A trip to Mystic Falls to say goodbye to Hope leaves Hayley wondering who is the parent, and who is the child. And makes her realize that she isn't the only one hurting, and Klaus just might actually need her help even more than she needs his.
As always, thanks for the kudos/favorites, the follows, and the comments/reviews. They mean so much to me.
~Holding On For Dear Life~
"Mom? What are you doing here? And why did Caroline pull me out of class? Is everything okay?"
Hayley wanted to lie. To tell her that everything was perfectly fine, and she just wanted to see her. But, she knew that her daughter was too smart for that. Besides, Caroline wouldn't have pulled her out of class for just anything. Education was very important to her. And that was exponential for Hope, who was not only a firstborn Mikaelson witch, but the original tribrid. Nobody actually knew what the girl was going to be capable of when she got older, not even Freya. Teaching her to control her magic needed to be a priority. To say nothing of that werewolf temper she inherited. "Not really. I'm having a hard time, right now."
"This isn't really about Grandma Mary, is it? You miss Uncle Elijah."
Hayley smiled at her daughter and brushed a stray strand of hair off her face. "How did you get to be so smart, anyway?"
"I'm yours and Dad's daughter. I think we can chalk it up to genetics."
"Flattery will get you nowhere, young lady."
Hope gave her best trying to look innocent face, and then shrugged. "So, what are you going to do? Are you going to France?"
Hayley froze at that. Somehow, she had never considered doing that. Though, she wasn't really sure it was a good idea. "Not right now, baby girl. I don't think that seeing him right now is really going to help me. It might actually make everything worse, remind me of everything I lost. No. But, I am going to be going away, for a while. Your dad is pretty worried about me. So, I'm going to L.A. with him for a bit. I don't know how long I'll be there. Until he trusts me, I guess. But, that's why I came here. I didn't want to go all the way to the other side of the country for who knew how long without seeing you, first."
Hope hugged her. "You're being silly, Mom. You could have just called or facetimed me. You didn't need to actually come and pull me out of class."
"I know. Maybe I wanted to come see you? And maybe I was also using you as an excuse. I was pretty mad at your dad for ordering me around. I kept trying to put road blocks up, and that man actually used logic to out maneuver me. The nerve of him! Who does he think he is, anyway?"
Hope giggled at that. "Well, I'm glad you came. Even if it was more to annoy Dad than anything else. And I'm glad that he's going to be taking care of you for a while. He's not the only one worried about you."
"Well, you don't need to be worrying about me. I'm the parent, here. It's my job to worry about you, not the other way around."
Hope looked sad at that. "Except, ever since Grandma Mary died, I've had to be the one worrying about you. I was so glad when Dad said that he was coming to help you." She hugged Hayley. "I'll be fine. I have school, and my friends, and Caroline and Ric. So, you go to L.A. with Dad, and don't worry about me. The best way for you to help me, right now, is to take care of yourself. Come see me when you get back?"
"I'll do that. I love you, baby girl. Always and forever."
"Always and forever."
Hayley stood up and started walking to the door. But then she was stopped by Hope calling out to her. "And Mom? Don't worry about Uncle Elijah, either. Josh is taking good care of him. And I'm studying really hard. Someday, Aunt Freya and I will figure out something more permanent to do with the Hollow, and we'll get our family back. All of them. I'll get him back for you, Mom. I promise. This isn't forever."
Hayley nodded and walked out of Hope's room. And then vamp-sped to Caroline's office, where she sat down and cried.
"Hey! What's wrong?"
"Hope. That girl has been through so much Hell in her short life, and yet… Her main concern is me. She's trying so hard to take care of me, when it's supposed to be the other way around. What the Hell kind of mother am I that my ten-year-old daughter has to be strong for me?"
"The kind of mother who raised a daughter with the kind of compassion and emotional strength necessary to be able to sometimes be the strong one when you can't. You aren't doing anything wrong, Hayley. Just because you're the mother here, doesn't mean you have to always be strong for her. You've been through Hell, too. Can I ask what in particular set this crying fit off?"
"She reassured me that she's been studying really hard so that she can help Freya figure out something more permanent to do wit the Hollow. So that we can get our family back."
"Which makes sense. She misses everyone, too. Why does that have you crying like this?"
"Because then she specified Elijah. She promised to get Elijah back for me, and that this wouldn't be forever. And none of this is fair. She's ten years old. She shouldn't have this much weight on her shoulders. She shouldn't feel responsible for the entire damn family. It shouldn't be her job to fix things."
Caroline sighed and came around her desk to hug Hayley. "They're her family, too. And, of course she feels responsible. Like it or not, she's the one that the Hollow wants. She's the reason they've had to scatter like this. Hard not to feel responsible when it really is her fault. Not that anybody is blaming her. This goes back even further than the Mikaelsons. But, she blames herself. So, of course she's working like Hell to find a way to fix it. Because she feels like this is her fault. And of course, she's going to specify Elijah, right now. He's the one that none of you can even talk to. And the one you miss the most. And, from what Klaus showed me, he's what you're really upset about, right now. Hope isn't stupid. She knows what's going on with you. She always did. I think she may have realized before anybody else did what your real problem is."
"Is any of that supposed to make me feel better?"
"Yes, actually it is. You aren't doing anything wrong, Hayley. You're allowed to be hurt. You're allowed to break down once in a while. You're allowed to need other people. You want Elijah back. I get it. Maybe better than anyone."
Hayley started at that, and then her eyes were drawn to Caroline's left hand, and to the wedding ring she still wore. Stefan had died within hours of putting that ring on her finger, sacrificing himself to save his brother. "I'm sorry. I'm not being fair. I can at least get Elijah back, someday."
"Don't be sorry, Hayley. And especially don't feel sorry for me. Yeah, I became a wife and a widow on the same day. And yeah, that sucks. It hurts so much, sometimes. But, I also know that he would want me to be happy and to move on. To find someone else, fall in love, again. Someday, I'll let myself take this ring off. But you? Elijah is still out there. You can't move on, because you know damn well that he'll be back, someday. And so, you're stuck in this weird limbo that even a widow can't fully comprehend. Because you're mourning someone who is still alive. There's no release for you. There's not going to come a day when you can just put that part of your life aside and let yourself move on. Because you know it wouldn't be fair to the guy you tried to move on with. Because all you'd be doing would be killing time, while you waited for Elijah to come back to you. Stefan isn't coming back. Elijah is. And yeah. It sounds weird, but I get that that actually makes things harder for you than they are for me."
Hayley put her face in her hands and sobbed. "I want him back, Care. Hope asked me today if I'm going to France, and… I want to. So badly. Which is stupid. He left for a reason. And I don't know what seeing me would do to him. And part of me is actually afraid that it wouldn't do anything. That I'd just be some random girl. That he wouldn't even be attracted to me, much less… Much less whatever it is I want from him."
"Okay, we're going to get back to the rest of this conversation. But, first… You're worried that he wouldn't even be attracted to you? When the hell is the last time you looked in a mirror, girl? You're gorgeous. I'm not even into girls and I'm kind of attracted to you."
Hayley had to laugh at that. "Josh said something similar when he was telling me about Elijah having a date. Which doesn't really change anything else about this situation."
"No, it doesn't. But, you know what? I kind of agree with Hope. I'm not suggesting you hop on a plane today, or even tomorrow. But someday… Maybe you should go out there. See for yourself how he's doing. Talk to him. As for why he left…" Caroline sighed. "Why are you so convinced that he left to get away from you? Why do you have such a hard time believing that maybe the last thing he really wanted to do was leave you?"
"Because he made himself forget everyone. He made himself forget me. Forgetting me was a big part of the point, Caroline. You can't really deny that. He specifically told Marcel to make him forget his family and me."
"Again, what makes you so sure that he did that out of anger? Or out of wanting to get away from you? Like you told Klaus, his reason for wanting to forget his family was because he didn't trust himself to stay away from them. Has it occurred to you that maybe that's why he wanted to forget you? That maybe leaving you hurt too much, and the only way he could deal with it was to forget you, entirely?" There were tears in her eyes as she said that, and Hayley sighed.
"Right back at you, Caroline. Stefan loved you."
"Not enough to stay with me. And my stupid ass told him that I understood when he called to tell me what he was doing. But, I didn't. I didn't understand it then, and I don't understand it, now." She wiped at her eyes. "But, this isn't supposed to be about me."
"Why not? You think that knowing I'm not the only one going through something like this isn't helpful? You and Klaus can understand me in ways that nobody else can. The two of you are the only ones who truly get what it's like to have someone you love just… abandon you to face eternity without them."
Caroline looked puzzled at that. "Who abandoned Klaus?"
"Elijah did. Not a romantic relationship, no. But… his own brother decided it was easier to just forget him. Klaus can no more talk to Elijah than I can. Elijah left both of us. He left both of us." Hayley stood up. "Care, I think I'm ready to go back to the airport. Klaus… he isn't just trying to help me. He needs me to help him. And maybe… maybe I can do for him what I can't do for myself, you know?"
"Slow down. Don't go burying your own pain out of some misguided attempt to help Klaus, okay? You're the one that had a nervous breakdown. I'm not saying not to help him deal with his issues. I'm just saying don't derail your own healing because you have to go all mother hen and help Klaus with his. Help each other, by all means. But, that means letting him help you. Don't go putting your own pain on the backburner like it doesn't matter. Let him help you, okay?"
"I'm not going to bury anything. I've been threatened with being compelled to behave if that's what it takes. Klaus won't let me evade. Think he won't compel total honesty from me? He's fully prepared to do whatever he has to do to protect me from myself. I'll let him help me, Care. But… we can help each other."
Caroline didn't really look convinced. "Hayley… This really does sound an awful lot like you're trying to avoid your own problems by helping Klaus deal with his."
Hayley had to laugh. "And isn't that what he's doing? Yeah, I'm the one that had a nervous breakdown. But, that's as much from having buried everything for the past two years as anything else. Maybe if I had let myself mourn properly, I would have never gotten to be this bad. Now, think about Klaus, for a minute. What do you think the odds are of him ever having let himself really let go? You know he has to be missing Elijah as much as I am. Elijah may be the love of my life, but… He's Klaus's brother. His best friend. Positions he has held for a thousand years. You think Klaus is doing as good with this as he'd like us all to think? Think again."
Caroline nodded. "Okay, I see your point. And, I guess that it actually helps having someone going through the exact same thing. I mean… I've never even talked to Damon about how I really feel about Stefan's sacrifice. And he's the one…" There were tears in her eyes. "All right. I see your point. You go talk to your brother-in-law. And… it's past time that I talked to mine."
Hayley stood up and hugged her friend. "Do that, Care. Talk to him. It would probably do both of you some good. Now then, can you please drive me back to the airport? I guess Klaus and I should get started on dealing with our damn abandonment issues. I mean, if you're not up to driving, I can run it. It won't take me too long to get there, even if I don't vamp-speed the entire way."
"Girl! You are not running to the airport, vamp-speed or otherwise. Give me a second to clean myself up and I'll drive you."
It wasn't until Caroline left the room to get herself cleaned up that Hayley realized that she had called Klaus Hayley's brother-in-law. And by the time her friend came back, she wasn't really sure she wanted to know what that was supposed to mean. After all, Elijah didn't even remember her. Much as she might wish there was some way… No, better not to go there.
She stood up when Caroline came back into the room. "All right. I guess it's time for me to go to therapy." She shuddered. "Klaus as a therapist. This is probably not going to be at all fun. His methods are… a bit unorthodox, to say the least."
Caroline laughed as they started walking out to her car. "Yeah, that was certainly unique." She sighed. "Actually, for all that I was getting on you to put your own healing first, you're right. He's hurting, too. Do you know that the reason he was in the shower long enough to use all the hot water was because he was crying? You're right. He misses Elijah, too. Maybe even as much as you do. And he's worried sick about you. So, honestly, one of the ways you can help him is to let yourself get better. Let him help you. He can't do anything for Hope. He can't bring Elijah back. But, he can help you deal with things. And maybe what he needs most of all is to not feel useless. To be able to do his part to keep you sane. For Hope. And for the day Freya fixes this and you get Elijah back."
Hayley could only nod. They both had a long road ahead of them. But, maybe, together they could get through this. She could only hope. Because he was right. She was no good to anyone, right now. Especially not her own daughter who had suddenly been put in a position of having to be the strong one.