Chapter 16 - Michael and Selene

Disclaimer: I don't own Underworld nor any of its beautiful characters.

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(Years prior)

When she came into his room that night she didn't fool herself into thinking for a second that it could be anything more than what it is.

He reached for her in the dark, blindly pulling her to him, clinging into what little memory he has left of her. It didn't matter that hands roam across a different body while the mind wanders back to an intimate past with another.

"Selene..."

It didn't matter that he moaned the wrong name.

She came alive in his every touch anyway; every sound he was making was something she'll have to take forever to forget. It didn't matter to her at all. She was a willing victim. For Michael, she'll be anything.

What will the almighty vampiress do once she finds out her chosen one has been marked by another? Has marked another? An excited shiver ran down her spine at that thought. Surely no less than a war should be considered as retaliation. Everyone has grown bored of the Death Dealer's campaign for peace. Both species were now long past redemption. Did she really think that in healing everyone she'll be able to save her own soul?

Later that night, Katie touched Michael's flesh while he slept. He did not look like a man who could have conquered an immortal's heart, much less be of immortal blood himself. He looked more like… Michael. Just Michael.

The slightest crease appeared between his closed eyes as her fingers danced along his skin. Only his lycan blood has remained in his veins.

But not for long now.

Selene has calmed down enough to realize the silliness of the situation she was in. She was back inside her chambers—Michael took her in his arms and gently led her here, unresisting and more vulnerable than she has ever allowed herself to be. He let her go after having a short debate of whether she can handle herself going to the bathroom.

"Of course I can, Michael," she had said in dismissal, wriggling away from him like he was the plague. The comfortable intimacy they shared just minutes ago all but forgotten.

"I know," he replied, careful with his words. He wasn't about to lose his temper when she was this close to losing her own. "But I think it's better if—"

"—There's really no need. Thank you." And that… ended that.

"Fine," he answered back, trying to say it like he didn't care, and even bravely telling himself that he really didn't care when in fact he cared too damned much. He had meant to continue arguing, but because he was Michael and she was Selene… and by God, if she was scowling at him again then that can only mean she's feeling better. A man could only hope.

A slammed bathroom door startled him from these thoughts.

Was she really that angry?

He turned briskly toward the door but before he could knock on it—or wrench the handle open to give the vampire queen a piece of his mind—she opens it, surprising him for the second time today, when she pokes her head through the small gap and mumbles: "Sorry," and closes it gently this time.

Michael lets out a sigh and can't help but hope despite himself. "I care too much."

She didn't mean to slam the door but… there you go.

You've handled that exceptionally well, Selene thought. As always.

The scowl she has used so many times—to mask any other emotion she had—turned to a guilty smile as she looks at her reflection in the mirror above the sink. Her youthful features were still as beautiful as ever, even when clouded with the lines of confusion and sadness.

She shouldn't have lost reign over her emotions earlier she knew that, but what can someone like her do—immortal or not—when the heart decides to speak against reason? A special case even more so if the said heart didn't always get to do what it longs to do.

Her mind suddenly conjures up a less heated exchange to replace the short but cutting argument that had sprung up moments ago…all her doing of course. In this alternate reality, Michael will try—like he always did—to ask what was up with her, was she all right, does she need anything…does she want him to go? She would tell him—gently this time—that nothing was wrong and that she just needed to clear her head for a bit…and no, it was fine if he stayed.

Her answers would have been lies except the last one; nothing is wrong but there isn't also a single thing that's right, her mind didn't need to do any more contemplation than her skin needed to bask in more sunlight but, yes, of course he can stay.

I'd want it more than anything in the world if you stayed, Michael.

That would have been perfect—and polite—and her refusal to talk about her feelings would still have been acceptable because it would still be so Selene… With these wonderful—almost wishful—thoughts she has half a mind to go back outside and let Michael fuss over her if only to tell him two lies and one truth.

She felt herself grimace thinking about this. You're too old for this, Selene.

She turns the tap on a little forcefully, splashing her face with water. She lets the cold wash over her, then remembers with expected unexpectedness how warm Michael felt pressed against her, how right it felt that they were so… together like that… She scoops up more of the cold and this time rubs it harshly on her face.

Why can't you just tell him? Go on. Walk up to the man—to the only man you've ever loved and say, "Michael, I lied. Forget about forgetting your love for me. Let's start over, please. I'm sorry for being the way I am."

She leans her head against the mirror. It would be so much easier if… If what Selene?

"If I've got nothing to lose," she whispers to herself.

That was the hard part, she realizes. She knew he was falling for her. Of course he was falling for her. She was Selene and he was Michael, and although she doesn't believe in fate, Michael coming back from the dead for the third time—coming back to her—that must mean something right?

He's starting to have feelings for me again.

Feeling guilty again, she allows herself a sad smile.

But… was he really?

She wasn't naive, not that he was any better at hiding whatever his feelings were either. The stealthy gazes and the longer and bolder ones. Gentle but barely suppressed touches over her body whenever he's allowed, and the fast beating of his heart pressed against hers… Him looking at her—always looking at her—like she fucking handed him the moon and stars…

It's just a stupid crush, she argues with herself. An immature infatuation…Because what else can it be? What else can you allow it to be, Selene? For all the years she's lived, she has seen men lust after her. Men from different times and eras had wanted the same thing—and it's what Michael also wants now. And unfairly and irrationally, she has given him access, all the goddamned keys to an otherwise eternally locked door, that one thing she had denied so many, even the old Michael—

She felt her heart constrict at that thought. There's an old Michael now. Somewhere out there—or maybe just outside this cold, empty bathroom—there was the Michael who truly cared for her. If she just let him. The one who has seen the best and worst of her, lived through it, gone through hell and back for her and with her. The one who loves her scowls and argumentative dismissals, but doesn't accept them without reason, doesn't answer 'fine' when he knows she wants nothing more than for him to fight with her, to fight her to fight for them. Because she can't say it herself, but he knows anyway.

"You're being stupid, Selene." The old Michael would have said when she'd told him to forget about love, about them, to just focus on protecting Eve. "We're stronger when we're together." And he would have embraced her fiercely instead of gently kissing her forehead. "You need me as much as I need you."

The old Michael would have fought her for them.

And here she was, falling for a stranger with his face.

And yet...

She could not find it in her heart to break his. Not with those eyes that shouldn't feel so familiar. Yes, she thought. It would be so easy to let it all go. To let him go. She wasn't used to being distracted during desperate times and protecting their daughter should be her sole priority, and it was… But would it be so hard to let him in despite all this?

Without meaning to, she finds herself walking towards the door and hesitates on the knob.

I must be losing my mind.

She turns it and slowly steps out.

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Michael was sure that when asked, Selene would deny that she was particularly soft when it came to him. But surely she cannot fault any one who believed it was so—him included—when he was finding himself more free these past few days, free to look and wonder at her, and not expect a cold gaze back. Free to be around her wherever her royal duties would require her presence. He's even allowed in her chambers again… He doesn't do anything stupid of course.

She tolerated him. He tells this to himself every now and then. A sweet and bitter reminder that this… weird arrangement of theirs had nothing to do with feelings and… any other bullshit. Because if it did, she would have reached for him.

Sometimes at night she would call out his name in the darkness of the room, Michael. A sound so soft he could have imagined hearing it. It would startle his close to sleeping self awake. His heart would jump in restrained excitement… He wasn't used to having an immortal's pride but living so close to one has him losing his damn patience. That's what he's been training now. Excruciating patience but also: constant vigilance. Forever's no biggie in the world he's living now after all.

We could literally do this stupid dance for eternity.

The thought for him was both assuring and depressing.

In the end though her call for him was only to say goodnight, and he'd reply cautiously back 'night, yawning, and without further fuss. She hated fussing.

Sometimes forever could just really feel like… like what it is. Forever.

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"We should go out." He blurts out a fortnight later as they were fluffing what feels like a thousand pillows and arranging her bed's enormous blankets.

"What?" She stops and blinks at him.

"Out," he pauses, feeling her eyes on him, but not daring to look up at them yet. "Like on a date."

Silence, then:

"Michael…"

"I know, I know, you're the queen. It's impossible to leave the coven but—" he shrugs. "You never have time for yourself, and…"

"And?"

Did she sound hopeful?

"And… you said I'm a stranger to you," he said, shrugging. "It doesn't have to be romantic… Look." He holds her hand.

"Don't you want to get to know me again?"

Selene just stared at him. It was unfair, really. Here's this man, who's quite possibly the sweetest man to walk the earth, was cursed to live an immortal life where he's not only forced to be a beast among beasts, but was also forever tied with a woman like her. A woman who knows nothing of expressing her feelings. Hell, she doesn't even understand what those feelings were, least of all know shit on how to act on them.

"Okay."

She really needs to stop her habit of not wanting to disappoint him.

"Okay—wait, what?"

"Sorry—" She wants to fumble with her hands, do something with them, like fluff more pillows—anything. But Michael's grip is gentle but firm. "I meant okay, I'll see if I can find a way to—"

"—Not good enough." He says all in one breath.

He surprises her sometimes.

She gazes back at him, a little defiant. But she kept her silence.

"Say you want to go or not. I don't want to force you to do anything you don't want to do."

By the Saints, did he really have to be so… pure?

"I want to go out with you, Michael." A pause and a sigh. "On a date."

"Really?" He raises an eyebrow. "May I know why, your grace?"

She doesn't know what made her say it, maybe because his teasing tone has finally melted her ice of a heart, or maybe because he makes her feel brave without wanting to prove it by shooting a lycan's head from within a three-mile radius.

"Because I'd like to get to know you again and…" she trailed off, and stared right back at him coquettishly. Or at least that was what she was aiming for. Her wearing nothing but a thin nightgown still didn't help and there's the fact that she was terrible at flirting. "And if you're still the man I once knew…" She strongly wants to flirt all right, but in the end she realizes she wants to give him a genuine answer—without flair and whatever hand she has at seduction, if it even exists at all.

"I'm sure I'll enjoy spending time with you."

Consider this as a somewhat "filler" chapter. I'm not saying anything more except if you love action you'll definitely be in for a ride next chapter… Hopefully. When I get it done… If I get it done…

Let's hope this time it would be in the same year as this one. :P

I apologize again for the loooong delay and thank you, thank youuu to those who still read and await the next chapters of this fic! And to those who surprisingly stumble upon it as well.

Please review if you like! I always love to hear your thoughts :)

-Jill