Author's Note:
I'm glad most of you seem to be enjoying the story. The reviews are very helpful! Next chapter has more Rosella. Enjoy :)
Chapter 6- A Tale of a Mother's Love
I laid in the back seat with my head-on Alice's lap all the way home. I was still in my catatonic state, but I do remember that Rosalie drove while Jasper rode in the passenger's seat. I heard their conversation but offered no contribution.
"Have you ever seen this Jas?" Rosalie wondered to him. Her tone was not as cold and harsh as I was used to. It seemed a little more inquisitive, like I was a subject in her study.
"No, unfortunately I have not." He said as he looked back at me. I continued to stare straight ahead blankly. "I have heard of vampires petrifying, but that takes decades of remaining still. I'm not sure how long it has been since she has fed either. It could possibly have something to do with this. I'm afraid all I have are theories."
"Carlisle will probably be able to help. I don't see her passing or being in danger in the future. I mostly see this." Alice offered some help to the conversation. She played with my hair as she spoke. It was actually kind of nice, I probably would have appreciated it at a different time, but it reminded me of how my mom used to comfort me.
"I hope that she can move on and forgive herself for all those men." Jasper spoke trying to make conversation.
"Jasper, we don't actually know if she did that. We only have assumptions at this point, and it's probably not a good idea to talk about it in case she is processing any of what we are saying." Alice spoke scolding Jasper.
"I know new born vampires Alice, I mean it's possible that another person or creature left a house full of blood. Maybe five missing men over the course of one night is just coincidence. I guess we will just have to wait and see if she remembers anything." He sounded optimistic, Alice only growled in response.
"Maybe its best that you keep all that to yourself, Alice is protective of this one." Rosalie said half serious, half teasing.
The rest of the drive was silence, only music on the radio. I was a little surprised that they were listening to today's R&B radio. When we got home, Jasper carried me into the house, I did protest, I just didn't care. He brought me in and set me on my bed. Esme was already there with Carlisle. They both seemed concerned. Carlisle shined a light in my eyes and tried to get me to answer a few questions. I didn't even allow myself to think of the answers. Carlisle waited patiently, but after some time of my only answer being silence I turned over away from him to my side. He seemed so concerned, but I just wanted to be alone. I didn't deserve his compassion and I wasn't ready to receive it.
After some time, Esme asked if she could speak with me alone. Carlisle, Alice, and Jasper left the room. Esme came and sat near my shoulder against my back, I think she faced me, because she placed her hand on my shoulder. She just sat with me for what seemed to be forever. She gently touched my shoulder in the most comforting way. She was probably the best creature I had ever met. My only thought was that she was wasting her time with me.
"Bella, sweet heart, I want to tell you a story that only Carlisle knows. I want to tell you about my life. I was born in 1895 in Columbus, Ohio. I had a very good life as a child. I was always getting into trouble. I had always wanted to teach, and I did get to eventually. My family pressured me to marry a man I didn't love when I was only twenty-two. Charles was a very impatient man, he had very strict standards. I found myself upsetting him often, and eventually when I did he would beat me for it. During the war, he was sent away to fight in the draft, but he did come back. I secretly hoped he wouldn't, but he did. As soon as he was back he had me pregnant. For the first time since I met him, I was happy. I was truly so happy, but I didn't want my baby to grow up with such an abusive father. I did something that not many women of my day did, I ran away."
She continued, seemingly optimistic that this story might make me feel something again.
"I moved a couple of times to stay hidden but I eventually became a teacher. Life was hard, it was so hard to be a single woman with a baby on the way. But It was worth all the work just to know that this baby was away from its foul father. Life can be cruel however, I found that out when I gave birth to my sweet baby boy. He was born with an infection, he only lived two days. My baby had become my reason to live, and just like that he was gone. I couldn't take the pain, I bottled it up for some months, but my life was worthless. After only a few months I decided to kill myself."
Her tone turned gloomy, she seemed as though she would be crying if she could.
"I jumped from a local cliff and expected to die. Destiny has a funny way of fulfilling desires in ways you don't imagine. Carlisle found me, not in the park but in the morgue. You see, the men that had found me thought I was as good as dead. They didn't even try to save me, and they couldn't hear a heartbeat once I was at the hospital. Carlisle was nearby on an assignment and he heard my heart. He heard my heartbeat. He decided to change me and I have been grateful since."
"I bet you didn't murder five men in cold blood after the love of your existence left you!" I had turned and shouted at her. I broke out of my catatonic state to lash out at the woman that had been so gentle with me. She didn't deserve that but I was hurting. I didn't think she really had any idea what I was going through.
"Bella, I'm not finished with my story." I stared at her for a moment, feeling guilty that I had yelled at her. I turned away again and laid back down on my pillow. I resumed my careful watch of the far wall.
"After I was turned, I didn't have an easy go at this life like Carlisle did. Sure, he had his own set of struggles when he had been turned, but I had struggles he had never dealt with. He and Edward were in control of their lust, I was a loose cannon compared to them. I did not murder five men in cold blood Bella, but I have slipped up on several occasions more than you. None of the rest but Carlisle know this. I carried a lot for guilt for a long time. I've never been perfect at this life, but I have a family that loves me and that helps me be a better person. That same family loves and accepts you too Bella."
"I don't want this anymore." I spoke softly.
"This life can offer you more than you ever imagined. If you can learn to forgive yourself and move on than you will learn to love all that it has to offer. It hurts us to see you so self-loathing. We are all worried about you."
"Do the others think I caused all those men to go missing?"
"I don't really know, but you don't ever need to answer that for them if you don't want to. It can be our secret. I know more than anyone that it takes practice to control your hunger. Something like the loss of a loved one can force you to lash out in the most gruesome and horrible ways. I understand." She still spoke softly.
"If Edward can't stand to be around me because of the monster than I have become, how can the rest of them?" I spit out.
"No one thinks of you as a monster. Edward had a lot more going on within him than he let on. He left to let you live freely without him. Some day you will forget that you ever missed him. Until then, you have us and your family, love."
"I can't promise anything, I can't even process anything. I don't want anyone to worry about me though. I will try and do whatever you all want me to. I have nothing else to live for." I said quietly.
"I love you Bella, Carlisle and the rest of the family loves you too. We will do everything we can to help you and make this easier. I have an idea that I want to pass by Carlisle. I think it might help you."
She stood up and spoke in a slightly louder voice. "Carlisle, hun, can you come back in here."
Within a few seconds, Carlisle was entering the door. He was gentle in his demeanor. I felt like they saw me as a bomb that could explode at any minute. It was nice that they did seem to care that much about me though.
"What is it?" He said.
"I think it might be good for all of us girls to get away. I think that maybe a place of seclusion may be helpful. I was thinking of our cabin in Alaska."
"I'm not arguing, but I'm not sure that I understand how seclusion will help?" Carlisle questioned confused.
"She needs sometime with people who can understand what she is going through. She needs to learn how to live this life that we life. I think it might be helpful for myself to be with her and teach her. I identify with her honey."
"Ok, well I trust you Esme, would it be just you two?"
"Well, I think it would be good for Alice to be there, she is her best friend. I also think Rosalie could be of help. I have been told that Rosalie has a way of getting through to her mind in certain situations. She does also have a past that could offer some wisdom." Esme said suggestively. It was obvious that she was trying to hint what the problem was without saying it. Esme was sweet to try to conceal my obvious guilt in the missing peoples. Carlisle seemed to have a lightbulb go off after a moment of thinking.
"I understand, I think that is a great idea. Maybe some time in the great white north will be therapeutic. Would you be ok with that Bella?" he spoke to me now.
"Sure, I'll go. What does Charlie think I've been doing this week though?"
Esme was a little confused by my question. I didn't understand how I could have confused her, but Carlisle seemed to follow. He decided to answer the question for the both of them.
"Bella." He sighed. "You had been gone for weeks."
A small panic ran through me. I spit out my next question.
"What did you tell Charlie? Does my mom know?"
"Emmett was able to get into your email and send her emails as if he was you. She thinks you are fine and with Charlie. Alice wrote Charlie and sent him post cards. She wrote him that you broke your phone and that you decided to stay with a friend in phoenix to finish out the year there. It wasn't our best story, but we were left with few options."
"I was gone for weeks? I thought it had been days at most."
"Unfortunately, you were missing for almost four weeks. We only found you after Emmett finally got into your bank account online. You had several days charges at the motel we found you at. We were following the story of the missing men in Seattle, but no more people had turned up missing. We couldn't confirm that you were involved and we figure that even if you were, that you had moved on."
"We don't really need to rehash any of that right now, honey." Esme cut in on what Carlisle was explaining. He looked to her and understood that she was giving him a cue to stop talking.
"Bella, would you be ok with going downstairs and seeing the others. They have been worried about you." Carlisle asked.
"Erm, sure, I might as well try to act alive."
We walked down to see Emmett, Alice, and Jasper standing watching me come down the stairs. Rosalie was sitting on the couch reading a magazine. Emmett didn't let my feet touch the floor, he scooped me up into a big bear hug on the last step.
"Bells! I'm so glad you are ok. I missed you buddy."
"I missed you too Emmett." I was still a little bland, but I was trying. I gave a small smile to show that I did care for him. The others greeted me and hugged me.
"We have an idea to run by you. A favor of sorts." Carlisle addressed the group.
"Anything for Bells!" Emmett still clung to me.
"Well, thank you Emmett, but this really just requires the girls here." I saw Rosalie's head shoot up to pay attention. She didn't seem particularly happy to see me, but she didn't overtly show me signs that she hated me. I suppose this was progress.
"Bella is going to need some time to get over what happened to her while she was gone, and with Edward. Esme and I think it would be best if she spent some time with you girls in our cabin outside of Denali."
"Of course, this will be so fun. Anything for you, bestie. I'll be there for sure!" Alice said cheerfully.
"I actually don't think I am needed there. No, I am sure I am not needed." Rosalie spoke up.
"Rosalie, I think it would be helpful for you to join us." Esme addressed her.
"I don't want to go, I have some projects I am working on here and I don't know if you have noticed, but Bella and I aren't even remotely friends." Rosalie protested.
"No better time than now to see if you can become friends Rose." Esme said in her best mother tone.
"This is ridiculous. We hate each other, and up until now I have been very patient with this whole thing." Rosalie got up and moved past the group up the stairs.
"I don't hate you, Rosalie." I said as she passed me. She paused for just a micro second and in that time, we made eye contact. She continued, clearly uncomfortable by my comment. I heard her slam her bedroom door. Well, at least only two out of seven Cullen's despised me.