Thanks for the reviews! This story is getting harder and harder to write!

Elliot left the bedroom in his boxers and tank top, shutting the bedroom door and going to Olivia's living room to call Kathy.

He paced around the room as Kathy answered. The blonde didn't sound angry or upset with him. She asked him how he was feeling and he told her he was okay. They talked about the parent-teacher conference that he needed to attend at the twins' high school in a couple of days. Then Kathy mentioned that Eli had a doctor's appointment next week. She told him he didn't have to go but that the offer was there if he wanted to accompany her.

There had been so much tension between him and Kathy for a while now, and that tension had nothing to do with Olivia. It was just purely Elliot and Kathy not mixing well, not clicking or being in sync.

Elliot could tell she was still rattled about the way he'd handled the case with Dickie. She was still upset about how he'd almost hit his son even if her voice didn't show it currently. He knew this because she ended the conversation with telling him that for the next two nights, she'd like to have the bed to herself and Eli. Kathy didn't make it a regular occurrence for the toddler to sleep in their bed because she didn't want him to get use to it, but here lately, she'd been letting the little boy sleep with his mom. It was purely for Kathy's comfort.

He told her not to worry, that he and Olivia were working a tough case and he probably wouldn't be home later that night anyways. Olivia's lying was starting to rub off on him apparently.

Elliot had huffed at the end of the call and neither one had said they loved each other. They'd just simply hung up.

He put his hands on his hips and took a deep breath. Elliot slowly walked into Olivia's kitchen. Opening her fridge, which was mostly empty, he spotted a carton of orange juice and poured himself a glass.

Taking a sip, he took it with him as he walked back to Olivia's bedroom. She had nestled herself back in bed with the covers over her. To his surprise, she was on the phone.

"Yeah, Kathy." She'd intentionally said the blonde's name so Elliot would know who she was talking to.

His eyebrows raised in surprise as he walked around to the side of the bed that he'd been occupying and slipped under the covers, keeping the cup of orange juice in his hand.

"Alright, I will…" Olivia spoke into the phone. "Listen, don't worry about him, He'll be alright. Everything will be fine." She said. "Yes, I'll keep an eye on him… alright, bye." Olivia finished.

Elliot huffed as Olivia sat up beside him in bed.

"When did my wife start calling you for help?" He asked as he handed her his glass of orange juice.

"She's called me a few times over the years… You know that." Olivia commented, then took the orange juice from him. "So, we're out on a case, huh?" she asked him, narrowing her eyes at him as she took a lengthy sip from his cup.

Elliot shrugged and waited a few beats before taking his orange juice back, finishing the cup.

"If you're gonna lie to her, you can at least give me a heads up…" She said.

"Well, I didn't expect her to call you right after I got off the phone with her, Liv."

Olivia checked her phone. It was around ten a.m. which wasn't surprising since they'd stayed up late and been woken up during the night. Usually, she'd never sleep this late on a day off.

"You should go home, El." She told him, gazing straight ahead.

"I'm on the couch for two more nights… Told her I wouldn't even make it home tonight due to our heavy case load."

Olivia sighed. "We're gonna get caught…" She whispered as she ran a hand down her face.

He set his empty cup on her night stand next to his phone.

"I thought there was no 'we' according to you…" Elliot stated, using his fingers to do air quotes.

Olivia rolled her eyes. Of course, there was a "them". They both knew it, they just tried hard to ignore it. They tried their best to push their feelings aside and make this thing between them about sex, or rather about him getting off most of the time and her occasional orgasms. But deep down they both knew it was more.

Hell, Elliot had told her just last night that she wasn't some random woman that he ran to when his wife wouldn't put out, that she meant more to him than that. Although, Olivia had tried to ignore it. She'd tried to look past it. It was taking a toll on her that she was the other woman, that she was doing things she wasn't supposed to with a married man.

Never-the-less, she ignored his statement.

Olivia dragged herself out of bed and went to find some sweat pants that were clean since Elliot had gotten his semen all over the ones she'd worn last night. She bent over to rummage through the bottom drawer of her dresser and she could feel his eyes on her ass.

She sighed and looked at him over her shoulder. Sure, enough his eyes were glued to her backside. Rolling her eyes once more, she shot him a warning look.

"El… Stop ogling my ass…"

"Then stop bending over…" He shot back.

He shook his head 'no' indicating that he wasn't going to stop and gave her a small smile. She shook her head in annoyance and went back to fishing for sweat pants. Once she'd found some, she slipped them on.

"You look at Kathy like that too?" She fired at him, hoping that talking about his wife would throw him off his game.

"Liv, I'm a man." He pointed out. "If a beautiful woman is gonna bend over in front of me wearing just panties and a tank top, I'm gonna look…" He told her. Unless she was a rape victim or a prostitute of course but he knew he didn't need to add that out loud. Olivia knew him well enough for that. Elliot considered prostitutes victims as well. Almost every prostitute had not willingly entered the lifestyle. "Especially when that woman is Olivia Benson…" He whispered.

She ignored his comment and went to the kitchen to see if she had a bagel or something she could put on her stomach. She didn't feel like going out and she didn't even feel like eating if she was being honest but she hadn't eaten last night so she needed something.

In the kitchen, she found she still had a bag of bagels that surprisingly hadn't expired. The cream cheese however, was expired by two days but she didn't see any mold and it still smelled good so she decided she'd eat it anyways.

Trying to put the bagel in the toaster oven, she dropped one of the pieces by accident and it bounced off the counter, landing on the floor. Olivia squatted down to pick it up but lost her balance and fell flat on her ass. She huffed in frustration. She'd only had one beer the night before, so she couldn't even blame a hangover for her clumsiness.

Elliot walked out of the bedroom and towards the kitchen. He caught sight of her on the floor and he instantly remembered the last time he'd seen her in that position. It had been after the stint in Sealview.

…

Flashback:

He'd known she wasn't okay. Olivia was nowhere near okay. Elliot had asked her what happened in the basement and she'd told him nothing, that she was fine. But Olivia had had a look in her eye, a look that told him she was everything but okay.

After their case was over and Harris was locked away, Elliot arrived at her apartment.

"Liv?" He called as he knocked on her door.

When there was no reply, he used his key. He didn't care if she would be mad at him, Elliot needed to make sure she was okay.

He'd opened her door and walked through it, looking around trying to find her. When he spotted her, she was on her kitchen floor, nested against the corner of the cabinets. There was a half empty bottle of vodka in her hands.

Elliot took a deep breath, before approaching her.

He squatted down in front of her and gently pried the bottle from her hands. She didn't give him much fight.

"You can't do this…" He whispered to her carefully. "I won't let you…" Elliot promised her.

He sat the bottle on the opposite side from him, away from her as moved to sit beside her.

Elliot licked his lips. "What happened in the basement, Liv?" He asked, fear consuming him.

Olivia was quiet for a long time. Her face was tear-stained so he knew she'd been crying before he got there.

"If he raped you-" Elliot started but she cut him off.

"No!" She told him frantically. "No…" She said more calmly. "He didn't rape me." Olivia stated, slightly slurring her words form the vodka.

Elliot looked at her intently, trying to detect a lie.

"If he did, I'm here for you… We'll get you help. We'll get you a therapist, Liv." He told her as he stared at her with pleading eyes. "I swear to god I'll be here for you." Elliot told her strongly.

"He didn't rape me." Olivia repeated with more confidence, making eye contact so he'd know she was telling the truth. He believed her this time. It's not that Elliot automatically thought she was lying but he knew her. He knew Olivia Benson. After growing up with her abusive mom and being the product of rape, then if she had been raped herself, it would break her. She would be in denial. But he believed her statement, he had to, he was all she had.

"What'd he do?" Elliot asked in a low voice.

Olivia pressed her lips together tightly, almost as if her body wasn't going to allow her to respond.

"I can't tell you…" She whispered, staring straight ahead at the cabinet doors. "Wasn't rape but it was sexual assault… That's all I can give you… 'M sorry." She replied as tears slid down her face.

"I… I won't think less of you, Liv… I won't. I'm here for you, you can tell me anything." Elliot's eyes watered as he spoke. The woman in front of him was almost unrecognizable.

"I CAN'T." Olivia stated loudly as tears flooded her face. She leaned over and propped her upper body up by pressing her hands against the floor and straightening her arms. She bowed her face towards the floor. "I failed… as a cop… as a… woman…" Olivia whispered in shame.

"I wanna hold you… Can I put my arm around you?" He was asking consent. He needed it because she was a fresh sexual assault victim.

Olivia immediately collapsed into his arms, silently giving him the okay to touch her.

Elliot bit his bottom lip as he wrapped his left arm around her shoulders. It was probably the vodka swirling around her head or it could have been just because she simply needed his touch. Someone that wasn't Harris…

"I… 'M craving vodka…" She confessed to him.

"I won't let you go down that road, Liv…" He replied. He knew it was her mother's drink.

"Help me…" She whispered in a small voice as her left hand reached across them and fisted his shirt. "Don't let me become her…"

Elliot's own eyes began to water.

"I won't let you become him…" Olivia stated quietly, and he instantly knew she was referring to his father. "If you don't let me become her…"

"I won't, Liv. I swear to God I won't… I've got you…" He promised her, holding her tightly as she collapsed, laying her head in his lap. The sight before him was terrifying. She was breaking in half right before his eyes. "In a few minutes, I'm gonna put you to bed… and then I'm gonna clear your apartment of alcohol, I promise."

Olivia had started sleeping with Alex previously to the Sealview incident but she wasn't going to tell her about this. It'd probably be a little bit before she'd be able to sleep with her because Olivia would be recovering from her attack mentally as well as physically, but she didn't think she'd be triggered by Alex. Alex was a woman and that was probably the best possible thing right now. A penis in her face would trigger her. Someone grabbing her the wrong way would trigger her. But not a woman.

After a few minutes, Olivia sat back up and looked at Elliot with drunken, sad eyes.

"I'm so sorry…" She whispered to him. His eyebrows bunched together in confusion.

"For what?" He asked tenderly.

"For… for loving you." She replied in a whisper as silent tears ran down her face again. Elliot huffed. They hadn't said that to each other. They both knew it but they'd kept their distance ever since Kathy had become pregnant.

"You probably won't remember much of this conversation," Elliot commented, knowing the effects of vodka. "But I love you too…" he replied with a small smile as he wiped her face free of water and kissed her forehead. Olivia closed her eyes and there was a ghost of a smile on her lips.

"Come on, woman." He called to her. "Let's get you to bed…" Then he helped her up and into her bedroom, putting her in bed and left her bedroom door open in case she got sick or needed him.

Then he proceeded to rid her apartment of alcohol and liquor.

If she ever remembered the conversation they'd had, she'd never mentioned it or let on and he'd never spoken about it. He never would for fear that she'd deny it, say that she was drunk and incoherent. Truthfully, the only thing he knew she remembered for sure was the drunken pact they'd made and the fact that she'd told him she wasn't raped.

This had been the only time they'd ever said 'I love you' and he didn't count it because she'd been drunk. So, technically they'd never said the 'L' word to each other, or at least according to him they hadn't.

…

Present Day:

Elliot shook his head to rid him of the memory and walked over to her, putting his hand out to help her off the floor.

He was grinning and she was annoyed.

Olivia turned back around to face the counter, dusting off the slice of bagel that she'd dropped and popped it in the toaster oven.

Elliot hadn't bothered to put on his pants. He left her in the kitchen to fix her food and he planted himself on the couch, laying down with his head on one of the pillows and grabbing the remote. He was on his right side, facing the television and holding out his right arm that held the remote so he was pointing it at the receiver.

In the kitchen, she had finished applying cream cheese to her bagel and she put it on one of her paper plates from the cabinet. Then she grabbed a napkin and headed to the couch. She took one look at Elliot and raised her eyebrow.

He was lounging on her couch in his tank top and boxers. Elliot scooted his body back as she sat her ass in the middle seat in front of his pelvis. She bit into her bagel and she felt Elliot's hand on her thigh. She turned to glare at him but when she looked at him, she saw that his mouth was hanging open. That was his way of asking for a bite of her food.

Olivia rolled her eyes as she put her bagel to his mouth, letting him have a taste.

"This is suddenly starting to feel domestic…." She told him.

Elliot shrugged. He didn't care. He enjoyed spending time with her and doing things like this with her. Yeah, he loved it when she got him off but he also loved it when they just hung out and spent time together. It was Olivia who was stopping them from doing things. Olivia and her "rules"…

She finished her bagel and put her empty plate on the coffee table. Elliot was still surfing the channels on her TV, so she grabbed a blanket off the back of the couch and draped it over them as she laid down beside him, her back against his chest. Olivia rested her head on his arm that was stretched out, holding the remote.

"Who's making us feel domestic now?" Elliot asked with a hint of humor in his voice as he scrolled through the TV guide.

Olivia didn't reply, instead, she backed her ass up and bumped into his pelvis. His dick twitched and he groaned.

His left arm automatically engulfed her waist and pulled her closer underneath the blanket and making her be still as she relaxed against his chest.

"Play nice…" Elliot hissed in her ear and she briefly closed her eyes.

She was quiet for a long time. He finally found some re-runs of an older sitcom that they both liked and left the television on that channel. Then he let the remote gently fall onto the carpet. Elliot left his arm where it was because her head was propped on it and he didn't want to make her move.

"Are you staying?" Came her small voice. Elliot remained silent for a few seconds and it occurred to her that she needed to be more specific. "For the night, I mean… are you staying another night with me?" She asked.

Elliot shifted his head forward to where his chin was resting on top of her left shoulder.

"Is that what you want?" he whispered, answering her question with a question.

Olivia sighed. She rolled over onto her back so she could turn her head towards him to make eye contact. His left arm was still around her waist and he backed up slightly to give her room. Their noses were almost touching. She was basically wrapped in his arms.

"Is it what you want?" She counter-asked.

"More than anything," Elliot answered as he gazed into her eyes. Olivia bit her bottom lip and turned her gaze to the ceiling. "But if it makes you uncomfortable, if this makes you uncomfortable," He stated, referring to how they were laying currently. "Then I'm outta here… just say the word, Liv."

She shook her head lightly. "You never make me feel uncomfortable, El… ever." She replied. "If anything, I like it too much… I'm too comfortable."

He smiled. "I can make you feel a lot more than comfortable…" He whispered in her ear as his left hand rubbed circles on her lower belly.

She reached down quickly, grabbing his hand and halting his movements. "No…" She told him. "You got me off early this morning… remember?" Olivia reminded him.

Elliot chuckled.

"Your eyes are dilated, your skin is flushed, and your breathing is slowly speeding up along with your heart rate… You're aroused Olivia, I can read your body like a book. You're ready to go again…" He commented.

Damn him for knowing her so well.

She swallowed and released his hand from her grip.

"Is this a green light?" He asked her gingerly, keeping his hand still because he wasn't about to do something she didn't want him to.

She could feel his wedding ring on her stomach as she closed her eyes to ground herself. It was almost as if the ring was going to burn a hole right through her. His left hand was resting on her lower abdomen, which is where it'd be if she were pregnant. The thought briefly crossed her mind and she almost winced at the idea… or rather memory.

Olivia's eyes flew open, realizing she couldn't let her mind go there. Especially since she was laying in his arms.

"No sex." Olivia stated quickly, turning her face towards him to look him in the eye. He needed to understand that she was very clear about this. "No sex…" She whispered to him.

"I know… That's the one rule that always stands. I won't ever break it unless you tell me to, I swear." Elliot promised her.

She nodded, letting him know she'd heard him.

"I… Is it because of what happened at Sealview?" Elliot asked her. They both momentarily forgot that she was in his arms and his hand was resting on her belly.

Olivia's eyebrows knit together in confusion and she backed away from his face slightly so she could take in his facial features more.

"What?" She asked carefully even though she'd understood the question. "No… It's not because of… I told you I wasn't raped, El." Olivia told him forcefully. She was hurt that he might not have actually believed her.

He sighed in response. "I know, Liv. I believe you… But you know just as well as I do that sexual assault – in any form – can cause someone to not want sex…" Elliot told her. She knew he was right. They'd encountered many victims over the years who'd been sexually assaulted but not to the point of rape, victims who hadn't been able to have sex again and the survivors that could have sex, it'd taken them a long time.

"It's not because of Sealview." She reassured him. Elliot still wondered what had happened to her in the basement but he knew now was not the time to ask. He honestly didn't think he'd have the balls to ask her or bring it up again.

"Okay." He accepted her answer. He pulled his right arm in so he could wrap it around her shoulder and pulled her closer to him, kissing her on the cheek.

Elliot could tell there was an underlying reason as to why she wouldn't sleep with him. He knew her too well. And it wasn't that she wouldn't have sex with him because he was a married man, but he did know that's what she'd blame it on so Elliot didn't bother bringing it up furthermore or asking her.

"We don't do these things for pleasure." Olivia reminded him in a whisper as she turned her gaze to the ceiling. Elliot felt this was her telling him no, so he began to remove his hand from her abdomen. However, she quickly grabbed his hand and stopped his movements, keeping his hand in place. "But I was thinking…" She hummed, still not making eye contact.

"Hmmm…" He nuzzled into her neck. "Thinking 'bout what?" he asked seductively.

"What if… I gave you a pass for today?" Olivia questioned.

"Mmmm…." Elliot hummed as his hand returned to drawing circles on her stomach. "What kind of pass are we talking about here?" He whispered into her ear. He could tell she was getting more and more aroused.

"You're gonna be here all day anyways… And we can't keep our hands off each other… So…" She trailed off, her voice low.

"Alright," He was starting to get what she was saying. Elliot began to slide his left hand under her tank top. He inched higher until he was softly grasping her left breast in his hand. "Which rules do I need to follow?" He asked, shifting his hips so that his hard on was pressing against her hip.

Olivia let out a small gasp and closed her eyes, biting her bottom lip. Her back arched as if it had a mind of its own when his fingers lightly pinched her nipple.

"Oh god…" She whimpered.

"Liv…" He called lightly as he nipped at the lobe of her ear. "What rules?" He whispered.

"Um… No sex… Just… No sex…" She told him as he began to kiss her neck.

Elliot pulled back for a moment, his hand leaving her breast, exiting her shirt, and coming up to her right check so he could turn her face towards him. Her eyes were open and filled with desire as she looked at him.

"I'd never do any of this without your consent. You know that, right?"

She smiled warmly at him. "I know." She whispered, and then leaned her face forward, kissing him tenderly as reassurance for both him and herself.

"You sure you're okay with this?" He asked, checking to see if she was truly okay.

Olivia didn't answer. Instead, she grabbed his left hand and tugged it until he gave her full control. She moved his hand down her body until it was under the elastic of her sweat pants, then her panties, cupping her mound. Elliot's eyes were shining and the tips of his fingers could feel her heat, her wetness. His mouth watered instantly.

"I'm sure." She told him strongly and that's all the confirmation that he needed.

His hand massaged Olivia between her legs, going slow at first. Olivia bit her lip and arched her back, closing her eyes.

"God, I love to see you in this state…" Elliot commented. She kept biting her lip but smiled. She retracted her hand from his to let him do his own work.

Olivia kicked the covers off them and turned on her left side, towards Elliot, hiking her right leg up on his hip so he would have better access to her core. Elliot wasn't a left-handed man but so far, he was doing quite a good job.

She began to rock her hips into his hand as two of his fingers entered her.

"Mmmhmmm…" She moaned as she laid her head on his shoulder, turning to kiss his neck. "So good…" Olivia whispered seductively. Elliot smiled to himself.

Olivia wrapped her arms around his neck in an effort to pull him closer. She pulled him in for a longing kiss.

"Ohhh…" She moaned, breaking the kiss as he added a third finger and sped up his motions.

Their tank tops were still on but god did they wish they'd taken them off beforehand. Elliot put his right hand on the back of her head as she rested her forehead against his own. She was still rocking into him.

"I'm close…" She whispered. It hadn't taken all that long but he wasn't really surprised. He smiled at her statement but she didn't see because her eyes were closed. "So close…"

Elliot massaged the back of her head with his right hand as he maneuvered his left hand so he could rub her clit with his thumb. After a few seconds of that, she began to orgasm as her muscles contracted.

"Fuck, El… I'm… I'm… El… Elliot!" She almost screamed. The only thing that kept him from kissing her was the fact that he wanted to hear her call his name.

He continued his motions until her walls stopped pulsating around his fingers. After he pulled his hand away from her private area, he held it on top of her hip, careful not to touch anything because his fingers were still sticky. Olivia was still panting but she leaned backwards, reaching behind her to grab the napkin that she'd had for her bagel and she cleaned his fingers for him.

"That was hot, Liv…. It was… That…" He seemed to forget how to use his words temporarily so she kissed him to shut him up. Her nipples were still hard and strained against her tank top.

He groaned after the kiss. "I'm so hard it almost hurts…" He confessed.

Olivia maneuvered them so that Elliot was on his back on the couch and she was straddling him. He had fire in his eyes, a burning passion for her. She lovingly kissed him. Olivia tugged the bottom of his tank top up. He got the message and leaned up so she could slip it over his arms and head, then laid back down.

She kissed him again, then she trailed her lips down to the side of his neck, and to his chest.

"What are you doing?" Elliot asked, his breath ragged and hard.

Olivia tried to continue her journey but Elliot stopped her by grabbing her wrists.

"Hey, hey, hey," He stated quickly, almost urgently as he pulled Olivia up his chest so they were face to face. "No way." He told her after he realized that she was trying to go down on him.

Olivia closed her eyes and huffed.

"El," She said, "You gotta trust that I know my limits."

She opened her eyes and stared at him, trying her best to look confident.

"I trust you… It's the PTSD that I don't trust…" He stated lowly. She'd never told him she had PTSD and he'd never spoken about it until now. Olivia wasn't stupid, she knew he had probably gathered that she had PTSD since the last time she'd tried to suck his dick, she'd flashed back.

Olivia sighed, then leaned down and kissed him deeply as she rocked her pelvis into his, causing him to groan.

"I'm going to suck you off now… and you're gonna sit here and let me…" She told him in a dominating voice, taking control of the situation. When Elliot began to protest again, she pressed her pointed finger against his lips and shushed him. Olivia gave him a warning glance, daring him to say something further. Then she proceeded to kiss her way down his stomach until she got to the light patch of pubic hair.

She sat up on her knees and pulled his boxers down, slipping them off his feet and throwing him on the floor before resuming her position on her stomach between his legs.

Elliot let out a breath as he gripped the back of the couch because Olivia had started to run her tongue up and down his shaft.

"Oh fuck…" He hissed as she made her way down to his balls and sucked one into her mouth, flicking it with her tongue before releasing it and then doing the same with the other one.

Elliot involuntarily bucked his hips towards her mouth.

"Shit, sorry… sorry." He told her, gritting his teeth. Olivia reached up and briefly laced her left hand with his right hand to let him know it was okay.

Olivia retracted both hands, moving them to his private area. She grabbed his penis with her right hand and fondled his balls with her left hand as her tongue flicked over his tip before she fully engulfed him into her mouth.

"Fuckkkkkk…" Elliot moaned as his dick twitched and he gripped the back of the couch harder with his left hand. "Jesus Christ, Olivia… fucking hell…" He groaned as she bobbed her head up and down.

Olivia had only blown him once before and it had been mind-blowing for him.

She was going at a steady pace and he was loving every minute of it. The way her tongue swirled around him, the way she looked at him with hooded eyes as he watched her work. Elliot was in ecstasy.

Pretty soon he was ready to blow.

"Liv… Olivia, you gotta stop." He told her, trying to maneuver himself away from her. "I'm gonna come… Liv you gotta…" Elliot tried to tell her but she pushed his hips down and closed her eyes as she began to deep throat him, just like she had the previous time. Olivia was set on swallowing everything that he was going to give her.

She squeezed her hand around his base as she deep throated and he came quickly, with his hot seed spilling down her throat.

"Oh god, Olivia… Oh my god… Olivia!" Elliot whispered harshly as he came in her mouth. She sucked him until she was sure he had given her all he had. Then she pulled back, licking his shaft and planting a kiss on his tip, once again like she'd done before.

Then Olivia crawled her way back up his chest, letting her elbows rest at his sides as she rested her chin on his chest. She was completely clothed, laying on top of his completely naked body.

Elliot's hands reached into her sweat pants and panties, landing on her ass cheeks.

"You are an extraordinary woman…" He hummed as he gazed at her. Olivia chuckled and rolled her eyes. "I mean that…" He stated.

Olivia gave him a small smile. They were two very satisfied adults right now.

Her eyes went off, as if she was diving into her own thoughts. He loved that he could tell when something was on her mind.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked her gingerly.

Olivia bit her lip and shook her head.

Elliot make a face and pulled his right hand out of her pants to cup the cheek of her face.

"What?" He asked as he ran his thumb over her skin.

She swallowed before speaking. "Does uh… does Kathy ever do that for you?" She wondered out loud, searching his eyes for an answer.

Elliot smiled at her. "Not anymore… She did it a few times after we were married but I don't think she liked it too much and I'd never… I'd never ask her for it or try to make her feel obligated just because I'm her husband…" He told Olivia honestly. "She never swallowed though…" Elliot stated, grinning at her.

Olivia's face went red from embarrassment and she pressed her face into his chest. Elliot rubbed the back of her head with his right hand.

He waited a while before he spoke again and Olivia had turned her head to the left, pressing her right cheek to his chest. She could hear his heart beat.

"Is it selfish of me to say that I'm glad you did that because it means you're okay…?" He asked. Olivia knew he was referring to Sealview. She knew he'd constantly worried about her afterwards, especially since he'd seen her have the flashback and even if it was almost two years ago that she was attacked.

"Don't ever feel bad for wanting me to be okay, or for wanting to know that I'm okay, no matter what shape or form it comes in." Her words traveled to his ears gracefully and he removed his left hand from her pants, wrapping her up tightly in his arms. Her knees rested beside his thighs, she was still basically straddling her naked partner. "I did the therapy thing, she reminded him, I survived… I'm okay now." He'd known she'd seen a therapist. He wouldn't have it any other way after the flashback.

"I'm so fucking glad, Liv." Elliot whispered to her as he leaned down and kissed her head. She let her arms come up and grip his shoulders from the side, holding onto him as well.

Another beat of silence engulfed them and Elliot used his feet to maneuver the blanket so he could reach down and grab it, pulling it up and covering his body and hers. Their forgotten sitcom was on low in the background.

"One the phone earlier," Olivia began, "Kathy mentioned Eli is turning two in a couple of weeks…"

Elliot took a deep breath. "Yeah, yeah he is."

"I'm told that I'm expected to attend…" She said.

"You held him before I did Olivia, you saved his life and Kathy's… of course Kathy wants you there, and so do I for that matter." Elliot stated.

Olivia huffed. She didn't want to go because she was technically Elliot's mistress but on the other hand, Eli would be disappointed if she didn't show up.

"I'm only going for Eli… Not for you or Kathy, just for Eli." She told him strongly.

"As long as you're there, that's all that matters, Liv. You know that. That little boy loves you."

It was true. Kathy had made sure Eli knew who Olivia was, that he knew the brunette was responsible for saving his life and his mom's. Eli was still very young, he was still learning which words meant what and how things worked in the world but he knew who "Livia" was and what she looked like. The way Eli loved Olivia almost made her sick, mostly because she was in love with his father and did unspeakable things.

Olivia could still remember the day of his birth so vividly and so could Elliot, even though they both had different accounts and point of views from that day. Olivia remembered it easily though because it was the same time that she began sleeping with Alex.

…

Flashback

Her hair was shorter back then. Olivia had let it get real long, past her shoulder then she'd chopped it off, needing a change.

When she'd first walked through the A.D.A.'s office that previous week, there'd been a surprising amount of sexual tension between her and the blonde. A tension that had only briefly been there before Alex went into Witness Protection.

They'd never addressed it, never even commented on it but since Alex had come back, something was different. Something had changed between them. The blonde's arousal had always been obvious because she had porcelain skin. Blushing was very obvious on Alex Cabot.

They'd given each other small glances and other signs. Alex's hand lingering too long on Olivia's or Olivia walking a file over to Alex's office when she really hadn't needed to. They'd even been on several lunch dates but those were just 'friend' dates. When Alex worked with them before, she and Olivia would go to lunch together.

It was different now though. They would flirt. It started out as innocent compliments that could be taken either way. Then once they'd picked up on each other's willingness, it'd progressed to real flirting and real touching when they were the only ones left in the room.

One afternoon, a few days before Eli was born, Olivia was walking Alex back to her office after lunch. Olivia had never been so happy to have a spark with someone other than Elliot Stabler.

After they'd walked into Alex's office, Alex started up their conversation.

"Thanks for lunch, Olivia." Alex always liked using Olivia's full name. "It was fun." Lunch had mostly been fun because they'd played footsie half the time.

"Anytime…" Said the brunette as she started to leave but she paused with her hand on the doorknob. "Alex…" Olivia called as she turned around.

Alex raised her eyebrows in question but Olivia didn't say anything else. Instead, she walked over to where the blonde was leaning on her desk, and Olivia moved in and planted a soft kiss on her lips.

"I…" Olivia hesitated as she pulled away from the attorney. "Was… was that okay?" She asked the other woman. Suddenly, Olivia feared that she'd been misreading Alex.

It was Alex's turn not to answer. She replied by pulling Olivia in for another kiss. This kiss was more heated and included tongue, to which Olivia happily obliged her. This kiss turned into a make out session as Olivia wrapped her arms around Alex's waist.

Eventually, they broke apart.

"I… I need to get back…." Olivia panted breathlessly as Alex fixed her lipstick.

"Can we do that again some time?" Alex asked with lustful eyes.

"Yes… yes, we can… yes." Olivia answered. She was babbling like an idiot. An aroused idiot.

She left the attorney's office incredibly turned on and she was positive Alex was feeling the same way.

A few days later, Olivia had to take Kathy to the doctor because Elliot had forgotten and he had a break in their case. On the way to the hospital, a drunk driver ran a stop sign and crashed into Olivia's car, causing Kathy to go into labor.

This was one of the hardest experiences Olivia had ever gone through; Having to help Kathy give birth to the son of the man that Olivia was in love with. It nearly broke Olivia as a person, as a woman, as a human being in general.

It had to be done and as hard as it was, there's no way in hell she would have not done it. An innocent child at risk? No way, she'd do everything in her power to save him. Even if it had just been Kathy at risk, Olivia would have done the same for the woman. Olivia would have risked her life for Kathy, that's just the type of woman that she was.

After the wreck initially occurred, Olivia was the only one who could fit back inside the car. So, she had to help stabilize Kathy, hold her neck steady, start her IV, and in the ambulance, Olivia had to help deliver the baby, who turned out to be a boy that they named Eli.

Olivia had held Eli before his own father was able to and she had openly cried with the newborn baby in her arms. Kathy of course didn't know this because she was passed out from blood loss and Elliot never knew about it either but in that ambulance, Olivia had openly wept as she held her partner's baby.

She wept because she had been harboring a secret of her own for about a year and a half at that time. A dark secret that she had decided to keep to herself. A secret no one knew, and one that she had continued to keep to herself even in present day.

At the hospital once Elliot had got done visiting Kathy and Eli, he'd left the room to find Olivia. She wasn't far away from their room. She'd made herself scarce once he'd arrived.

He found her leaning against a hallway wall. She had dried blood on her shirt and she looked tired, her eyes were glassy.

"How's the baby?" She asked Elliot in a hoarse whisper once she'd spotted him walking towards her.

"Good, good." Elliot told her.

Olivia nodded and tried to walk past him but he grabbed her in a tight hug, not caring if he got blood on himself.

"Thank you…" He whispered, his voice was laced with tears. "Thank you for saving them… I… just… thanks…." He managed to get out.

She smiled at him because she didn't know what else to say besides the snide remark in her mind and she didn't feel like fighting with him, not on the day that his son was born. She wanted to bite his head off and ask him if he really thought she'd do anything else but save them. Of course, she didn't have to save them but it didn't matter if Kathy was Elliot's wife or some random victim, Olivia would have saved them either way but that was a fight for another day.

"His name is Eli… short for Elliot…" He told her and she laughed. Just what the world needs, another Elliot Stabler.

"I'm gonna go to the station and finish the paperwork…" Olivia told him and started to walk away but she noticed him trying to follow her.

"No," She told him. "You stay here with your wife and new born baby." It might have sounded bitter but she didn't mean for it to.

His eyes narrowed.

"You okay?" He asked. It was then that Elliot realized he had failed to check on her. His best friend and partner had been in the car crash as well, she'd been covered in his wife's blood, and Elliot had failed to ask if she was even okay.

Olivia wanted to tell him no, that she wasn't okay, that she'd been through a lot of shit today. She was in no way, shape, or form okay. But Olivia let it go.

"I'm fine…" She lied. It was one of the few lies she'd ever told Elliot.

He could see right through her. Elliot suddenly felt terrible for how he'd just treated the brunette.

Olivia didn't even wait to respond before heading to the precinct. After she'd finished up the paperwork, which had taken her until ten o'clock to do, she finally headed home.

She opted to take the stairs since the elevator was being particularly slow. Once she'd reached her floor, she saw a figure standing outside her doorway. His back was turned to her but she knew it was Elliot. She could tell by his stance and broad shoulders.

As soon as she spotted him, Olivia turned around and headed back down the stairs. She couldn't deal with him tonight. Not on the night of his son being born, on the night of her saving his wife and kid. Olivia knew instantly that she'd fuck him. If she let him into her apartment tonight and that'd be it. They'd be a full-blown affair. She'd give in and falter.

Olivia Benson would have indeed fucked Elliot Stabler that night.

So, she went to the only other place she could think of.

"Olivia?" Alex questioned as she opened the door to her penthouse.

Upon hearing that it was Olivia buzzing at the entrance of her building, Alex had let her in immediately.

"What's wrong?" The blonde asked. She was in sweat pants and a t-shirt. No bra, glasses on, and her hair pulled back into a messy pony tail.

"I need you." Olivia stated bluntly.

"Okay… I'm here for whatever you need… Tell me what's wrong? Is it a case?" Alex questioned.

"I… I need you sexually." Olivia spoke in a whisper. "If you're not okay with it or if you want me to leave, all you have to do is say the word. No hard feelings." Olivia spoke with fire.

Alex was surprised to say the least.

"I want casual right now, it's what I need." The brunette explained. "If you can't handle that, it's okay, I just… I need…" Olivia tried but she didn't get to finish. Alex pulled her inside, and after shutting the door, Alex pinned Olivia against it, kissing her hard. They didn't speak another word.

Hands roamed and clothes flew. They somehow managed to make it to Alex's king size bed and Olivia let her mind relax and run free. There were no thoughts of Elliot, no thoughts of Kathy and Eli. It was purely all Alex.

The next morning, Alex tried to ask Olivia about what had happened.

"What was wrong last night? Something happened to you…" Alex stated as she lay nude in bed with a naked Olivia Benson pressed against her.

"I don't want to talk about it…" Olivia replied in a calm tone.

"Alright." Alex agreed. "But um… can we keep 'this' between us? At least for now? Until we figure out what this is and while it's still casual?" She hesitantly asked.

Olivia had been thinking the same exact thing so she automatically agreed. But "At least for now" had turned into two years of being casual on and off, and it'd recently come to light that Alex had been fucking Trevor Langan as well. Olivia still wasn't sure how long it'd been going on but she'd trusted Alex and now that trust was broken.

Yes, they were casual but they'd also admitted that they had feelings for each other during those two years. They were supposed to be figuring out what they were and instead Alex was off fucking someone else.

…

Present Day:

"Do you know what I'm supposed to get Eli for his birthday?" Olivia asked Elliot as she held him close.

"He's a kid. Buy him some Legos or race cars and he'll be good…" Olivia rolled her eyes at Elliot. She wanted a meaningful gift idea.

"I need to go shower…" She huffed because she didn't want to get up.

Elliot chuckled. "Hmm… that's funny, so do I…."

Olivia rolled her eyes again. "We're not showering together."

"Why not? We do everything else together…" He replied.

"No." She told him strictly. "When I'm done, then you can shower."

Olivia got up, throwing the covers off her and headed into her bedroom. Elliot couldn't help but watch the sway of her hips as she walked. He absolutely loved her ass. Unfortunately for him, she could feel his eyes on her.

"And for the love of god stop ogling my ass!" She told him in a hiss as she entered her room.

"That pass is good for all day long!" He yelled after her with a smile.

Reviews? Thoughts?