A/N: Hey guys! Sorry about this double upload! I had forgotten to post chapter fifteen after writing it, so here's a double upload in one day! So updates may be a little sporadic at the moment. I recently started college, and becoming a doctor is actually pretty time-consuming. Don't worry, though. There is no way I would ever abandon my work! I just might only be able to manage one update per week or something like that. I guess it all just depends on my workload. Either way, enjoy this update!

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February 14, 2015, Iowa City, Iowa

Emil groaned as his morning alarm went off. Over the past few months, he had grown increasingly tired, to the point that he could sleep for nearly twenty-four hours and feel as if he never slept at all. He hardly knew what to do anymore. It was making him cranky and irritable with others. All of his friends were worried about him, especially with the dark circles under his eyes. They never believed him when he explained that he got an excellent amount of sleep. What was wrong with him?

Things with Leon had been going well, at least. Yet whenever they were together, Emil could never quite shake the gnawing feeling in his chest that he didn't deserve any of it. He didn't deserve to be happy. He didn't deserve someone as amazing as his boyfriend. In fact, he felt that he truly didn't deserve anything anymore.

As every day went by, the sinking feeling in his chest grew deeper and deeper. He gradually became less emotional as well. What was happening to him? It felt as if he spent his days in auto-pilot, going through the motions of daily life and only giving generic responses. Emil felt as if he were becoming the hollow shell of who he once was. It terrified him. What was truly happening to him? Why was he feeling this way? He hardly even felt alive anymore.

"Ah, today is just so romantic, Emmy!" Lilli chirped at him upon greeting at the mall. Since it was a Saturday, they had all decided to go on a group date to the mall and then go their own separate ways later in the evening. Lilli and Emil were the first ones there. "You can just feel all of the love in the air!" She linked her arm with his and rested her head on his shoulder. "Are you excited to see Leon today?"

"Of course," he replied, though he just couldn't feel it. He was always excited to see Leon, even if it wasn't apparent to those around him. In his mind, Leon was what made everything make sense. Without Leon, Emil didn't know what to do. "Any day I see Leon is a good day, you know?"

She smiled widely at him. "I'm glad! You know, you look as if you slept better last night. That's always a good thing."

Emil didn't have the heart to tell her that he had purchased concealer at the CVS in Old Capitol Mall after school the night before and watched online tutorials on how to apply it. "Yeah, my sleeping has been getting better," he lied. "Since I was so excited for today, I went to bed early to be ready." Another lie. He had gone to bed early simply because he couldn't handle feeling conscious anymore. Not like his friends needed to know that, though. He didn't want to make them worry or suggest professional help like Mathias did.

"That's good!" she excitedly squealed. "If I'm honest, I've been really worried about you lately, Em. Something has seemed a bit off about you, but I hadn't been able to place it. That's why I automatically assumed that it was lack of sleep." She slipped a hand down to grab his, interlocking their fingers as she used her other arm to hug his to her chest. "Please know that you can always talk to me about anything, Em. Even if it's something you think I may not want to hear. I'd rather hear that you're struggling with something than to hear that something happened to you, you know. You're one of my best friends."

"There's nothing wrong," he told her. "Nothing will happen to me, Lil, trust me." Emil cast her his most convincing smile. "If anything, I'm just stressed out because of homework and all that. I wish that I could pay Neo to do it, but I'm a little low on funds lately."

Lilli nodded sagely. "I completely understand that. I'm low on cash as well." She smiled up at him. "I feel so relieved knowing that I was wrong! It feels as if a metric ton was lifted from my already-tiny chest, you know?" Her hand gently squeezed his. "You know, I have no idea what I'd do if something ever happened to you. We're like family, Emil. You're like my brother. I mean, other than Leon, I'm the one in our friend group that you spend the most time with. It's like we're attached at the hip sometimes. When I stay over at your place, I feel as if I'm part of the family. There is so much warmth, and I never want that to end. Sure, I'm close with everyone else in the group, but with you it's different. I don't know how to explain it. Just know one thing. I love you so much, Emil. Much more than words can ever say."

The Icelandic boy blushed. "I love you too, Lilli," he replied. "You're like the sister I never had." He timidly squeezed her hand in response. "Lukas and Mathias even gush over you like you're their little sister." A small smile played on his lips. "I guess you could say that you're a very important figure in our household. It's kinda like the place needed a woman's touch, and you're just the girl we needed, you know?"

She happily hummed her agreement. "I know exactly what you mean. If I'm honest, I'm not really that close with the other boys in our group like I am with you. When I met you on your first day, something inside of me told me that you would become important to me. I can't really explain it. It's not a gut feeling, because it's something so much deeper. It's like our souls are connected in a way."

"So like platonic soulmates?" he asked. "I can accept that." He felt his lips twitch into a small, satisfied smile. "Yeah, I like that, Lilli. Soulmates. I've never had someone refer to me as something like that. It makes me feel pretty important."

"It's because you are, Emmy. Don't ever forget that." Lilli stood on her tip-toes and kissed his cheek. "And if you ever do forget, let one of us remind you, okay?" She squeezed his hand, clutching his arm tighter. "I'm serious, Emil. I don't know what I'd do without you."

He forced a laugh. "The way you're speaking sounds like I'm dying or something. I assure you that I'm fine, okay? You don't need to worry about a thing. Everything is okay. No one is going anywhere. We are all just fine, and we are all going to stay that way."

"I'm glad," she giggled, relieved. "I'm so glad that we became besties! It's definitely one of the best decisions I've ever made for myself. Right up there with dating Natalia!" Her eyes lit up as she looked over by the indoor carousel in the mall. "Speak of Nat, there she is!" Lilli stopped clutching Emil's arm and bolted toward her girlfriend, dragging the boy with her.

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"So what do you want to do this evening?" Leon asked as he and Emil browsed the Barnes and Noble. "Do you have any ideas? It doesn't have to be romantic or anything. I honestly enjoy any time I get to spend with you, y'know?" He smirked to himself, pulling a random manga off of the shelf. "Hell, even a ride in a police car sounds great if it's with you."

Emil scoffed. "A police car?" he laughed. "You have some weird fantasies, but please continue. What would get us landed in the back of a police car on Valentine's Day? I actually want to hear this. How creative can you get? Enlighten me."

The Asian boy felt his cheeks grow hot. He was honestly making a joke, but Emil asking to continue with it sent his mind into a frenzy. Every scenario that entered his mind was suddenly dirty, but he decided to choose one and go with it. Leon lowered his voice as he began. "Okay, so we would be in that back corner of the store over there where no one goes because it's a bunch of boring-ass books, right? I would corner you against one of the shelves, and we would start kissing." He had to close his eyes to focus on his fantasy, but also to avoid eye contact with Emil until he was finished. "Things would be getting really hot, you know? So I would go down on my knees and make sure no one was looking before I start sucking you off."

"In public?!" Emil gasped, startled.

Leon opened one eye for a second. "Emil, you asked me why we would be in a police car. Allow me to finish."

"By all means," the other boy laughed. "Continue, Leon. It's just starting to get good."

"Thank you." He closed both eyes once more. "You're just about the cum when suddenly, a little old lady rounds the corner and sees us."

"That poor lady…"

Leon loudly cleared his throat, causing his boyfriend to snicker. "She suddenly clutches at her chest. The scene she is beholding is just too sexy and sends her into cardiac arrest, ruining the mood. An employee rounds the corner moments later and sees us and the collapsed old lady. He immediately calls emergency services. And that's how we end up in the back of a police car, and more than likely grounded for life." He opened his eyes. "What do you think?"

Emil rolled his eyes, grinning. "Good thing no little old ladies will be having heart attacks over us today, right?" he replied, grin turning to a smirk. "Although there is a part of it that I can get behind." He turned and walked over to the corner that Leon had been talking about, his boyfriend following.

After checking around for anyone in any nearby aisles, Emil wrapped an arm around his boyfriend's waist, pressing the two of them together as he kissed him. He could feel Leon's heart hammering in his chest as their lips and tongues twisted together in perfect harmony. His own heart was pounding but he didn't care. Though he was normally against public displays of affection, something felt right about this one. It was similar to the night of the homecoming dance, the night they started officially dating.

Leon panted as they pulled apart, gasping for breath. "I, uh, wasn't expecting that," he quickly said, flustered. "You're surprisingly bold today, Emil." He grabbed his boyfriend's hand and placed it over his racing heart. "My heart is pounding like crazy. It feels like my body reacts in ways I never thought it could whenever you're involved." His cheeks were rosy as he looks up at his boyfriend. "How about you come stay at my house tonight? We don't have to do anything if you don't want to. I just…. I just want to stay by your side for as long as I can."

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"Don't do anything I wouldn't do," Mathias told Emil with a wink when he dropped his overnight bag over at the Wang residence. "Call me or Lukas when you need picked up tomorrow, okay? It's freezing out, so don't try to walk home. Have a good night, bro."

Emil closed the front door and leaned against it with a sigh. Why was Mathias so embarrassing? He didn't know what he would do if Leon were to have seen that. His hand reached for the lock on the front door, securing it, before he headed back to Leon's room. Hopefully his flustered demeanor would disappear before Leon noticed it.

"What's got you all rosy?" Leon asked the moment Emil re-entered the room. "Did your brother embarrass you again? I've noticed they're pretty great at that, especially when it involves me."

"Shut up," the Icelandic boy grumbled, tossing his bag onto the bottom bunk his boyfriend's bed. He then walked over to Leon, who was seated at the computer desk. "What are you doing?" he asked, looking at the screen. The tab that was open was about mental disorders.

"Oh, I'm just doing some research," his boyfriend replied. "My brother is a psychiatrist, and sometimes he tells me about things he's experienced and seen at work. When the stories are more on the interesting side, I like to look up the disorders and learn more." Leon scrolled down and clicked on one labeled Anorexia Nervosa. "A couple years ago, when I first moved here, Yao had a boyfriend named Alfred who suffered from this. He was so scrawny, yet he worked out all the time. His muscles looked so strange when the rest of him was skin and bone. Al was the reason that I started researching things like this. I'm like an information sponge when it comes to psych topics. I can't learn enough."

"Interesting," Emil mused, peeking over his boyfriend's shoulder. "So this psychology stuff, is that something you want to pursue one day?"

The Asian boy sighed. "I don't really know," he replied. "While I find it incredible and fascinating, I really don't want my brother to think that I'm trying to follow in his footsteps or be like him or something. That would be a real pain, y'know? It would be like if Mathias discovered that you wanted to go into nursing as well."

His boyfriend grimaced. "That sounds like a fucking nightmare." Thoughts of Mathias cheerfully and excitedly doting on him for pursuing the same profession as he did swarmed his mind. "I completely understand. But just know that if you went into that field, I'd be proud of you. Heck, I'd be proud of you even if you became a stripper. You own everything you do and make it yours."

Leon blushed. "Thanks," he softly stated. "That actually boosts my confidence." He chuckled to himself. "Though I know I'd make an excellent stripper, my body isn't for just anyone's eyes, y'know?" His gaze then went to his boyfriend as he winked. "In all seriousness, though," he began, taking Emil's hand in both of his, "you have no idea how happy it makes me to know that you'd be proud of me no matter what I chose to do with my life." He kissed Emil's hand. "Ever since I started dating you back in October, I can't stop thinking about how fortunate I am to have you for a boyfriend, Emil. You are everything I could ever ask for in a partner, and then some. There is no one else in the entire world that I'd rather be with." With a slight tug, he pulled Emil down onto his lap in the computer chair and snuggle him. "I love you, Emil. I really do. And though there are many things in life that I feel unsure about, my feelings for you are definitely not one of them." He wrapped his arms around his boyfriend's waist, hugging him close as he gently kissed his neck. "I know for a fact that I love you more than I've ever loved another person."

Emil twisted slightly in his boyfriend's lap so that he could see him. "You really mean that?" he asked. Upon hearing Leon hum his confirmation, he felt his cheeks flare up with blush. "I love you too, Leon," he slowly replied, feeling overwhelmed by his own feelings. "Sometimes, I feel as if you're the only thing in my world that makes sense. Whenever things get hard for me, I think about you and I begin to feel better. Though I have nothing to base my feelings off of, having never been in a relationship before, I'm certain that I love you. Even thinking about you makes my heart pound."

"Yeah?" the Asian boy asked. He placed a finger on the bottom of Emil's chin before guiding his boyfriend's lips toward his own and kissing them softly. "You have no idea how good it is to hear that." Leon sighed. "Lately, I've been worried that you were going to break up with me. You've been kind of disinterested and pretty distant. Maybe you weren't trying to be that way, but it still worried me. Knowing that you love me too relieves me." He chuckled to himself. "I don't know what I would've done if you had broken up with me. I don't even want to imagine something like that."

Emil cupped his boyfriend's face in his hands and smiled warmly at him. "Good thing you won't have to then, right?" he asked before placing a sincere kiss onto the Asian boy's forehead. "Leon, I feel like I've said this to you before, but I don't mind repeating myself. I don't want anyone else. You're the only person I can see a future with. In fact, you're the only person I want a future with. When I tell you that I love you, I mean it with my whole heart, not as some cheap response to your declarations. I love you, Leon. I love you."

For a couple moments, both boys stared into each other's eyes, each overwhelmed by how they felt about each other. The next second, their lips melded together before they slowly made their way toward Leon's bed. To the two of them, the best part of it being Valentine's Day was that Yao and Ivan were out on a date, so no one heard the sounds of pleasure that came from that bedroom.

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One Week Later

Emil was dreading school on Monday. He had grown increasingly tired in the past week, and his sleeping patterns had started to change drastically. Where he had been sleeping for longer than what was medically deemed necessary and still feeling tired, he would now spend his nights staring up at the ceiling, wishing that he could sleep. His lack of sleep was really starting to get to him as well.

On Friday, he had accidentally snapped at Leon when his boyfriend had mentioned his concerns about his sleeping habits. Unfortunately, the Asian boy had left before Emil could even think to apologize. What was happening to him? He didn't feel like himself anymore. It were almost as if he were a hollow, generic version of who he used to be, and he hated it. He didn't know what he could do about it.

The Icelandic boy pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked it. Still no texts from Leon. They hadn't spoken since he had snapped on him, and it made him uncomfortable. Usually, they cleared up misunderstandings within an hour of it happening. It had been over a day. Seeing a blank lock screen on his phone brought him a feeling of loneliness as he wished he could bring himself to text his boyfriend and apologize.

There was a knock at the apartment door, which caused Emil to jump. Mathias and Lukas were at work, and they never had guests or anything. Thinking it was Peter or Erland, he quickly went to answer the door to see what they wanted. To his surprise, he was quite wrong. In his doorway stood Leon, looking cold and flustered.

"Leon?" he asked, cocking his head to the side in confusion. Emil suddenly snapped back to his usual self. "You look cold. Did you walk here? Please come inside."

The Asian boy stepped into the apartment, mouth fixed in a tight line. But once the door was shut, he seemed to have fallen apart. "I didn't want to resolve this over text because this is something we need to talk about face-to-face. I'm scared, Emil. You really haven't been yourself this past week, and I can't help but think it's because of me."

"Because of you?" his boyfriend asked, confused. "Why would it be because of you? You didn't do anything wrong."

"You say that, but I can't help but think that I did," Leon quickly stated. He took a deep breath. "Sometimes after couples have sex for the first time, the relationship immediately falls apart. It's almost as if there was nothing there to begin with. I don't want to think that when we had sex on Valentine's Day that it was the end of it all." His eyes were filled to the brim with tears as he looked at his boyfriend. "Emil, I don't know what's going on with you at the moment, but I don't want you to leave me. I'm so scared that you're done with me. If it's something I did that made you become more irritable lately, please tell me. I can't keep lying awake every night and wondering if it's me. Please just tell me."

"Leon…" the Icelandic boy breathed. Had he really changed that much in the past week? He quickly pulled his trembling boyfriend into a hug. "No, you didn't do anything wrong. I just haven't been sleeping well lately. That's all, I swear. My mind has been keeping me up all night, and then I've been going to school on little to no sleep. It could never be a problem with you."

"You'd tell me if it was, right?" Leon squeezed Emil tightly in his arms, almost as if he were afraid the other boy would disappear if he let go. "If it had to do with me, you would tell me?"

"I would," Emil replied. He closed his eyes and held his boyfriend until he stopped trembling. "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you all of this beforehand. We could have avoided a lot of stress, huh? I'm sorry, Leon. I didn't mean to scare and upset you." He sighed. "All my life, I've mostly dealt with my troubles by myself because my mom was always working. I'm still getting used to people being here for me, but I promise I'll work on opening up more and being more clear about how I feel."

The Asian boy squeezed his boyfriend once more. "That's all I ask," he softly said. "Just talk to me when something bothers you. Keeping it all to yourself is just going to hurt you in the end, and I want to keep you from hurting, Emil."

Could talking to Leon about how he felt really help as much as he claimed it would? Would Leon even understand why he felt the way he did, especially since it was for no reason at all? What if there was another misunderstanding like the one they had just resolved? Would they be able to resolve it as easily as they had with this one?

Each of those questions weighed heavily on Emil's mind as he clung to his boyfriend. How could he make all of his uncertainty go away?