Trigger warning: talking about suicide and mental health

Chapter 13: London calling

"Aidan! We're gonna be late!"

Carla stood impatiently in the lounge of her and Aidan's plush two-bedroom suite in a 5-star London hotel.

"Give me strength."

Carla stormed into Aidan's room where he was preening in front of the mirror, making sure his suit was sitting just so, his tie not too short, not too long."

Carla came up behind Aidan, wrapped her arm playfully around his neck and dislodged his tie.

"Oi! That took me ages to get right!"

"Come here."

Carla turned Aidan round so he was facing her; she straightened his tie, patted his jacket down and gave his ear a friendly tweak.

"You'll do."

"Thanks very much."

"I forgot how vain you are."

"Me? Are you serious? Coming from miss fashion plate herself."

"You are so much worse than me."

"Am not."

"Are so."

"You are so annoying."

"Must run in the family, ey? Now are you sure you're ready? Can I interest you a mani-pedi? A facial maybe?"

"You think you're funny?"

"Yes."

"Come on, let's go," Aidan strode out into the lounge. "You got the samples?"

"Yes."

"And the designs?"

"Yes."

"The reviews? The budget?"

"Yes. Yes."

"Okay, let's do this."

Aidan placed his hand on the door handle when Carla suddenly grabbed his arm.

"Aidan, hold on a minute."

"You just said –"

"I know what I just said, just, stop for a minute, okay?"

Carla took Aidan's hands in hers; he merely wrinkled his brow in confusion.

"I just wanted to say… Thank you."

"What for?"

"I know I wasn't… overly keen at first, but, working with you to revive, no, reinvent Underworld. I'm having a blast. I really am. And there's no one else I'd rather be doing it with."

Aidan looked at his big sister seriously now.

"Me too."

The siblings spontaneously hugged, a little tear in each of their eyes, until Carla pushed him away playfully.

"Oh, look at me, I'm getting all soppy in me old age."

With that, Carla opened the door and hurried through. Aidan watched her go with a smile on his face.

Sam entered the Rovers during a quiet afternoon's trade and made a beeline for the bar where Peter was serving.

"Peter."

"How do. What can I get ya?"

"Pint of bitter, thanks."

Soon enough Peter had placed the pint in front of Sam and settled in for a good chat.

"So, they get off alright this morning? Carla and Aidan?"

"Yeah, they were so excited, it was kinda cute."

"Only one night though?"

"Carla can't stray too far from home these days. She's got dialysis day after tomorrow."

"Right. How's she coping with that?"

"You know Carla, never one to complain, even when she has every right to. I wish she wasn't pushing herself like this, but…"

"Carla the workaholic."

"Yep."

"And my daughter would be…?"

"I just dropped her next door, she's spending the afternoon with your dad."

"Oh, that's great, he'll be made up. Although I don't know who I feel more sorry for; Jamie when dad turns on teacher mode, or dad when Jamie turns stubborn and bossy."

"She's the spit of her mum, that girl."

"Isn't she just."

Both men were silent for a moment; both thinking of the same person; neither thinking of the daughter.

"So…" Peter wasn't sure how to talk to this man; Carla's man.

"Relax, Peter."

"I don't know why I'm… I guess Carla's told you what an despicable human being I was. How much I messed up, how much I hurt her?"

"Mate, it's none of my business. I'm not here to judge ya."

"Thanks. But it was all my fault."

"Yeah, I know, Carla told me."

They both laughed.

"Listen, Peter, we all mess up, every single one of us. Even those of us who like to pretend we don't. But it's never too late to try and make things right. While there's life there's hope. Isn't that what they say?"

"You really think so? No matter how bad things have got in the past?"

"I do."

Peter lapsed again into silent thoughtfulness. There was a glimmer of hope, almost extinguished, deep within him that just wouldn't die. He looked across at Sam and, for the first time, doubted himself. This man, he would never hurt Carla the way he had. Shouldn't he give Carla the chance to be happy, even if it was with someone else? Besides, he was beginning to really like Sam, that they might actually become friends. Maybe it was time to let Carla go. For good.

Aidan and Carla remained calm and composed until they got through the door of their hotel suite. Then they lost control; they jumped around with the overwhelming excitement of their successful meetings.

Carla was the first to return to reality; her condition demanded it. She bent over, hands resting on her knees, taking deep ragged breaths as she struggled with the overexertion.

"Hey, are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine. I'm amazing. I am so happy right now."

"I know! It's incredible."

"We are showing at London Fashion Week 2019! Can you believe it?"

Aidan couldn't reply in words; he simply laughed with joy.

"I mean, it's a terrible time slot, but, it's flipping Fashion Week!"

Carla and Aidan hugged and danced and laughed and cried they were so happy.

But Carla soon took charge of the situation. She pulled away from Aidan and patted him on the chest.

"Okay, go and get changed, get your party gear on, we are celebrating."

"Right," Carla walked out of her room, freshly showered, styled and dressed in a slinky black jumpsuit, black suede stiletto ankle boots, her hair styled in soft waves swept forward over her right shoulder and hanging down her chest. "Sorry I took so long, I fancied a shower."

She paused in the lounge; the suite was deathly silent.

"Aidan?"

Carla walked to Aidan's room, but he wasn't there. She checked the bathroom, the wardrobe – goodness knows why – and the balcony. But it was as if Aidan had disappeared into thin air.

Carla pulled out her phone and called Aidan, but only managed to reach his voicemail.

"Aidan! Where the hell are you? Is this meant to be some sort of joke? Because it's not funny. Okay? Call me."

Carla looked around the empty suite, unsure of what to do.

"Screw him!"

With that, Carla made her way to the hotel's rooftop bar. Tempted by the array of spirits on display behind the bar, Carla eventually decided to be responsible. I mean, she did have kidney failure.

"Lime and soda thanks."

Drink in hand, Carla wandered to a quiet area of the bar and placed another call to Aidan's mobile.

No answer. But… what was that? Carla listened carefully. It sounded like her phone was echoing; like there were multiple phones ringing. She suddenly realised that what she could hear was Aidan's phone. But, where was he?

Carla scanned her immediate surroundings until she discovered the direction of the ringing. She looked around furtively and, when no one was looking, stepped over a metal barrier, walked down a short open-air corridor between what looked like the bar/kitchen area and the plant room, and onto a flat roof that opened out onto sky, all 42 floors of it, a mere parapet wall the only barrier to a terrifying drop.

Carla's heart skipped a beat as she saw Aidan stood on the parapet wall gazing out onto greater London; frozen; silent.

"I thought I was the one in this family with a death wish."

"Ey up," Eva sauntered into the bar from the Rovers back room. "Who's the new lad? I haven't seen you in here before."

Eva looked Sam up and down; she definitely liked what she saw. Well over 6-foot, smooth chocolate-brown skin, closely-cropped dark hair, the hint of muscles flexing beneath his well-tailored shirt, just tight enough to show off what was underneath. But, best of all, was the easy smile, the warm dark brown eyes that Eva, like many women before her, could easily get lost in.

Sam smiled awkwardly, a little embarrassed. Peter merely laughed.

Sam held out his hand to Eva, which she happily took in hers.

"I'm Sam."

"E-va," Eva managed to turn these two simple syllables into a complete chat up line.

"Sam's Carla's new fella," Peter thought he better nip things in the bud quick smart.

"Oh, lucky Carla. Where is she anyway? She's usually the one propping up the bar, isn't she?"

"Her and Aidan are down in London on Underworld business," Peter tried to be tactful.

"Aidan? Oh, right."

But Sam, unaware of Eva's history with Aidan, began to talk excitedly about the plans for Underworld.

"I'm so proud of both of them, they've been working so hard. I mean, after everything that went down with the factory and the roof –"

"Alright. No need to rub it in." With that, Eva stormed away, leaving a bewildered Sam and an amused Peter in her wake.

"What was…?" Sam turned to Peter for an explanation.

Peter shook his head.

"Long story. Basically, Eva and Aidan they, umm, they were engaged. But, umm, Aidan, he had an affair, Eva vowed revenge, wedding-day disaster, need I say more?"

"I get the picture."

Sam thought for a moment, unsure if he should ask Peter the question he'd been dying to ask. But he had to know.

"It makes you wonder, doesn't it?"

"What's that?"

"If you love someone, why would you cheat on them?"

"Was that meant for me?"

"I dunno. Maybe it was. Maybe, yeah, maybe I wanna know why you would ever cheat on someone like Carla?"

"Really?"

"Yeah, really."

"Okay. I was weak. My ego was bruised. She, umm, she flattered me, made me feel better about myself. That was pretty much the extent of it."

Peter and Sam stared at each other. Peter was the first to break the silence.

"I suppose you would never be that foolish? You'd be a saint?"

Sam laughed.

"You don't have to be a saint to be loyal. Anyway, it all worked out in the end, didn't it? You're happy with Toyah, I've got Carla."

"Yeah, it all worked out."

Aidan stood, balanced precariously on the parapet wall, staring out onto the city as if in a trance.

"Aidan? Come away from the edge, yeah?"

Carla slowly approached Aidan; she gently placed a hand on his arm. He turned to look at her; he was glassy-eyed, disorientated. Seeing him in this state made Carla grip onto his arm even tighter.

"Please, Aidan, move away from the edge."

Without a word, Aidan sat down on the parapet wall, his feet dangling over the edge of the building. Carla did the only thing she could think of; she sat down next to him, mirroring his pose.

Neither sibling spoke; Carla simply took Aidan's hand in his. They sat together in silence for a long time; enough time for the sun to set and the dark night to descend on them like a suffocating blanket.

"I wasn't…" Aidan wanted to explain, he just didn't know how.

"What, darlin'?"

"You thought I was gonna jump?"

"You did have me worried there for a bit."

"Please don't worry about me. I've got something to do now; something to live for."

"Aidan, please stop talking in riddles. Tell me what's wrong. Please."

"You remember when I told you I wasn't suitable to be a donor. You know, with your kidney?"

"Yeah, of course. I hope you're not beating yourself up over that, it wasn't your fault."

"Wasn't it?"

"No," Carla was adamant.

"The thing is…" But Aidan couldn't go on.

"Aidan, you can tell me anything, okay? I won't judge."

"I failed the psych assessment. Apparently they were 'concerned' about my mental health. About my ability to make a rational decision."

Carla squeezed Aidan's hand in encouragement.

"I was so angry at first. But then, I thought, what if they're right?"

"And were they? Right?"

Aidan dropped his head. With pain? Shame? Probably both.

"I've been seeing a psychiatrist. Twice a week."

"That's good. That's really good. Is it helping?"

"I think so. I hope so. It has to be working. It has to. I need to change their mind, I need them to let me be a donor. That's all I want."

"Aidan, no. Don't do this for me. Do it for yourself. I don't want anything from you if it comes at your expense."

"Even if it comes at yours? Your life even?"

"Yes. You're more important to me than a damn kidney. Your happiness is the most important thing… I'm proud of you, you know that? For talking to me like this."

Aidan laughed; a bitter, weary laugh.

"No, sis, I'm weak."

"Hey, it takes guts and strength to ask for help. Now, are we done here? Because I really don't cope well with heights."

Aidan nodded; he was ready to move away from the edge now, for today at least.

Carla scrambled to her feet and held out a hand to Aidan. He gripped onto her as he rose, most ungracefully, from his seat on the edge of the parapet wall.

She led him a few metres away from the edge before she dared speak again. She stopped and wrapped him up tight in a hug; she couldn't help the tears as they ran freely down her cheeks.

"Promise me one thing, okay?"

"Depends."

"If you ever," Carla punched Aidan playfully. "Ever scare me like that again, I'm gonna throw you off the roof myself."

"Sorry."

"Don't be sorry. Just promise me… If you ever need to talk, about anything, you call me okay? Anytime. You have to promise me, Aidan."

"I promise."