Blame strange people on the Taylor Varga Discord server for this.
I do ;)
"Stop!" Miss Militia turned at the sound of the cry of rage emanating from a side street to see a furious shopkeeper chasing half a dozen scruffy looking people who were clutching random items of grocery. She sighed faintly. Ever since the Merchant takedown, and the vivid demonstration of how hideously effective the Family was, street crime in Brockton Bay had been at an all time low. No one wanted to find Saurial grinning at them in the dark of an alleyway. Possibly hanging upside down from a wall, which she was reliably informed made it somehow much worse.
Even so, there was always a certain percentage of the criminal sort who simply didn't learn, or not fast enough, anyway. These would appear to be that variant.
Watching one of them trip and sprawl headlong in his rush to escape the enraged purveyor of groceries, she reflected on the way that these days even the civilian population felt safe enough to intervene, since there were so few incidents with competent villains. In a very weird way, it almost made her long for the days of yore, or at least a few months ago, when her skills could be put to use against someone worthy of the effort.
These guys, she thought sadly as one of the others tripped over his colleague and knocked himself cold against a telephone pole with a clunk that made her wince, were just pathetic.
She shook her head. It was a dangerous thing, wishing for better villains, since you might just get your wish. Best to accept the situation and revel in it while it lasted. If nothing else, with such low violent crime rates at present, it made these little outings more of a show the flag thing rather than a fight for every street thing. Of the two she knew which she preferred. It was just the ridiculously quick change from before that she was still getting used to.
At least it was good training for the Wards, in a manner than didn't make Youth Guard go strange and difficult as some of the past incidents had done. She looked down at Vista, who was standing next to her giggling under her breath at the near-slapstick level of incompetence on show. The shopkeep had caught up to the first idiot, who regained his feet just in time to collect a broom across the head, which promptly laid him out flat again.
Muffled snorting sounds came from her other side where Kid Win was now sitting cross-legged on his floating board, grinning like an idiot as he watched the unfolding street theater. "Should we do something?" he asked after a moment, as the irate man wielding the broom kicked the downed thief in the ribs then took off after the remaining quartet, one of whom had actually doubled back in an attempt to retrieve some of the stolen goods.
"Why?" Vista asked, her voice unsteady and her mouth fixed in a wide smile as she watched. "This is hilarious. Ooooh, that must have stung!"
Another thief slowly toppled, his eyes crossed, as the grocer removed his broom from between his legs.
"Most likely," the older heroine sighed. "But we can't let people get beaten up if we can prevent it, even if they are thieves."
"Really, really bad thieves, it has to be said," Kid Win commented.
She watched another of the men slip on a puddle of ketchup from a broken bottle dropped by one of his friends, and nodded slowly.
"I can't disagree," she replied.
"HALT!" The cry from above them made everyone look, startled. "U IZ THEEF! U STOP!"
"Oh, god, now what?" Hannah moaned under her breath, staring at Saurial, who was standing on top of a lamp post somehow, her hands on her hips.
The lizard girl dropped lightly to the ground and grabbed the nearest miscreant. "I HAZ U! U IZ MI PRIZONR!"
She quickly bound the stunned man in EDM manacles and connected them to the lamp post. "U STAY THAR. BAD MANZ!"
"What the hell is she talking like that for?" Miss Militia wondered out loud. Both her younger compatriots were now, after a moment of amazement, laughing like idiots.
"SAURIAL IZ KATCHIN THEM!" Vista said loudly, making her superior stare at her.
"GIT THEM, SAURIAL!" Kid Win shouted. She transferred her incredulous look to the boy.
Saurial looked over at them, waved, and called, "I CAN KATCH THEM ALL. DIS AR TEH EASY. HOWZ U GUYZ?"
"WE R FINE, THX," Vista yelled, her voice expressing great amusement.
"THAZ NICE 2 HEAR." The reptilian girl whipped her head around. "HAY! GIT BAK HER, U THEEF!" She dashed after another one of the robbers, who was gaping at her over his shoulder.
"BET DAT HURTZ," Kid Win said, watching as the man ran into a wall. Saurial pounced on him from twenty feet away like a huge cat, making Hannah recoil involuntarily. There were a lot of teeth in that grin.
The shopkeeper was now leaning on his broom laughing his ass off, the other end pinning the man he'd dropped, watching the lizard-girl round up the remaining thieves. Several passers-by were recording everything, as was the normal state of affairs in Brockton, and also laughing. Miss Militia looked around and wondered why, yet again, she was the only sane one in sight…
"WER DO U FINKZ URE GOIN?" Saurial demanded, glaring at one robber who was desperately attempting to climb a telephone pole next to a building, in an apparent effort to escape via the roof. He looked down at her from fifteen feet up, his face pale. "GIT DOWN HER OR ILL COME AN GIT U," she added.
"URE MONSTR!" the man shrieked.
Hannah gaped, then shook her head hard. It was catching.
"DOAN LISTN 2 HIM, SAURIAL, URE GRATE!" someone in the crowd yelled.
Very catching, apparently. The cape wondered if she needed to call for a retrieval team and M/S screening.
"THX, JUS DOIN WUT I CAN." Saurial smiled at the crowd, then turned back to the treed thief, who was apparently now stuck, not able to reach the roof or willing to come back down. "GIV UP?" she asked him.
The man threw a cabbage at her. She caught it, looked at it, then tossed it over her shoulder with a shrug.
"MAH CABBAGE!" the shop owner groaned loudly as it splatted on the ground.
"SRY, BUT IT WUZ PRITEE DAMAGD," Saurial said apologetically. He shrugged dismissively.
Turning back to the man up the pole, she climbed up and grabbed him. "I HAZ ANOTHR THEEF!" she announced happily, dropping to the ground and quickly binding him next to his colleage. "2! 2 BAD DOODZ!" She seemed pleased.
The crowd clapped, causing her to bow, then rocket after the last thief, who was trying in vain to hide under a parked car. Saurial carefully lifted the back end and peered under it. "I CAN C U!" she said with a wide grin. There was a whimper from under the vehicle as she extended a hand and made a 'come here' gesture with one finger. Visibly very reluctantly the man slowly came out, then sat on the sidewalk and put his hands behind his head in the manner of one to whom being arrested isn't a novel concept. She put the car down again, just as carefully, then manacled him as well.
"TEH POLICE WILL WANTS 2 TALK 2 U, I FINKZ," she told him sternly, heaving him to his feet. Taking him over to the others, she shortly had all of them safely restrained.
"THX VRY MUTCH, SAURIAL," the shopkeeper, who had collected everything still intact while this was going on.
"I WUZ MAH PLEASURE, SIR," she replied politely. "IM SRY THEY CAUSD SO MUTCH DAMAGE."
"THEES TINGS HAPPN," he noted wisely, then smiled and went back to his shop. Moments later a pair of BBPD officers took possession of the thieves, calling for backup and a wagon. None of the robbers seemed inclined to attempt escape.
Miss Militia keep staring, wondering what the fuck was going on this time. The lizards got weirder by the day. Saurial came over, grinning, then grabbed Vista and cuddled her. "I HAZ A VISTA!" she announced with glee. Vista giggled. "HAY, U GUYZ WANTS 2 GIT BURGER?"
"I CAN HAZ DUBBLE CHEEZBURGER?" Kid Win asked hopefully.
"OV KORS U CAN, IM PAYIN," Saurial told him, putting Vista down again.
The three of them headed for Fugly's, Miss Militia staring after them for a few bewildered seconds, before hurrying to catch up.
Behind her, she could faintly hear the cops mirandizing the thieves. "U HAS TEH RITE 2 REMANE SILNT. ANYTHIN U SAY WIL BE USD AGINST U IN KORT OV LAW..."
'Sometimes I really wonder if I should transfer to somewhere else,' she thought. 'Days like this...'