A/N: chapter bomb part 2 of 3!
Sesshomaru was forced to camp with Rin that night, as she refused to climb down from his shoulders and he didn't think it safe to try and force her by shifting forms while she was still on him. She slept fitfully that night, twitching and whimpering as dreams came and went for her, muttering incoherently on occasion. He didn't sleep at all, too worried for his mate. When dawn came she finally woke and stretched, and he shook lightly. He'd been expecting to be able to stay at the palace for a day or two, and have a thorough, civil visit. But after how disastrously the first meeting had gone, he had no desire to return. Rin had already consumed the food and water he'd had her bring along for the journey and he had intended to resupply at the palace but hadn't been able to. She needed more, but he couldn't exactly walk into the village in this form and politely ask for it.
Sesshomaru tilted his massive head to look at his shoulder, where his beloved sat. he shrugged his shoulders deliberately and laid his head back on the ground to encourage her to get down. Finally, reluctantly, Rin did so, and he shifted quickly, taking her hand and leading her into the village gently, keeping her close to his side.
This village was often the closest to the InuYoukai palace, and thus was fairly used to seeing youkai in human form visiting the market. They got some more food for travelling and refilled her water carriers. Then Sesshomaru decided they should stop at the tea shop and enjoy a light meal and some tea before they went home. He was troubled that she hadn't said a word since they'd left his mother's domain…in fact, she hadn't spoken for longer than that. He sat opposite her at the low table and reached across to take her hand.
"please, my love, what is troubling you?" he asked softly, trying to meet her cinnamon eyes as she looked down and away, unwilling to meet his. She gave a soft sigh and met his eyes for a moment.
"nothing. I'm all right." It was obviously a lie, but all she was willing to give him in such a public place. He nodded slightly.
"I feel as if I have offended you, that you refuse to speak now."
"what?" she looked up at him again, shocked at his words for a moment. "no, no, you haven't, I promise. I just…I have a lot to think about, that's all." Well, that was certainly true for the both of them, wasn't it? Now that they knew she was pregnant, so much changed. Once the other clans learned of Rin and the half-breed pup she carried, he would have to be on constant guard. No doubt he would have to abandon the throne, at minimum, to appease the clans. He had to keep history from repeating itself. But even with all the stress he would have to go through to ensure Rin's safety, he couldn't see his actions as a mistake. He had finally made the choice that was right for him, regardless of the laws or what anyone else thought or wanted. He was happy, and she was happy, and that should have been all that mattered. But life for him was never so simple.
Once they had everything they went out of town once more and he turned to Rin, gently caressing her cheek and kissing her forehead. She looked up at him, her eyes watering a little, and he rubbed his thumb across her cheekbone comfortingly before stepping back to shift forms once again, so he could carry her back home at last.
It was after sundown when they finally made it back to the garden and Rin was asleep on his back once again, lulled to sleep by the constant rocking his running caused. He shrugged gently to wake her and settled to the ground again so she could climb down. "oh…are we home?" she asked in a drowsy voice, moving to slide off his shoulder. She slipped and fell on her rear end with a soft "ouch!" when she landed on a bit of hard ground. He was at her side instantly, picking her up to her feet again and holding her close, trembling a little from the speed of his transformation. After a moment or two more, he knocked her legs out from under her and scooped her up, carrying her inside, past jaken, who was in the hallway.
"good evening, Sesshomaru-sama! I hadn't expected you back for several more days!" jaken piped in a friendly tone. "is all well?"
"Everything is fine, Jaken. Leave us be." He carried Rin past the imp and up the stairs, and this time he noticed the slight shift in her scent.
"hmm," he muttered to himself, returning to his sweeping, "that almost smells like a mother's scent…" he kept sweeping for several more moments before his mind properly clicked into gear and he realized. He froze, his mouth falling open. "HUH!?" he looked up the stairs toward their room in shock. "surely not! Could it be?"
Sesshomaru set Rin down on their futon as gently as he could manage. He could feel her crying into his fur earlier in the day and she seemed to have started again as he carried her. Her face was stained red from her tears. He gently wiped them away and knelt in front of her, frowning slightly in concern for her. "my love…how are you?"
Rin would not meet his eye, and sniffled a little. "I-I'm fine, really. This is just… a bit overwhelming, that's all."
He nodded slightly, understandingly. If he felt overwhelmed, she must feel it even more. But she wasn't done. "what you said, before, I know you meant it, but you shouldn't have," she told him, finally meeting his golden eyes. "you can't give up the throne for me—you have a duty to fulfil!"
This time, Sesshomaru shook his white-haired head. "I could not leave you to produce an heir and take the throne, as my mother wishes. I would be no better than my father, to turn my back on my mate in such a way, and I vowed the day I learned of his mistake I would not follow his path any longer." He rubbed her cheek gently, wiping away new tears as they fell now and then. "Rin, no matter what, we simply cannot produce the heir my mother wishes of me, and nothing could change that, unless you were also a youkai."
It was Rin's turn to shake her head, frowning. "it isn't right! You can't just abandon your family for me—you can't walk away from what you have and start over again." She shifted into a ball, her knees up and her arms wrapped around them, everything protecting her lean stomach as if by instinct.
He shifted to sit beside her cross-legged and wrapped one long arm around her shoulders, sighing. "please, look at me." When she did, he said, "if my mother cannot support my decisions and try to work with me, rather than against me, then she is no proper family of mine. Family means love and support, and these things I get from you. I could not turn away to produce a youkai child, no matter how much anyone wishes it." He paused and clarified, "It's not that I do not want the throne, of course—if you were able to produce a youkai child to be my heir, I gladly would. But it is not my goal in life. Your happiness is."
Rin sighed heavily, looking away again, down at her stomach with a soft, worried frown. "I wish I could do that. But I am a human." She looked back up at him. "you know I love you, as you love me, but, I worry. Our child will be a hanyou, because of me, and you once hated them. When the time comes, will you be able to love our child just as much as me?"
Sesshomaru reached over with his free hand and took one of hers, squeezing it gently. "Rin," he spoke firmly, "when you became a hanyou months ago, I realized that the only thing that changed was your appearance and strength. Your smile, your soul, the things I really loved about you, didn't change at all. You're right, our child will be only half a youkai, but I will take them gladly as they come from you, the woman I love above all the world."
Rin sighed in relief at his declaration, more tears falling. He gently pulled her closer, shifting her into his lap and wrapping his arms around her with care, kissing the top of her head. He moved slightly side to side, rocking her gently to soothe her as her mind whirled. It's still all because of me. My fault. He shouldn't have to choose between me and his duty…it isn't right… her mind also went back over the conversation, making parts she'd overlooked at first stand out now.
"what did you mean," she began in a quiet whisper, "'if I were able to produce a youkai child'?"
"merely wishful thinking, my love. An impossible dream." And one I have had very often…
Rin sighed softly, relaxing a little in his arms. So, it was nothing after all. But the thought would not leave her. She had been a hanyou not long ago. Surely there was some way to be a youkai, or at least to carry one. She would gladly endure a curse for him. She let go of her knees and let her legs stretch out a bit, taking one of his hands and kissing the palm. His other hand slid down a little until it rested lightly on the bottom of her stomach. Rin finally smiled just a little and laid her hand over his. She didn't feel any different quite yet, but she knew her blood had not come when it was due, and the InuYoukai noses could easily sniff out a thing like pregnancy. She blinked tiredly and yawned a little and felt him kiss her head again. "sleep, my love. There are other things I need to attend to." He laid her gently down and tucked her in, leaving his moko for comfort so he could go to his study. He wasn't sure what the future held at this point, and wasn't too eager to find out, but he knew Rin—and now, his child also—would be safe and protected, even if it meant his own life.