Chapter 16: Ultimatum
"The doctors are going to make a cut about here," Carla traced a curved line across the lower right side of her abdomen.
Curious, Jamie pulled up her mum's hospital gown so she could see her skin. Carla repeated the motion on her bare skin. Jamie re-traced the planned incision path with her little fingers. Carla both thrilled and felt a chill at Jamie's touch. Explaining to her daughter the theory of what was about to happen was a lot different to the reality. She sneaked a look up at the clock; less than three hours until she was due to go under the surgeon's knife.
"Will it hurt, mummy?"
"No, baby, the doctors are going to give me some medicine. Like when you're feeling poorly, mummy gives you something to make you feel better, right?"
Jamie nodded.
"It's the same kind of thing really. So I don't want you to worry about it, okay?"
"Okay."
Carla wrapped her arms around Jamie and pulled her in for a hug. She didn't let go, she couldn't, not yet. She knew that today's surgery was fairly routine, but she wasn't taking any chances. If this was the last time she'd get to hold her daughter, she wanted to make it last.
Jamie, sensing that her mum needed this, didn't wriggle around like she normally would if one of her mum's hugs lasted too long. She wasn't scared; she had never had any reason to doubt what her mum had ever told her; she wasn't about to start now.
"Am I interrupting?"
Carla and Jamie both looked up to see Peter stood just inside the door of Carla's hospital room.
"Daddy!"
"Come in. I was just telling Jamie all about the surgery."
"Really?" Peter looked surprised as he wandered over to the bed and gave Jamie a quick kiss hello.
"Hi, baby."
Jamie nodded in agreement, eager to show her dad how much she'd learned.
"They gonna cut into mummy's tummy," Jamie pulled up Carla's hospital gown again to expose her abdomen.
"Jamie!" Carla protested at her daughter exposing her to her ex-husband, but Jamie was on a roll and ignored her mum.
"Here," Jamie again traced her fingers along Carla's stomach. "And they gonna take one of Uncle Aidan's kidneys – you know you don't need both, don't you daddy?"
Jamie turned around and peered at Peter, obviously waiting for an answer.
"Is that right, sweetheart?"
"Yep! And they gonna put it in mummy and then mummy will be better."
"You're so clever, baby."
Jamie beamed with pride before turning her attention back to her mum, tracing all sorts of patterns over her abdomen. Carla pulled her hospital gown down, smiling apologetically at Peter; nevertheless, Jamie continued to play doctor through the fabric, tracing imaginary surgical incisions over Carla's body.
Peter took the opportunity while Jamie was distracted to talk to Carla.
"How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine," Carla put on a brave face.
"Carla."
"What do you want me to say, Peter?" Carla kept her voice low so that Jamie wouldn't hear. "That I'm scared? That the thought of never seeing my daughter again, that she might never see me again, terrifies me? Because I am, it does."
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you."
Carla reached out and grabbed Peter's handing, squeezing it reassuringly.
"It's okay. I'm sorry, I'm a bit on edge."
"Hey, that's perfectly understandable, love." Peter's low tones instantly comforted Carla.
They fell into an easy silence. All the while, Peter maintained his grip on Carla's hand; she didn't try to pull away.
"Do you mind staying? Until it's time for me to… you know."
"Of course."
"And bring Jamie back as soon as I'm awake?"
"Whatever you want."
"Thank you."
She smiled hesitantly at Peter, unsure of how to word her next request.
"And if, you know, the worst happens -"
"Carla, don't."
"Please, Peter, let me say it."
Peter didn't respond, he simply waited for Carla to speak.
"Make sure she doesn't forget me."
Tears sprang into Peter's eyes.
"Promise me, Peter. Please."
Peter nodded, he didn't trust himself to speak. All he could do was squeeze Carla's hand as reassuringly as she had squeezed his mere moments ago.
Jamie held onto Peter's hand as they walked across the hospital carpark. She chatted animatedly about this and that, causing Peter to look at her with concern. He stopped and crouched down to Jamie's level, looking her in the eye.
"Jamie, is there anything you want to talk about? Anything you're worried about?"
"No," Jamie shook her head and looked at her dad in confusion.
"If you're worried about your mum…"
"I'm not."
"You're not? Why not?"
"Because mummy said she was gonna be okay."
Peter smiled at the influence Carla had over their daughter; that over four years of experience had proven to Jamie that her mum could be trusted.
"Good. That's good. I just wanted to be sure that you knew that."
"Can we go now, daddy?" Jamie was suddenly impatient; she didn't understand why daddy was so concerned, didn't he know there was nothing to worry about?
"Yes, baby, we can go."
Peter smiled and tousled Jamie's hair affectionately as he stood up and held out his hand for his daughter to take.
"Come on then, cheeky."
Jamie grinned up at her dad before slipping her hand into his.
Carla stared up at the ceiling, watching as the ceiling tiles travelled through her field of vision in a steady rhythm while hospital porters wheeled her stretcher trolley towards the surgical department.
Suddenly, she felt completely alone. Her family, friends, her beloved daughter, they all loved her, she knew that. But they couldn't go with her now; this was a journey she would need to travel alone.
For the first time in her life, Carla prayed. Prayed that this journey was a return trip; that, in a few hours' time, the porters would be wheeling her back into recovery.
Toyah stood at the entrance to the Rovers' back room, watching Peter and Jamie. They were both engrossed in colouring in the same picture; Peter looked like a big kid, he was obviously enjoying himself immensely, while Jamie periodically stopped her own artistic efforts to give her dad directions on the best methods of colouring in, directions that Peter received with good humour.
Toyah always encouraged Peter's relationship with Jamie; she loved seeing how dedicated Peter had become, how obviously he doted on his daughter. But there were some things that Toyah refused to put up with. Something had to be done.
"Alright?" Leanne had appeared at Toyah's shoulder.
"Lee, do me a favour, yeah?"
"Hmmm," Leanne narrowed her eyes, suddenly dubious. "What is it?"
"Can you take Jamie somewhere? I want a word with Peter."
"Oh aye, what's he done then?"
"Are you gonna do it or not?"
"Alright! Enough of the attitude. I'll see what I can do." Leanne plastered a broad smile on her face. "Out of my way, then."
Toyah stepped aside to allow Leanne to waltz into the room.
"Hiya, Jamie."
"Hi, Aunty Leanne."
"I was just going to take Oliver to the Kabin for some sweets. Do you want to come with us?"
Jamie turned eagerly to her father, ready to beg for this treat.
"Please, daddy, can I go?"
Peter looked up at Leanne reproachfully before smiling down at his daughter.
"Of course, baby, but not too many, okay? You can choose two, that's it."
"Thank you, daddy."
Jamie launched herself at Peter, wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him with glee at the delight she was about the enjoy.
After Leanne had whisked Jamie away, Toyah entered the room and sat down at the dining table opposite Peter. She reached across the table and took his hand in hers.
"You alright, Toyah?"
"Not really, no."
"Is it the baby? Is something wrong?"
"Oh, no, Peter, I'm sorry, everything's fine with the baby. It's just…"
"What is it? Please, Toyah, you're freaking me out."
"It's you and Carla."
"What about me and Carla?"
"It needs to stop. I won't have it."
"I don't know what you think is going on, but there's nothing between us. Nothing except Jamie, that's it."
"Come off it, Peter, you're constantly at her flat, looking after her, pandering to her every whim. And even when you're here, you're thinking about her."
"She's the mother of my child."
"So am I!"
Silence descended across the room; a heavy, awkward silence.
"So you'll understand why it's important for me to make sure she's okay."
"She's got her own family for that, her own partner. The only contact you ever need to have with her is when you pick Jamie up and when you drop Jamie off."
"That's not fair, Toyah."
"You wanna talk to me about what's not fair? What's not fair is my partner, the father of my child, being obsessed with his ex-wife!"
"I'm not –"
"Do I look like I'm finished talking?"
Peter simply stared at her.
"We're having a baby, Peter. We're building a family of our own, we're building a future. And that future includes Jamie, of course it does, it always will. But it doesn't include Carla."
Tears were now silently streaming down Toyah's face. Peter reached out and tried to wipe away her tears, but Toyah grabbed his wrist and held his hand away from her.
"I know you've got feelings for her. Don't you dare try to deny it. You've got history, I understand that, there's always going to be something lingering. But, if you keep on feeding those feelings, encouraging them, letting them grow… Don't you see what you're risking?"
"I wouldn't let that happen."
"You would. You have. You need to make a choice, Peter. And for the sake of our baby, I pray you make the right one."
Toyah placed Peter's hand down on the table and allowed hers to linger over his for a moment before she suddenly pushed her chair back and rose to her feet.
"You need to cut her loose, Peter. It's the only way you're going to have any kind of relationship with our child."
Peter stared at Toyah, incredulous that she could be making such a demand. But, looking her in the eye, he had no doubt that she was deadly serious.
Light began to slowly filter through the darkness. She welcomed the light, but wished it would stay still, the constant movement was making her nauseous. She tried to close her eyes to block out the light, when she realised her eyes were already closed.
So she tried to open them instead. The light, white and bright now, was blinding. She blinked furiously, desperate for her eyes to acclimatise. Shapes swum in front of her eyes, blurry shapes that she couldn't make out.
"Carla?"
Carla heard the voice as if through a wall of water; she couldn't pin point where it was coming from, or indeed who it was speaking. All she could do was lay there and wait until her senses returned to a semblance of normality.
She tilted her head slightly to the right and saw two dark and blurry figures; a smaller figure and a larger figure. She blinked; slowly but surely the figures came into focus.
"Mummy?"
"Oh, darling, come here," Carla clumsily tapped the small section of mattress by her side.
Jamie didn't hesitate to climb up onto the bed and snuggle up next to her mum.
"Be careful, Jamie."
Carla looked up at Peter and smiled lazily.
"It's okay, Peter, she's okay."
Carla hugged and kissed her daughter as if their separation had lasted years rather than hours.
Watching this touching mother and daughter scene at first warmed Peter's heart, until he remembered Toyah's ultimatum. Immediately his heart, and his face, sunk.
Carla, always with a watchful eye on Peter, noticed his sudden change.
"You okay?"
"Yeah," Peter's reply was almost abrupt.
"You sure?"
"I told you, I'm fine."
"Oh, come on, Peter, spit it out."
"What?"
"Whatever it is you've got to say, just tell me. I mean, how bad can it be?"
Peter opened his mouth to speak, but the words refused to leave his mouth. He looked at Carla, so small and fragile in her hospital bed, and decided it would be cruel to say anything right now.
"It's nothing. I'm just happy you're okay."
"Okay. If that's all?"
"It is."
Peter knew he'd have to tell Carla eventually, but not now, not like this. He wished that Carla had returned to the street even a month earlier than she had. How different things might have been. How different his future might have been, their future. He suddenly longed for this alternate reality; a place where Toyah and the baby didn't exist, where Sam didn't exist. A place for just the three of them: Peter, Carla and Jamie. His family.