Chapter 38: Reunion
This was NOT how it was supposed to be.
Standing out in the snow, watching the sun set below the distant mountains of ice, Avaryss wrestled with this one over reaching thought. She had gone through much to get to this point, to becoming both the Sith and the person she was meant to be, to walk the path to fulfilling her destiny, but in this one single moment…she felt…cheated.
It should not have happened this way, she thought, her hands curling into angry fists.
This was not how it was supposed to be.
All her life, the girl who would become Avaryss had wondered what would happen should she and he dream friend ever meet. She had imagined dozens if not hundreds of different scenarios. As she had grown older, many of those had involved kissing and talking of long denied feelings.
Avaryss sneered.
How limited she had been, how weak that girl had been.
Her dream friend was finally here, Fenn Shadowstone was here. Yet, in that one defining moment, words had failed her; she had stood there and said nothing! She had felt their connection, surely he had as well, but he had said…nothing…nothing!
Did he not recognize her; she had changed much in the last few years? No, that was impossible, she had felt his presence so strongly, surely he had sensed hers as well; he had to know who she was. He had to.
Did he disapprove of her choices? Did he blame her for choosing to walk the dark path?
She snarled at the mere thought.
If he thought less of her for that, then that was just too bad! The darkness was power, power and the chance to have everything she had ever wanted! She would be damned before she gave up on that now, certainly not for the approval of some Jedi…Padawan!
But he is not just a Padawan, a small voice within her said, he is your dream friend, he is Fenn.
And your choices may have doomed any chance of being together.
"What do I care," she murmured, "I don't need him anymore! I have Fehl, and once I've restored him to life I will have true power, that and the love of a powerful equal. We shall reshape the Empire together.
I don't need some Jedi fool! I'm Sith!
I don't need him.
An alarm sounded overhead, alerting her that she needed to come inside. The settlement shut its gates before dark, the night time temperature of Hoth falling well beyond the levels that most creatures could survive.
Much like Fury 9, she thought, the blasted world had been where she first learned who she truly was, where she took her first steps on the dark path.
It was a path that one did not turn away from lightly, especially when it offered such rewards at its end.
She thought of the Sith throne, she thought becoming greater than anything she could have dreamed.
Was that not worth tossing away a childish fantasy?
Wasn't it?
She turned and walked inside, paying little or no attention to the beings around her. The Force was strong in none of them, which meant they were beneath her. They were nothing. Yet, still she found herself among them, forced to rely on their shelter at that moment.
She shook her head.
Irony.
IOI
After their fight with the outlaws, Avaryss and Holli found themselves in a snow crawler in the company of Jas Dar Bynn and his Padawan. They could have stayed behind of course, waited for a Sith rescue team, but Avaryss felt that unwise. Who knew if the ones that attacked them had any allies around here? Plus there was no guarantee that they could reach Taya and their other comrades before the outlaws returned with reinforcements.
The choice had been an easy one. It was irksome, but easy.
She had decided to accept the Jedi aid.
The Padawan drove the crawler while the master sat in the back with Avaryss and Holli. The changeling decided to remain in her Talz form, not wishing to reveal what she was to anyone she did not know.
A wise choice, Avaryss thought, changelings had a bit of bad reputation in the galaxy, even a Jedi might take steps to eliminate one, and besides…
Holli's abilities remained at her and Avaryss' secret; she would not let an enemy know that she possessed such an ally for no good reason. Holli's powers might come in handy one day.
There was no point in revealing such an edge to an enemy, or rather someone who would one day be an enemy.
At first she thought that they may have been taken captive, that Master Jas would take them back to some Republic outpost. He chose not to do that, instead she found herself taken to a small independent salvager camp. According to Master Jas these people took no sides in the issues between Empire and Republic.
They also had hyper-comm access, which meant that Avaryss would be able to contact her fellows.
She had given him a surprised look when he informed them of their destination.
"We are still under treaty are we not?" he said with a shrug, "Seizing you and your companion might be considered a violation of that treaty."
He gave her a wry grin.
"And we wouldn't want that would we?"
She smirked.
"Apparently not," she answered, "Though I do find myself curious, Jedi. What brought you to Hoth in the first place?"
"You actually," he answered, "Or rather the story you told me back on the Wreck."
"The conspiracy?" she nodded, "You are investigating on your end?"
The Jedi nodded.
"After our last meeting, I spoke with the Jedi council. I told them what you had said. What you had encountered in travels."
She gave him an arched look.
"They believed you? I find that…surprising."
"Actually, they were skeptical. The bulk of the council thinks that this is some kind of Sith deception. That you were simply trying to stir up dissention among us."
"With good reason," she acknowledged, "I will not deny that any problem for your order is a blessing for mine, but this time, I was telling the truth.
"The conspiracy is real."
"I tend to agree with you," He replied, "I sensed no deception when you told me, and in the time since that meeting, I've seen some things, things that have made me more and more certain that you were telling the truth. I've shown that evidence to the council members that did not reject the possibility outright. They've given me enough leeway to continue to look into the matter."
Have you had any resistance," she asked. "Has anyone tried to oppose your search?"
"Not in the way you might think. I've been contacted by several members of the order, members that have heard about what I'm doing, they have suggested that I let the matter be. After all, would the Sith Empire fragmenting truly be that bad of a thing?"
Avaryss laughed.
"They spoke to you," she chuckled, shaking her head, "Had the Sith been running this conspiracy they would not have been so…restrained. You likely would have been eliminated for asking such questions."
"Don't believe that Republic intelligence is above that," Master Jas told her, "Of course, if I were to die under mysterious circumstances, it will give credence to what I've been saying that the conspiracy is real."
"I see," Avaryss said thoughtfully, "So have they responded?"
"In a fashion," the Jedi said, "I've been forced to become more secretive with my movements. On no less than three worlds that I've investigated I've found evidence that the site I've sought to examine has been cleaned out, completely sanitized, no evidence left behind."
"It sounds like someone is trying to make you look the fool, to discredit you."
The Jedi laughed at that.
"That would not be hard, given my history," he said, "Many in the order see me as too unpredictable, a rogue unwilling to toe the line."
Avaryss could see that, yes, and was also aware of how dangerous that made Jas Dar Bynn.
She frowned slightly.
From both what she had heard, and what she felt, Jas Dar Bynn was not the type of Jedi to play at politics. He seemed to be following the will of the Force first and foremost. Such clarity could be dangerous in an enemy.
Such a man would not shy away from doing something because it was politically inconvenient. He was following his heart and the Force.
If the other Jedi she had encountered had been like that, she would have been in serious trouble.
His fellows might consider Master Jas a grey Jedi, but if anything he was the farthest thing from. The light shone through him like a beacon.
Such commitment might have been a problem for his order, but it also brought great power. That kind of connection to the Force was what most Sith only dreamed of, politics and power games always got in the way.
What would happen if a Sith chose to walk a similar path? What if they put the dark side first and foremost, and said to the void with politics. Such a Sith would be extremely dangerous.
A Sith of singular vision would not play at politics. A Sith of such vision would no doubt conclude that the dark side should belong to them and them alone. Such a Sith would welcome a culling of the order, perhaps ending things with only a single dark lord remaining, and all powerful lord, all powerful, but alone. The Empire would not stand for that. It would likely take an alliance of Sith to eliminate such a foe.
For a Sith…walking such a path would be a road to ruin, such a journey would lead to great power, but ultimately destruction. Numbers would win out in the end.
It was unfortunate, but that was the way it was.
She looked at Jas Dar Bynn with new eyes.
To her shock and dismay, she had actually come to…respect the Jedi, and found herself a bit envious of his clarity.
"So you have tried to mask your movements," she said, "Tried to catch the conspirators off-guard, and arrive before they had a chance to remove all the evidence."
"That is right."
"What brought you to Hoth?"
"I figured the salvage here might be valuable if trying to convince a Sith that a rival lord was after them."
"My master and I had similar thoughts," she confessed. "I came here to have a word with the leadership of one of the smuggler groups here."
"Trying to smoke out the middleman?"
"And find out who is behind all this."
Avaryss gave him a sly smile.
"You would not happen to have any idea who might be in charge…do you?"
She sensed something that surprised her then, a slight shift in the Force, focused on Master Jas.
"Not a clue," he shrugged, but at the same time, he had spoken too quickly.
Avaryss smiled.
"You already know, don't you?"
She snorted.
"Now who is lying?"
If the Jedi took offense he did not show it.
He shrugged.
"I have…suspicions. I would not point fingers without proof."
"Are you going to tell me?" she asked.
He gave her a sly smile.
"Would you tell me if you knew? If you suspected someone would you share that knowledge?"
No, she would not, she realized. Still….this was not about her was it?
"This person threatens the peace," she reminded him, "Surely stopping them should be your first priority."
"If it is who I think it is, they will be stopped, Sith. You have my word."
"You will forgive me for not wishing to take such a chance. The Empire is my home. I will not see it threatened."
Holli, who had kept her silence up to this point, glanced over at her lord and mistress. Jas Dar Bynn seemed calm, but through the Force Avaryss could feel him preparing, if this did come to a fight…
"Master," Fenn had called out, "Is everything alright back there?"
Hearing Fenn's voice stopped Avaryss in her tracks. She sensed confusion from him; he likely had not heard what had passed between them over the noise of snow crawler's engine.
"The tension had become thick between Jedi master and Sith apprentice. They were on a collision course; neither seemed willing to give an inch.
Surprisingly, it was Avaryss who decided to yield first.
"Keep your secrets Jedi," she said dismissively, "but know that if you do not end this mess, I certainly will. If I reach the mastermind behind all this first, know that I will offer no mercy. They will face the full brunt of my wrath."
"Sounds fair," he said nodding, "In the end, keeping the peace is what is important. If war does break out anew, it will not be because of some rogue elements in the Republic."
In that moment, Avaryss decided to stand down.
War would come, and with it a Sith victory! She was prepared to wait until the Empire was ready. When the conspiracy was crushed, and the Emperor decided it was time to take the battle to the Republic once again.
We will fight, but only when the Empire has the advantage. We shall let the Jedi keep the peace, for now…
…but only, for now.
They fell silent for a time. Both Jedi and Sith had learned something, both about their missions and each other.
Yet, that is not what Avaryss desired most, her eyes kept drifting to the cab of the snow crawler, to Fenn.
"He heard your call for help," Master Jas informed her, "He did not know who he was coming to save, but he heard you."
Avaryss frowned.
She was not surprised, but now she had a problem.
What was she going to do about this…about him, about Fenn?
What was she going to do?
IOI
She barely looked up as the door slammed shut behind her. The settlement itself had been built into the belly of a destroyed Sith dreadnaught. The technology that had kept the broken ship in space had been stripped out years ago, with the mountain it had crashed down into being hollowed out more so that the people here could live expand their operations.
It was just an empty shell now, protection against the snow and the cold, nothing more.
It was a sight that did not please Avaryss, seeing something that had once been part of her people's military converted into a nest for outlaws and criminals.
She had already contacted House Dresco's operations on Hoth; they would be sending a shuttle for her in the morning, to bring her back. Taya had been ecstatic when she received the call. She had sensed that her old friend was not dead, but had worried what would become of her out in the cold. She need not have worried; Avaryss was not ready to give up her destiny.
Tomorrow she would be back among her own people.
In the meantime, she needed to decide what she was going to do about Master Jas and his Padawan. Technically, they were still enemies of the Empire, and the Sith would benefit greatly in the Jedi Master's end.
Of course, that meant that she would likely have to slay Fenn too.
She was not pleased with that idea; it did not please her at all.
She made her way to the lodgings that the Jedi had helped her acquire for the night. He and Fenn weren't staying of course, that would have made it too easy.
Holli was likely already back, before Avaryss had left, the ensign had said she wanted to speak with the junk dealers here, see if she could find any parts for the HK. She likely would be back by now, and…
She felt a shift in the Force, a sensation that she had felt many times before, though she had not understood what it meant back then, but it had never so strong, never so acute.
She smiled slightly.
"Am I dreaming this," she heard a familiar voice call out to her, "Or are you?"
"I don't know. Does it really matter," she answered, it was those very same words that had defined their relationship so long ago.
Now…they had come up again.
Avaryss turned finally meeting his eyes. Fenn was still dressed in his winter gear. It was never really warm in this place to remove them, Avaryss realized.
Then why am I sweating? She wondered. She could feel a single bead of sweat running down her back. She refused to acknowledge it as nerves, but…
…it was there none the less.
Jedi and Sith faced each other, far from the boy and girl they had been only a few short years ago. Time and the Force had changed them both.
She found herself wondering just how much of their former selves remained.
"And so," she said gesturing to the world around them.
"Here we are."
His hazel eyes met her red burning ones. His hair remained blonde and spiky, and despite the heavy winter clothes she could make out the braid in his hair.
A Padawan's marking, she knew now. Quenya had had one too; she had cut it off after that business in the enclave.
They stood fairly close, but at the same time, she could sense the distance between them. It was a distance that had little to do with space, but with choices. When she looked upon him through the Force, she could see the light shining brightly within him. There was darkness there too, but not near enough to effect his place in the light.
Turning her gaze inward, she was surprised by what she observed. Now that they were here, together, she could feel the tether that bound them. The Force seemed…different when they stood in such close proximity.
His light did not push back the darkness inside her, but at the same time, her darkness did not eclipse the light burning within him. Instead the Force formed a sort of balance, the space between them shone like polished silver, the dark and light blending into one another, neither willing to give in an inch.
Interesting she thought.
If only things had been different. If only the choices she had needed to make had not been necessary.
She did not regret the ones she had made. They had led her here.
It was enough.
She could sense the tension in the air, neither seemed to want to cut through it. It was not fear, but a sense of nervousness. It had been so long since they had seen each other, there had been a time that they would not have thought themselves strangers, but that is what they had become.
Too much had passed, too much blood and pain, at least, she feared that was the case.
Unwilling to face the stalemate any longer, she decided to force the issue.
She spoke first.
So your name is Fenn," she said lamely.
"It is a pleasure to truly know it at last."
He chuckled nervously.
"And you are Avaryss," he said, "Not your real name I suppose."
"It is my real name;" she said haughtily, "The name that I was born with no longer had any meaning for me, so it was cast aside, much like my old life."
She smiled slightly; she could feel his confusion, but also the burning need to know, both about her, and what had happened in the last few years.
"Am I really so different to you?" she asked.
It took him a moment to answer, she feared that he would not, it seemed like an eternity, but was in truth only a few breaths.
"Do you think that you are not?"
She shrugged.
"I am what the galaxy and the Force has made me. I make no excuses for that."
He shook his head.
"It is you," he said, "I can sense it, but so much about you has changed. It is not just the effects of the dark side either. You even sound different."
That made her laugh.
"I needed to become someone more…refined when I took my first steps into my master's service. It would not serve to sound like some bumpkin from a farm world on Dromund Kaas."
She had worked hard to lose her accent, to embrace the haughty tones familiar to those living on the Sith throne world. In truth she did it now without even thinking about it. It was simply the way she talked.
Now though faced with her childhood friend, something brought it back.
"Does it please you to hear my voice like this," she said, dropping her Dromund accent. It sounded strange to her. She had not used Keera's voice in such a long time.
"It is nice to hear," he agreed, "I just wished what I felt through the Force could be so easily changed."
Her crimson eyes narrowed, they flashed with anger.
"You have no right to judge me," she spat. "I did what I needed to survive."
"I looked for you," he confessed, "I've spent so much time in the last few years reaching out, trying to touch your mind, trying to make sure you were alright. I tried to find my way back to the safety of the dream we shared, but you were never there."
Avaryss shrugged.
"It is hard to dream, when all you have is nightmares."
The admission shocked her; it had come out before she had a chance to stop it. The bitterness in her own voice was…unexpected.
She had never lamented what she had become before. It was the path the Force had set before her, it was her destiny.
Until now, she had never had a reason to question it.
"The last time we spoke, you were in danger. I felt it," he said, "What happened that night? Why did you decide to become…this?"
"This," she hissed at him. He made it seem like it was something wrong. How little he truly understood. "This is what power looks like, Fenn. This is what I had to do to escape a fate beyond my control. My family died in front of me. I would have died too. I would have died if the darkness had not come to me, saved me."
Her heart pounded in her ears, her passions fired by the memory, and her old friend's condemnation.
What did he know?
He had not lived her life?
"This was the only way to survive. If I was to see the man who killed my family punished, this was the way. I make no apologies for that."
Her hands curled into angry fists.
"You have no right to judge me."
She expected anger. She expected him to lash out at her, at the Sith who had destroyed the girl who had been his secret friend for so long. It is what she would have done. It is what another Sith would have done.
He sighed.
"I know what that is like," he said, "Making choices you should never have had to…"
He shook his head.
"I know very well what that is like."
"How," she spat, "You Jedi reject emotion! How could you possibly know, or understand, what I faced?"
"I was there when the temple burned," he said, his voice going cold and harsh, "I was there when those mon…when…when your people sacked the Jedi Temple. I was only ten, and I watched as creatures in black robes with red blades butchered my friends and teachers."
He shuddered, through the Force she could feel the anger that memory brought, the fury.
The darkness within her reached out for it only to be pushed back by the light inside Fenn Shadowstone.
He took a deep breath and blew it out, the anger and rage went with it. When he met her gaze again, he was calm.
A few of us younglings escaped. We fled into the tunnels beneath the temple. As the world burned above us we fled into the darkness of the lower levels, and in that place the darkness found us. We were set upon by the denizens of that place, some on two legs, and some on many. We did things we were not proud of, things we promised each other we would never repeat to our masters, fearing what they might say. For three weeks we wondered down there, lost and alone. It was only our connection to the Force and to each other that allowed us to survive.
Fenn smiled bitterly.
"We often talked about what was likely going on above us. We were so sure that the order would prevail, that we would stop the invaders and drive them off. When we finally emerged, when we finally made our way back to the rest of the order, we found out about the treaty. We found out about the Republic's decision to deal rather than fight on."
He shook his head.
"I don't know about the others, but I felt betrayed. After all that we had endured, how could the masters just give up like that? How could the Republic give up? No one else seemed to understand that, the surviving knights and masters called us heroes, they called us the Padawan pack, even though most of us had not been chosen by a master yet."
He laughed again, a bitter sound.
"The greatest of the masters wanted to claim us as their own. They thought our experience made us perfect candidates to be future leaders in the order. Of the five of us that survived two of us left the order rather than endure what we all had come to see as hypocrisy. Of those of us that stayed I lost track of one, and the other cut herself off to me. The last time we spoke it was like talking to droid, no feeling, nothing."
Avaryss listened intently. She had never realized that her friend had endured such a trial. He had never let her see this side of him before.
The glimpse of the darkness within him gave her hope.
Perhaps he is not totally lost to me, she thought, and immediately felt shame.
You have Fehl, have you forgotten him?
She winced, no she had not forgotten.
"Who is Fehl?" Fenn asked her.
She just resisted the urge to curse.
Damn him, she thought.
The emotions between them were too raw, too open.
He was picking up her thoughts.
She brought her mental shields up, seeking to keep him out.
"Someone I cared for," he said, not wishing to lie to him, they had never lied to each other before.
"Someone I lost."
"I see," he said, she felt a twinge of what might be jealousy, but it faded away quickly, much like his anger had.
His control surprised her.
"You said you looked at your fellow Jedi as hypocrites," she said, "What changed? What brought you back to the order?"
"Master Jas," he replied, "While the other masters ignored what we faced, thought we should deny what we were feeling, he made me face it. He made me acknowledge my anger, and work through it. He helped me move past it."
A waste, the darkness within Avaryss whispered, in that moment it sounded a bit like Lord Feer.
She resisted the urge to frown.
Had you only just embraced those emotions, she thought, given in to your rage, you would have achieved a power beyond anything you could know.
You could have been something glorious, my love.
She again fought the urge to blink.
Her…love?
Where had that come from?! She had moved past her puppy love for this Jedi whelp.
Hadn't she?
He smiled at her, a hopeful expression on his face.
"You don't have to go back tomorrow. You don't have to return to your people."
She gave him a sly look.
What was this? Some attempt to turn her?
Foolish.
That is not what this is; Keera Lylos' voice rose up unbidden, perhaps given new strength by this meeting.
He doesn't want to turn you; he wants to protect you, to save you.
Is that truly so bad?
Avaryss tried to ignore that question.
"I can't," she said flatly.
"Why not?" he asked, "You feel it to, don't you, the connection between us, it can't be some random coincidence."
"I have a responsibility to my master, and to my people. I cannot, and will not abandon them."
She gave him a sad smile.
"Allow me to make a counter proposal," she said, "You can come with me. When my mission is done we can vanish together, leave Republic and Empire to their fates. My master would welcome you. He would show you much about the true nature of the Force."
Fenn looked at her, his expression sad.
"You know why I can't do that."
"Then you understand why I can't accept your offer either."
She shook her head.
"It is too late for us."
"I don't know," he shrugged, "The Force is complicated, its ebb and flow can lead to many an unexpected place."
He stepped towards her, in that moment; it seemed that the entire galaxy had faded away, that it was just the two of them, caught in the shining silvery connection that was their link through the Force.
He stood close enough that she had to look up into his hazel eyes, just as he looked down into her burning red pools that were hers.
He smiled sadly.
He reached out and touched her face. She tenses at first, but then leaned in, feeling his touch, his true touch for the first time.
Yes, part of her murmured.
Oh yes.
She closed her eyes, savoring the sensation.
Will he try to kiss me, she wondered.
Please try to kiss me.
She opened her eyes, feeling the tug of their connection, a connection that was already starting to slip away.
He is leaving me, she knew.
He is leaving.
"I've heard it said that the dark side is seductive," he murmured, "but I never thought it could be beautiful."
She smiled then, not the sly grin of Avaryss, but Keera's gentle smile.
Beautiful?
A bit of pink colored her milk white cheeks.
He stepped away, and part of her almost wailed, almost called to him.
"I would wish you good luck Sith, but…"
She nodded.
"I understand," she answered. "I would say 'May the Force be with you,' but…"
He laughed.
"I understand.
He turned to leave, to walk back out into the galaxy and away from her side.
"Fenn?" she called out.
He stopped.
"Yes?"
She swallowed hard, her heart pounding. Her mouth was dry as a desert.
She gave him a shy smile.
"Keera," she said.
"My name…once it was Keera."
He nodded.
"Keera," he said as if testing how it sounded on his tongue.
"It is pretty."
He left her then, to go back to his master, back to his order, and his precious Republic.
A single tear ran down her cheek. She…she…
The dark side rose up, and with it came fury and rage. Fury at the moment of weakness she had allowed herself, and rage that she would forget her destiny even for a moment.
She was Sith!
She was Avaryss!
She was the future of the Empire.
She turned with an angry snarl. She still had a mission to complete, and a master to bring low.
That was who she was, that was what mattered.
It was the only thing.
"You fool," she hissed under her breath, as she returned to her lodgings.
"You damned weak fool."
Who she meant she could not say, was it Fenn who was the fool, or was it her?
She didn't know.
Did it really matter?