Chapter 14: Double date
"You did what?"
Carla stared at Sam incredulously as he stood in front of the open pantry, taking stock of their supplies.
"I invited them for dinner. Tonight."
"Peter and Toyah?"
"Yes. Is that a problem?"
Carla was momentarily speechless before latching onto the only protest she could think of.
"And we have to eat vegan food?"
"It's one night, babe, I'm sure it won't kill you."
"I wouldn't bank on it."
Sam closed the pantry door and turned to face Carla.
"Look, you don't have to do anything. I'll do all the cooking."
He gave her a peck on the lips.
"So why don't you relax, put your feet up. I'm gonna head down the market and stock up on plenty of veggies."
As soon as the front door of the flat had clicked shut behind Sam, Carla leapt into action; she picked up her phone and hurried to place a call.
"Come on, come on," Carla was impatient.
"Hey, Carla."
"You can't come tonight."
"What?"
"You and Toyah. Dinner tonight. Make up an excuse, any excuse, just…"
"I've already told Sam we'd come. It's too late to cancel. And a bit awkward, don't you think?"
"I think it'd be more awkward if you came."
"Really? I don't get what the problem is. Surely you want all the important people in Jamie's life to get along? Or at least try to?"
"Of course I do, it's just –"
"Do you have a problem with Toyah?"
"Excuse me?"
"Because you're fine with me coming round whenever I want, but now that Toyah's included you're having none of it. Why's that?"
Carla was lost for words; Peter snatched the advantage.
"And you know what, me and Sam, we've had a chance to get to know each other."
"Have you? When?"
"When you were in London."
"Oh."
"I really like the guy. He's a keeper. So…"
"What?"
"If you and Toyah could get along as well… Happy days."
"Yeah, happy days."
Peter grinned at the sarcasm dripping from Carla's voice.
"We'll see you tonight then?"
"Can't wait."
Carla sat on an armchair in her living room across from Toyah, silently cursing both Sam and Peter for leaving the two women alone. Sam was busy preparing their dinner in the kitchen while Peter, at Jamie's request, was reading his daughter a bedtime story in her room.
Carla smiled at Toyah; but she couldn't quite hide the disdain she felt for this woman.
"So…" Carla struggled to find a suitable topic of conversation. "You must be excited about the new arrival. When's it due?"
"Six weeks. Yeah, we're both, umm, we're both over the moon." Toyah sounded anything but over the moon at the thought of becoming a parent.
"Six weeks? Wow. Then it'll be sleepless nights, constant crying, and feeding, and you-know-what-elsing."
"I'm not afraid of getting my hands dirty, Carla. Just because I'm not carrying the baby myself doesn't make me any less her mum."
"Steady on, I wasn't suggesting…" Carla was heartfelt now. "Toyah, however this baby comes into the world, it doesn't matter. Because when you're holding your baby in your arms, all the exhaustion and the dirty nappies and the, you know, nipple chaffing, it all just falls away."
"Peter told me you never used to want kids."
"I didn't. Not until Jamie."
"Yeah, well, I've always wanted a baby. And now it's happening I'm not going to let anyone spoil it for me."
Carla stared at Toyah in confusion for a moment until her eyes were suddenly drawn to Peter as he emerged from Jamie's bedroom. Toyah also turned to look. Peter glanced over at Carla and Toyah and flashed them an uncertain smile before making a beeline for the kitchen where he was soon talking animatedly with Sam.
"Listen, Carla, whether we like it or not, our lives our intertwined because of Jamie. So we have to at least pretend to get along. I know you don't like me and to be frank I don't much like you. So in future how about we try to avoid these kinds of situations. If those two want to have some kind of bromance, they can do it in their own time."
"Wow, you sure don't take any prisoners, do you?"
"I'm protecting my family is all. I know what kind of woman you are, Carla."
"What kind of –?"
"Leanne told me everything, about how you stole Peter from her. Told me not to trust you." Toyah's leant forward; her voice dropped low. "If you think you're going to get your claws into Peter again –"
"I'm not! I don't –"
"Let's just keep it that way, okay? Me and Peter, we've got a good thing going, and we've got a baby on the way. If you dare try to come between us, I swear…"
"Toyah!" Carla had reached her limit. "I have no interest in Peter, not like that. Why would I when I've got a man like Sam? You know, a man who's never cheated on me, never lied to me, never humiliated me. I washed my hands of Peter a long time ago. He's your problem now."
"Yeah, he is."
Carla leaned back into the armchair and smiled to herself.
"You know, I never saw the resemblance before."
"To what?"
"You and Leanne. I can finally see how similar you two are."
A hint of a smile from Toyah.
"That wasn't a compliment, darlin'."
The smile quickly faded from Toyah's face, replaced by a look that Carla could only surmise to be some sort of challenge.
"Dinner's ready."
The two women rose from their seats, grateful that their tête-à-tête had come to an end. As Toyah turned to face the two men, she plastered a wide smile on her face.
"It all smells so amazing, Sam. Thank you so much for inviting us."
"Our pleasure. Please, sit, anywhere you like."
Toyah gave Peter an affectionate pat on the shoulder as she sat down at the dining table.
Carla followed Toyah to the table in a bewildered silence.
"You okay?" Sam whispered in Carla's ear as he held her chair out for her.
"I'm fine. Just hungry I think."
Sam gave Carla a soft kiss on the cheek and was rewarded with a warm smile.
Carla looked across the table at her unexpected dinner guests and had the distinct sense that both were wearing masks; smiling masks that were hiding their true feelings. Carla didn't need to wonder what was going on underneath Toyah's mask; jealousy and insecurity had gripped her heart and it couldn't help but seep out and infect all areas of her life.
But when Carla looked at Peter, she didn't know what he was hiding behind his mask of pleasantness and civility. She looked him in the eyes, those dreamboat eyes that had really only seen her properly for the first time that day she had walked into his AA meeting. Since then, for a couple of years at least, every time Carla had looked into those eyes, she'd been drawn further towards him, had fallen more in love with him. But now when she looked into his eyes she was scared of what she would see, what that would mean, and whether she was in fact merely seeing the reflection of her own eyes.
Carla quickly turned away from Peter's gaze and smiled at Sam. She had no doubt that what she saw when she looked into Sam's eyes was pure love; she just hoped that he saw the same thing when he looked back at her.
Carla emerged from the ensuite bathroom wearing a navy singlet top and matching navy with white polka dot pyjama shorts and climbed into bed next to Sam, who put the book he was reading down on the bedside table.
"I thought that went quite well."
"Yeah," Carla was subdued.
"Why do I get the feeling you didn't enjoy yourself quite as much as me."
"Of course I did. And thank you, the food was divine. It really was."
Carla kissed Sam softly on the lips before cuddling up to him, her arm wrapped around his torso, her head resting on his shoulder
"Have I done something to upset you?"
"No."
"Are you still angry that I invited them in the first place?"
"No," but Carla couldn't help herself."If you must know, I didn't appreciate being left alone with Toyah for most of the night."
"Why do you have a problem socialising with her?"
"It's weird, innit, he's my ex-husband for god's sake!"
"I was talking about Toyah, not Peter."
"We don't have anything in common."
"I asked you to play nice for one night, but you couldn't even manage that."
"Why should I have to play nice?"
"They're getting married, she's going to be Jamie's step-mum."
"Doesn't mean I have to like her."
"So you admit it? You don't like Toyah?"
"Yes. I admit it. I don't like Toyah."
Sam reached down and gently turned Carla's face towards his.
"Carla, do you still have feelings for Peter?"
"What? Where did that come from? Of course I don't. Don't be silly."
"It would explain the Toyah hate."
"Sam…"
"Carla, tell me the truth. Please."
"Okay. Toyah being Jamie's step-mum. One day she might be more than that, she might be the only mum Jamie has at all. The only mum she'll have when she hurts herself and wants it kissed better, the only mum she'll scream for in the middle of the night after a nightmare, the only mum who'll give her cuddles, teach her, guide her as she becomes a woman. All those things, all those milestones, all those everyday moments that I won't be there for, she will. And I'm sorry if me being a little bit upset about that thought offends you so much."
"Hey, hey, it doesn't… Baby, I'm sorry, I didn't even think."
Sam held Carla tight and kissed her gently.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I doubted you. Of course you wouldn't still want Peter after everything he put you through."
"It's okay. Let's just forget about it, yeah?"
"Yeah, okay."
Carla was lucky Sam couldn't see her face in that moment or he would have had a multitude more questions for her. As it was, those questions were whirring around Carla's mind at a cracking pace. That constant thought "What if?". But there was no "What if?" in this story, Carla kept on reminding herself. "They're having a baby." That had to be the end of it. Carla refused to be that woman. So she shut down those thoughts and replaced them with new ones; ones that involved Jamie and Sam. She knew those other thoughts were still there, still lurking, but she reasoned that, if she kept on pushing them down, sooner or later they'd fade away.
But Carla and Peter both knew that some things would never fade, never die.