Author's Note:

Thanks again for the reviews! A warning, this chapter gets a little dark. There is some violence and reference an abusive situation. It's all to make the good seem even better though. I hope you enjoy.

Chapter 5- Never Let Me Go

"Of course." I said hesitantly.

A strange mix of emotions came over me. I was nervous, scared and excited all at one time. I missed him more than ever; we had been so distant since my turn. I was happy to have a few minutes alone to talk, but so afraid that his demeanor was so cold.

I set my bags down to next to Alice. She looked at me with a worried expression. I assumed she was worried because of my recent outburst with the couple on our shopping trip. I silently mouthed, "I'll be okay." She nodded in response.

Edward and I strolled into the forest; it felt like forever before we spoke. We must have walk three miles, but I wasn't exactly keeping track. I was so nervous that the only thought residing in my head was that I hoped we were okay. I hoped that he wasn't mad at me for the choices I made that lead us to this point. I wanted him to want me still, to love me.

We slowed our pace near an area I didn't recognize. I hadn't hunted or crossed this area to the best of my knowledge. Green trees thick with moss stretched far above our heads. The forest floor was unexplored, natural and unaltered. I could hear a stream flowing nearby, and birds chirping in the trees. It would have been a cheerful place had I not been so anxious.

"Bella, I think we should talk about what is happening. What has been on my mind." Edward spoke finally.

"Are we okay? I feel like maybe I did something…" I stopped speaking, feeling like I was missing a point he was intending on making.

"You didn't do anything Bella, I did. I couldn't be strong for you; I couldn't stop even when your life depended on me to. It's because of me that you are this monster." He spoke as if he were tortured by every word.

"I'm not a monster Edward, well, I am trying not to be. I think I can get better; I will try my best to be better." I spoke pleading with him.

"You are a monster, but it is not your fault. I did this to you. If it weren't for me, Carlisle wouldn't have had to do this. You would still be in school, living your life, you would be able to see Charlie." He looked away from me as he continued. "I've been thinking a lot about all of this, about us. I can't pretend to be okay with this. I can't pretend to be okay with what I did to you."

I felt a large lump forming in my throat as I heard each word spill out of Edward's mouth. It was like one of those moments that you try hard to find a pause button for, but no matter what you do, nothing stops it from continuing. I just wanted it to stop, to go back. I wanted to go back to before he spoke and spend forever in those moments of just being together.

"Edward, we can work through this. I'll be better and you will see that…" he cut me off.

"No, it's not what you are doing Bella. I can't be with you and I can't be here. I am going to go away for a while. You are going to try to live this life the best way you can. I can't do anything to ever make up for what I did to you. The best thing I can do is stay away from you."

"Edward, please."

"I won't stay around here to hurt you more. I will find a way to atone for my sins." He said. His body was cold, he turned away from me as panic overwhelmed me.

"Just stay okay, just be with me. I need you. I need you more now than ever. I can't…I can't do any of this without you." I desperately pleaded.

"Bella, I do not love you anymore. In fact, I despise what you are. I cannot stay around to watch you as this creature." He said in the harshest tone I had ever heard him speak.

"Edward…" I cried out, crumbling to my knees.

Edward stood with his back still straight; he only allowed his eyes to travel down to my level. I had no strength, no will to stand. I wasn't sure if I could ever stand again. This was all some horrible nightmare that I couldn't wake up from. He stood, watching me for a moment. After that he only said one more thing to me.

"This new life will be free of me. Goodbye, Bella."

I lifted my head to speak, to stop him. He was gone. The forest floor had consumed me. I struggled against myself, finding the will within me to get up. I found myself rising to my feet, my love for him giving me purpose. I searched the forest from where I stood. He was gone. I had to find him. My reason for living, for fighting my nature, for everything was gone. I tried to reason what direction he ran in, but I had no clue. I had no idea how to tract, so the next thing I did was out of sheer desperation. I just ran. I ran for hours, I circled and backtracked and retraced again. By nightfall I was completely lost, both physically and mentally. My world was spiraling out of control. I continued doing the only thing I knew I could do; I ran.

By daybreak I was near a city. I could smell the strong scent of exhaust and asphalt. The city was still asleep. The sun was just barley peaking over the horizon. I was a zombie moving ever forward, I was coming unhinged. It was then that I smelled the familiar scent I craved more than anything. In that moment, I craved it more than Edward. The difference now was that I no longer cared to resist it.

I let myself give into the beast within me. I followed the nearest scent of delectable human I could detect. I was in a rough part of the city; I didn't even know what city I was in. I remember thinking it could be Seattle by how many tall buildings it had. I wasn't very familiar with Olympia though, so it could have been there. The scent brought me to a broken-down house. I saw man walking in a business suit into the house. I quietly stalked my target. That unlucky man would be mine.

I heard the man from outside the door. He had an appointment with a girl whom he only referred to as a number. I knew he was meeting a girl by the casual vulgar descriptions he gave about her to the man behind the desk. I heard the man pay what seemed to be a large sum of money and in exchange receive a key with a time limit on his visit. It didn't take much of an investigator to figure out that whatever this man was up to, it was not going to be good for anyone.

With very little effort I jumped up to the second story, clinging to a tree outside a boarded-up window. I was outside the room the man entered. I heard him put his things down on a table and speak to the girl who had only been referred to as a number. Her response was muffled and slurred. I could hear her heart speed and her throat give out a wine. Instantly I was infuriated, I ripped the boards off the window to reveal what I had suspected. I remember my first victim easily; it was the man I had claimed on the street. He had just unbuckled his pants when I burst through the window. I quickly reached him. I grabbed him by his blonde hair with my left hand, tugging his head towards the floor and exposing his neck. I remember the way he tasted. It was nothing like I had experienced with the animals I had conquered. His blood was so thick and velvet like. He tasted like iron and strawberry.

It took only moments to drain him. I needed more. I untied the girl from the bed and growled at her. She was half out of her mind, half scared out of her wits. They must have given her something strong. I told her to leave and to never speak of what she saw. She nodded and escaped quickly. The next moments have remained a bit of a blur to me, most of which is filled with blood. I remember being selective in my prey. My control left me proud of myself. Every single victim of the prey that I searched for was set free. I only drained those that preyed on the girls I found.

After I snapped out of the craze I was living in, I panicked. What had I done? I had a house full of victims. I had a house full of evidence that would surely destroy me. I went to the door and locked it. I thought for a few moments on what to do. After some careful consideration I decided to wait until nightfall to dispose of the mess I had created. I was covered in the evidence of my wrongdoing, I had to change or else my plan would never work. After searching through the basement, I found a box full of girl's clothes. I put on a shirt that I would have never picked to wear had I not been on the brink of being taken down for murder.

Keeping the door locked I crawled out of the window I had opened with force earlier. I scaled my way down to the ground and searched the city of a good place to dispose of the bodies. My exterior was composed but inside I was freaking out. I couldn't believe what I had done. I was a complete failure. I would never be able to return to the Cullen's; they would never have such a monster. I knew Edward had been right about me.

I found keys to one of the victims BMW SUVs parked a block away. Thankfully I found a placed to hide my mess. I prayed that no one would ever find out what I did. I never went back to the house. I couldn't bring myself to face it again. I just left the car in an Alley in town and found the cheapest hotel in the area. I still had my old college fund in the bank, and I used it. I had no idea how much time passed, I just sat in the hotel, allowing time to continue around me, I didn't deserve to live and I couldn't die. I didn't allow myself to feed; I couldn't trust myself to make decisions on any creature's destiny. It felt like no time and forever had happened all at one time.

I must have spent days without making a single move. Outside my little universe that was my room, the world turned and moved without me. Night turned to day, then back to night again. I lost count on how many times this happened. My mind played a continuous reel of what happened between Edward and me. I saw all of the good and the bad. I'm not sure which moments hurt worse; the good or the bad. Everyone we had seemed so far away now. I wished I could go back in time and relive it all. I felt so much pain from every memory. I wanted and needed that pain though.

I would never allow myself to forget any of it. I would sit here and relieve all of these moments for the rest of time, if it meant I could be with him. I hated thinking of our last moments together, but I had to. I had to remember that this life was real, even if I didn't want this reality. For a long time, I was determined to live in this pain.

After a long time, my mind would still for periods, and eventually it became easier to live in the still moments. Eventually I lost all that I had clung to. I didn't purposefully forget; I just chose to not be. I chose to not think anymore, to not be present in my thoughts. I chose to be numb and it was easier.

I was so focused on nothing that I didn't even hear that I had company. The next thing I remember was a hard slap across my face. If I didn't know any better, I would say I had a pretty big crack to show for it.

"Bella Marie Swan, how could you do this to me?"

I turned in my zombie like state to see Alice more upset than I had ever seen. She had caused the sharp pain to my jaw. I said nothing; I only apathetically stared into her face.

"Do you have any idea, any idea how long we have been searching for you?" She said still furious. "Ugh, you smell like a rotting baby diaper. Have you not showered, Bella? Honestly, what's wrong with you?"

"You can just leave, Alice. I don't need your company." I said blankly.

"You have some nerve Bella, if you weren't dead, I would kill you right now." She said sternly. She walked out of the room, leaving the door wide open. She was still within view when she spoke to a figure outside of my view.

"I don't know what to do. She is a zombie; she isn't even her anymore." She spoke to the mystery figure.

I stayed focused on a painting above the hotel room TV that I had been looking at for what must have been days at this point. It wasn't a particularly interesting painting, but it was there, and I did not want to be. I suddenly felt an embrace under my legs and behind my back. Someone had picked me up and was carrying me out of the room. To my deepest surprise, my savior in that moment was none other than Rosalie Hale.