Chapter 22: Family ties

Peter stared at Toyah; shock, disbelief, disgust; he could almost taste it in his mouth. He could see her lips moving, he knew she was talking, but he couldn't hear what she was saying over the buzzing that had begun sounding in his ears the moment her confession had passed her lips.

His head began spinning; he reached out for something to hold onto, anything to stop him from falling; from vomiting; from curling up on the ground and crying like a baby.

He staggered out of the room, through the bar; he crashed through the front doors of the Rovers and onto the street. He didn't see the curious looks people were giving him; the concerned inquiries into his wellbeing. He saw and heard nothing.

He stumbled blindly down Coronation Street; he didn't know where he was going. Or did he? His feet were powered by an unseen force; driven by…what? Instinct. His feet were taking him to where his heart was leading him, to a place he knew he would find comfort.

Carla sat at her dining table, her laptop open to a spreadsheet loaded with figures, both black and red, while various papers were scattered over the table. She sighed as she surveyed the mess. Carla knew she'd let things slide on the business front ever since Aidan; for a while she had doubted she could ever face Underworld again. But she knew how much Aidan had loved that place; how much hard work he had put in, the sacrifices he had made.

Now it was her time to make some sacrifices. With fashion show deadlines looming, Carla was determined to put in the hours, to do the work of two people, to make Aidan's dream a reality.

Bang! Bang! Bang!

Carla jumped, startled at the sudden and somewhat aggressive banging on her front door.

Bang! Bang! Bang!

Carla rose from her seat and moved warily towards the door.

"Who is it?"

Bang! Bang! Bang!

"I said, who is it?"

"It's me."

That voice; Carla recognised it immediately. But there was something in the tone that she'd never heard before, something that scared her. Even so, she rushed to open the door; she would always open the door for him.

"Peter?"

Peter stood on Carla's threshold, his face stained with tears, both old and new, and contorted with pain and anguish.

"Carla," his voice broke; he couldn't say another word. All he could do was step into Carla's open arms. She wrapped her arms around him, embracing him, holding him tight as he collapsed on her shoulder, sobbing as if his world was ending.

"Here you go," Carla handed Peter a cup of steaming tea.

"Thanks," Peter was calm now that the first rush of emotion had released its grip on his body and his heart. "I'm sorry about before, I, umm…"

"It's okay. The amount of times I've cried on your shoulder."

"You haven't asked me what happened?"

"In your own time. I assume that's why you came here?"

"I don't know why I came here. I just… I just did."

Peter dropped his head; silence descended over the room. Carla simply waited. She knew Peter would speak when he was ready.

"Toyah and I split up."

"Oh…" suddenly Carla began to wonder about Peter's motives.

"I know what you're thinking. It's not like that. It's, umm… oh god."

"Peter, you don't have to tell me. I can call someone if you want? Your dad? Toyah?"

"No. Not Toyah. Never Toyah. I only want to talk to you."

"Okay."

"It's Susie."

"Is she okay? She's not ill, is she?"

"She's not mine. She's not my daughter. I'm not her dad."

"I don't… Peter, I don't understand."

"My baby, you know, the one the surrogate was carrying?"

"Yeah?"

"It died. She had a miscarriage."

"Oh, Peter, I'm so sorry. But –"

"Where did Susie come from? Is that what you were gonna ask?"

"Well, yeah."

"Toyah… I still can't believe someone would stoop so low. Toyah made a deal with someone; someone who didn't want to keep their baby, was gonna give it up or have an abortion, I don't know. They agreed to give Toyah their baby and then Toyah would tell everyone, including me, that it was the surrogate's baby. That it was my baby."

Carla struggled to understand what Peter was telling her, so she asked the obvious question.

"Who?"

"Eva."

"Eva? Eva was pregnant?"

"They were in it together, Toyah and Eva. They were planning it for months, this big lie."

"I don't –"

"There's more," Peter looked Carla in the eye. Even after the massive bombshell Peter had just dropped, Carla knew instinctively that the biggest shock was about to come.

"Oh, god, there's more?"

"Susie's dad. Her real dad, Carla. It's Aidan. Aidan was Susie's father."

"Aidan?" Carla struggled to take it in; to comprehend what Peter's revelation meant. "Did he know?"

"I don't know, I don't know anything anymore."

"He couldn't have known. If he'd known, he'd never… he'd still be here."

Peter reached out to stroke Carla's cheek; she instinctively leaned into him.

"I'm sorry, Carla."

"Don't, it's not you, it's them, those evil…"

Once again, silence, as the pair struggled to come to terms with everything they'd learned.

"Where's Jamie?" Peter suddenly noticed his daughter's absence from the flat.

"Oh, umm, Simon took her to the park."

"Right. Oh, god, Carla. What am I gonna tell Simon? And Jamie?"

"The truth, darlin'. I'll help you, okay? It'll be okay."

"How? How will anything ever be okay again?"

"Listen, Peter, are you alright on your own here for a bit?"

"Why?" Peter couldn't believe that Carla was leaving him at a time like this. "Where are you going?"

"I have to tell Johnny. I won't be long."

"You gonna tell him the good news, then, that he's a grandfather? Every cloud, ey?"

Carla was apprehensive; she didn't want to leave Peter in this state, but she wanted to break the news to Johnny before he heard it through gossip.

"Go," Peter noticed Carla's hesitation. "I'll be fine."

"And you'll wait here for me?"

"Yeah. Sure."

"What do you want?" Johnny stood blocking the door to his flat, staring down his estranged daughter.

"I need to talk to you," Carla pleaded. "Can I come in?"

"No."

"Oh. Right. Listen, I know you blame me –"

"You bet I do."

"Can we please just put that to one side, just for now. I need to tell you something."

"Go on."

"Not on the doorstep."

"You don't tell me what to do in my own home. Either you tell me what you've got to say right now, or you do one. Your choice."

"Johnny, please, this is important –"

Johnny started to close the door.

"No, Johnny, please."

"You had your chance."

"Johnny! It's Susie! Susie Barlow. She's Aidan's. Aidan's daughter."

"What?"

Carla spun around, horrified to see Simon and Jamie returning from the park.

"Oh, god, Si…"

"What did you say about Susie?"

"I think you should talk to your dad about this."

"Carla, what you just said? Is it true?"

"I'm sorry."

This was all the confirmation that Simon needed; he turned and ran.

"Si!"

Too late; Simon had disappeared into the stairwell.

"What do you mean?" Johnny was still there. "How can Aidan be Susie's father?"

"I have to get Jamie home," Carla hurried to where Jamie had been left by Simon and took hold of her hand. "Come on, sweetheart."

"Carla! You can't drop something like that and then run away without an explanation."

"Talk to Eva," as Carla led Jamie away.

"Peter?"

But the flat was silent.

"Peter? Are you here?"

A quick search of the flat confirmed that Peter had gone.

"Mummy?"

Carla looked down at her daughter. She knew she would have to try and explain to Jamie what had happened. But how do you explain to a four-year old that the baby they thought was their sister was in fact their cousin? Carla sighed and prayed for divine inspiration.

"Sit down, sweetheart, I need to talk to you about something."

Peter stormed through the swinging doors of The Flying Horse and made a beeline for the bar; he was on a mission and he was not wasting any time.

"Hey, Peter, long time. How's the Rovers?"

"Pint and a whisky please."

"I don't think that's a good idea, mate."

"What is this? The booze police? Are you gonna serve me or am I taking my custom to the Weathy Arms?"

The barman studied Peter's face, saw his determination, and gave in.

"Fine. Your funeral."

The barman pulled the pint and poured the whisky, placing both in front of Peter, before taking his money and leaving him to it.

Peter stared down at the drinks beckoning him so seductively; he desperately wanted to down them both, one after the other. But he knew from bitter experience it wouldn't stop there. It never did. He reached out and grasped the pint glass in his hand.

"Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you, darling?"

Jamie shook her head; she couldn't quite get her developing brain around what her mum had just revealed.

"That's okay, baby, I don't really understand it either."

"Mummy?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I call daddy?"

Peter's phone beeped; he'd let the call go to voicemail. He didn't want Carla to know where he was, to know how weak he had been. Still, he listened to the message instantly; he craved her voice more than he craved the two drinks that were still sat on the bar in front of him, untouched.

"Daddy?" Peter's heart melted instantly on hearing his daughter's voice. "It's Jamie. Umm, mummy told me 'bout baby Susie and I thought you might be sad 'cause you don't get to live with her any more. But if you get lonely you can come live with me and mummy. And then you won't be sad. I love you daddy. Mummy loves you too. And Snowy. Bye daddy!"

Peter smiled to himself, even as the tears slipped down his cheeks. He looked down at the beaded bracelet adorning his left wrist that Jamie had made for him. He wore it every day as a reminder of how lucky he felt to have been given this second chance at being her father. He daren't hope for a third.

As devastating as it was to have Susie wrenched from him, he knew his life was still worth living because of Jamie. And because of Simon. And because maybe, just maybe, there was a lingering hope for something else.

Toyah fidgeted nervously behind the bar of the Rovers. She served customers with no care or attention; she would most likely have failed to remember the names of anyone she served that day. Her eyes were on one person only: Carla.

As soon as Carla had walked into the bar a few minutes earlier, Toyah had known immediately that Peter had told her everything. Carla had refused to speak to Toyah; she wanted to see Eva, and Eva only. She did, however, feign to shoot at Toyah the filthiest of death stares that she could muster, and boy could Carla do a powerful death stare. Even so, Toyah was desperate to know how Peter was, to know that he was okay, to know most of all that he wasn't drinking.

Toyah tentatively approached Carla where she was stood waiting on the other side of the bar.

"Carla, I –"

"She says she'll see you," Leanne returned from the back room with the news Carla was waiting for.

As Carla walked through the bar on her way to the residence, Toyah grabbed onto her last chance to find out… whatever there was to find out.

"Carla," Toyah touched Carla's arm, a gesture that Carla quickly shook off. "How is he? How's Peter?"

"Don't you dare ask about Peter," Carla spat at Toyah. "Where was your concern all those months you were lying to him?"

"You don't understand. You've got Jamie. I just wanted what you had, a child, a family."

"Yeah, well, I wanted my brother not to kill himself. But we don't always get what we want, do we?"

Carla didn't wait for an answer; she turned and followed Leanne who was waiting rather impatiently for Carla to come with her.

Toyah blinked back the tears; she had to hold it together, she couldn't afford to go to pieces so publicly. She couldn't understand how she'd let herself get into this mess, how she'd let everything get so out of control. It was like she had been possessed; her obsession with having a baby had taken over her life and, ultimately, had destroyed her life. Now she was left with nothing. No baby, no partner, no future.

Then she saw him and her heart almost stopped. She breathed a sigh of relief; he didn't look drunk. That had been her worst fear; that he would revert to type and find consolation in the bottle. That relief soon turned to fear and trepidation; Peter wasn't drunk, but he was angry. Very angry. And not in the mood to talk to the woman he suddenly despised above all others.

"Peter, we need to talk."

"I think you've said more than enough."

"Please, Peter."

"I'm here to pack my things, that's it. After that, I don't care if I never see your miserable face again."

"But," Toyah was desperate to find any reason to keep Peter in her life. "What about this place? We worked so hard to get here."

"I've put the Rovers on the market."

"What?"

"I've just come from the estate agent's. They'll be round tomorrow for an appraisal."

"Peter, no! You can't do this!"

"Watch me."

Peter pushed past Leanne, who had just returned to the bar, and stalked upstairs.

"What did he say?" Leanne looked at Toyah in confusion.

"Don't," as the tears began to fall down Toyah's cheeks. "What have I done, Lee? I've ruined everything."

"I suppose you've come to have a go at me as well?" Eva was understandably defensive with Carla.

"No, not at all," Carla smiled reassuringly at Eva. "I take it Johnny's paid you a visit?"

"Yeah. Angry is an understatement."

"It's his default since Aidan… Don't worry, it's not just you he's angry with."

"You too?"

"Yeah."

For a moment, the two women simply looked at each other. They'd never been close before, but suddenly, devastatingly, they were united not just by a common tragedy, but by a baby girl who, in her short existence, had already caused so much joy and pain.

"Why are you here, Carla?"

"Because my brother killed himself. And if he did it without knowing about his daughter… I don't know what to think, Eva. Please tell me he knew."

"I told him, months ago, that I was pregnant. But he didn't believe me, he hated me back then."

"He never hated you, Eva. Not really."

"You're just saying that."

"Well, he defended you when I called you a vindictive cow. If that's not love…"

Eva couldn't help but laugh; Carla joined her.

"No, really, he told me he still loved you, Eva. Even after everything."

The tears began to slip down Eva's cheeks.

"I wish I'd known. I wish I'd fought harder. Maybe then… I dunno, maybe he'd still be here."

"You can't think like that. You can't torture yourself with what ifs and maybes. Trust me, nothing good will come of it."

"So, what do I do?"

"You love and you cherish his daughter. That's what you do. And, when she's old enough, you tell her about him. About what he was like, what a good man he was."

"He was," Eva sobbed. "So good. So beautiful. He was everything."

Peter came down the stairs of the Rovers for what he believed was the last time, the last of his packed bags in his hands. He looked around him, thinking back to all the plans he and Toyah had for this place, for their future together, their family. It was all gone now, all that remained was a bittersweet memory.

"Pull yourself together," Peter sighed to himself.

He pushed open the door of the back room, prepared to clear from it all traces of his existence, but was shocked by the sight that met him.

Susie, that perfectly formed beautiful baby he had, until hours earlier, worshipped as his own, was being held in a loving embrace by the woman he had once, long ago, also worshipped as his own.

Carla looked up as Peter entered the room.

"Hi."

"Hey."

"Where did you get to? We came home and you were gone."

"Sorry, I needed to clear my head."

"And did you?"

"Jamie's message helped. A lot."

"Yeah, well, she loves her daddy."

Peter smiled and sat down on the sofa next to Carla.

"Where's Eva?"

"Upstairs having a bath. She looked shattered, so I offered to look after this one while she had a little break."

"Right." Peter stroked Susie's head gently. "I'm sorry, I…"

"It's okay, Peter. You're allowed to miss her."

"This morning she was my daughter. Now she's nothing to me, I'm nothing to her."

"I'm so sorry."

"But look at you, you've got yourself a niece. How does it feel, Aunty Carla?"

Carla couldn't help but smile at 'Aunty Carla'. The last time she'd been an aunty like this was when Ryan was a baby. She remembered how she and Paul would look after him and dote on him. It was even more special for her now with Susie, because Susie was the daughter of her own brother.

"Honestly?"

"Please."

"Knowing that Aidan lives on in this one, it means everything. I'm sorry, I hate that you had to lose so much in the process, but… she's part of Aidan, you know."

"I understand. I just… What am I meant to do now, Carla? I don't know what to do."

"Why don't you try talking to him? Before he leaves."

Toyah considered Leanne's advice, but she was scared; she wanted to talk to Peter, to try and reason with him, but she had hurt him so badly, she didn't know if he could ever bear to look at her again, let alone have a civil conversation with her.

"I don't know, Lee, he was so angry."

"You're just gonna give up on him, are you? After everything you two went through to be together?"

"We did, didn't we? Okay, wish me luck."

With a nervous smile at her sister, Toyah made her way through the back of the bar and into the residence. She noticed Peter's bags at the foot of the staircase; he must be in the back room. She gently pushed open the door of the back room, but was horrified at the sight that met her.

Carla was holding Susie, her precious Susie. Peter was sat close by her, his hands were on Carla's face, his lips were on her lips. This was the legendary Carla and Peter passion she had heard so much about being played out in glorious technicolour right before her eyes.

She felt sick, she had to get out of there. Rushing back into the hallway, she sank back against the wall, heartbroken at what she'd just witnessed. Less than a day and he'd moved on with her. How could he?