Kiba's already headed out to take in the moonlight before he sleeps, and Hige's supposed to follow, but he stops short. He's frowning thoughtfully at Toboe. After several seconds, he speaks, voice quiet and unsure. "Hey, Tsume?" The silver wolf immediately snaps to look at him, chest tightening. He's only ever sounded like that when talking about his lost memories and what he did for Jaguara… "I never really…heard what happened with the kid and the old man… I mean, I know he got shot, obviously, but…you know, the specifics." He bites his lip, looks away. "Toboe told me how you saved him from the guy when you first met, but…" his expression twists in talking about this, but he has to get it out, "…hell, the kid basically stared down the barrels of two guns, the old man's and Darcia's, when he died last time… It's not…" his voice drops even lower, and Tsume's almost surprised there isn't a scorch mark on the ground from the heat of Hige's glare, "…i-it just…doesn't make sense…"

Tsume watches him for a long moment before he hums on a sigh. "I'm sorry. We should have explained it to you."

Hige settles cross-legged on Toboe's other side and smiles gently, hands moving inside his hoodie pocket. "Hey, in your defense, there was a lot going on." There's the smallest laughing undercurrent to his voice.

He feels victorious when it actually gets Tsume to smile a little bit. "True…" His eyes drift back to Toboe, and his smile falls, the space between his eyes pinching. "To be honest, there are still some things I don't really understand myself…but I can guess…"

He doesn't exactly sound happy about that, but Hige supposes nobody would be in this situation, especially with Toboe being Tsume's…well, for lack of a more fitting description, best friend. Regardless, color Hige intrigued. "Okay, so…what're you thinkin', big guy?"

A small smile coming at the new nickname, Tsume thinks back to the incident. He tells Hige everything he and Kiba saw in taking down Blue and the old man, what Toboe said to him, all of it. He knows Hige would want it, so he goes into as much detail as he can, never mind how the younger man winces at how Kiba quieted Blue. Hige has to know Kiba would do it as gently as he could, though, knowing what she means (meant?) to Hige.

By the time he's done, Hige looks more than a little pale and horrified, glancing frantically between Tsume and the kid, and it takes a minute before he can get a word past the secondhand panic clogging his throat. "Holy shit…!" he breathes, voice trembling the slightest bit. Tsume can see him curling shaking fists in his hoodie pocket. His gaze travels back to Toboe, looking conflicted and confused. "But why would he…? He could have fought back, could have… I mean, I know he and the old man have a complicated history, but…" Reaching out, he gently brushes his fingers through Toboe's bangs and long hair with a small sigh. "What the hell happened, kid…?"

Tsume silently studies the way he is with Toboe, then the boy himself. He remembers how reassuring and sure Toboe was with Hige when the older was having his identity crisis in Jaguara's Keep. Toboe's always paid attention to things the rest of them don't, read things in people and their personalities and never been afraid to praise or call them out on them. Hell, the kid did the latter with Tsume when they'd known each other for twenty minutes at best. And back then, with Jaguara, Toboe and Kiba were the only ones really able to bring Hige back to himself after everything. Tsume wishes he could have done more himself, wanted to, but…he'd had his doubts. He wasn't alone in that, Kiba did, too, but good reasons be damned, he'd pushed and made his concerns more known, and…that put a strain on his and Hige's relationship toward the end. Luckily, they both did their best to patch it up before they died, and if he really thinks about it...it was only after Toboe's death that they were truly able to reconcile.

Once again, like pretty much everything good in his life (lives, really), Tsume's coming to realize…it's all because of Toboe.

Sheesh… When they first met, he never thought he'd be so lost on the kid, but…well, here he is. But if he's being honest? He wouldn't change a single damn thing about it. Any of it.

"So…you said you had theories…" Hige's slow, thoughtful voice snaps him out of his thoughts, and Tsume tunes back in to find Hige staring at Toboe as well. He must have been thinking, too. Good. Otherwise, well, it might have been awkward. Permission to keep going, even begging, is more than present in his packmate's tone.

Tsume nods stiffly, still a little startled to be back in reality and not quite sure how he'll take his ideas. "Y-yeah…" Gaze shifting back to their youngest, Tsume takes a breath. "Have you…ever heard of something the humans call PTSD?"

Hige raises an eyebrow at him, mouth scrunched up in thought. "I don't…think so… Why? 's it some kinda food?"

Tsume can't help but breathe a sudden laugh at that, caught off guard, but not surprised. "No, dumbass," he says, cuffing the other wolf upside the head gentler than he normally might. Hige smirks a trifle despite their conversation. Sobering, Tsume's fingers ghost over Toboe's wounded leg. He's never wished for healing magic before, but he'd take some of Cheza's right now gladly. Hell, even that Cher woman's medical advice would be appreciated. "According to some of my men, it stands for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. They said it's like a kind of…sickness in the brain some people develop in response to severe trauma. It usually mostly affects those who've fought in or been victims of war or some other kind of mass tragedy, but it can get to other people, too. One of my underlings was mauled by a dog as a kid, scarred physically and mentally, and whenever we came across one, he'd royally freak out. He shot one once, tried to shoot us when he lost his head completely. We'd have to drag him out of there after we managed to calm him down, if we could. If not, we did it kicking and screaming, fighting us all the way. And that's even if we could get close enough to touch him at all. It got pretty dangerous, even for me."

Hige's quiet, listening intently all the while. He doesn't really know what this has to do with Toboe, but…maybe the old man? Or both? Either way, he trusts that Tsume's getting there. This is about Toboe, after all.

"They said he definitely had it. But they also said it could manifest in different ways, too. It could be a silent, frozen kind of freak out, wide-eyed and trembling and possibly hurting themselves without realizing. They'll be there physically, but mentally, they're reliving the trauma. Breaking out of it is like…being able to breathe again when you've been drowning…"

Hige watches him carefully. If he didn't know any better, he'd say Tsume talks from experience—or maybe he's just reading too far into things. Whatever the case, his gaze zips back to Toboe, from his face to his leg and back. "So you think, the way he died, it might have— He might have— And the old man, too?"

Tsume hums in confirmation. He's catching on quicker than he thought. "That's my working theory, anyway." He holds up two fingers, ticking them off as he goes. "The old man has the first kind, the violent one. Toboe…" he clenches a fist so hard that his knuckles pop, nails almost break skin, "…well, from what I saw…he has the second…"

There's a kind of tense silence that settles here, both of them staring hard at Toboe with guilt and frustration and a particularly painful kind of devastation playing in their chests. Outside, having heard every word, Kiba feels it, too.

"Damn it…" Hige hisses, and Tsume glances over. He's looking at Toboe with such sad, angry eyes. "I wish…I wish there was something we could do for 'im… More, you know? I wish…" He gets that look in his eyes that tells Tsume he's remembering his own trauma at the hands of Jaguara, and it curls something so startlingly painful in Tsume's gut that he can't help but want to stop it in its tracks.

Reaching out, he lays a firm hand on Hige's shoulder. "Hey." The younger wolf turns at the deceptively stern tone of voice, the gentleness underneath drawing his attention. He's shocked and maybe a little helplessly awed to see the calm, confident smile on Tsume's face. "Don't look so defeated." Gaze moving back to Toboe, he squeezes Hige's shoulder. "If he was alone," like he was when Tsume first found him, "maybe we should worry. But he has us," has Tsume, "and he knows we won't let anything happen to him." Not again. A gentle thumb strokes a bead of sweat from Toboe's cheek. "We can't change what happened before, but we can make sure history doesn't repeat itself. If he needs us, we'll be there, and that's what matters."

Hige blinks, Kiba's smiling proudly outside, and then the younger wolf breaks out into a bright, toothy grin that has the set of Tsume's shoulders easing. Thank Paradise for that. "Yeah, for sure! Thanks, Tsume!" He laughs. "You know, you're sounding more and more like Kiba when you get all wise like that!"

Tsume raises an eyebrow at that last part before he huffs a laugh, smirking. "Yeah, maybe. Just don't tell him that. He'll get a big head."

Hige snorts, brushing himself off as he moves to stand. "Sure. Whatever you say." Softening for a moment in meeting Tsume's eyes again, voice following, he says, "Seriously…thanks for explaining everything. I think I understand things a lot better now." He looks back toward Toboe, melting all the more. "Take care of the runt for us. We'll be right outside if you need anything."

Tsume nods. "No problem." He smiles fondly. "Don't worry, I've got him. I'll wake you to change his bandage in a few hours. Thanks, Hige. Now go get some sleep before we're both up all night."

Yawning, the younger wolf heads out the door with a lazy wave. "G'night."

As promised, Tsume does wake Hige to redress Toboe's wound and change out his towel around midnight, and as he also promised, Tsume does do his best to get some sleep afterward. It's a bit restless and light, under the circumstances, but it's still a good sleep, and he's grateful for that.

"No! Granny, wait!"

But somewhere before dawn, that shatters.

Toboe's frantic, tearful shout startles Tsume awake instantly, gasping sharply and automatically reaching for his knife before he realizes what exactly woke him. The second he does, he's focusing all his attention on Toboe. The boy's tossing and turning, blankets halfway thrown off, and his breathing and heart rate are through the roof. He's drenched in sweat, there are tears running down his face, and his twisted, grieving expression is like multiple punches to Tsume's gut. "Toboe…"

Hesitating before reaching over to take his hand, Toboe's fingers twitch at Tsume's touch before recognizing and welcoming it, threading their fingers together. Tsume can't help the light blush that covers his cheeks at that, softening, then squeezing. He wants to tell him it'll be okay, but he doesn't know if that would be the right thing to do. When Gehl was sick like this and had nightmares, the others always told him it was safer to let him ride it out. He didn't really understand then, still doesn't now if he's honest, but those guys treated Gehl like a little brother, so he trusted their judgment. He still does. He'll trust their advice now, too.

"G-Granny…" Tsume snaps back to the present at Toboe's small, sad voice, wincing when it cracks. "I-I never meant… I-I just wanted to—to show you I loved you…t-that I was excited to see you and eat with you, but I… A-and Leara…your bird, I…I-I was just trying to…to impress you, I didn't… B-both of you…I-I'm so sorry… S-so sorry…"

Tsume's ears perk at that, finding himself leaning forward a little. He's always had his suspicions, ever since Toboe first told him about his Granny. Then the incident with Leara's bird pushed them along a little more, when he wanted to stay behind with those nomads in the desert even more, and finally…with how he died… Well, honestly…if he's right about what he thinks this is, he can't say he's really surprised. Horrified and crushed for Toboe's sake, but…God, he understands. Probably better than anyone else could.

"I never meant to kill anything…" It's a broken, guilty whisper, so much that if Tsume weren't a wolf, he's not sure he would have heard it, let alone made it out. Part of him wishes he didn't. "I-I'm so sorry…"

And there it is. That first line Tsume's heard before, back in the old world after he rescued Toboe from Leara. Now that he has all this, too…it's as good a confession as any. A lot of things are making a hell of a lot more sense now. Not that he's happy about it. Of course not. He's always known how Toboe struggles with hurting people when he doesn't mean to. Hell, Tsume himself struggles with it, too—a few accidentally-violent exchanges with the boy in question in that once-warzone from the old world come to mind—and he's almost sure, knowing how perceptive Toboe is, the kid has his own suspicions about that in relation to his past.

But having suspicions and knowing they're correct…those are two very different things. Especially when they make the silver wolf upset for two colossally different reasons.

"B-Blue…" Tsume jumps in surprise at that name, narrowing his eyes in confusion, "…I-I couldn't protect Pops…" He grimaces and curls his free hand into a tight fist, glaring at the ground with gritted teeth. Oh…that's why… "Y-you asked me to look after him for you…I promised, a-and I tried, I swear…but I…I-I still let 'im die—!" He flinches at that sobbing break at the end, swearing his heart can't take much more. It's shattered enough already as is. "P-Pops, I…y-you forgave me…l-let go of your hatred, in the end, but…I still can't…" Forgive himself. Yeah… Tsume knows how that feels, too… "Y-you held me…in the snow and when we were dying…" Tsume bites back a whine, "…and we were so happy…" Toboe gives another hissing sob. "I-I'm so sorry I couldn't—! I-I wanted to—!"

The tears are coming faster now, and Toboe has to take a few seconds to catch his breath. Tsume's almost glad. He has to remember to breathe entirely. A part of him wonders why the other two aren't here (he's sure they're hearing every word), but he knows it's probably half that they don't want to crowd the poor kid and half that Tsume will be the best at comforting Toboe. If he needs them, though, he knows they'll come running.

"I don't deserve your forgiveness…any of you…" Toboe whispers, and Tsume swears his heart stops. "Pops and Blue…you don't remember anything… Y-you tried to kill me… T-there was no Granny here…or Leara…her bird… I…I-I was so alone—!" The end snaps off with a devastated sob, and Tsume rests his forehead against Toboe's hand he holds like a lifeline, squeezing his eyes shut as a violent shudder runs through him. He can't bring himself to be surprised when a few tears slip down his face. Jesus, kid…! The quietest, most sacred part comes last. "Is this…i-is this my punishment…?"

Oh… Okay, that is it!

There's a choked sob, desperate and pained, and the next thing Tsume knows, he's hugging Toboe tightly, pressing his forehead into his chest. "Okay…" he growl-breathes, low and guttural, halfway sobs; he supposes even he has a breaking point, "…okay, kid… That's enough…please…" He doesn't think he can take any more, but more importantly, he doesn't think Toboe himself can either. "I don't know if you can hear me…but if you can, I need you to listen…you hear me…?"

Toboe, despite his still-flowing tears, is quiet, brow pinched. His head has stopped moving, is essentially facing him. Tsume takes that as cue enough to keep going. He just hopes he can get through to him.

"You're wrong… You're wrong, damn it…!" He shakes his head vehemently, not caring when the sweat soaking Toboe's clothes wets his face and hair. He's here and warm and alive. That's the most important thing there is. "No one blames you for anything…! No one is punishing you for anything…!" How can Toboe even think these things?! Why wouldn't he tell him?! The idea alone makes Tsume want to either be sick or tear something apart. "You can't control fate… You can't control what the universe brings you and what it takes away—!" All he can think of is Toboe being both for him, and it makes him choke on a sob. "The only thing you can control is what you do with your life, and none of what happened before was your fault! Not a damn thing! You did the best you could! That's all anyone can ask, you hear me, runt?!" He and Toboe haven't talked about their lives in this world before they all met up and regained their memories, but he will as soon as he thinks it's appropriate because, damn it…he is having a word with fate if it fucking kills him! "I promise you, Toboe…you will never be alone again! You have us, you have me! You don't ever have to question that!"

He almost jumps when Toboe's free hand comes up to touch his apparently-trembling shoulder, frozen as it moves up and up and up until…he melts as it starts to stroke his hair. Oh… He felt violated when Cheza did it in the old world, asleep or otherwise, but…he's entirely conscious here (though he realizes he'd gladly fall asleep like this) and feels like he's in Heaven… Figures it'd be because of Toboe…

His voice melts in kind. "Granny loved you, Toboe… She loved you so much, and she knows you'd never hurt her on purpose… Leara knows you didn't mean to hurt her bird by now, I'm sure… Blue and the old man… You did keep your promise to her, Toboe… You kept the old man as safe as you could, died to protect him, and you…you are the one who turned him around in the end… That was all you, kid…!" Toboe's tears have slowed immensely by now, lower lip trembling in touched shock. "I know, if she were here with all her memories, she'd say the same thing. Probably a hell of a lot better than I am right now…"

He breathes a laugh, moving to rest his ear over Toboe's heart. Wouldn't you know…? Playing his favorite lullaby… Now he's really a goner… "Even if this world is different and new, and people we knew before aren't the same…we're all together, we remember, and we will reach Paradise this time. I can feel it." A heartbeat, two. "And until then, I'll keep you safe from the nightmares, Toboe…" he whispers, swears, into the dark. "Just trust me… Trust me like you always have..."

Because he knows, even if Toboe doesn't remember the story he told his body, how big of a deal trust is for both of them.

Toboe's heartbeat is steadying more and more as the seconds pass, his breathing evening out, too, hand in silver hair slowing. Tsume would look up to see if he's stopped crying for sure, but…well, looks like those hair and heartbeat tricks worked a little too well. He smiles in his almost-sleep, adjusting their positions so he's lying beside Toboe and carefully curling the boy close to his chest. Toboe, apparently intent on holding his hand like his life depends on it, turns to nuzzle into his chest farther than he usually would and curl a light fist in his shirt. Tsume breathes a laugh and, after blindly fixing the towel on his forehead, tucks the boy's head under his chin.

"Night, Toboe…"

A/N: Just to make it clear in case anyone questions it, this is not Toboe/Tsume! (There probably won't be any ships in this story, sans past!Hige/Blue, just FYI.) Tsume's just really scarred from losing Toboe last time (in a lot of ways) and doesn't want to hide how much he cares anymore (at least, not as much)! Thanks so much for reading!