Elliot was currently taking his shower. She'd been out of the shower for a few minutes now and he'd hopped in right after her. The brunette locks that belonged to Olivia Benson were still damp since she'd only towel dried her hair.
It was now after lunch, which they'd completely skipped by the way, thanks to their extracurricular activities… Olivia had that bagel and they'd shared orange juice but that was it. She couldn't really say she was hungry though. She was more so exhausted, not necessarily because of the things she and Elliot had ended up doing, but just because the previous two days had taken a toll on her. Well, on them both. Probably him more than her since his family was involved and he was booted to the couch by the wifey.
Olivia was now sitting in bed with her legs tucked under the covers. She was deep in thought. It wasn't about anything serious, she was just mentally making her to-do list. The brunette had just gone down the hallway and put her clothes, including her soiled sweat pants from last night, in the washer. Olivia had even thrown in Elliot's clothes for him. She had no idea why he hadn't brought an extra pair if he left home the day before knowing good and well that he was coming to stay the night at her apartment.
She heard the water shut off, signaling that Elliot had completed his shower. It took him a few moments to towel dry his body, then he finally emerged from her private bathroom with the towel wrapped around his waist.
Elliot's eyes darkened and dilated when he looked at her sitting on the bed.
"That my shirt?" He asked even though he already knew that it was.
While Olivia had been running around her apartment in her bath robe trying to pick up her own dirty clothes and slightly tidy her living room, he'd peeled off his clothing for his shower and left it on the floor by the bathroom door.
Olivia had picked up his items, intending to wash them all. She'd put his jeans, tank top, boxers, and socks in the washing machine with some of her clothing. She had seen his t-shirt and it still confused her as to why men always thought they needed to wear tank tops under every single shirt they owned when in reality, it was usually only needed for dress shirts.
Olivia had picked up the t-shirt with the plan of throwing it in the wash as well but it'd smelled like his cologne, it'd smelled like him. She had felt the soft material in her hands and when Elliot stepped in the shower, she slipped the shirt over her head. It started out as Olivia just wanting to know what it'd be like to wear one of his shirts around, as if he was truly hers, but she hadn't been able to take it off yet. So, she'd slipped on a pair of red panties with it, nothing fancy, and then she'd gotten into bed.
When Elliot had asked his question, she immediately realized she still had the shirt on. Olivia had totally forgotten about it. She'd crossed a line, an invisible barrier that had been between them. She was wearing his shirt.
Mild panic covered her face as she tried to decide whether she should take it off or start apologizing profusely. She would have taken it off but then that would put her once again topless in a bedroom with Elliot Stabler.
"I… I'm sorry… I…" She tried but she was at a loss for words. Her eyes were wide and she looked worried. Very worried. All the sudden the thought entered her mind that perhaps Kathy had worn this same shirt. Maybe the blonde had worn this same shirt after she and Elliot had finished a round of sex. Now, Olivia was picturing Elliot's wife wearing the very shirt that was currently covering her chest and her heartrate sky rocketed.
"It looks good on you…" Elliot whispered as he continued to stare at her from the bathroom doorway. He crossed his arms and leaned against the frame, propping himself up. "Keep it on." He added when he noticed her panic. He wasn't sure what she'd been thinking about or worried for, but he'd never seen a woman look so sexy in his clothing.
Olivia blushed, her faced turned a tint of red, which was sometimes a rare occasion for her. The female detective only got shy or embarrassed when she was vulnerable or when she let her true emotions and feelings show. Sometimes she even surprised herself by the things that she did. Things like this; putting on Elliot's shirt like it was something that she'd normally do, as if it were an everyday occurrence for them.
He smiled at her. And not one of his smug smiles either. A real Elliot Stabler smile. Because Olivia Benson was wearing his shirt.
Elliot looked down and noticed not only his shirt but all of his clothes were gone and he could hear the washer going down the hallway. He put two and two together.
"I don't have anything to wear…" He told her. Only she'd already realized this and pointed to the end of the bed where she'd laid out a pair of men's boxers for him.
Elliot's eyebrows crinkled in confusion as he walked over to the bed upon seeing the underwear that she was pointing at. He grabbed the plaid pair of boxers and held them up. They looked like they'd fit him.
"Who do these belong to?" He asked her, cocking an eyebrow as he looked to her, awaiting her response.
"Me." She answered simply.
He kept staring at her because he knew there was more to the story. Finally, she rolled her eyes at him. "They belonged to an old boyfriend. He left them and I never gave them back… they're comfortable to wear around the house…" Olivia explained.
Then a sudden thought struck him. God, what would Olivia Benson look like wearing his boxers? He had to shake the thought from his head quickly.
Humor danced in her eyes as she watched him, like she knew exactly where his mind had gone. Elliot bit the inside of his right cheek as he walked back into the bathroom, just far enough out of view but not bothering to shut the door. He let the towel fall to the ground and slipped on the boxers. He wouldn't have had a problem doing it in front of her but he knew she would.
When he walked back into the bedroom, he saw that she'd managed to bury herself under the covers. They were even covering her head but still, he could tell by the outline of her body that she was laying on her left side, facing the bathroom door.
Olivia was deep in thought again, but this time, she was thinking about Elliot. She was trying to remember a time that she didn't care for him, that she hadn't had feelings for him but it seemed almost impossible. The brunette knew it hadn't been 'love at first sight' or anything like that. She wasn't the kind of woman to fall in love at the sight of someone, especially with all the things she's seen while being a cop.
Sure, Elliot had been handsome back then and he was even more good looking now, but she'd immediately paid attention to two important things.
One: He was married.
Two: He was her partner.
It's why they'd kept their distance for so many years. It's why it had taken them nearly eight years to succumb to their urges, because it had been eight years of fighting off feelings, attraction, and a whole bunch of other shit. She had no idea what he'd thought of her when they first met but she knew there was an attraction from the beginning. An attraction that no matter what she did, ended up growing strong as he and he wife seemingly drifted apart. At least she knew that Kathy and Elliot were having problems before she and Elliot ever did anything or admitted any feelings or emotions. Olivia did have that peace of mind. The "almost divorce" wasn't her fault.
She also knew that initially, Elliot went back to Kathy for Eli. Well, and so he could be supportive of Kathy birthing another child. Olivia knew he loved her. She didn't know if he was in love with her per say, but she knew on some level he'd always love her, because that's how love works. When you fall in love, a piece of your heart belongs to that person and you never get it back no matter what happens to the relationship or where you end up.
The problem was, Olivia also knew that Elliot had feelings for her, that he loved her as a friend at the very least. Deep down, she knew he loved her as more than that but she tried to ignore it. She didn't want him to love her just like she didn't want to love him.
Feelings and love is what got them into this whole mess to begin with.
They'd done good just being partners. Even when Olivia had found out Elliot was separated, she'd not made a move.
Then Gitano happened and they fucked up. They'd both slipped and ever since that first step, it'd been a slippery slope. Olivia was certain Kathy at least knew that she cared deeply for the woman's husband in a friendship type way if nothing else. Olivia was proud of herself for backing off while Kathy was pregnant. Not because it was a good deed (because it wasn't, any decent human being would stay away from a man who has a wife and baby on the way) but because she'd purposefully tried to move on. She'd even intended for it to stay that way. Olivia Benson was never going to touch Elliot Stabler intimately again. He was back with his pregnant wife. She'd been done with him and moved on to Alex.
But then Alex and Olivia had gone on one of their breaks and Olivia and Elliot managed to fuck up again.
…
Flashback:
It had been a few months since Eli was born. Alex had gone off to a country far away somewhere to help victims of sexual assault get away from the terrible camps and tribes that they were in. She was helping women and children who needed a way out and she was doing it pro-bono. It was one of the things that Olivia liked about the blonde. Alex had also done this when she got out of witness protection before she came back to SVU.
Olivia had chosen to keep Alex a secret from Elliot for several reasons. One was because she wasn't sure what he'd think. He was a religious man after all. Another was because she didn't even know what she and Alex were. They were supposed to be working that out while they were being "casual". She knew she liked the blonde a lot, the sexual attraction was there but she liked her mind and heart too. There were just some things that both women needed to iron out first…
Now that Alex was gone and would be for a month or more, Olivia and Alex had agreed to take a "break" even though they were supposedly casual anyways, and ADA Casey Novak stepped up to take the blonde's place.
Olivia was in no way attracted to the redhead and she also didn't fancy making a habit out of sleeping with their ADAs so she steered clear of Casey. She'd known Casey for years anyways and they harbored a small friendship. There was nothing there worth exploring sexually so once again Olivia was alone.
She tried not to let this get to her, but she'd gotten so use to being able to fuck out her feelings and emotions with Alex. The blonde always asked if Olivia was okay. When Olivia would lie and say "no", even if Alex knew she was lying, she'd leave it at that and let Olivia fuck her brains out because it's what the brunette needed.
Afterwards, there'd always been comfort for both women. Holding, kissing, talking about everything under the sun but work. Alex was giving Olivia everything that Elliot couldn't. The attorney was someone that Olivia didn't have to feel bad for being with or wanting.
Olivia could send Alex dirty texts about what she was going to do to her the next time they were in bed… or on a desk. Olivia could leave marks on Alex's back and neck without worrying that the blonde was going home to someone who'd care.
But Alex was gone for now and Olivia was getting restless.
They'd run into a case with two homeless adults that acted as parents to a group of homeless kids, only they'd yet to discover that part. Early in the investigation that had initially started because a rich, blonde girl was assaulted and murdered, Detectives Benson and Stabler thought the assailant to be either the victim's boyfriend or the other girl that was supposed to be the victim's friend, only she'd been sleeping with the boyfriend too. But they'd found out that previous to that, the victim had cheated on her boyfriend and he'd known about it.
Olivia grilled the other girl while Elliot had decided to take a run at the boyfriend.
They ended up coming out in the hallway at the same time. They could still see the two possible murderers through the double-sided mirror in each interview room.
"Well, Doug's lying." Elliot stated, putting his hands on his hips.
"Well I like Anna for it, El…" Olivia told him, huffing. "Girls can do crazy things when they're pushed…" She turned her back towards him and walked over, bracing her arms on the window seal of the double mirror staring at Anna.
"When a woman cheats on her man, he can blow a gasket… lead to murder maybe…" Elliot shrugged his shoulders even though she couldn't see him
"What about when a man cheats on his wife?" Olivia asked in a whisper. Her voice was calm and she was cool and collected.
Elliot walked over to stand beside her with a grin on his face. He was looking to his left, directly at her but she continued to stare straight ahead through the glass.
"You think Kathy would kill you, Liv?" He found it funny. Elliot couldn't help it.
Olivia snorted at his statement and what it implied. She turned her head to the right, facing him. "I wouldn't be surprised if she tried… scorned women do crazy things." Olivia told him. "But kill me?" She let out a small laugh. Elliot shrugged his shoulder and smiled.
"I coulda taught her some moves and self-defense tactics… you don't know." He replied, his voice dripping with humor.
She gave him a knowing look and he couldn't help but laugh again.
"She'd literally have to blitz attack me and knock me unconscious for her to get the upper hand…" Olivia told him, cocking an eyebrow. She was well trained but so was he. As for Kathy, not so much aside from Elliot teaching her ways to get out of someone's hold if they grabbed her or tried to kidnap her from behind.
"I don't know…" He joked with her. "She's a nurse… she knows her way around tools, sharp objects, and whatnot."
Olivia rolled her eyes. "I'm not saying I wouldn't deserve it… but I wouldn't let her do it because she'd be in jail for life and you'd have to take care of five very moody, angry, and depressed kids…" She was counting Maureen and Kathleen in with the kids he'd have to take care of even though they weren't really kids anymore. They probably still relied on their mother and father for certain things though. Emotional support, guidance, and protection were definitely on the list of those things.
He gave her a thin smile. She was right. She had him there. All the sudden he wished this conversation hadn't started because now he was picturing those five moody, angry, depressed kids. Very angry. And Dicky was already a ball of anger on an average day. But she'd said something else that he'd clung on to.
Olivia returned the thin smile and started to walk away towards the squad room so she could see if they had any updates from the crime lab but Elliot lightly grabbed her wrist.
"Uh… just for the record? You wouldn't deserve that." He told her in a hushed whisper as he dropped her arm once he knew she wouldn't walk away just yet.
Olivia gave him another smile to reassure him that she was okay.
"I know." She told him in a whisper with a smile.
"I deserve worse than you anyways… I'm the one wearing a ring… not you…" Elliot reassured her.
"I gotta go check with Lake…" She told him, ending their conversation. Elliot nodded because honestly, it's all he could do. If Olivia was done with their conversation, then she was done. The woman had a mind of her own and if she wanted to leave the hallway, she would.
It'd been so long since they'd spoken about "them" in that manor. The "them" that wasn't supposed to exist. Olivia tried to remind herself that she was done with Elliot. That they were done with whatever they'd started because he still had a wife and now a new baby but her heart still ached.
Months later, they caught the Woodsman case.
Alex had already come back to New York for a couple of weeks and left once more. Now she and Olivia were on their second "break".
Elliot and Fin were sent to Montréal for an extradition of a criminal that had ran and tried to hide by jumping the boarder but luckily, Canada caught him and was handing him over. The two detectives were sent to be his personal escorts back into the United States.
So, Olivia started working the case with Lake but ended up with Special Agent Lauren Cooper. There had been a serial sadist on the loose that they referred to as the Woodsman. The FBI were after him, he was a very evil man.
Agent Cooper and Olivia had accidentally bonded over the job. Lauren had been from a group home, no parents that wanted her, and her job was all she had. The people she worked with were her family. She was also alone. She rarely dated and mostly focused on work more than her personal life. Olivia saw a lot of herself in the younger woman.
As it turns out, FBI Special Agent Lauren Cooper knew more than she'd let on.
Cooper had actually killed the Woodsman and planted his body with his latest murder victim.
After murdering him, Cooper had decided she needed help finding the last living victim and sent an anonymous email reporting a dead dog in the park, making sure the cops would find the bodies and start a search.
Sooner or later, it came out that Lauren was the one that sent the email. Olivia was forced to interrogate the woman that she'd seen herself in. Olivia had gotten too close to this case by accident because she'd let herself get to know the FBI agent.
In the end, Lake and Olivia rushed over to Lauren's apartment in order to stop her from running. They had all the information they needed to arrest her and force her to plead out.
Unfortunately, Lauren had other ideas. She was seated at a table by the window, awaiting their arrival. On the table sat her service weapon and badge. Olivia had quickly grabbed the gun and handed it to Lake who'd stayed back as she continued to talk to Lauren just because she wanted to comfort the woman.
"I would have been proud to help you collar the bastard that raped, tortured, and murdered twenty-four women." Olivia told her in a shaky voice.
"It wasn't enough." Lauren told her.
"Why?" Olivia winced at her own voice.
"You know why." Lauren said. "How many dead babies have you stood over? How many rape victims? You can't tell me you've never wanted to put your gun under the bastard's chin who'd raped a two-year-old…" She told the detective as tears flooded her eyes.
Olivia had known from the beginning that Lauren Cooper was from the BAU. She didn't deal with live victims, she was a profiler who focused on the assailant. During the case, Lauren had had trouble with the one victim they'd found alive but had died later.
"I have… many times." Olivia answered honestly. "But I have too much to lose."
She'd lose Elliot. Even though he'd probably fully support her, she'd lose him. Alex too. Not that she had the blonde now but whatever 'thing' they had going on would vanish. She'd lose every single person that she'd decided to call family, her entire support system was built of cops and detectives. And cops don't do well in jail.
"Well I don't." Lauren told her. Lake was still in the room but both women were pretty much ignoring him at this point.
"Amy did. Why didn't you think about her before you murdered him? You knew he had a victim, what he was doing to her… didn't you think about her?" Olivia asked almost darkly.
"I did EVERYTHING to save her!" Lauren yelled as tears streamed down her face. "Even after I put my gun to his head he just laughed, he wouldn't tell me where she was." She said. "That's why I sent the email. I needed help finding her!"
Olivia released a sad sigh.
"I can't condone what you did… but I understand it…" Olivia told her lightly. "I do and I get it. You and me, we're a lot alike, more than I'd like to admit actually…" But Lauren had already figured that out once Olivia had mentioned that the people she worked with was her family too.
"Twenty-four women are dead because of him." Olivia continued. "I've talked to the judge and DA. They're gonna go easy on you… they're gonna offer you a deal."
"I'm sorry, I can't." Lauren replied, taking a deep breath.
"Take the deal, Lauren. It's a way out." Olivia told her, her eyebrows knit together in confusion.
"No." Said Lauren.
"Why the hell not?" Olivia asked lightly. She was so confused.
Truth be told, she'd already planned it out in her mind that as soon as Lauren was able to have visitors, she was going to visit the younger woman in prison to check on her and see how she was doing. The only other person that cared about her in this entire world was her dead mentor's wife and Olivia had seen the woman. She was older and frail. The type that'd start to visit at first, and then the visits would get further and further apart until she stopped coming all together. Olivia was determined to not let that happen to Lauren.
"Because…" Lauren whispered. "Those who fight monsters should make damn sure they don't become one."
"GUN!" Yelled Chester but it was too late.
The shot rang out and Olivia screamed. She hadn't even realized it was her who was making the sound. Her mouth had involuntarily opened on its own.
Olivia Benson wasn't one for screaming. When she was scared or startled, she didn't scream. That should have been the first indication that something was wrong, that she was about to break down.
After her scream, she started spontaneously sobbing. She grabbed Chester's hand for support as she staggered backwards. Then she eventually made her way to the wall at the far side of the room but she couldn't stop the tears. Her body was in shock and she had no control.
She slid down onto the floor in silence and a chunk of time must have passed because before she knew it, Melinda Warner was crouching down in front of her, asking her if she was okay.
Lauren's blood was splattered all over the wall and she couldn't stop looking at it or at the woman's body that had slumped to the floor.
Olivia was unresponsive so Melinda left her alone for now.
The medical examiner walked over, assessed the body and did what she had to do, which didn't take too long. The good thing about being the chief medical examiner was that you have people who work for you and do the dirty work. For now, she just needed to assess the scene, do the routine assessment check of the body, and make her notes. Then she could leave it to the other workers to make sure Lauren's body made it to her slab at the morgue.
Melinda walked back over to Olivia as she was down and kneeled on the ground beside her with her stethoscope.
"Liv, you went into shock for a few minutes. I'm just going to check your vitals, okay?" The medical examiner stated. This time, Olivia was responsive.
"Yeah, okay." She replied, rolling up her sleeve and holding out her arm for Melinda. Olivia knew the routine.
Her vitals were slightly off but they were in the 'okay' range so Melinda concluded she wouldn't need medical attention. Even if she did, Olivia wouldn't have gone to a hospital.
The brunette took a cab home after declining a ride from both Melinda and Chester. She just wanted to get away from everyone. She knew she'd have to take a day or two off work and go through a psych eval. It was mandatory for witnessing a suicide.
Olivia had only been home a short time before there was a knock at the door. It was delivery food that she hadn't ordered. Then she discovered that Melinda had ordered it and paid for it. She made a mental note to repay the medical examiner. Especially since she'd ordered so much food, probably intending for it to hold Olivia over for a couple of days.
Melinda Warner was a very sweet and caring woman. Olivia was lucky enough to be able to call her a friend even though they didn't really hang out that often. Obviously, the woman knew Olivia well enough to know her fridge would be empty.
The detective ate enough to stop herself from starving then she put the rest in the fridge and headed to her bedroom to change into boy shorts and a tank top.
After changing, she buried herself under her covers in bed. No doubt today was one of the hardest days she'd ever experienced on the job.
She thought about how she just wanted human contact. She wanted the tension and stress to go away. She wanted Elliot. But she couldn't have him. So, then she wanted Alex, but she couldn't have her either. Phone sex wasn't even an option since Alex was off the grid. Dean Porter wasn't in the picture anymore but even if he was around, she wouldn't go to him. She'd discovered that he was an asshole and to be honest, he wasn't even that good in bed.
She needed comfort, not just sex.
Olivia huffed and half way considered reaching into her side table drawer and pulling out one of her vibrators. She hated how it was so easy for her to relieve stress and tension through sexual activities. It felt wrong almost.
She sighed and scooted herself further under her comforter.
Then she heard a knock at the door and she had no clue who the hell it could be.
Olivia huffed, getting slightly agitated at having to crawl out of bed after she'd just gotten herself comfortable. She walked to the peephole to take a look at who was at her door.
There stood Elliot Stabler in jeans and t-shirt. Fuck.
She thought about pretending to not be home but obviously, he'd gotten word of what happened. He'd talked to someone who'd filled him in on the day's events and he probably knew she was home. Elliot also had a key that he was supposed to use only if there was an emergency but Olivia figured if she didn't answer the door, it'd count as one. Especially since she'd just watched a woman she'd gotten to know over the past two days blow her brains out.
"What are you doing here?" Olivia whispered in disbelief as she opened the door to face him.
"Lake called… filled me in on what happened. Said you were bad off." Elliot told her with a concerned look. "You look like hell, Liv. How are you doing?"
"I'm doing better than Agent Cooper…" She whispered as her eyes filled with water.
He looked at her with sad eyes. She was clearly breaking down. Today had been hell on her and he hadn't even been there. He was her partner for god's sake and he wasn't even there to have her back like he should have been.
She lowered her head towards the floor as the tears came. "El…" She'd whispered and he crossed the threshold into her apartment to wrap his arms around her, closing the door with his foot.
"I got you, Liv…" He cooed. "I got you."
Olivia balled her hands into fists against his chest as she buried her face into his shirt.
"I didn't know she had a second gun. I would never have pushed her if I had known it was a suicidal situation… I would have used better statements… I would have tried to talk her down instead of blaming her for the last victim…" Olivia cried into his chest.
"I know… I know…" Elliot whispered to her as he let his right hand run lightly over her hair. "I wish I'd been there…"
"Me too." She told him honestly. Then backed off him and wiped her face free of tears.
Olivia walked into the kitchen, turning her back to him.
"You get the perp transferred?" She asked him, changing the subject.
"I heard what happened… let Fin handle the last of it…" Of course he'd dropped what he was doing to come make sure that she was okay.
"Warner ordered me takeout if you want any. She got enough to feed a village." Olivia offered.
His eyebrows raised in surprise.
"Melinda got you food? She was here?"
"No… she was at the scene…" Olivia confessed. "She looked me over because I went into shock…" She whispered her confession to him as she leaned against the counter. Olivia sighed. She was a mess. A hot mess.
"Jesus, Liv." Elliot stated in a serious tone as he moved closer behind her.
He knew she wasn't okay but he didn't know where they stood. He didn't know what he could offer her and what he couldn't.
She felt his presence behind her. Olivia's hands were propped up on the counter and his came to sit on the outside of hers.
"Tell me what to do. What do you need, Liv?" Elliot asked. "I… I don't know what to do here. What do you need?" He asked again.
"It doesn't matter…" She whispered. "I can't have it."
Him. He realized that she needed him.
"We've already done the inevitable…" He told her. "And we've done… things… since then too."
"You're back with Kathy…" She told him but she was faltering. Olivia was going to give in… it was just a matter of time.
"Because I fucked up and got her pregnant when we had a "goodbye fuck", Liv." Elliot told her. "And you're the one that pushed me back into her arms. You told me to go back when she revealed that she was pregnant…" He reminded her.
"Because it's where you belong, El. And let's face it, you were going back anyways." Olivia told him. "You belong with Kathy, with your family." It was probably true… Elliot Stabler wasn't the type of man to knock a woman up and leave her on her own. It's how he and Kathy came to be married in the first place. This most recent pregnancy though, he'd seriously been on the fence about it. He wouldn't have left Kathy alone, he would have been supportive obviously, but he hadn't wanted to get back together with her.
Elliot huffed.
"I'll ask you one more time, Olivia. What do you need?" He whispered softly. His voice was caring and it drew her in with every word. She'd been through hell today and she wasn't sure that she could ever truly deny him.
"You…" She whispered, closing her eyes at her failure to keep up their charade. She was weak and it was his fault. Whenever it came to Elliot Stabler, she'd developed a soft spot, a weakness. She thought about him more than she should and wanted him too much.
She knew she could say no and he'd walk out the door if she asked him to. Olivia was the one in control.
"How do you want me?" He whispered, trying to make it easier for her. "Tell me what to do, Liv."
Olivia was silent for a moment. He almost thought that she wasn't going to answer.
"After this, you go home." She lightly demanded.
"If that's what you want." He replied.
"You go home and we don't talk about it, just like we've done all the other times…" She told him strongly.
"Okay." He replied. Truthfully, he'd love to stay with her, spend time with her in bed but she'd never allow it. She wouldn't' even allow him to get her off.
Olivia backed up lightly and Elliot moved out of her way. She went to the hall closet, fetching a towel. She had no desire to get on her knees for him, not now. Olivia wasn't in the mood. Therefore, they were about to make a mess and they'd need a towel.
She looked at him, jerking her head indicating that she wanted him to follow her into the bedroom. Once there, Olivia put him in place.
Elliot was standing with the back of his knees against the right side of the bed, facing her window. She made sure of this specifically because in front of the bed was her dresser that contained a mirror and the last thing she wanted was for him to watch her work.
Olivia was on her knees behind him, reaching around to his front and undoing his zipper and pulling down his jeans and boxers in one swift motion. Apparently, he'd been thinking a lot about the possibilities of what Olivia needed from him because he was already hard.
She tugged on his shirt, signaling for him to side down on the bed. He complied.
Then two tanned legs appeared around his thighs.
"Same rules apply… no name saying and no kissing." She reminded him and he wondered if this was going to be exactly like the last time they'd done this. Olivia placed the towel in his lap so that when he made a mess, they'd be covered.
Elliot nodded, agreeing to her rules, like he had another choice or something…
Then her arms came around his sides as she sat behind him on the bed and she began to rub his member. Elliot sucked in a breath and put his hands on either side of her legs so he could grab on tightly to her comforter.
Her thumb moved over his tip several times, getting the pre-cum so she could use it as lubrication and make his penis more slippery in her hands.
She used her left hand to fondle his balls and run her fingers through the short hairs that covered them while her right hand had a steady pace going up and down his member. Since he had already been hard, this probably wouldn't take too long… it almost never did with him.
Olivia used her thumb, pointer finger, and middle finger to grasp his penis in her right hand and increase the pressure significantly.
"Fuck…" He hissed as he threw his head back slightly.
It almost seemed like it'd been a while for him, which was odd because Eli was several months old now. A woman only has to wait eight weeks after giving birth before she can have sex. He and Kathy should have fucked around by now.
The brunette grabbed his balls tighter and sped up the pace a little. She noticed that his grip on the bed spread increased as well.
"You know, the last time we did this, it was with my mouth… I got to taste you…" She told him. "Best thing I've ever put in my mouth…"
Elliot sucked in a deep breath. Jesus Christ, Olivia Benson was talking dirty to him. When had that become a thing?
"While you were in my mouth, all I could think about was how you had felt inside me that night after Gitano… You were so big, it was a tight fit."
Elliot smiled and let out a strained laugh as he closed his eyes and bit his bottom lip.
She scooted closer until she was firmly pressed against him. He could feel her nipples grazing his back and he seriously wondered if she still had her tank top on.
"You've always made me so wet… I sometimes sit at my desk all day thinking about you and about this… and you probably never even know it."
But he did now and it would be all that he could think about for the next two weeks while sitting across from her dammit.
Her pace quickened.
He was now rocking his hips lightly into her hands.
"I've thought about you bending me over my desk late at night when the precinct is empty… how you'd smack my ass before spreading my cheeks and entering me from behind… it'd be the hottest fucking thing…"
"Oh god…" Elliot gritted his teeth because not only was he thinking about what Olivia was currently doing, but he was also thinking about fucking her over her desk, and image that he'd never be able to get out of his head now.
"And I would have had court that day so I'd be wearing a business suit with a skirt on… and no panties…" She whispered as she quickened her pace even more now, almost going full force. "Your cock would slip inside me so easily because I'd be ready for you. You'd bang me against the desk, knocking several things off in the process and maybe pulling my hair…"
"I'm close…" He whispered as the bed bounced now because he was fully rocking his hips forward.
"Maybe you'd even use my cuffs on me or I could use them on you…" She almost laughed at herself. "You'd fuck me until I screamed your name… Until I was so close to exploding that you just couldn't help it but pump full force into me… Oh god, I can imagine it now… Mmmhmmm…" Olivia intentionally let her voice become lower and sexier as she spoke and then moaned at the end of her sentence.
"Shit, I'm…. I'm gonna… oh fuck. Goddammit! Ugh!" Elliot said loudly as he came in her hands, semen spilling from her fingers onto the towel.
He was breathing hard. Olivia allowed him a moment to steady himself and catch his breath before she wiped her hands on the towel and then gently wiped down his still sensitive penis.
Elliot's hands remained gripping the bed and he stayed put because he didn't know what she was going to do next.
"Stay here…" She commanded and waited for him to nod before she got up, taking the towel with her into the bathroom. He didn't even both to pull his pants back up, he was frozen in his spot. He didn't know what to do other than to stay.
When she returned, he heard a drawer open and close, then the bed dip. She'd gotten back into her same position with her legs loosely around his thighs and he realized that she had taken her shorts and underwear off when he didn't feel the fabric against his ass this time.
She rested her forehead against his shoulder.
"You can hold onto my legs if you'd like…" She offered him.
He released her comforter, which was now wrinkled thanks to his harsh grip, and grabbed underneath her legs, wrapping his arms around them and pulling her to where her feet were resting in his lap.
Elliot knew she was about to get herself off just like she did last time. He let his hands run up and down the underside of her legs and then he heard something turn on. Okay maybe it wasn't going to be exactly like last time…
Because Olivia Benson had a vibrator in her hand. He could hear the low hum of the device.
"You're gonna be the death of me…" He whispered to her and he could swear he felt her smile against his back.
"Just… give me a couple of minutes. This won't take long." She told him.
"Oh no, you take all the time in the world… please…" He wanted to hear this. He wished more than anything he could see her face but this is how she wanted it done.
She gasped and by the sound of it, she had inserted her vibrator and began moving it around instantly. He didn't know how big it was or what color it was. All he knew was that the woman behind him was pleasuring herself with a device that he didn't even realize she owned until now.
Her hips began to rock and he could feel tiny vibrations in his lower back and he gripped her legs tighter.
"Mmmhmmm…" She moaned.
After a few more moments of this, he felt her place her hands on his shoulders like she was gripping them for leverage. Something also slightly tickled his back and he heard a clicking sound beside his right ear. It was then that he realized she had a tiny remote in her hand and that there was a wire trailing down his back.
Then her vibrating center connected directly with his ass as she rocked into him.
"Fucking hell…" He hissed as he realized the device was inside of her and that the remote must control the speed of the vibrations.
"Ugh…" She moaned and gripped his shoulder, rocking into him more frantically. She was right, this wasn't going to take long because he could tell that she was already close.
Elliot grabbed her underneath her knees and pulled her all the way flush against him and she continued rocking herself into him.
"Oh god… oh…" Olivia moaned.
"Mmhmmm… yes… yes! Ah!" She said loudly as she came, gripping his shoulders hard but careful not to leave marks from her fingernails.
Olivia gave herself a few minutes to catch her breath and Elliot tried to think of other things because he was getting hard again.
After a few minutes, Olivia removed herself from behind Elliot.
"Give me a sec to put my clothes back on and I'll walk you to the door, okay?" She said. He nodded and waited until she had scurried backwards and he'd heard the bathroom door shut then decided to stand up and fix his clothes.
When Olivia exited the bathroom, she was back to wearing the same clothes that she'd been in when she'd opened the door.
He was smiling at her, looking at her intently but she didn't like it because he had love in his eyes. She didn't want him to look at her like that. It was the same look that he'd get when she first joined the force and he'd be talking about Kathy…
Olivia left the room knowing he'd follow her to the front door. When they got there, he paused.
"You gonna be okay?" He asked lightly.
"I'll be fine… you've done enough for me for a lifetime, El…" She joked.
"Yeah well… you have no idea what you've done to me…" He replied and she looked at him with a smile.
Kathy would never in a million years do the things that Olivia did, but Elliot also would never ask the blonde to do them either. He knew some things made her uncomfortable and he'd never put her in that position.
"Go home to her, El." Olivia told him seriously.
He ignored her comment, her attempt to get him to leave faster by talking about Kathy.
"Are you gonna be okay, really?" He asked.
"I will. I have to take a couple of days off and do the psych eval. Then I'll be fine." She told him honestly. "I just… I saw a lot of myself in Cooper… we shared somethings over the past couple of days… private things. I feel like I could have stopped her…" Olivia confided in him.
"Nah… she'd already killed him before you met her. She was probably plotting her suicide then, she just stayed alive long enough to help you find the last victim… you're a good cop, Liv but you're not a mind reader or fortune teller." He told her.
"I… I know." She replied, although it sounded weak.
"If you need me, call or text me. I mean that." Elliot told her firmly. "Don't sit in your apartment upset for two days straight, alone and contemplating the meaning of life… I know how you are."
She rolled her eyes at him as she opened the front door.
"Bye…" She said as she lightly pushed him out, all the while smiling so he'd know she was only joking.
Her mind drifted to Alex as she locked the door. Did this count as cheating if they were just causal and currently on a break? Olivia wasn't sure.
…
Present Day:
Elliot had walked around to 'his' side of the bed and crawled under the covers behind her. He scooted closer to her and he wrapped his arms around her waist and nuzzled his chin on top of her shoulder, planting a kiss on her cheek.
"You're okay…" He soothed. "You look good in my shirt. Hell, I'll even let you keep it if you promise to wear it for me once in a while…" He joked with her.
Olivia's hands drifted to her own stomach to cover his, giving them a light squeeze.
"You're the perfect woman." He told her lightly. "I know you analyze yourself all the time and you think you have all of these flaws but you don't. You're the perfect-"
"Mistress?" She whispered honestly.
It hit him right in the gut. Not because it was partially true, but because she was downing herself. He knew she hated that word. Calling herself his mistress was just a way of Olivia punishing herself for something.
"Easy… don't do that." he cooed. "What's this really about?" He asked.
Olivia rolled over in his arms, facing him.
"Do you think I cheated on Alex?" She asked him.
"Does it matter now?" He replied as he removed the covers from their heads because it was getting a bit stuffy. "If it did count as cheating, then she did it too. No telling how long she's been fucking Langan…"
"Way to make me feel better." She groaned.
He smiled.
"I wasn't trying to make you feel better… I was just being honest. It's what you like about me, remember?" He joked with her and she lightly hit him on the chest but then snuggled in closer to him.
"We're fucking up… you know that, right?" She told him quietly, commenting on what they were currently doing.
"Yeah, I know… we're in deep." He replied.
They both knew it. They were falling further and further into this "thing" that they'd started. They'd fucked up the first night that they admitted to each other that there were feelings.
If Elliot hadn't gotten Kathy pregnant, none of this would be so fucking complicated.
"We need to eat." Elliot mumbled to Olivia even though he was drifting off to sleep.
"We'll order takeout when we wake up." She said sleepily as she yawned, already having decided that they were going to take a nap.
They both needed a nap apparently. It was a nice nap that consisted of no nightmares. They'd somehow managed to change positions in bed though. When Olivia awoke, she was facing the bathroom door and Elliot was cuddled up behind her with his arm hugging her waist.
She wasn't quite ready to wake up yet, so she shut her eyes and drifted back to sleep for a little while longer. She must have slept longer than she anticipated though because when she woke up, it was getting dark outside and she was alone in bed. Olivia looked to the bathroom but the door was open and the light was out.
Mild panic set in that Elliot had perhaps left without telling her goodbye but then she remembered he wasn't even hers and he didn't owe her a goodbye.
She heard movement from the kitchen/living room area though and figured he was in there searching for food if he hadn't already ordered something.
She got up and peed quickly, then made her way down the hall, still in his shirt and her panties. Sure enough, Elliot had ordered takeout already and he'd even switched their clothes over from the washer to the dryer.
Olivia laughed and he looked up at the sound of her voice. Boy, she was a vision walking down the hallway in his shirt with no pants on.
"Look at you Mr. Mom… doing laundry and making sure supper is ready…"
"Ha-ha." He fake laughed. "Come get some food. You must be starving."
The food hadn't been there for long because it was still hot and hadn't been opened yet. He had waited on her. Elliot was probably going to set out the food then wake her but she'd woken herself up instead.
"Thanks for ordering." She told him. It was one of their favorite places and they each knew each other's orders by heart. That was with any partnership though. Fin and Munch knew what each other liked to eat as well because they worked together so much and had taken literally hundreds of lunch breaks over the years.
Olivia sat down and Elliot handed her a takeout box. It all smelled so good.
They ate in silence. Not on purpose but just because they were both so hungry that they focused on stuffing their faces.
"I can't believe we slept so long…" She commented after she'd finished her plate.
"Me either but I guess we needed it." He replied.
She helped him clean up the kitchen and then she headed back to the bedroom.
"Where you going?" He asked with a confused look on his face.
"Back to bed…" She replied.
"You just got up." Elliot commented.
"It's my day off, El. I'm gonna spend as much of it in bed as possible…"
It was true, her favorite place to lounge was in bed, so much so, that she'd contemplated getting a TV for her room because she'd rather watch it in bed than from the couch though it was rare that she ever had time for TV.
Olivia had comfortable sheets and pillows. Plus, it'd started raining outside and it was the perfect weather for being lazy and laying around in bed.
"You can join me if you'd like…" She shouted behind her as she walked back down the hall.
Elliot shook his head. They were starting to act like a couple but he reminded himself that after tonight, things were going back to normal and it'd be like none of this ever happened.
Until now, it'd been over a year since they'd done anything remotely sexual.
To be honest, Elliot had thought they'd stopped it all together. That's why he'd initially been reluctant for her to get him off in the cribs after his fight with Dickie. She was doing it for his benefit and he was worried she was breaking some kind of rule that she'd put in place for herself.
Turns out they both needed a break from reality. This was the perfect one even though it wasn't right. Not when he was still married.
Elliot tried to shake the thoughts from his head as he finished cleaning up the food and headed down the hallway to join Olivia. He was gonna make the best of this while it lasted. There was no telling when they'd ever do anything like this again or if they even would.
Thoughts? I need feedback…