had to be 'in' with the 'in' crowd to start of well here."
"What makes you think you're not 'in'?" he asked.
"Because I don't laugh at messing around, I don't like dirty jokes, not because I'm religious or anything but because I find it distasteful, I don't go to their parties and I don't drink."
They sat quietly for a moment as the teacher walked in the room. "I don't let anyone tell me who I do and don't like." He whispered to her, to which she looked to him surprised.
"Joshua Green?" The teacher asked.
"Here sir." He said standing for a moment.
The teacher looked confused at him and then the sheet of paper. "You want to do advanced biology?" he asked Josh.
"Yes sir." He nodded.
"By choice?" he questioned.
"Yes sir." He agreed.
"Very well, you okay sitting there?" the teacher asked him.
"If Zara is okay with it." He stated, the teacher looked up and looked to a stunned Zara who nodded.
"Very well you may sit."
He sat down and looked at her and they smiled at each other.
The lesson completed itself and she looked at him "What do you have next?" she asked him.
"Nutrition." He said shaking his head. "You too?" asked he,to which she nodded "another new elective." He told her.
"Did you change your whole timetable?" she asked him.
"Pretty much." He nodded looking at the new timetable.
She looked at the sheet in his hand. "You're taking sign language?" she asked him.
"Hey!" he objected.
"No, no, so am I." She told him.
"Oh." He nodded. "You sit alone in them too?" he asked her to which she nodded. "cool." He smiled.
He was walking up from the harbour with the fish in his bag and some pulses which he had strict instructions on how to cook. He looked happened to look towards the shores edge where he saw the outline of his new friend. He walked over to her and smiled as he approached, she had her books open in front of her reading. "Odd place to study?" he questioned her.
She looked up and smiled, "Not really." She shrugged, "its quiet this time of year the breeze keeps people away from the shore, its not strong enough to bother me so I'll read here, I like the fresh air the sound of the waves while I read on my kindle, I'll go home to write, as long as its not bound I'm okay to read it here."
He sat beside her looking at her quizzically. "So, you do this study stuff because you like it?" he asked her.
She laughed before she looked up seeing his serious face "Sorry I thought you were kidding." Zara told him. "Yes, I like it, I like to learn."
"Why?" he asked.
"Because its nice finding out things I didn't know before." She replied, to which he looked at the top of the kindle for the name of the book she was reading.
"Of mice and men." He said. Opening his own bag and bringing it out. "I got the last copy out the school library." He told her.
She smiled "My parents downloaded it when they saw it was on the curriculum." She admitted "so I could put notes in, make it mine you know and always have those notes." She smiled.
"Wow." He said nodding. "Its smart." He nodded, "The kindle." He admitted. "And having your own copy." He thought outloud.
"Won't your parents buy you the book?" she asked him.
"No." He said shaking his head. "probably not." He admitted. "But that's what the library is for right?" he asked her, "I can use this until I can buy it, I can I have a job now." He told her.
She smiled at him and nodded. "Do you..." she started then shook her head.
"What?" he asked.
"Nothing, I mean we just met, but would you like to come and study at my house?" she asked him. "Its getting later so..."
He swallowed and looked surprised.
"sorry." She apologised.
"No, don't be." He shook his head. "Just..." he trailed then looked up at her "I've never gone to a friends house before." He said quietly.
She smiled. "Well you have now." She said as a matter of fact.
They started walking up the harbour. "So, your parents got you to get fish?" she asked him.
"Um, kinda." He shrugged. "Can we pop by my house and put this in the fridge?" he asked her.
"Sure." She smiled. "So I heard you've made quite the first impression in high school?" she asked him.
"Oh, um..." he said nervously. "Well, I said I was trying something new." He said to her looking to the ground.
"Well I admire the attempt." She told him.
"Really?" he asked her.
"Its hard to be good all the time in high school, you get called teachers pet and everything but I think it must be harder to turn over a new leaf."
They came to the shops along the harbour and he looked curiously at a barbers shop. "Hey I can get my hair cut here?" he asked no one in particular.
Zara looked to him surprised. "Oh, um, yes I suppose."
He looked at the price list and nodded. "Interesting." He said. "Sorry lets keep going." He said to her.
They chattered between themselves before they arrived at Zara's house. "Holy crap!" he exclaimed looking at her house "You're rich!" he exclaimed.
She chuckled "No not very but..." she blushed having seen the run down house Josh had lived it, she had been surprised when she saw the fridge was empty other then some butter, bread and the food Josh put it. "come on." She smiled to him.
They went in the front door where she put down her bag.
"Whose home?" came a voice from the kitchen.
"Its me." She called.
"Ah Zara!" the women's voice called. "come on through!" it said.
"I've brought my friend too, we're going to use the kitchen table and study if that's okay?" Zara asked taking off her coat indicating to Josh to do the same thing.
"Sure." They called back. "But why not use your bedroom?" she asked.
Zara chuckled then called "his name is Josh."
There was a pause where Zara and Josh looked at each other with a grin. "Oh sure." The voice tried to sound casual, before they picked up their bags and headed through the kitchen. "Mom, this is Josh." She said to the women kissing her on the cheek the older women doing the same to her.
"Hello Josh." The women smiled to him.
"Hi—um Hello Mrs Roberts." He said.
"You don't mind the sound of cooking while you work?" she asked him.
"No." He shook his head.
"Snack?" she asked them.
Josh looked shocked at such a question while Zara answered for them in the positive as she sat at the island in the kitchen where there were some stools.
"So, where are you up to in of mice and men?" she asked him.
"Only where we're up to in class." He shrugged. "actually I need to actually..." he looked down quietly where unseen to him Zara and her mother looked at each other. Zara's mother put down the tray in front of them. Josh looked amazed at the glasses of milk and the cut up apple and peanut butter in front of them.
"Well lets start it again. I'll read the narration bits, I'll be Lenny you be George." She suggested.
"Okay." He nodded.
An hour later they looked up to see the family had entered around them, getting on with various things. It turned out Zara was the middle of three daughters an older sister and a younger one. Mrs Robert's was a receptionist at the middle school Zara had just left, her father was a dentist. Zara's older sister Hannah came in from swim team practice, she was a senior in high school and her younger sister Grace was in middle school and head cheerleader this year.
"Josh would you like to stay for dinner?"
"Oh, no thank you." He blushed quietly. "Thats kind but I better get home." He said putting his books back in his bag.
"I'll just go get something." Zara told him as she disappeared upstairs.
"So you all do athletic stuff?" he asked them. "Zara never said what hers is."
"Dance." Her mother looked surprised.
"Oh what kind?" he asked.
"Ballroom mostly but she's on the dance team at school."
"What do you play Josh?" Grace asked him.
"Oh." He said shaking his head not sure what to say. "I don't know if I have one yet really." He admitted. "Is that bad?" he asked.
Mrs Roberts shook her head "not necessarily, its good to be physically fit, it helps with your mind, activity breeds activity."
He listened and nodded. "That makes sense." He agreed.
Mrs Roberts looked at him seriously. "You could start with track." She suggested "Cardio activities see where it leads you."
He smiled and nodded, "Thanks." He said to her.
"Josh?" Zara said with a nod to him to beckon him to the door.
"It was really nice to meet you all." He said genuinely.
"You're welcome." Mrs Roberts said to him as he stood, she looked him in the eyes the first time he could remember a mother looking at him like that she said "you can come any time."
He smiled and thanked her, before joining Zara in the front corridor area.
"Your family is really nice." He whispered to her.
"Thanks." Zara said with a smile to him as he put on his coat. "Here." She said to him.
He looked at the tablet she handed him. "Whats this?" he asked her.
"My old fire tablet, and the charger." She told him. "Its memory is wiped so its like brand new, I don't need this, I've got the one I used earlier, its just lying in my draw, its mine to give away, its a shame for it to go to waste."
He looked to it, then to her. "Thank you." He said quietly. "Can you help me set it up?" he asked her.
"Sure." She said to him. "I can come to your house after dinner, do you have wifi?" she asked him.
"No." He said quietly. "But the library does." He said hopefully. "Could you meet me there, show me how to do it?" he asked.
"Sure." She nodded.
"Cool." He smiled. "Um, half six?" he asked her to which she nodded. "Cool." He smiled. "Zara are you sure?" he asked her.
"Do you have one?" she asked him.
"well, no." He admitted.
"I'll show you how to use it if you don't need it after a few weeks then just give it back." She suggested.
A week later Josh came into school. He could feel people were looking at him oddly though at first he couldn't work out why at first. He eventually got into first period where Zara looked at him.
"Finally!" He exclaimed to her "tell me, what the hell is wrong with me?!" he exclaimed.
Zara smiled "Nothing." She chuckled "but you cut your hair." She observed.
"Yeah so?" he asked.
"A good haircut does wonders in high school Josh." She grinned "don't you know?" she asked him.
He looked at her quizzically and said "Did I tell you I made the hockey team?" he asked her to which she shook her head. "Coach Taylor said I'm better then Blake Robson anyway." He said with a smile.
"Well done." Zara replied genuinely "that's really good." She told him.
"Who is that?!" they heard one of the girls whisper in front of them "Next to Zara?"
"Oh his name is Josh." One of the other girls whispered "He's on the hockey team."
"He's cute." They whispered followed by a giggle.
Josh looked genuinely stunned.
"Told you." Zara whispered to him.
"I'm cute?" he whispered to her.
Zara chuckled "fake modesty doesn't suit you mate." She teased him, but she could tell by the look on his face he wasn't kidding.
The end of the period came and they walked past the same group of girls as they walked down the corridor.
"Hi Josh." One girl said swaying her hips her eyelids fluttering at him as she tugged him by the arm bringing him into the fold.
He stood shocked for a minute looking to Zara for help who simply turned around and walked backwards for a moment a teasing look on her face before she turned back round and walked away.
"Hello." He said looking at them all "Ladies."
"I'm Alexis, this is Lauren and Madison." She told him "How come we haven't seen you before?" she asked him.
"Um." Josh smiled nervously.
Alexis smiled. "You seem nervous?" she questioned him. "Lets see what we can do about it?"
The end of the semester came, where Josh had worked hard. He was called into the principle office.
"Am I in trouble?" he asked the principle.
"Not at all Josh." The principle smile. "Just missed you." He joked and with a worried look for Josh he beckoned him to sit down. "All your teachers have reported quite a turn around. You've made no trouble kept yourself clean and out of trouble , your class work, your end of semester grades..." He said with a smile. "I don't normal hand these out to students but..." he handed him the slip of paper.
Josh smiled looking at the results. Two A's mostly B's and one C.
"From your last middle school report card to this..." his head teacher said "Josh this is extraordinary."
Josh's chest puffed up in pride as he looked to those marks on the report card. "I've always been jealous when I've seen others with grades like this!" he admitted. He looked up at the Principle "Could I go to university with grades like this?" he asked.
The Principle smiled "Are you still wanting to?" he asked.
"Being a surgeon," he said thoughtfully "really seems to call to me. I could make a difference, I could be productive, I could make money..." he said "then my mom and dad wouldn't need to live like they do, they could come and live with me in a nice house and they wouldn't have to be so depressed." He said looking at the card again, unseen to Josh the principle looked sadly at him. "I've already decided I'm going to save at least £100 dollars of my pay a week then I can pay for my own college tutitions, at least to start with, I can get another part time job at college, I don't know what yet, but I could, and start saving up for medical school..."
The principle looked at him and nodded. "You know there are bursaries and grants, scholarships which could help you." He told Josh. "See the guidance councillor she'll have more information."
"T-thank you." Josh stuttered.
"Keep improving like this Josh, you could well qualify for some help, you wouldn't have to pay for it all on your own."
When Josh came out Alexis was waiting for him "Hey." She smiled as he came out, he put his arm around her as they walked out the office "Are you okay?" she asked him.
"Yeah," he said "just a catch up, making sure I was keeping my nose clean."
Alexis smiled "I can't believe you caused such a rumpus at the beginning of the year."
Josh shrugged "I was making my mark." He said jokingly.
"Hey can I come over tonight?" she asked him. "we can Netflix and, you know..." she shrugged.
"I'm going to Zara's tonight." He said honestly. "we're doing that extra credit Mathletics, we're just working on that."
Alexis flicked her blond hair back, "You're very nice to her." She told Josh.
Josh rolled his eyes "well she's my friend," he admitted, though perhaps he thought her more as his best friend.
"I have basketball." She said to him.
"I have track." He said after a quick peck on the cheek they parted into their separate locker rooms.
"Joshua!" His mother called him out of his room a couple of days later.
"Yeah?" he asked opening his door coming out to the living room.
"What's this?" she asked him waving the paper in front of him.
"My report card." He said catching a glimpse of it. She slapped him across his head. "Ow!"
"Where's the real one?" she asked him.
"That is the real one." He told her.
"Don't lie, you couldn't get these grades." She told him "What did you do break into the office and change your grades?" she asked.
"If I was smart enough to do that I wouldn't need to." He muttered.
"Use black pen?" she asked him.
"The envelope was sealed." He observed.
"I get reports of you mouthing off at school, then a few weeks later you're a smart arse?" she asked him.
"That was at the beginning of the semester," he muttered, "I changed my mind." He started to go back to his bedroom.
"Where are you going?" She asked him.
"Out." He said grabbing his bag zipping it up.
"where out?" she asked him.
He opened the door "Just out."
"...I wish..." he trailed then stopped himself. "Sorry." He whispered.
"Don't be." Zara told him putting her arm around him his going around her as they looked out to the shore. "I wish they knew you well enough to know you weren't lying."
"Its okay." He whispered to her "I can do it without them."
"Course you can." She told him and after a moments silent she asked him "Do you want to tell someone about your parents?" she asked him.
He took a deep breath and sighed. "They've given me what I need, and I don't think they don't love me, its just..." he trailed "...first Hannah and now Micheal, I mean they're just broken." He shrugged.
"What do you remember about her?" she asked.
"That she was a cute little baby." He grinned. "I was only four but Micheal was much older, he remembered it all." He took a deep sigh "everything changed when she died, cot death is no one's fault..." he shrugged. "Dad was bipolar, without any support, he wouldn't take his medicine, it lead to the drink and mom just..." he looked down to her "maybe we could have been more like your family if she'd lived."
She chuckled a little before he squeezed her. "You can come over you know, any time you want." She told him "we like you."
Senior year.
"Josh!" he heard from behind him.
"Hey Marcus." He smiled at the other hockey player. "Good winter vacation?" he asked.
"Great." He said with a smile "I got an Xbox One S for Christmas." He smiled "I'm having a Xbox party tonight, some of the others are coming over with games, we have this huge 50inch tv with surround sound, do you want to come?"
"Sure." He smiled "That sounds great." He admitted "bit of fun before we get started on the semester sounds right."
"Not that you need it huh?" Marcus commented, Josh now was a straight 'A' student and in the serious possibility of being valedictorian. "How was your Christmas?" he asked.
Josh smiled. He had spent most Christmas morning at Zara's even Christmas dinner. They had even got him small gifts, but none the less appreciated. He had likewise spent a small amount of each of them.
After 2pm he headed over to Alexis'. Their relationship had been a very casual one, Josh had never actually taken her home to meet his parents, not because he didn't like Alexis, it was just, she didn't know about his living arrangements and he'd prefer she would never find out, it hadn't been a sore spot between them thankfully each time it got close to being that serious she had broken it off, saying he wasn't a serious boyfriend, he would take another girl out not to make her jealous just because they weren't dating anymore, but she would get jealous and demand him back. It wasn't that he didn't care, Alexis was a nice girlfriend, she was a nice girl, their relationship just wasn't all that, serious. Even so he had gone over to her house after 2pm and spent time with her and her parents (she being an only child). He had bought her a sweet necklace she wore today round her neck, he was proud she was able to wear it, even if he did spend more on her then anyone else that Christmas. It had been he reflected, one of the nicest Christmas' ever.
Josh had become a solid hard working character. Still able to joke and carry himself as if he didn't care, but he did. He was humorous, well liked and even the principle observed, down right cocky at times. Those close to him knew of his humility and teased him over his persona, but he didn't mind. Very few knew the full truth, the Principle and Zara knowing all of it.
"Really nice thanks." Josh told Marcus.
"Got your college applications in yet?" Marcus asked him.
"Yeah." Josh nodded. "Alberta, Calgary and Redmond."
"Well!" Marcus exclaimed "Redmond? Isn't that in Nova Scotia?" Marcus asked.
"Thats the one!" Josh smiled.
"That's the other side of the country." Marcus remarked.
"And the one I'm hoping on with the scholarship. Did you know the science department only gives out one per year? There's the one in football but I'd have no chance in getting that, and the Avery went to someone on Prince Edward Island so that science scholarship would save me no end of problems." He admitted. "What about you?"
"No, no college for me bud, some of us are better with our hands." Marcus told him "A builder for me."
"Nice." Josh said nodding his head. "Lots of fresh air." He said with a grin to his friend.
"Hey Jossssh!" Alexis fluttered coming by his side as he slowed down to her locker. "How ya doing?" she flirted.
"I think you know the answer to that." He told her putting one arm around her back bringing her chest to chest closer to him as they kissed gently for a moment.
"I do, I just like to check. You know now we're heading into our second semester we're going to have to think about, just how far we'll go." She whispered to him fluttering her eyes.
He smiled at her whisper when a small "ahem" interrupted them. They both looked to the source, behind Josh a big smile appearing on Josh's face as he turned around.
"Hey Zara." He said to her as his eyes lit.
"Hey yourself." She said to him her eyes indicating behind him. Josh knew Zara didn't enjoy Alexis' presence merely tolerated her for his sake. "Hey Alexis."
"Oh hey Zara, did you have a nice Christmas Vacation?" She asked vacantly turning into her locker.
"Sure." Zara replied.
"Super." Alexis said shortly.
Zara smiled and looked at Josh "Your Maths work, you left it at mine the other day." She said.
"Ah!" he exclaimed happily. "I was hoping I'd left it there, I was worried my mom had actually came into my room and somehow only cleared away this."
"Why would your mom just clear away a maths book?" Alexis asked from behind.
"Oh you know," Josh turned and shrugged at her "Why do parents do anything?" He turned back round to Zara. "So, we have that Chem test in a week I was wondering if we could maybe go over some notes? Get some cramming in before, this counts towards our final mark."
"I know it does." She nodded. "Sure when?" she asked him.
"Tomorrow night?" he asked her.
"Ummm you can't tomorrow night." Alexis interrupted. "We're going out remember?"
"Right!" he exclaimed not turning away from Zara. "I um, that's right." He nodded. "How about Wednesday and Friday?" he asked her.
"Two night." She nodded, "You must be nervous." She teased him as she started to walk away.
"Is that a yes?" he called after her. She didn't turn around at first instead her hand went out beside her rocking back and forth. "Oh come on!" he exclaimed "You can't leave a boy hanging like that Zara." She turned around and laughed before she nodded her head.
He smiled at her "Thanks." He called and he watched her as she walked down the corridor.
"I am so glad you have a nerdy friend to help you with all your smart stuff." Alexis said to him. "That way the time we have together is just for us."
Josh finally snapped out of his trance and turned back round to Alexis. "Yeah." He agreed with her.
"So what are we doing tomorrow night?" she asked him.
The following night came where they had a nice evening together.
"Thank you for tonight." She told him.
"Your welcome." He said to her with a kiss on the lips.
"Can I ask you something?" Alexis asked.
"Sure?" he replied.
"when are you going to invite me back to your place?" she asked him.
He took a deep breath and blushed.
"It just I mean we've been on and off again the last three years well you know four really...you know this is our last year in high school and I just think its time to start thinking about getting serious about stuff."
"What's wrong with how things are?" he asked her.
"Josh come on, we'll be going to college next year where do you see this going? Still casually dating into college? And what happens if you go all the way to Redmond? I mean tis the other side of the country."
"I dunno." He said looking at her amazed. "Come on Lexi we don't have to talk about it right now."
"Well, yes." Alexis objected "I think we do."
"Well, then, do you want us to be more serious?" he asked her.
She took a deep sigh thinking of what to honestly say "I want you to want me."
"Come on baby, you know I want you." He tried.
"Well, then what would be so bad about taking me home and meeting your family."
"No!" He objected automatically and rather fast.
"Why?" she demanded.
"because... I..." he struggled.
"Are you ashamed of me?" she asked him.
"What?" he asked her. "No!"
"Then what?" she asked.
"Why, why would you want to meet my parents?" he asked her.
"Well I like you so I might like them." She said logically.
He took a deep breath trying to find the right words, but it took so long she stood up.
"Well right, fine then." She said "I guess that's it then."
"What do you mean?"
"Look you clearly think I'm not good enough..."
"No Alexis, that is not it!" he tried to start.
"Can you see us in your future Josh?" she asked him.
"I um, I don't understand?" he questioned her back.
"You have this vision of how things will be right? So tell me, do you think I'll be there with you?" she asked him.
He paused. In all truth, no, he hadn't seen her there, not in college not in medical school and not beyond.
She took a sigh "Well there's my answer." She started to walk away before she turned "You know I'm not angry, I'm not doing this because I'm mad." She told him. "It just, it seems as though, your heart has never fully been in this relationship."
"I've never cheated!" he exclaimed
"No you haven't." She agreed matter of fact "but you've never loved me either, and that's okay, its just, its not worth trying to make it work." She told him.
He sighed. "Let me at least get you home safe."
"So its over?" Zara asked him. "As in over, over?" She asked him. They had over the course of four years migrated their studies to Zara's bedroom, they were often found with the door open, sitting on the sofa, the desk the bed the floor just anywhere, and studied together. Right now she was sitting at the head of her bed her legs up looking at him as he paced the carpet in her room as he told her the events of the night before.
"She wants commitment and love." Josh shrugged sitting beside her, his legs copying hers their arms touching each other. "Even if I could give her commitment which I can't right now, then I..." he took a heavy sigh "...I don't think I love her, I mean its been over three years of casual dating and I don't feel anything, its not her, exactly." Josh said looking down into his hands.
"Commitment?" she asked. "Like going off to university?" she asked him.
"I want to go to Redmond." He said. "I have to get the funding, but I want to go there it has the best life science programme in Canada and the best funded. And who knows after that? What if I get to go to medical school?" he questioned her.
There was silence between the two friends for a moment before Zara said "No commitment to Alexis? Or any girl?"
He sat silently for a moment he could feel his heartbeat in his throat. "Depends I suppose?" he responded. "Could she change her mind and come with me?"
Zara sighed disappointed and she swallowed. "Redmond might not have the program she wants to enrol in, if the right girl wanted to enrol at all."
They looked at each other for a moment before he looked away with pink cheek.
"Long distance?" Zara enquired.
"N-no." He said with certainty. "Its too far and I don't intend on coming back." He told her.
"Ever?!" she gasped.
He shrugged and shook his head "Uni is four year medical school is three plus internship is another two to three, that's a long time to keep a long distance relationship going and anyway what do I have to come back to?" he questioned her.
She looked away disappointed and shrugged.
Day one of university.
"Josh!" She called to him through the crowds. "Josh wait!"
Josh turned at the sound of his name being called. "Zara!" he said now standing still she leaped into his arms. "What are you doing here?" he asked her.
"I didn't want you leaving with no one to say goodbye to." She told him still in his arms.
He held her a little tighter "How did you know I would be alone?" he asked her.
"I know you." She smiled as they finally moved back to look at each other. "They didn't come?" she asked.
He shrugged "Dad told me , they didn't have the money for that sort of thing, if I went I wouldn't be his son anymore and my mom was too drunk to say anything." He said shaking his head "I don't understand why aren't they proud of me Zara? I'm the only child they have left, I don't understand..."
She made eye contact with him and whispered "They're sad, their so sad, they can't even see the good." She told him. "I'm proud of you."
He smiled down into her eyes and confided in her "I'm terrified."
"Don't be." She told him. "You go and show them that confident cocky soul I know you really are." She joked.
He grinned taking her in his arms again kissing her on her forehead and whispered to her "Come with me?" he asked her.
"I can't." She whispered to him, she told him and then looked at him "I..." she started but shook her head. "I'm um, I'm going to miss you." She told him.
"You too." He told her.
"Do you have everything you need?" she asked him.
Where he nodded "All I own is in these bags, once I'm settled in my halls I'll find a job and start all over again." He told her.
"Do you have something to read on your flights?" she asked him concerned.
He pulled out the old Kindle "I have um, our kindle." He said with a chuckle which made her smile too. "I'll be fine."
She nodded again. "Keep in touch." She whispered.
"Bye." He whispered to her looking her in the eye.
"Bye." She whispered.
Two years later.
Josh picked up the mail not looking at it at first. A busy second year and he was missing his friend Gilbert while he was swanning of in New York. Of course, Josh couldn't blame him, if he had the chance of the exchange he would have loved it. But Gilbert loved Anne, and Anne didn't seem herself since he left, she seemed sad lonely and distance. So, why did Gilbert go anyway?! He walked up the stairs taking them two steps at a time, taking out his key he entered the corridor to his student flat and dumped the envelopes on the side ready to read later. He flopped on his bed tired knowing he would need to be out again in a three of hours. He set the alarm on his phone for two hours from then and went to sleep.
A bit groggy but nothing an energy drink wouldn't fix he reached into the mini fridge in his room and pulled one out. Finally feeling a bit better he reached over to the envelopes.
'Junk mail, junk mail..." he paused at the off white envelope. He knew the handwriting on the front better then anyone else's but the return address confirmed it.
"Zara." He whispered.
He opened the envelope to find something which made him sit in shock back on his bed.
With great pleasure
Mr & Mrs Robert would like to formally invite you
To the wedding of their daughter Zara Louise Roberts to Mr Drew Hendersey.
Very quickly he noticed another sheet of paper slipped in which he opened.
Dear Josh,
I know I said it wasn't serious, but things have moved really fast! I would love it if you could come home and see me get married!
Please come if you can.
Love
Zara.
He bit his lip and unexpectedly controlled his breathing to stop the tears and came to a realisation.
He'd lost her.
Literally a story about Josh, almost 10K!