Author's Note:
Ok, ok, ok. So, I had a question about the shield ability. My answer to that is that I have been thinking about it. I have a direction I could go with the story that includes it and one that doesn't. I haven't decided on that because its a bit far off yet. That is my super vague and not very helpful answer. (sorry)
This is a bit of a turning point in the story. We have Rosalie softening up a bit towards Bella, its subtle but its there. From this point on their relationship will build. Again, this is a slow burn, but take comfort in the fact that Rosalie will slowly stop hating Bella from this chapter on. Who know's, maybe they will be friends soon. One can hope, right?
I already have the next few chapters written, so you should be getting some up dates over the next few days. Thank you again for all of the reviews. Enjoy.
Chapter 8- Northern Lights
We drove for an eternity. We stopped every once in a while, for gas, but we just kept going. I sat quietly, watching my surroundings; I had never been to Canada. It was pretty, but after a while it all looked the same to me. The sun had set some time ago when Rosalie switched her music to a playlist that included eighty's, ninety's and some of the music I heard regularly on the radio. I was pretty surprised when I heard "gangster's paradise" come on. My jaw dropped and my head slowly turned to her.
"You've got to be kidding me." I said in shock. Rosalie was probably the whitest person on the planet. I assumed this was an Emmett track.
"What?" she said in a snarky tone.
"The song." I said.
"I like a mix. You can only listen to the same songs so many times before you have to branch out."
"ok, I mean, good for you." I said confused. She gave me a confused look.
"I just wouldn't expect this from you. If I had to guess a ninety's artist that you would like I would have assumed something more like N'Sync or the Backstreet boys." I said as if it were obvious.
"I was never a fan of the pretty man boys. Call me crazy, but I wasn't into men with perms. I was so happy when that craze was over."
I shrugged my shoulders. I guessed it was true that you can't judge a book by its cover. The rest of the drive was more comfortable. I didn't attempt to talk to Rosalie; she didn't attempt to talk to me. I must have zoned out for a while staring into the blackness outside. Before I knew it, it was daylight and we were there.
The cabin was less of a cabin and more of a small logged mansion. I hadn't seen another house of building for miles. Esme was right when she said it would be seclusion. The landscape was incredible; snow still clung to trees in the distance. We all had gotten out of our cars with a few groans and stiff muscles. I couldn't stop staring at the world around me. I was in my own world when Alice came up and pinched my side. I jumped startled at her action, but she had me quickly forgiving her when she put her arm around me and rested her head on my shoulder.
"It's beautiful, isn't it?"
"Yeah, I wish Edward was here to see it." I said sadly.
"Ok, so new rule. No more speaking of him. I love my brother, but it will not help you get better to dwell on him." She said sternly.
"I guess. So, what do we do now?" I asked.
"We can do anything! I do want to grab a bite to each though. I'm starving!" She said grabbing her stomach dramatically.
"I'm not really hun…" I was cut off.
"Nonsense! You haven't eaten in weeks Bella. You can't fool me. You are going to go hunting with me and you are going to eat." She scolded me.
"Ok. Fine."
We helped bring in the suitcases before going hunting. The inside of the cabin was something from a magazine. I felt like I was in a celebrity's Aspen vacation home. There was a long winding staircase with dark mahogany railings still in half cut log shapes. The chandelier in the foyer was made from several moose antlers. A large Bearskin rug met you at the front hall. The house had too many rooms for me to count at first glance. I wondered how long it took Esme to perfect the look of this house.
The room that was given to me was just as large as my room in the Cullen house at Forks. The difference was that it had a large three-panel window with a seat to look out. I was surprised that this was not their permanent home. I didn't have a chance to put my things away before Alice rushed me out the door to get food.
We ran just a few miles away before starting to track our prey. My throat was burning severely with the scent of bear coming my way. I felt a small frenzy start within me and my animalistic nature begged to come out. I fought hard against. I still didn't feel that I could ever take a life again. I would just live with the burning fury forever. My face showed my pain when Alice questioned me about it.
"Bella, you can't go on like this forever." She said genuinely caring for me.
"I have to, I can't do this Alice." I said, I would have been crying if I could.
"It's just a bear, you will be torturing yourself. You know you can talk to me about what happened, right? It might help."
I kind of lost it for a minute, the hurt and the anger within me was too much. I didn't want to be hunting and I didn't want to talk. I turned to run away, and then I was gone. The last thing I heard was Alice calling for me. I didn't want her following me, I changed my direction every minute or so. I ran until I was in solid snow. I did it again; I shut everything and everyone out. I didn't have to talk or pretend for a while. I could just be. That's all I wanted, to not have to feel.
I sat under a large tree covered in thick white snow. It was complete stillness all around. Time seemed to stand still. I sat there until darkness overcame the light. I planned on staying there forever.
Alice returned home in a panic. She abruptly entered the house and promptly approached the other two in the living room. Esme was watching a show on cooking but immediately made note of the look on Alice's face and became anxious.
"What happened?" She stood up alert. This caught Rosalie's attention and she put down the magazine on classic cars down.
"I lost her! We were tracking a bear and we had a fight and I lost her. I can't find her in my vision. She isn't making any decisions or her might is blank or she is…" Her mouth was open in horror, as she couldn't finish her sentence.
"She is probably fine, Alice. She would basically have to throw herself into a burning fire to die. She is probably off pouting her pathetic life." Rosalie opened her Magazine back up and began to browse once more.
Alice became angry. Her chest was puffed out and her face was contorted into a grimace. She pushed forward aggressively to Rosalie.
"I know you care more than you let on! Quit being an ass and help me find her!" Alice shouted.
Rosalie calmly put her magazine on the coffee table in front of her and uncrossed her legs. She stood up with her back straight and turned to face Alice. She furrowed her brow.
"No, I don't actually care, Alice. I wish you would stop pushing me to." Rosalie said accusatorily.
"What are you talking about?" Alice said dramatically.
"I saw your little move with the car ride. Just accept that I don't give a rat's ass about your precious pet!" Rosalie raised her voice and pushed towards Alice.
"Girls! What has gotten into you?" Esme moved to separate them.
"Is it so bad that I want Bella to feel welcome? She is scared, and hurting Rose. I think I remember hearing that you were like that once, or do you not remember?" Alice said with disgust.
"Alice! Settle down. We will find…" Rosalie cut her off.
"I was never like that; my situation was different and you know that! How dare you?"
"Listen, you both need to calm down. Alice, you need to stop lashing out at Rosalie. Rosalie, I'm ashamed of you. Bella needs our help and compassion. I know you can be difficult sometimes, but how can you be so heartless?" Esme scolded both of them.
The two girls stood for a brief moment locked eye to eye. Esme stood with her arms between them, pushing back at them from each side. Both girls looked ready to have a go at it, but after Alice did not budge Rosalie conceded.
"Fine. I'll help you look for her. I still think you baby her too much. She needs to learn to deal with this herself." Rosalie spit out before she turned to leave.
"I'll go north." And with that Rosalie was gone.
"I guess I'll go south." Alice rolled her eyes and followed leaving the door open.
Esme sat down and took a second to breath. She wasn't used to so much hostility in her family. She put her hands on her head and wiped her face. She only allowed herself a minute to wallow, then got up and recomposed herself. In an instant, she was off to help. She took to the west in search of her adoptive daughter.
Rosalie did her best job to track Bella. Not to her surprise, Bella was pretty sloppy. Alice had never really had to track anyone because of her ability, it was sort of expected that she wouldn't be able to pick up on the signs of her trail. Rosalie noticed how much the trail changed direction and figured out pretty quickly that Bella didn't want to be found.
Nevertheless, she continued in her pursuit of precious Bella Swan. The whole time she was complaining in her mind about her. She often ranted in her mind about things, she noticed lately Bella had been a star in those rants. She did start to mull over what Alice and Esme had said. Rosalie knew she was pretty stubborn but her family did know how to crack her stone-cold apathy. She had not thought about things from the angle that Alice had given her. The more she thought about it, as much as she hated to admit it, the more that Bella was similar to her. It's not like she fit the mold, but she was going through the same basic situation that Rosalie had when she was turned. She lost someone she believed she loved, she was turned as a result of an injury inflicted by someone else preying on her, and then there was the uncontrolled bloodlust that had her doing things she didn't want to.
"God Dammit Alice." Rosalie said out loud in disbelief.
Rosalie preferred to just hate her. It was so much easier to ignore her, being nice was work. Why couldn't things have just stayed the same? Why did the Cullen's have to take pity on another creature, causing their world to change yet again? She was exhaustingly irritated at everything.
She caught Bella's scent in the middle of her drawn out self-pity and changed direction for the final time. She was a bit impressed by the distance she had to come to find her. She had been running for at least two hours and the area was much colder. The night sky wore the Aurora Borealis, it still held a position at the top of Rosalie's favorite sights. She slowed her pace to a gentle trod as she approached Bella.
I was deep into, well, into thoughtlessness looking at the sky. I heard gentle footsteps in the snow approaching. I didn't bother to turn, if it had been a bear I didn't really care at that point. He could have the upper hand, because I didn't want any of this life anymore. I had tried; I gave it a good try.
"It's beautiful." Rosalie said approaching. She sat down in the snow beside me. I was surprised it was her and not an animal ready to try its best with me. In fact, if I had to guess it was a member of the Cullen family, I think I would have pick any other Cullen as a guess before her.
I didn't respond, I didn't turn my attention to her. I just stared blankly at the sky. I didn't want her insults. I didn't want her fake pity or her opinion of the failure I was. I didn't want her telling me how pathetic or helpless I was.
"The others are worried about you, Alice nearly bit my head off about it." She laughed a little, I didn't know she was capable of that, "She can be so high strung."
We sat in silence for a long while. For a brief time, she seemed content to not talk. We both continued to watch the colors whirl and change above us. We sat there until he colors began to fade, the sun was trying to wake up below the horizon.
"Bella, you can't give up. I know what it's like to not want this. I still don't want this, but it gets easier. I know I sound like a cliché with my "It gets better" speech, but it truly does." She used air quotes. After a moment, she continued.
"You don't have to talk to me. Hell, I'm not sure why you would. I wouldn't be the first person to think to talk to. Just don't give up. That family of crazy vampires loves you. I should know, that's all they talk about. I am sure your family loves and misses you too. If you don't want to live or continue, do it anyways, for all of them."
I turned and stared at her for a moment. Her face was a little bit softer towards me than it had been before. I think she was trying her best to be approachable.
"Ok." I said, and with that I stood up and dusted my pants off. She stood up after me and mimicked my movements, although she was a little more dramatic about it. I could tell she didn't like being dirty or wet from the snow.
"Shall we make our way back?" She said as cheerfully as she could. I knew she was trying, but I still didn't buy her cheerful attitude. I shook my head in agreement. We set out on our way back, I was still unsure if I really wanted to give all this another try.