Chapter 4: Chances

She was nervous, and he could obviously tell. Going out to the bar with him and his friends was something she needed to do, she knows she needed to. She needs to make some friends because as much as she loves Harry, and she loves him more than anything in the world, she needs adult contact. So here she is at a bar with James, Sirius, and their friends, all virtual strangers. When they sat around the table all talking about college, high school, and their jobs together she felt alone even in a room of people. For the first time, she was regretting coming out with them. Then as Alice when telling a story about Frank's overbearing mother and Franks was defending her, James draped an arm over the back of her chair.

She glanced at him and she smiled hesitantly when he leaned over to her so no one could overhear them "You doing okay?" His whispered tone gave her goosebumps, and when she looked at his face, tan, easy smile, brown eyes behind large chunky glasses she felt okay.

"Yeah," she used the same quiet tone, "Yeah I'm okay." So when his arm dropped from the back of her chair to around her shoulders and he went back to the conversation at hand she felt a little less alone. As the night progressed and beers were drunk, stories were told, and James' arm stayed wrapped around her shoulder warm and comforting. Suddenly she was glad she took this opportunity, that shes meeting these people, and that she was taking a chance.

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He watched her all night. The night started off slowly, Lily just sat in their crowded booth as they all talked. She smiled, nodded, and sat in the booth silently. He saw her picking at her nails and looking into her lap. He saw awkward smiles instead of the beautiful light up a room one he saw in the mornings. He watched as she sipped her beer, but never really seemed to enjoy it. He just wanted her to be happy and have fun. He wanted to hear her laugh and he wanted to see the smile that knocked him dead onto his feet. All he wanted was to see her as lively as when she was with Harry. So he took a chance and leaned in close to her profile. And whispered in a low tone "You doing okay?"

He watched as she looked at him for a moment before she responded in just a low tone that sent his heart pounding and made his palms sweaty. "Yeah," and she paused "Yeah I'm okay." So he gathered all his courage and moved his arm so it was wrapped tight across her shoulders. Soft skin beneath his fingertips.

After that he watched her slowly open up, he watched her laugh with Sirius, bond with Remus, make planes with Alice for later that week. She came out of her shell. The dead funny, smart, outgoing girl he saw glimmers of in the hallway was coming out. With every conversation, joke, or drink she was becoming more and more part of their night and he couldn't be happier about it. This girl, who stole his breath, looked like an angel and was the best part of his days, was slowly becoming more and more of a reality. Someone he wanted, someone he could spend time with, someone who meant something. And as he sat there and watched her snort her laughter into her beer, he truly knew he had to give this a go, he had to do everything in his power to get this girl to give him a chance.

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The ride home was quiet. He hadn't moved his arm away from her all night, and when they got up to leave that didn't change. While they walked out of the bar his arm kept her anchored to his side. He was hopeful that the flush spread over her cheeks was a good thing, and she didn't pull away from him so he slowly felt more confident. Holding on tightly to his confidence on their relationship progressing, he didn't mind the quiet car ride, he didn't think much of it when she started into the building without him, and he didn't question it when she moved into the corner of the elevator.

However, when they stopped in front of her apartment and she as unlocking it, she was still silent so he tried to break the silence. "I'm glad you got on with my mates," he tried to catch her eyes but it was useless as she was staring determinedly at her shoes.

She nodded her head and for the first time since leaving the bar, it looked like she might be smiling. "Yeah they were really nice, I'm excited to see Alice later this week too, thanks for inviting me." With that, she tried to exit into her apartment just as he stepped forward and reached out to her murmuring her name. She looked awkward as she stepped away from his outstretched arms and he stared at her for a moment before dropping them. They stood in the hallway, her door unlocked but not yet open, as they stared at each other. He watched her chest rise and fall as she took a deep breath and she raised her head to meet his eyes and her voice was slightly pitying when she said: "James look…" And with those words he felt his hope leave his chest, his eyes closed as he took a deep breath. When he opened his eyes again she was looking at him, and he felt tense up. His shoulders tightened, he dropped his hands and clenched his fists, and felt his face close up. He stood there as the girl he fancied, who made his heart thump loudly, who he looked for every morning unofficially rejected him. If Lily noticed his tense position she didn't let on and instead she continued "You're a great friend and I really appreciate you inviting me out tonight but-"

He cut her off with a puffed laugh. This hurt, he barely knew this girl, but God this hurt. He was angry too. He tried so hard. Yes, he made mistakes but this girl made his insides turn to jelly, he couldn't think straight around her, he couldn't form a coherent sentence in her presence, how was he supposed to be effortlessly charming when he felt like he couldn't breath when she was around. His voice was cold, probably colder then it should have been considering it's not like she ever gave him signs she was into him "I thought we were getting on tonight-" and it looked like she was going to interrupt him so he said, "Just don't Lily, don't." He turned around as started towards his door but he turned around suddenly and continued "Why?" She was in her apartment now and was closing her door but she paused and looked at him, waiting to see if he continued. "We get along, you get along with your mates, I'm crazy about you-"

She interrupted him "You don't know me, James" her tone was kind but firm and it was her tone if anything that spurred him on.

"Harry's a great kid and we get along fine… So why?" He stood there waiting for her to answer him, he needed this he needed to know why she wouldn't give him a chance. Because what he said was true. He cared about her and Harry, they got along, and he knew, KNEW, she must have felt something for him because he knew he didn't imagine that fact that she was jealous of Annie.

She stared at him for a moment before saying "I have a baby James."

She said it like she couldn't believe he had to ask why. She said it like a fact or something he was not aware of that fact. He rolled his eyes "Wow, I hadn't noticed." His tone was sarcastic and he sounded all too bitter, but he couldn't help it.

She looked angrier after his outburst but she forcibly kept her voice soft "I don't have the time for anything else. My life revolves around Harry, he is everything, James. I just- I can't do more right now." For the first time since this horrid rejection started he calmed down, and he looked at her - really looked at her - and he could see how this wasn't easy for her either. Whether it was because she really did care for him and it hurt rejecting him, or because they were friends and it was hard rejecting him for that reason. He breathed deeply and tried to calm down and he walked away from his door and towards her own.

"I know.. I know that you have a lot on your plate Lils but I thought we were getting on tonight," he paused "I thought you might've…" he trailed off and shrugged his shoulders. She walked out of her apartment and reached out and touched his arm, and her touching him, even like this, felt so good it made this whole ordeal all the worse.

"I know!" It was blurted out spontaneously, but she lowered her voice and stepped forward "We were James. I had such a great time tonight, and you were so sweet, you always are. But when we were sitting in the car ride-" and then it all clicked for him, all the signs that he should've picked up on. "I thought I could, I thought maybe…." she trailed off like she was in a trance but she seemed to shake herself out of it and continued "In the car ride everything just caught up to me, and I just can't." Her hand slid down his arm until she grabbed his hand and held it tightly. "It's stupid cause we don't know each other all that well, but you make me laugh and you're like the only friend I've made since I've moved to this city, and I just I don't know," they were holding hands and standing close.

"So give me a chance Lils, it doesn't have to be something big, just coffee, let's go out for coffee." He was close to begging and it was slightly pathetic but he knew he had to because since she grabbed his hand he hadn't been able to breathe properly and he would give his right leg if it meant he got to hold more of her.

"James, can't we just-" she took a deep breath "can't we just be friends? I need this, I need some friends, some stability, and I just can't do a relationship right now."

As he looked into her green eyes, God they were so green, he nodded but he wasn't letting go. "You got yourself a deal Evans," he said it playfully and it was a relief to feel the easy air come back and the tenseness leave them. He turned their hand-holding into a handshake, and the goofy deal binding gesture made that smile that shook him to his core appear on her face. But when they stopped shaking hands he suddenly pulled her close, so close their noses were touching. Her eyes were wide and shocked and it seems she didn't know what had just happened. So he quickly said "A deal for now at least," and before she could offer a rebuttal he dropped down and kissed her -although it was only on the forehead- and as he stood there, so close to her, his lips pressed to her forehead all he felt was a sense of rightness. As he pulled away and when it looked like Lily was going to chastise him, he quickly whispered: "A friends kiss."

She stared at him but slowly nodded her head and she said it, what he was proud to say, a breathy voice "I'll see you tomorrow morning then."

He grinned nodded and returned "Tomorrow."

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Authors Note:

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