I've never gotten so many reviews and private messages about one story so quickly. Thank y'all so much. I'm not sure this chapter is as good as the others but I hope you like it.

Olivia awoke to an irritating sound. It was her phone going off. She groaned.

Apparently, she and Elliot had drifted apart during their slumber and somehow, her phone had managed to wedge itself in the covers between them. She was confused as to how that had happened and how her bedside lamp had magically turned itself off but she was pretty sure that meant that Elliot had gotten up sometime after she'd drifted off. She'd have to investigate it later.

Olivia was also confused because they weren't on call, they weren't supposed to be catching tonight so whoever was calling her to wake her up in the wee hours of the morning had better have a good reason.

"Benson," She ground out as she answered the ringing device and glanced over to see that Elliot had remained in his sleeping position of laying on his right side facing away from her. She couldn't tell if he was awake or listening to her but she didn't much care either way.

"Olivia?" Came a woman's voice at the other end of the line.

"Kathy?" Olivia said, sitting up quickly. This got Elliot's attention, who had been listening after all. He turned on his back and looked to his left, observing. "Kathy, is everything okay? Are the kids okay?" Olivia questioned urgently. Now she was worried.

"Yeah, yeah… everything's fine…" Kathy answered quietly.

"Oh, well… is there a reason you're calling me in the middle of the night?" Olivia asked tenderly. She wasn't mad or upset, and she didn't sound angry or like she had an agenda. She was just concerned.

"I wasn't, Liv." Kathy responded, using Olivia's pet name. "I was calling Elliot."

Olivia immediately took the phone away from her ear and looked at it. Sure enough it was Elliot's. Olivia took a deep breath and closed her eyes briefly before replying.

"Oh gosh, you're right." Olivia stated. "I answered his phone, I'm sorry. I forgot I plugged it up in my room so it wouldn't go dead. He didn't have his charger." The brunette's voice was calm and collected. If she was worried they'd been caught, she hadn't let on.

Elliot could only hear Olivia's side of the conversation but he'd pieced together what had happened. He'd felt a mild panic but with the way Olivia had answered Dickie the day before, he was curious to see how she was going to get out of this one…

"He came to you after our fight?" Kathy questioned. Her tone was also calm, like she'd almost expected her husband to be with Olivia.

"No, actually. He didn't." Olivia told the woman. "He went to Maloney's and got wasted. The bartender knows the squad, knows that Elliot's my partner so he called me to pick him up…" She lied through her teeth. "He was pretty far gone when I got there and I even had to pay his tab."

The lie came to her so quickly and with ease. It was also a turn on for Elliot though. He got up slowly and removed the covers from both of them. Olivia gave him a questioning glance but quickly directed her attention to the phone as Kathy began to speak again.

"No, it's fine." Olivia told Kathy. "I can go give him the phone if you want but I don't know how coherent he'll be. He was throwing up in my bathroom for a bit and then passed out on the bathroom floor… I figured he'd be sick again so I just made sure he was comfortable and left him there…" She lied again.

Elliot sat in front of Olivia on the bed. He leaned forward and hooked a finger in each side of her panties, pulling them down swiftly. Olivia gave him a warning glare and mouthed "No" to him several times as she tried to kick her legs in order to get him to stop but she'd had a small smile on her face the entire time, so he continued his work.

She had to bite her bottom lip to keep from laughing.

He had a cheshire cat-like smile on his face after he rid her of her panties and she shook her index finger at him, trying to stop him from what he was about to do but her body betrayed her by giving off signs of arousal.

"Yeah…" She said into the phone. "I actually think grief counseling for Dickie would be a great idea, Kath." Olivia told the woman as calmly as she could.

Elliot gently pushed Olivia's shoulder and she looked up into his eyes, swallowing hard as she finally complied and leaned back down on the bed.

"I know…" Olivia spoke into the iphone while Elliot pushed her tank top over her belly and planted kisses on her stomach. He was trailing lower and lower…

"Yeah, you're right." Olivia said to Kathy, then pulled the phone away and hit the mute button quickly so she could speak to Elliot.

"Elliot, we can't…" She told him but there was no power behind her voice. She was weak and he planted a kiss in the short hair on top of her mound.

"We can…" He hummed and then planted another kiss. "And I'm gonna… so you better get ready…" He told her as he glanced up, making eye contact. He was making sure that she really wanted this, he was giving her a chance to stop him. He'd never do something she didn't want him to but Olivia's mouth dropped open and her eyes filled with lust, giving him the green light. This was bad, so bad. They knew they shouldn't. It was wrong, very wrong but there was something so incredibly sexy about Elliot's head between her legs while she was on the phone with Kathy.

Olivia was halfway listening to Kathy and she realized she needed to say something to let the blonde know she was still listening.

"Maybe Dickie could talk to your priest if he doesn't want to go to counseling?" Olivia asked lightly into the phone after she'd taken it off mute. God, she'd just referenced church while she was on the phone with the wife of the married man who was between her legs.

Elliot could hear Kathy continuing the conversation so he continued his work as well. He backed up slightly and pushed Olivia's legs open, she complied instantly. She was clearly on board now.

He licked up and down her slit ever so slowly and Olivia quickly put a hand over her mouth so Kathy wouldn't hear her gasp.

Elliot's hands massaged Olivia's waist as he pulled one of her lips from between her legs into his mouth and sucked at it. Olivia started to moan but covered it quickly by pretending to clear her throat. She was squirming now, she couldn't lay still and Elliot rested his forehead on top of her mound, breathing her in.

It sent a rush of wetness between her legs.

"Yeah… No, you're fine." Olivia ground out. "Call me anytime you need to, okay?"

Kathy said something else to Olivia and then they said their goodbyes.

Elliot began grounding his mouth against her clit and she hung up the phone, throwing it on the floor.

"Son-of-a-bitch…" Olivia called Elliot. "I'm gonna kill you for doing that…" She moaned as her hips began to rock against his mouth. Her back arched in ecstasy and her mouth opened as she moaned again. "Christ, Elliot!"

He reached between her legs with his hands and pulled her skin slightly so her slit opened more for him.

Elliot pushed his tongue deep inside her, pushing it to the left and to the right, up and down, licking all of her walls.

"Ugh…. Oh god…." She moaned as she threw her head back and her back arched again. Her hands fisted the sheets around her. Elliot could tell that she was close.

He took one hand and began rubbing the top of her clit as his tongue continued its motions.

"Yeah…Fuck… Faster, El…" She begged as her hips sped up.

He quickened the pace of his hand and his tongue. And after a few more seconds, Olivia was crashing over the edge with her powerful orgasm.

"Oh, god…. Ugh…Ah, Elliot!" She'd said his name, breaking another one of her rules but Elliot loved it. It was music to his ears.

He continued until he was sure her orgasm had finally ended. Then he crawled his way up her body and rested his forearms beside her head. She was still catching her breath. Her chest was heaving up and down. When he moved his left arm to grab the sheet, intending to wipe his mouth, she stopped him.

Olivia grabbed his arm and Elliot met her with a questioning look. She didn't give him an answer but she did lean up to meet his mouth with her own, kissing him in a hungry manor. Olivia could taste herself but she didn't care, if she were being honest, that had been her goal. She'd wanted to taste herself on Elliot Stabler's lips.

He licked his lips after she pulled back.

Olivia relaxed her head against her pillow and stared at him as he hovered above her.

"There's a special place in hell for us." She told him, sighing. "You know that, right?"

He smiled at her. "I think God has bigger fish to fry than two adulterers…" He answered.

She looked at him, trying to decide if he was serious or not. "Do you really believe that?" She asked him. The smile left his face.

"I haven't been to an actual church service in a long time, Liv." He confessed. "When I go, it's just because it has something to do with the kids now days…" She was taken aback. She had thought that he surely went more often than that.

Olivia swallowed hard, and then she brought her right hand up to cup his face.

"Tell me I didn't do this to you?" She whispered to him. "Tell me I didn't take your faith away… That what we've done didn't make you stray from your church…"

He gave her a small sad smile and turned his face to his left to kiss her hand.

"No, you didn't do anything, Liv." He told her honestly. "The job did… the rapists, murderers, pedophiles… it was too much for me… it made me start to question things after a while."

She took a deep breath.

"I still have my faith." He promised her. "I still believe in God." He stated. "I just… I prefer Non-denominational these days rather than Catholic…"

Olivia seemed to let out a breath that she didn't know she'd been holding. She reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down to her. Olivia kissed the side of his face as he rested his chin on her right shoulder.

She could feel his hard on pressing between her legs. "We're still not having sex…" She told him firmly. She felt him smile against her skin. He ran his hand up and down her naked hip and he turned his head to the right to kiss the side of her neck.

"No… That was purely for you, Liv… that was for your pleasure." He told her.

She groaned inwardly. They didn't this for pleasure. They were only supposed to do it when something major went down, when he was on edge and needed release for a psychological or mental reason. It's how she was able to rationalize in her mind what they did even though she knew it was all a lie and that it was still an affair, none the less.

"Well…" She replied slightly hoarse. "It was good… so fucking good…" She whispered, complementing him as he closed her eyes and hugged him tighter.

"So…" Elliot whispered as he nipped at her right ear. "Who gives better head? Me or Cabot?" He asked tenderly with a hint of humor in his voice.

Olivia rolled her eyes. He was a typical man sometimes.

"Cabot…" She whispered back as she let her right hand run her fingers over his short hair.

"Mmm… liar." He whispered as he lightly bit her ear and she laughed.

She had been lying.

"You lie so easily… It scares me sometimes, Liv." He said seriously, sitting up, straddling her.

"Why?" She asked him, her eyes twinkling. "Why does it scare you?" Olivia questioned as she linked her hands with his, threading their fingers together. He should be thankful for her lying skills. This was the second time within two days that they'd almost been caught if it hadn't been for her quick lying skills. She'd turned Dickie's question down instantly and she'd been thinking quick on her feet when she'd spoken with Kathy. He was lucky, they both were.

But Elliot didn't answer her question. He didn't know how. So, instead, he just stared at her.

"Are you wondering if I'm lying to you about anything?" She asked gently. "Because I wouldn't… Had you asked about Alex or if I was sleeping with someone… I would have told you." Olivia stated, hoping to ease his fears, whatever they were.

"Why is it so easy for you to lie like that? To come up with it off the top of your head?" He asked curiously. Olivia shrugged.

"I don't know…" She told him. "I grew up with an abusive, alcoholic mother, El… I had to lie about a lot of things when I was growing up. You learn to think quickly on your feet and hide things when your mom downs several bottles of vodka daily…" Olivia replied. "I didn't grow up with Catholic guilt like you."

Elliot bit his lip. "I grew up with a father who liked to beat me occasionally and I never told anyone…" He confessed, but Olivia had already known this. Elliot had mentioned bits and piece of Joe to her, it's how they'd been able to make that drunken pact about not letting each other turn into their parents.

"I know…" She whispered as she ran her hands over his tank top, above his left rib cage where she knew a scar was located from one of Joe's worst attacks. "But if someone had looked you in the eye and asked if your father had ever beaten you, you would have faltered and your face would have given you away…" Olivia told him and he nodded. He knew it was true. Growing up in Catholic private school, they taught you early on that lying is a sin. It was almost like they programmed it into your brain so that your body would give you away immediately without your consent.

Olivia had been slightly surprised that Elliot hadn't given them away to Kathy yet. But then again, Kathy had never flat out asked. Maybe it's because she didn't want to know or maybe it's because she didn't care. Who knew what the blonde's true reasoning was or what her reaction would be if she ever found out. And that was something Olivia hoped she would never know the answer to.

"This conversation is getting too deep for the wee hours of the morning…" Elliot commented.

"It is…" Olivia agreed.

Elliot slid off Olivia and back into his side of the bed. He grabbed the comforter and pulled it up over them.

She cocked an eyebrow at him. "You aren't gonna retrieve my panties for me?" She asked him.

Elliot smiled at her. "Nope." He answered and cast a glance in the direction across the room where he'd thrown them.

Olivia rolled her eyes. "You broke a rule…" She told him, referring to him getting her off. She'd broken a rule herself by saying his name as she climaxed but neither of them chose to comment on that.

"Maybe I should be punished…" Was his sly reply. Olivia hit him lightly on the chest.

"Go back to sleep…" She told him. "You need to call Kathy in a few hours… and sound hungover." Olivia commanded.

"Yes, ma'am." Elliot replied with a grin.

Olivia turned on her right side to stare at him. The covers were up to their chests now so the fact that Olivia's bottom half was naked was forgotten. There was distance between them and Elliot was laying on his back, staring at the ceiling. He could feel her stare though, so he turned his head to the left and locked eyes with her.

She looked beautiful. Her hair was slightly messy and she seemed content, but it also seemed like she had something on her mind.

Olivia licked her lips. "Did she ever tell you that she asked me to convince you to sign the divorce papers?"

Elliot's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "What?" he asked.

"Yeah…" Olivia whispered.

"When?"

"It was during the case of Valarie Sennet, when she accused her ex-husband, Miles, of raping her… I believed her, you didn't. We fought the entire time…" Olivia reminded him.

Elliot swallowed. "I remember." And he did. He remembered fighting with her more than he remembered the case. It was around a year after they'd slept together and on their previous case, the Jud Tierney case, she'd sucked him off, but then he'd gotten another round of divorce papers and they'd fucked him up. He'd changed, been more stressed and they started fighting like cats and dogs.

It was odd that she was bringing this memory up now since he'd just thought about it a few hours ago.

Their fight during Valarie's case had been bad and ongoing. He'd told her he was the longest relationship she'd ever had with a man and he'd regretted it immediately upon seeing the light in her eyes go out. But they were in the squad room and he couldn't apologize in front of everyone, they'd sense something was up with them.

"She called me, asked me to meet her in the park…" Olivia told him, continuing their conversation. "She told me she'd sent you another round of divorce papers but that you wouldn't sign them…"

"Because of the kids." He told her. He loved Kathy, of course, but not as a wife. More so as the mother of his children and as the one constant woman he'd had his entire life. Kathy had been his first love and the first woman he'd ever been with sexually. They'd experienced a lot of 'firsts' together and she'd always have a place in his heart no matter what. They'd been together for over twenty years. In a way, he'd always have feelings for her. It was a complicated mess.

Olivia chose not to comment on his statement and remained silent.

"I ended up signing them anyways… I didn't want her to regret me or the kids to resent me…" He confessed in a whisper. Olivia had already known this though.

"I know… She probably thought I was the one who talked you into it." Olivia told him.

"If she did, she never let on about it." Elliot tried to ease her mind.

He reached over and grabbed her hand. Elliot could still remember when he'd sat on his stoop and told Olivia that he'd signed the divorce papers.

…

Flashback:

She'd text him, asking him to meet her on the front steps of his apartment complex. It had been almost five a.m. but he had been lying awake in bed.

Olivia handed him his coffee as he joined her on the steps. She had a flower in her cup because she'd been on a tea kick ever since coming back from Oregon.

"She knew she was gonna die and she still lied right to my face…" Olivia said silently as she stared down at the flower in her cup. She had been referring to Valarie, their rape victim who turned out not to be a rape victim after all.

Her eyes had began to water, not just because of this case but because of the way she and Elliot had been going at it.

"When love warps into hate, there's nothing you won't do…" Elliot told her silently as he sipped the coffee she'd given him. "I signed the divorce papers… I didn't want Kathy to ever regret me or our time together… I don't want our kids to hate me for dragging out the divorce just for my selfish reasoning of thinking they need me…"

Olivia gripped her cup harder as she turned to her left, gazing at him. "They will always need their father, Elliot…" She told him, and then took a sip of her tea.

She gazed at the empty street in front of them. "So… are we okay?" She whispered as she glanced back at him.

"I just…" Elliot took a deep breath. "I need space to disagree with you so I don't feel like it's gonna cost me our partnership… I can't do this job without you, Liv. I learned that while you were off undercover in Oregon." He told her honestly.

"You've never been gun shy before…" Olivia said silently.

Elliot shrugged. "Things change…" He stated, glancing at her and then took another sip of his coffee.

Olivia rested her forearms on her legs and put her cup on tea on the top of her knee. She stared at her lap.

"It's not because we slept together, is it? Because we've been doing… things together?" Olivia asked, biting her bottom lip. She didn't want their affair or whatever it was that they had started, to fuck up their partnership and friendship even more than it already was.

Elliot's head turned to her.

"No." He shook his head to get his point across. "Hey," He called to her, causing Olivia to look at him. "I don't regret sleeping with you for a second."

She pressed her lips together and took a deep breath in through her nose.

Olivia nodded her head and cleared her throat and spoke. "So, what's the waiting period on the finalization of the divorce papers?"

"Three months until it's finalized." He replied.

She nodded her head again.

Neither one cared to comment that he'd be a free man after that. It was unchartered territory that they weren't ready to discuss yet. They both were aware of the feelings and attraction between them but it was a topic that they liked to avoid. Elliot got up and threw his empty cup away. He reached for hers when she handed it to him and did the same again. Olivia stood up preparing to leave.

"Wanna come up?" He asked lightly. His face was content.

Olivia snorted and rolled her eyes at him. "You just told me you have three months until you're divorced, El. I know this case was rough on both of us but I'm not fucking you. And to be honest, I don't even feel like getting you off…" She said with a touch of anger that was left over from their fight.

Elliot shook his head.

"I said some really shitty things to you today and I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Olivia." He looked at her and his eyes were shining.

She shrugged. "You were right. You are the longest relationship that I've ever had with a man." Olivia huffed and gazed at their surroundings before she settled her eyes back on him.

"I shouldn't have said that." He told her.

"It's fine." She replied.

"It's not." He answered.

They stood in silence for a moment before Elliot chose to speak again.

"Look…" He started, walking closer to her and stuffing his hands in his sweat pants. "I signed away my kids today, Liv. Kathy has full custody now… I just… I didn't wanna fuck. I wanted someone to be there for me and tell me that it'd be okay… That I'd be okay…" He ended in a whisper and she could see that his eyes were filled with tears. Her eyes widened at his omission. It was hard for Elliot Stabler to talk about his feelings, she knew that because she knew him so well. "I'm… I'm fucked up right now… And I need someone to hold me together…" He whispered as a single tear made its way down his face. "I wanted that someone to be you… If that's okay?" he finished, looking at the ground before gazing around at their surrounds, doing anything to not make eye contact with her.

Before they were lovers, they were partners and best friends. They'd always been close even years before they'd given into their urges and slept together.

"Oh, Elliot…" Olivia whispered as she reached forward, putting her arms around his neck. In return, he wrapped his around her waist, pulling her close purely for comfort.

"My kids are gone, Liv…" He told her in a watery whisper. "They're gone and they hate me… None of them wanna talk to me… not even Dickie right now…"

Olivia held him close. She knew this was hard on him, not just the divorce but being open and honest with her. Elliot Stabler wasn't a man who always shared his feelings. It's one of the things he and Kathy used to fight about.

"Come on…" She told him, leading him into his building.

They went to his apartment. Once they'd reached his bedroom, Elliot dug out a pair of sweat pants for her to wear to bed. She had a tank top on under her shirt so she wore that. Elliot left his sweat pants on but discarded his shirt.

Olivia was the first one in bed. She scooted over and held the covers up for him to join her.

"Come here," She'd whispered with her arms open and he'd complied, gently nesting himself in her arms. Elliot rested his forehead against her shoulder. "You're gonna be fine, El." She told him softly. "Your kids are gonna be fine and Kathy is gonna be fine as well. Everything will work out."

He hadn't responded, he'd just hugged her tighter and eventually drifted off to sleep in her arms.

…

Present Day:

"Yeah…" Elliot commented, coming out of his thoughts. "I was pretty fucked up during that case…" He reached between them and took her left hand in his right. "Why didn't you ask me to sign the papers?" He questioned.

"You needed to do it on your own. Not because of me." She squeezed his hand, giving him a knowing look.

Elliot nodded and sighed. He was pretty much talked out. They'd covered a lot of topics within the past twenty-four hours. More than they'd ever covered before. It was still dangerous territory for them, or at least in Olivia's mind.

He saw her begin to shut her eyes. "Can I hold you?" He whispered.

"No." She replied with her eyes shut.

Elliot swallowed. She'd never flat out rejected him like that before.

"I still don't have any panties on… and I don't trust you to keep your hands to yourself…" She continued with a small smile, opening her eyes to look at him. Elliot relaxed when he realized she was teasing him.

"Turn around and let me hold you…" She requested lightly.

Elliot snorted but complied. "And how do I know you'll keep your hands to yourself?" He asked as he felt her scoot up behind him and wrap her left arm around his side, resting her left hand on his chest.

"You should be so lucky…" She whispered as she planted a kiss on his tank top that covered his shoulder blade.

And that's how they went to sleep. Only Elliot's slumber wasn't quite as peaceful as Olivia's. His dream had not exactly been a dream but more so a memory. His mind had replayed a series of scenes in his mind.

…

Flashback:

It had taken place about a month after Elliot had signed his divorce papers and fallen asleep in Olivia Benson's arm. Olivia had just gotten back from trying to sort things out with her brother with the help of Dean Porter.

Their perp, Malcom, had murdered his children in their sleep, then he'd killed his wife, and staged his own suicide, except his suicide attempt had failed. Only they hadn't known that yet. Both Benson and Stabler had thought the wife tried to murder the entire family but it was still early in the investigation.

Elliot had been the one to find the three dead children. It'd hit him hard. Olivia could tell he wasn't handling it well but it was the middle of the night and they needed to brief Cragen.

"Can you handle it?" He'd asked her.

"Yeah…" She told him, knowing what he was planning to do. "Go look in on your kids, El. I got it."

But looking in on his kids wasn't the only thing he'd done. Sure, he'd checked each of their bedrooms, making sure they were alive and well, and sleeping soundly. However, when he'd gone to tell Kathy thank you for allowing him to come over, things had taken a turn.

Elliot had been stressed. Seeing dead kids had fucked him up good. He was angry, scared, emotional, and vulnerable. He didn't know what to do. He hated shrinks but this was almost enough to make him confess that he needed one.

"Thanks for letting me come by." Elliot told Kathy.

"Did it help?" She asked.

"Yeah." He gave her a weak smile. "I love them… Even if they don't love me right now."

"Elliot…" Kathy started. "They love you. You're their father."

"Anyways…" He continued. "Thanks…" And he turned to leave.

"Elliot," Kathy called. "Is there anything else you need?" she asked, shifting in bed.

Elliot raised his eyebrows. Kathy was offering sex, or asking for it, depending on how you looked at the situation. He bit his lip.

"Stay…" She asked of him.

Something inside Elliot broke and he gave in. He quietly shut the bedroom door and shed his jacket. Then he started unbuttoning his shirt. Kathy pulled the covers back and waited for him to rid himself of the rest of his clothing.

Elliot got under the covers straddling her as he leaned down and covered her chest with his own.

"The divorce is finalized in two months. It was hard for me to sign those papers… I'm not changing my mind Kath…" He told her honestly.

"I don't want you to." She whispered and he looked at her with questioning eyes. He shouldn't have been surprised since she'd been the one pushing for the divorce.

"After this… We're not doing it again…" He whispered to her as he slipped his hand between her legs, searching for panties but soon he discovered she'd gone to bed in only a t-shirt. She was ready for him.

"Then we'll call it goodbye sex…" Kathy responded and she gasped as he pushed inside her.

"Deal." He grunted as he pumped into her.

They both needed it. Elliot had terrible images in his head from the day and he'd do just about anything to rip them away from his mind.

They'd spent twenty minutes having sex. Then Elliot had gathered his things and left. He'd even kissed Kathy goodbye just for the hell of it. Then he'd gone straight to Olivia's place. It was two in the morning but she had gone to brief Cragen and then he knew she'd be sent home to get some shut eye and wait for forensics to come back with their reports of the crime scene.

He didn't even bother knocking on her door. He just used his key.

Olivia had been laying on her couch staring at the ceiling.

"I wish you'd send me a warning text before you do that…" She replied, commenting on his manor of coming into her apartment.

Elliot remained quiet and walked over to her fridge, retrieving a beer.

"El, we're on call." She reminded him, looking up. He made eye contact but proceeded to open his beer. Olivia pressed her lips into a small thin line.

"How were the kids?" She asked as he walked over to her couch, lightly picking up her feet, sitting down, then settling her feet down in his lap.

"They're okay… They're safe." He replied as he took a swig of his beer.

Olivia stared at him. He looked different and she knew why. She could almost always read him like a book. She could tell he'd fucked Kathy. She knew he had, but she chose not to comment on it. At least not until he brought it up. He was having a rough time right now and she didn't want to stir the pot.

It didn't take him long before he brought it up though.

"I fucked Kathy." He stated, looked straight ahead.

"Okay." Olivia replied silently. She remained calm and collected.

"I… I…" He was at a loss for words. "I'm sorry…" He whispered as he ran a hand over his short hair.

"Hey," She called to him gently, nudging his lap with her feet. She waited until he looked at her before she continued. "Don't you ever apologize to me for sleeping with your wife." Olivia told him carefully. "That's not how we work."

Not only that, but she'd known he'd seen a few people since he'd been separated from Kathy. She didn't know if he'd slept with any of them, but he'd been out on dates. Maybe it was his way of trying to get over his wife and trying to move on. Maybe he hadn't asked her out on one of those dates because they had a deeper connection and it would've been more than "just a date" to both of them.

He licked his lips. His mouth was dry, probably from the beer though.

"I'm not a saint, Elliot. I'm a woman," She told him carefully. "Who likes sex…"She added. "When I was working my brother's case… I slept with Porter…." She admitted.

"Really?" He asked, more surprised than anything. He wasn't surprised she'd slept with someone, he was surprised it had been with an asshole like Dean Porter.

"Yeah…" She confirmed. "I was stressed and upstate away from you, and you were still married. You still are. Two months to go, right?" She told him with a small smile.

"Um… yeah." Elliot told her. It was like he was in a daze.

"Okay then." She replied. "You still have your ring on… you still belong to Kathy." At her words, he'd automatically began fingering his wedding ring. He probably should have taken it off by now but he'd grown accustom to it. It was like a security blanket for him.

Olivia took a deep breath. They didn't really do this. They didn't talk about their feelings while he was still legally married if they could help it. There'd been a couple times but that was it.

All it took was one look at him for her to know that he was thinking about 'them' and what they were, what they'd become. For now, they were a mild affair, if that.

"Maybe we'll explore it when you don't have a wife." She'd told him silently, answering his thoughts.

Only, things hadn't gone as planned. Fast forward to six weeks later. Elliot was just two weeks shy of his divorce being finalized. He had mixed feelings about it but that surprised no one. Even when people want a divorce, it's still sad for the parties involved.

Kathy had come to the station. She'd been frantic and asked to talk to him. When he'd taken her to the cribs, she'd told him she was pregnant. Elliot almost went into shock. Kathy was pregnant. They were two weeks away from being divorced. Not to mention Elliot was in his mid-forties.

She'd begged him to come home, she'd even started crying. He could tell she was scared. Elliot sent Kathy home and he promised he'd come see her after work to talk about the situation. Obviously, they were technically still Catholic and the kids were being raised Catholic. Elliot was against abortion and so was the Catholic community so that hadn't been an option of course.

He was still reeling about the new information when he and Olivia were waiting outside the courtroom to testify for their new case. Elliot was pacing back and forth in the hallway at the courthouse, constantly checking his watch for no reason.

"El," She'd called to him. "What's going on?"

He shook his head and closed his eyes tightly. "Kathy's pregnant." He whispered.

Olivia was silent. She didn't know what to say and she was in slight shock, but at the same time, she shouldn't be surprised because he already had four kids. Elliot Stabler apparently harbored super sperm.

"I don't know what I'm gonna do, Liv…" He stated, as he began pacing back and forth again.

Olivia narrowed her eyes. "What do you mean by that?" She asked him.

"I… I don't know what to do…" Elliot repeated, rubbing a hand down his face.

Olivia walked in front of him, putting her hand up and stopped him from pacing.

"You're gonna go home, Elliot." She told him calmly.

Elliot shook his head and looked away. He didn't want to go home. Not after everything he'd been through. He'd worked hard to make himself okay with his divorce but now he was freaking out at this new information that'd been thrown his way.

When Olivia saw that he wasn't going to respond to her, she ushered him into a nearby closed and closed the door behind them.

"Hey," She called to him, putting her hands on both of his shoulders. "You're going home." She stated again.

He looked at her with sad eyes.

"You have a baby on the way… he or she is going to need both parents… Kathy is going to need you too." Olivia told him firmly. "You're going home."

Elliot huffed and pulled out of her grip. He knew it was the right thing to do but it was breaking his heart.

"There's still two weeks until the divorce is finalized, right?" She asked and Elliot nodded, deciding that he shouldn't comment on the fact that she'd clearly been keeping track. "Cancel the papers." Olivia told him firmly.

"But I-" He tried but she cut him off.

"Shut up." She told him fiercely. "Whatever you're about to say to me, don't. You're going home." Olivia repeated again. He watched her intently as she got in his face. "You're going back to her and I won't have it any other way." She stated. Olivia wasn't exactly sure what he'd been about to say, but she was trying to make it clear that she would not support him leaving Kathy alone and pregnant just so he could be with her, if that was where his train of thought had gone.

His eyes filled with tears without his consent.

Olivia moved closer, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and resting her forehead on his right shoulder. Elliot's arms encircled her waist as he also rested his forehead on her right shoulder. It almost killed her to tell him to go back to Kathy but it was the right thing to do.

"I'm not upset, El." She whispered into his shoulder. "I'm just… tired and stressed. I've got other things I'm dealing with, but I'll always be here for you. Always." She promised him.

He didn't ask if they'd continue whatever affair they'd been having, he didn't ask her anymore questions period. They just held each and tried to take in the fact that they had been so close to being able to actually be together without hurting people or living in sin.

She'd never leave him. As much as it pained her to be an adulterer, she'd never walk away from Elliot, even if it meant that some nights he came over to keep her bed warm instead of Kathy's. But she did distance herself. Kathy was pregnant and Olivia couldn't live with herself if she let him share her bed while Kathy was home alone and pregnant so they backed off from each other.

For more than a year, Elliot didn't come over to her place unless it was work related and she didn't offer any sexual favors. During this time, they'd drifted apart. Their chemistry and feelings for each other was still there but both Elliot and Olivia had a conscience. An affair was wrong, but an affair when his wife was pregnant was pure evil. So, he went back to fucking Kathy, to trying to make things work and she went back and forth between Dean Porter whenever he was in town, and occasional men that she'd pick up in bars. That's just how it was.

…

Present Day:

When Olivia woke up, the sun was shining through the curtains. She looked to her right and saw Elliot sitting on the edge of the bed facing away from her. His nightmares were rare but she knew he had them. Still, he only rarely talked about them.

"Elliot?" She called to him but he remained in the same position, looking away from her. Olivia wanted to reach out and touch his side but she remembered that he was ticklish.

Elliot leaned over, resting his elbows on top of his knees and stared at her carpet.

"I'm sorry I got Kathy pregnant…" He whispered so low that she almost missed it.

Olivia sat up and looked around the room, searching for her panties. When she finally located them, she got up, slipped them on and went to sit beside him on the bed. She sat down gently and put a hand on his back.

"What's going on here?" She asked calmly. "Is that what you were dreaming about?" She asked tenderly.

Elliot nodded but stayed hunched over, focusing his vision on the floor.

"Don't you ever apologize for little Eli." She whispered to him, thinking about the little boy who was coming up on almost two years old now. She loved him. She'd been the first one to hold him, she'd been to his first birthday party. She'd even been invited to his baptism but she had had a scheduling conflict on that day.

"I'm not… I just… I hate how complicated things are…" He replied.

"You need to call Kathy." She told him, changing the topic. Olivia didn't want to talk about Eli or whatever he had dreamed. She was worried because Elliot had been more touchy-feely lately. Yeah, she was touchy-feely last night but that was rare for her. But Elliot, he'd been more open about his feelings for her even though they had an unspoken rule about not discussing it. In hindsight though, she shouldn't be surprised because apparently, he was all about breaking rules lately…

If you want another chapter, I'm gonna need reviews but more like your input. If I do another chapter, I'm thinking about adding a flashback of when Eli was born and maybe a flashback of what happened and what was said when Elliot found Olivia on her kitchen floor chugging vodka after Harris.