Hi everyone, I've Taken my sweet time with this because the next few chapters are interrelating and so I wanted stuff right before publishing. So much is going on in real life, but thank you so much for following and reading and reviewing!

love

Carrots x

"Its hard to believe Josh, lived the other side of the country once upon a time." Anne remarked as they boarded the plane.

"I think he's made himself a Kingsport man." Gilbert said with a smile "that's the difference between us you see."

Anne laughed, "there's more difference then that." She said handing her ticket to the air hostess with a smile and a 'hello' to her. "He never talked about his family back home."

Gilbert shrugged following Anne up the aisle. "Well, he never had their support." He said. "His sister died when she was a baby and his brother died of a drugs overdose, his mother and father never recovered from his sister dying, so when his brother died they just broke. Josh pulled himself through high school, worked his way through it and university, grants and bursaries, scholarships were just as important to him as it was to us."

"They didn't have the money?" she asked.

Gilbert shook his head as they sat down, "Not just that, his father basically told him not to come back if he went to university, that he wasn't their son if he went."

Anne looked aghast at Gilbert "The same father we're going to a funeral for?"

Gilbert took her by the hand "I don't think he's going to grieve, I think he's going to support his mother, he's doing it because he's a decent human being." He said. "and I think he needs our support with it."

Anne looked sadly forward shaking her head "Poor Josh." She said quietly "I can't imagine what he's going through." Anne nodded "did he have any friends back home?" she asked.

"None he kept in touch with, the first couple of years at Redmond he mentioned a friend back home, a girl, Zara I think her name was, but after I came back from New York, he didn't talk about her again. I think they just fell out of touch. Everyone else, I think he's on facebook with but, none he would really call 'friend.'"

"So how did he find out about his dad?" she asked.

"He never changed his mobile number, in all the years I've known him, its the same number he had in high school I think. His mom still had that number and called him a couple of days ago, when he finished on the phone with her, he called us."

"And we jumped." Anne smiled. "Same day we're on a plane."

"It'll be nice to see him again." Gilbert smiled.

"Its been a year right?" Anne thought.

"Almost, yeah. We went up to Kingsport for Joy's birthday and left flowers at the bench." He looked to Anne and squeezed her hand. "I love you." He told her.

"You too," she agreed with a nod. "Let go see where Josh grew up."

"Hello mom." Josh said quietly as his childhood door opened.

The women eyed up the man standing before him. Not that she told him, but she saw her husbands blue eyes in her son and her husbands nose and chin, indeed just as his father was, Josh was now a handsome man, if it weren't for the family resemblance however, she wasn't sure how much of her son she would recognise anymore.

"Josh." She said not embracing him, not sure what to do anymore.

"I'm here." He said quietly "work was understanding, gave me two weeks leave."

"Work?" she asked.

"The hospital." Josh reminded her.

She nodded "Right. So..." she shrugged "are you a doctor already?" she asked him.

"Already?" he questioned "Its been ten years since I left for Red..." he looked to her, she was clearly confused he took a deep sigh. "Yeah, mom, already. I'm a doctor."

She looked at him "What kind?" she questioned.

He smiled sadly "A surgeon, in his residency." He said. "Can I come in?" he asked her, to which she stood aside. "How's the funeral plans?" he asked her.

"I, um..." she looked to her son confused. "I um, I don't know."

He turned to see her shut the door behind him. She turned around and looked at him sadly. "Okay," he said with a nod. "Lets see what we have planned, we can go from there." He said calmly. He put down his bag and turned to see her still standing by the door. "Mom?" he asked her as she burst into tears.

"You're all I have left!" she exclaimed.

Josh stood in shock for a moment before he approached her his arms going around her.

"I failed you." She wailed. Josh swallowed, wishing he could contradict her. "I've been awful, how could I not know! You're a doctor and a surgeon, I thought, I... I... I didn't know."

He held her closer "its okay mom." He said quietly kissing her hair the squeezing her. "We can fix this mom, its okay."

"Can, are you going to stay here?" she asked him.

"I can." He told her. "I have a couple of friends, from university coming to town, they are staying at the hotel, they're coming to support us, I'm sure they'd like to meet you too." He whispered to her.

"More doctors?" she asked him.

He chuckled "One of them is, my best friend, his name is Gilbert, different kind of doctor, he's a pediatric doctor. The other is my friend too but also his wife, her name is Anne and she's an English teacher and author."

She nodded before he continued "They're coming in on the ten o'clock plane from the airport I need to pick them up." He told her. "Until later you have me all afternoon." He told his mother.

"Mom, Can I talk to you?" Paul entered the study in the house.

Since Lavender and Stephen married they had the money to move into a house.

"Of course, come on in." She smiled. "Term papers." She smiled looking at the paper. "to be honest I could do with a distraction."

He nodded "its always a busy time."

"Is something on your mind?" She asked him.

Paul nodded then shook his head and sighed heavily. "I don't know." He admitted. "I spoke to Anne about meeting Angela, I wanted an outsiders view." He told her.

"And?" Lavendar asked him.

"She said it was my decision." Paul told her, "but see that's where my problems are." He told her. "I can't put aside your feelings or dads, I know you've both said I should but I can't, this was your history, for so long, not just mine, our lives are interwoven so tightly, what I do will effect you and dad, and mom, I don't know if I could stand seeing you or dad get hurt."

Lavendar looked to this thoughtfully. "But?" she questioned.

"I range from absolute refusal to complete submission, from curiosity to repulsion, from calm to anger, and..." he almost angry in that moment before he calmed himself again, "I don't know what path to take."

Lavender listened before she nodded her head. "Angela, wasn't all bad you know." She told him.

Paul chuckled and looked at her "Mom!" he exclaimed "you hated her."

Lavender chuckled "Not even the people we hate are all bad." She told him. "What I fear," she said thoughtfully, "is that you pass this opportunity by, and you'll spend forever wondering what might have happened had you gone." She said frankly.

Paul's arms wrapped around Lavender as he bear hugged her. "Oh mom, if only she hadn't manipulated everything, you could have been my biological mom."

Lavender sighed "then you would not be you." She told him. "and your brother and sister would have had a completely different brother."

Paul unwrapped himself and looked at her his mouth wide open. "Are you serious?!" he exclaimed. "Does dad know?!"

"I sure do." He said from the door. Paul laughed his arms going around his father. "Dad!" he exclaimed. "Mom!" he said again. "Oh my God this is fantastic!" he exclaimed. "I'm going to have a little brother or sister!"

Lavender smiled "no one knows yet so we need to keep it between us."

"But we thought you should know, if there's any sickness, or mood swings..." Stephen said with a glint in his eye to Lavender.

Paul looked to his father and nodded. "Dad." He said quietly.

Stephen nodded. "I know." He said quietly. "You have to meet her."

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you. I wish it could have been under better circumstances." Gilbert said with a small smile to Mrs Green. "I'm sorry for your lost."

"Finally?" she asked as Gilbert and Anne sat on the sofa together.

"Gilbert has been my friend since freshman year at Redmond mom, he got curious about where I came from, how I got to uni." Josh said quietly.

"Oh." Mrs Green nodded. "Well..." she said confused. "He um, he really knuckled down when he started high school." She told Gilbert. "And, you had that girlfriend..." she said slowly.

"Alexis?" Josh asked confused, "but I never even brought her..."

"No, that wasn't her name, the smart one, with brown hair." His mother counted.

Anne and Gilbert both looked to Josh, Anne with a slight smile on her face and Gilbert quizzically.

"Oh, um..." he said nervously. "You mean Zara." He said avoiding eye contact. "She, and I...um, we were never together."

His mother chuckled "I beg to differ young man, you were always going round hers 'to study'."

Josh blushed looking into his lap "and that's all we did." He said quietly with a strain to his voice which was noticed by both Anne and Gilbert. "its how I graduated." He said frankly.

"What were you valedictorian?" His mother asked.

"No, I um graduated second in my class." He nodded.

"Salutatorian?" Gilbert asked with a smile to his friend. "You never told me that."

"Well when you're in the company of high school royality..." he said with a smile to Gilbert and Anne, "They were both Valedictorian, well joint valedictorian with each other in high school."

"Hey, I would have been happy in second place." Gilbert admitted.

"Me too, if it meant you got the honor." Anne said with a smile.

"But Miss Stacy couldn't choose." Gilbert said with a smile.

"Second place is still impressive." Anne said to Josh softly.

Josh smiled. "Thanks." He told her, "anyway, how could I keep up with you if I was just the average Joe."

"Does it matter at college?" Mrs Green asked.

Josh smiled "Well Gilbert just outdid everyone at med school anyway, he was literally ahead of everyone. I'm just glad you went into pediatrics that I was tell the truth that I was the best surgeon."

Gilbert shook his head "Hey I would never of made it through med school. After Joy, if it weren't for you."

Mrs Green looked confused at the two.

"You would have done the same for me." Josh replied.

Anne looked to Mrs Green who looked even more confused. "Gilbert and I lost our baby, she was born too early the doctors couldn't save her. Josh was super supportive and took care of us through it all."

"A baby?" She said quietly looking at amazement to her son, a situation so close to Josh's own past, there he stood for them, with them.

"I was just being a good friend." He said humbly. "So the funeral is the day after tomorrow, are you guys still okay to stay?" he asked them.

"Yes absolutely." Gilbert nodded.

"What was he like?" Anne asked them.

Josh looked down not knowing what to say.

"He looked like Josh." Mrs Green said.

Josh looked up surprised and took a deep breath "You never told me that." He said quietly.

"I never saw it." Mrs Green replied quietly. "Till you stood at that door tonight." She said quietly. "and there stood the man I married." She then looked at him "and I realised how much time had passed." She said and paused for a moment. "and just how far apart we were."

Josh opened the car door from driving back from dropping off Anne and Gilbert at the local hotel. He felt something he hadn't felt ever with regards to either one of his parents.

Hope.

He took a breath in as he entered the house where his heart dropped.

"Mom!" he exclaimed "seriously still!" he tried "with the alcohol!" taking the bottle from her.

"No Joshua give it back!" she exclaimed.

"No I fricking won't!" he shouted pouring the liquid down the sink.

"Joshua!" she screamed as came over the bottle already emptied down the sink.

"You wonder why we have no relationship mom?!You wonder where the years have gone!?" he exclaimed "Down the bottom of a bottle of freaking cheap wine that's where!" he told her "You didn't know I had a job here, did you? You once asked me where I was getting food from, where I was early in the morning and late at night. I was up in the mornings at my job earning money and studying at night, meaning I could go to university!" he exclaimed "You say you regret failing me?!" he exclaimed "You're actions are saying the complete opposite!" he continued "I don't drink mom, you want to know why? I don't want to end up like you and dad!"

"You think yourself better then us!" she screeched.

"I think actions speak louder then words!" he told her "and this!" he said "is speaking volumes!" he told her.

"I can't... I can't..." she shook her head. "I can't do this without it."

He shook his head "and now is your chance to break free!" he exclaimed. "Mom!" he told her putting the bottle down and going to her. "I get that what happened with Hanny was horrible, a parent should never have to loose their child, what happened with Mikey was a tragedy, but this is worse!" he exclaimed. "You have a chance to fix your relationship with your living son and you are passing it up for a bottle of wine!"

"Hanny." She said suddenly quiet. "Do you remember her?" she asked him as if she was in a trance.

"Not a lot." He admitted.

Her mothers lips upturned "You called her Hanny just there." She said quietly. "You couldn't pronounce her name when you were little, so you called her Hanny." Josh touched his mothers shoulder where she suddenly looked up at him. "You were just a baby yourself."

"I grew up." He whispered back.

"What happened?" She asked him.

"For you, pain, grief, sadness." He told her.

"And you?" she asked him.

He took a deep sigh in. "Life." He admitted.

She looked at him deeply before she turned taking the other bottles of wine opening them and pouring them down the sink. "Its over." She told him. "I want to start again."

Josh took a deep breath as he walked down the aisle with his mother on his arm. He looked over the aisle to Anne and Gilbert and gave them a faint smile.

He sat down not knowing how to feel. Just as Hannah was a faint memory, so was the father he had known. Faint memories of swimming at the local pool, going down to the docks, feeding the ducks and watching the ships. The more prominent memories were far less kind. Shouting, boarder line neglect, could you call it abuse?

But it was still his dad.

His lips smiled a little at his mother telling him time and time again over the last four days that he looked like his father when he was younger.

Apart from that first night, she had stayed away from the drink and through the withdrawal they had planned the funeral. It was simple, mostly because they knew no one would attend, and he wanted to be cremated.

He felt his mother reach for his hand and squeeze it.

His one consolation was that he was here to comfort his mother. Withdrawal wasn't easy, but he being a doctor did have its advantages, and in the in between bits, where it was just he and she, in the quiet moments, he found a soft spoken kind women of his imagines as a child, the one which would rock him to sleep and pepper him with kisses making him laugh, maybe, it wasn't his imagination?

He stood as the coffin was hid behind a curtain then he walked his mother out. They got to the flowers (which Josh had bought along with a couple of other bouquet of flowers) she told him quietly she wanted to look at the flowers herself, he nodded and joined Anne and Gilbert.

"Thank you guys, I can't tell you what this means to me." He told them.

"For you anything." Anne said with a soft smile. "How is your mom holding up?" she asked him.

"Okay..." trailed turning towards her but something else caught his eye. Or rather someone else.

The women was about five four, with brown hair, a sweetheart shaped face and green eyes.

"Josh?" Gilbert whispered wondering at the sudden pause, he looked to Josh then to Anne whose lips had upturned slightly looking towards the women who was coming towards them. "Oh, um, hello?" Gilbert said to her.

"Hello." She said to the group in general but with a look to Josh confused as he looked wide eyed at her with a pitiful look in his eye.

"Gilbert." Gilbert tried to introduce himself offering his hand to shake which she did.

"Zara." She said putting her hand out to Anne to shake.

"Oh!" Gilbert said with a look of surprise "Zara." He smiled "Yes, Josh mentioned you." Gilbert told her.

"Oh?" Zara asked looking at Josh for a response, the latter still mute looking at her.

"Said you were friends." Gilbert admitted.

"Its been a while." She admitted.

"Josh." Gilbert said with a nudge to him.

"Hm." He said snapping out of it wondering at Gilbert's sudden jab.

"We'll um, go talk to your mom." Gilbert said, taking Anne's arm in his they walked away.

They stood for a second before Zara spoke again.

"Hello Josh." She said quietly.

He swallowed and looked at her "You came?" he asked her.

"Of course." She told him "When I heard I knew you would need support." She told him, "Though, you had that covered." She said looking to Gilbert and Anne. "They seem nice." She said.

"No, I... I mean yes, but..." he took a deep breath "I needed you." He said before he retraced what he said, "no, I... I didn't mean that." He tried. "No, no that's not what I mean either." He tried which made her smile for a moment "Hey give a guy a break okay." He said to her, he took a deep breath before he tried "Did you bring your husband?" he asked her.

"Oh, um, no, well, he's my ex-husband now." She told him.

"Oh I'm sorry." He said to her.

"Don't be." She told him.

"What happened?" he asked.

"He cheated." She told him. "I forgave him and he cheated again so we got a divorce."

"Cheated?" he asked. "I'm sorry I had no idea."

"Well, why should you?" she asked him. "You um, you made it clear that you didn't support the marriage when you didn't come to the wedding, then never replied to my letters, texts, e-mails or..."

"Thats not why." Josh shook his head.

"No?" she asked. "Couldn't afford it, the plane fare..."

"No, not that." He said quietly.

"Oh." She said confused. "Why then?" she asked him.

"Josh." Anne interrupted as they turned around "I'm so sorry, but the cars are here."

He nodded. "Okay." He nodded before he turned back to Zara. "Can you come?" he asked "to the wake, I guess that's what we should call it."

"You want me there?" she asked him.

"I do. " he admitted.

"...I can't believe you never told me about Zara!" Anne exclaimed to Gilbert as they went to in bed that night. The lights were low and the bed was comfortable he looked at his wife as she got in the bed beside him.

"I didn't know there was anything to tell!" Gilbert defended. "Was I meant to deduce from him mentioning her a couple of times that he was madly in love with her?"

Anne grinned and looked him in the eyes "and how many times did you mention me to Josh pry tell?"

Gilbert chuckled "You know Anne-girl, you were always on my lips." He said with a smile to her which made her blush "Gods! If only that were true!"

Anne laughed "excuse me?" she asked him "but who was it pray tell who I made out with in a park two years..." she said chuckling "...before we even got together?" she said with a smile.

"You mean before you heartlessly abandoned me." He flirted with a glint in his eyes.

"Oh I abandoned you?" she smiled turning on the bed one leg going over him sitting on his legs straddling him.

"Heartbroken!" he grinned at her. "To be so close to someone I loved so much." He said carefully bringing her closer to her "...and oh my god! Those lips!" he said intoxicated by her "those lips, I had such vivid dreams about those lips..." he trailed and looking at her "that mouth, those eyes." He smiled as she kissed him. He relaxed as his hand rested at the bottom of her hair he could feel the silk chemise under her hair but it wasn't the silk he went for his fingers twirled into her hair she pulled back and looked at him "and your hair." He chuckled.

She giggled and looked him in the eye "You know I was thinking of cutting it." She told him.

His forehead crumpled in dissatisfaction of her tease. "Yeah the whole lot off, maybe dying it..." she continued.

With this he looked seriously at her "You're teasing!" he asked her.

She giggled again and whispered "What would you do if I were serious?" she asked him.

"Cry." He chuckled kissing her again his hands going deeper into her hair. She pulled back and looked him in the eyes "No, in all honesty..." he told her, "I love you no matter what." He said "Red hair, green hair..." he chuckled as she laughed with him "I love you. For all your unpredictability."

She smiled taking it more seriously her lips met his passionately. Pulling back she whispered "So, what do you think?" she asked him. "Josh... and Zara?" she asked him.

He chuckled some more, "trust you to expect me to get turned on while you think of someone elses love life."

She looked at him sentimentally "don't you think the idea of it would be romantic? After all this time?" she asked.

"And I suppose our story isn't?" he asked her. "don't you get enough romance from it?"

"Don't you want your best friend to have romance in their life?" she asked him.

"I do." He agreed "that's why I married her." He teased.

She slapped him playfully "You know I mean Josh." She told him.

He laughed "and another reason why I love you." He told her "you want to share all the love in the world!" he said a glint of admiration in his eyes. "Want to share it with me too?" he asked her.

She leaned over him with a coy smile. "Josh and Zara can wait until tomorrow."