from very far away
rating: t
genre: friendship/romance
pairings: inosaku
POV: Sakura
warnings: bildungsroman, my complicated feelings about team 7, i stayed up all night writing this and it might make no sense
other notes: from the prompt meme The way you said "I love you" for bluefurcape
word count: 6,791
"This is a terrible plan," Ino says. Again.
Sakura has lost count of how many times Ino has told her this she disagrees with what Sakura is about to do.
Sakura sighs. She's just so tired.
"I know, Ino. You've made yourself clear."
"But you're going to do it anyways." Ino nods, her jaw clenched. She's furious and fierce.
Sakura aches with it.
"You could try and make this easier."
Ino laughs, a brittle thing. "Someone has to tell you when you're being an idiot, and since your team won't…"
Sakura flinches at that.
The reminder is harsh.
She doesn't need it.
She hurts enough as it is.
"Thanks Ino. You're a great friend." Sakura doesn't mean for it to come out so caustic: sharp edged poison that Ino doesn't deserve. Not really. None of this is about Ino, really, but for the way that Ino fighting for her makes her want to cry.
"Fuck you," Ino snaps back.
It's Sakura's turn to laugh.
"Yeah, okay. Thanks for the goodbye. Really raised my spirits. This has been fun. But I'm going to go now, so. See you, Ino. Whenever."
Sakura hoists her pack and turns to leave through the gates.
"Sakura…" Ino sighs.
Sakura stops, looking upwards as she blinks back tears.
"I'm just— You shouldn't have to leave so that you can feel safe. That's fucking bullshit. He shouldn't be allowed to chase you away from home."
"It's my choice," Sakura reminds her. "No one is making me."
"No, but they sure as hell aren't giving you a better choice!"
"It's not Sasuke's fault I can't bare to look at him, Ino."
Ino laughs again.
They do so much laughing that rings hollow, too coated with bitterness to be anything happy. They never used to laugh like this.
(Sakura aches with the half-forgotten echoes of Ino's giggles, with all that they have lost and sacrificed.)
"Right. He's never done anything wrong in his life and you're just being irrational. I'm sure. Stop making excuses for him Sakura, that's what got you into this mess. People excusing Uchiha Sasuke's actions and never holding him accountable for the harm he's caused."
Sakura swallows. "He's trying."
"Yeah. I'm sure. Has he bothered apologizing yet? For any of it? If he has, I sure haven't gotten mine yet."
Gods, but Sakura hates her a little bit.
Ino has always been so good at making Sakura look at what she doesn't want to see.
"He's trying," Sakura repeats.
"Nice. I'm taking that to mean that he hasn't. Does he even think he should be apologizing? He's not the only person that lost everything, not even close, and you don't see anyone else doing what he's done."
"Why are you doing this, Ino? Can't you just say goodbye and wish me safe travels?" Sakura begs.
She doesn't want to talk about this.
She doesn't want to talk about Sasuke.
She's sick and tired of talking about Sasuke.
She just wants to be somewhere that he isn't everywhere: in the corner of her eye, in the back of her mind, a constant haunting shadow.
She just wants to be free of him.
"I'm not letting you do this without a fight! He should be the one to leave, not you! No one wants him here!"
Sakura finally whirls around.
"The Council wants him here! The Kages want him here." And then, of course, most importantly. "Naruto wants him here!"
And fuck. Fuck. She's crying.
She hates that she cries.
She's just so angry.
Angry about everything.
She can't remember the last time she wasn't angry.
She thinks that it must have been before the chūnin exams. Before everything.
Maybe she's just always been angry.
Angry at the world, but mostly just angry at herself.
Useless, weak, stupid, annoying girl who just always fucking cries.
"So I'm leaving. Because one of us needs to, and the Village isn't willing to lose Sasuke."
"Fuck the Uchiha," Ino snarls. "We don't need them. We need you, Sakura. Not some broken boy who thinks he deserves vengeance because of his name or his crappy dōjustu."
Sakura wants to smile for that, but it feels too much like a lie. Like an appeasement.
She knows what she's worth.
"He's trying. He deserves to be happy."
She believes it.
"You deserve to be happy."
Sakura nods, and wipes at her tears. "I know. That's why I'm leaving."
Ino clenches her hands and looks away, staring off into the distance.
They're quiet, the anger and hurt bleeding away.
"Fine," Ino finally says. "Fine. Go. But you better come back, you hear me?"
"I won't be gone forever," Sakura promises. "And besides, I'm sure we'll see each other. It's not like I'm going to hide in some far off cave and become a hermit or, worse, retreat into the Shikkotsu Forest, never to be seen again. It's just Suna."
"You better write."
"Yeah, Ino, I'll write. If I'm not too busy."
"Even if you're busy. Or I'll make Temari send me regular updates."
Sakura roles her eyes.
It only feels a little forced, the levity.
"Okay, okay. Even if I'm busy."
Ino nods firmly.
They stand for a moment, just staring at each other.
Sakura drinks in the way Ino's bangs fall across her eye, the white of her teeth against her lip as she gnaws at it in thought, the set of her chin.
Gods, but she's going to miss her.
Suddenly, Ino lunges forward, pulling Sakura into a hug.
She goes, banding her arms around Ino's back.
She wants to impress the memory of the way Ino curves around her into her bones until it is a part of her.
Ino tucks her face into the crook of Sakura's neck.
Sakura doesn't comment on the tears that pool there as they cling together. She just twists her fingers tighter into Ino's shirt, just holds her tighter.
An eternity passes as they hold on.
But Sakura can't stay.
She needs to go.
Reluctantly, she pulls away.
Ino's eyes are red-rimmed and all the more blue for it.
Sakura can feel the void in her chest gaping open, threatening to implode her lungs.
She can barely draw breath.
"Okay," she finally croaks. "Okay. I have to go."
"Right."
They stare at each other hopelessly.
"Bye, Ino."
"Goodbye, Sakura."
Sakura closes her eyes and spins away.
She opens them, but she doesn't dare look back.
It's all too easy to picture Ino standing there, a small figure dwarfed by the gates.
She doesn't want her last memory of Ino to be Ino small.
##
Sakura takes her time.
There is no rush. She's expected, but not on any particular date.
This isn't a mission; it's an invitation of sorts.
A hand reaching out in sympathy, perhaps.
Sakura just never would have expected the gesture from the Kazekage of all people. She respects him, but they've never been friends.
Gaara is one of Naruto's people though, and maybe that is enough.
Whatever his reasons, Sakura is thankful for somewhere to go.
She was dying a slow death in Konoha.
The desert will be a good change.
(She doesn't think of how the Kazekage has forbidden Sasuke's presence in Suna. He'd accepted Naruto's plea for mercy, but that was all.
The Uchiha are not welcome in Wind.
They aren't welcome in most places these days.)
Sakura has never taken the route to Suna slowly. Every time she's been it has been a desperate rush towards some uncertain danger.
She takes her time and enjoys the transition as the Shodai's forest gives away to smaller trees and then scrubland before finally the desert stretches out ahead of her.
It's night by the time she reaches that last, nigh imperceptible line where the forest has finally faded behind her and all that is left is the impossible kiss of the moonlight along the horizon.
Sakura stops and just breathes.
It's quiet.
So quiet.
And the stars are so, so bright.
Sakura keeps her head tilted back and her eyes open until they start to prick with pain. The tears pull the stars to silver smears.
Sakura lets herself stand on the edge of the desert, lets herself fall to her knees, lets herself weep, lets the stars and the quiet night swallow up her grief and her rage.
She just so fucking tired.
Konoha and everything she's left behind presses down on her back, bowing her forehead to the ground.
Sakura gasps.
She can't breathe.
It's too much.
She can't—
She shrugs her pack off, and still, the weight doesn't abate.
It's in her ribcage, making each breath an impossible fight.
She doesn't—
It was never-
Sakura kneels at the edge of the desert, her forehead pressed to the sand, opens her mouth, and screams.
Like everything else, like blood and sweat and tears, the sands soak up the sound of it, razor wire and acid and all the soft-worn edges of the dreams she once dared dream when she was young and foolish and thought that happy endings were something you could reach if you just ran hard enough, far enough, if you just didn't give up.
Like everything else, the sands soak up Haruno Sakura's heartbreak, and scour her clean.
##
The Godaime Kazekage looks out from the walls of his village—a silent pillar in the false dawn—watchful and waiting.
When he lifts her up and over, the first rays spill over the far edge of the horizon, pressing blessings on her.
Her pink hair flares like wildfire under the light, a burning halo around a face too young to carry the lines of grief.
"Be welcome, Haruno Sakura of the Leaf," he blesses her, finger streaking a line of oil across her forehead. "Put down your burdens and find peace while you remain with us."
Once, he would have torn her apart for the fragile cracks she carries behind too-green eyes. Today, Gaara wants to weep, because Naruto taught him that love was not a burden, and yet here she stands, her shoulders stooped, and but gods, Gaara never needed any more proof that the world is not kind.
(Gaara looks at her and cannot help but wonder if his mother carried the same weight of grief as her love turned to poison and killed her.)
##
"They want me to marry him," Sakura says.
The midday sun burns down on them as they catch their breaths at the edge of a training field.
It's too hot to be out, let alone sparring, but Sakura was feeling restless and Temari had gotten fed up with her pacing and decided that now was as good a time as any for them to finally have that match they'd been threatening one another with.
Sakura nurses the lacerations along her forearms as Temari drinks in that statement.
"That Council of yours?" she finally asks, something vicious and knowing caught at the back of her throat.
"Not my Council," Sakura argues.
Somedays, she wishes Tsunade-shishō had gone through with the plans she made when she was at her drunkest and most furious, Shizune's hasty fūnjustu seals and the ANBU team's loyalty the only thing keeping the three of them from being tried for treason or, more likely, a quiet death at the hands of some ROOT agent.
Somedays, Sakura wishes that Tsunade-shishō had given her the order—the familiar order that Sakura will swear to her dying day she never once received in her life—and that Sakura had again slipped a gentle hand across a passing withered forearm, and one more sad but unsurprising heart attack took the life of a respected elder.
The old ways are dying.
The old ways should already be dead.
Tamara looks at Sakura from under her lashes. "You know, if you ever need any pointers for dealing with old men who think they know better than you how your country should be run…"
Sakura thinks about the rumours that Konoha received about Suna in those first two turbulent years after the Sarutobi Hiruzen's death.
Sakura thinks about the whispers and reports and orders she heard as she worked industriously in a corner of the Hokage's office.
Sakura thinks about the way Sabaku no Gaara went from Sand's barely leashed monster to its beloved Kage, his siblings at his side.
She almost wants to ask what they do with bodies in the desert.
Sakura smiles. It's only mostly forced and a little bitter. "I'm just a second-generation shinobi from a minor merchant clan," she says.
"You're the Godaime Hokage's apprentice," Temari counters.
Sakura laughs. "A medic."
"And you're a member of Team Seven."
"No," Sakura laughs again. "I'm the Girl. I'm the Baggage. I was there to round out the fucking numbers."
Temari whirls finally and grabs Sakura by the chin, forcing her gaze up. "You're not alone, Sakura."
Sakura's chin wobbles. "I'm here, Temari, because Naruto thought the Council had the right idea."
##
Sakura, reads the note with the package, Kiba asked you to hold on to this for him. He says you can bring it back when you're ready.
I suggest you stay away as long as possible.
He doesn't deserve it back.
Do me the favour of distracting Kankuro long enough that Shikamaru and Temari can go on an actual date? I don't want to be stuck with a miserable teammate if he comes back without getting some. Shika, despite all claims to the contrary, is a pissy bitch when he's pining.
I don't miss you,
Ino
Sakura opens up the package, bemused.
And she has to laugh when she scrapes the packing peanuts aside and finds Naruto's fucking frog money purse.
It isn't a kind laugh.
Shikamaru grins back at her, more bared teeth than anything else.
Later, when Sakura goes to get rid of the box, she finds a pressed flower at the bottom.
When she closes her eyes and brings it to her nose, she can almost see the shape of Ino's smile.
##
Gaara closes the file and looks up at her from behind her desk.
"This is excellent work, Sakura-san," he compliments.
Sakura nods. It is. "Kankuro and your puppetry corps have been invaluable. I've been playing with prosthetics before, but the fine-tuning we've been able to develop using chakra strings is incredible, really. I'm worried about the necessary chakra control and how that will limit the application to shinobi only, but we've some interesting ideas concerning robotics."
Gaara looks at her for a long moment.
"Many people still remember how you came to our aide when the Akatsuki attacked," he says. "Many people still remember that it was Haruno Sakura who saved my brother's life and Haruno Sakrua who killed Akasuno no Sasori. You will always be welcome in this village. You will always be welcome to stay, Sakura-san."
Sakura clenches her jaw. "Can I sit?" she asks.
Gaara nods.
Sakura sits.
"What about Naruto?" she asks the bookshelves behind him.
"Naruto will always be my friend," Gaara says. "But it is not Uzumaki Naruto to whom Sand owes a debt. And—" he pauses.
Green eyes catch green eyes.
Sakura doesn't look away.
"And," Gaara continues. "I like to think that you are my friend as well, Sakura-san."
Sakura stares at the man across from her, the faintest of blushes dusting across his cheeks, and she remembers suddenly that he's not much more than a boy.
He's so young, still.
They all are.
"Gaara," she smiles, "my friends just call me Sakura,"
He smiles back. "Sakura, you will always be welcome here."
"I know," she says. "But I can't run forever."
Gaara tilts his head. "No, perhaps not. But you can always come back, if you ever need to."
"I still haven't had the chance to explore all the greenhouses yet."
"I have some time yet, would you like a tour?"
##
"I learned," Gaara says as he trims the spiky desert plant before him, "that not all things can be forgiven."
Sakura stills.
"There is blood on my hands that will never wash away," he continues, untroubled. "But that doesn't mean that everyday I don't get up and try a little bit longer to maybe make up for all of the hurt I caused."
"You were a child," Sakura says.
Gaara smiles at her.
It's a soft thing, worn smooth by the years.
"Yes," he says, "but that does not mean I am not responsible. I learned a long time ago now, that I could choose to be something other than what they tried to make me."
"Why are you telling me this?"
"Because somedays Temari still flinches if I move too fast. Because Kankuro can't sleep some nights for the nightmares. Because there are too many graves filled with my people, and I'm the one who put them there. Because I have been forgiven, but that does not ever mean I, or anyone else, can forget what I've done."
Gaara touches her elbow.
He's so gentle, and yet she struggles not to wince.
"It wasn't a crime to love him, Sakura. It was one of the bravest things I've ever seen. And it isn't a crime that you can't bare to look at him anymore. Not being able to forgive someone who doesn't even understand how they have done the unforgivable isn't a weakness. I think the only person you need to forgive is yourself."
Gaara turns back to the plants.
Sakura tilts her head back, and breathes.
Then she gets her hands dirty and loses herself in the quiet respiration of growing things.
##
Sakura,
Tenten and I went shopping.
Never again.
I mean, okay, yeah, I'm bringing her along every time I need to replace my kunai from here on out, but apparently there's a reason she's been banned from two separate dress shops?
Chōji's on a mission though, so I had to make do.
Also, like, my best friend isn't around, so.
By the way, remind me that Shika owes me a new pair of shoes for not killing the fucking Hyūga contingent at the last meeting. If those pale eyed pricks don't stop making passive aggressive remarks about "proper clan head attire", I'm going to make sure they can never buy a properly fitted piece of clothing in this village ever again.
Sai's being weird and needy. Write the poor boy a letter, I think he misses you.
Ino
The envelop holds half-crushed purple petals.
They smell like being girls again, and giggling under Ino's blankets in the night.
##
Sakura really shouldn't be surprised when Sai shows up, escorting a shipment of flowers.
"Flowers?" Sakura asks. "In the middle of the desert."
Sai shrugs. "Apparently, according to Kakashi-sama, I was requested personally. The flowers are a special order for a wedding."
Sakura purses her lips. "Right. I'm sure."
"I come with gifts. I am aware that it is traditional to bring a gift for your host."
"Sai"—Sakura rolls her eyes—"I'm a guest."
Sai blinks at her. "But I am staying with you."
"We're both staying in guest accommodations. Did you bring something for the Kazekage?"
Sai blinks again. "Do you think he would like these socks?"
They're very terrible green things.
They're also Naruto's favourite pair.
"You know," Sakura says, "I think that he might just."
##
Gaara's robes are long, but Sakura later swears to Sai as he's leaving that she saw a brief peak of green.
##
Sakura,
The cherry trees are blooming.
I know you hate it, so I guess you're happy to be sweltering in the desert.
I'm going to kill your sensei, by the way. I spent three weeks in Iwa during the snow melt.
I'm never going to get the scent of rotted grass out of my nose and I ruined my boots in the slush.
Ask Gaara if he'll shelter me when I murder our Hokage and have to flee the country.
Ino
The disturbingly accurate doodle of Kakashi-sensei with his head separated from his neck, the mask still on, makes Sakura laugh.
She tucks the sakura blossoms into a book on the nightshade family.
##
"C'mon, Sakura-chan," Kankuro had whined. "It's just a little mission. It'll be fun!"
Sakura stands surrounded by bodies, blood and viscera dripping from her arms, panting.
"Just a little fucking raiding group, huh?" she demands of the dust strewn air. "Just a quick trip? I'm going to kill him. Gaara likes me better, he'll forgive me."
"He does like you better," Kankuro grouses as he stomps back into the main cavern. "I'd tell you to marry him, because you might be one of the only people he likes enough to marry, but then I'd be stuck with you forever."
Sakura glares at him. "I just saved your life. Again."
"I had it handled!"
Sakura's glare intensifies.
"You almost got a spike wider than your head through your thoracic cavity."
"Yeah," Kankuro says, "about that… Can we just, maybe not mention that bit to my siblings?"
Sakura considers him for a moment.
"What are you going to give me in exchange for my silence?"
##
"So," Temari says once Sakura's been deposited in her chair. "You going to tell me what Kankuro doesn't want you to tell me bad enough that he's willing to carry one around on his back for the past four days?"
"Nope!" Sakura declares, and pops another date into her mouth.
Temari stares at her.
"Alright," she says, "what do you want in exchange for the information?"
##
"Sakura," Gaara sighs, pinching his nose, "please explain to me why I've just gotten a politely worded request from the Hokage to return his advisor since, I quote, 'someone needs to do the paperwork around here and it isn't going to be me, and Naruto is really bad at it'?"
Sakura blinks and smiles with just a touch of confusion. "I'm sure I have no idea, Kazekage-sama."
Gaara sighs again.
##
Sakura,
You bitch, I was going to be Best Man at their wedding. I fought Chōji for it and won fair and square.
Also, I can't believe that Shikamaru is married.
If he moves permanently to Sand too, I'm bringing Chōji and coming too.
Warn Gaara.
It's a promise.
Ino
PS. Naruto still hasn't stopped whining about his wrist hurting from all the paperwork he's had to do. Also, Kakashi-sensei is looking particularly wild about the eyes. Just thought you'd like an update on how the Hokage office is running without some of their best and brightest there to handle everything for them!
There are no flowers.
Sakura pretends that she doesn't keep shaking the envelope, as if they might somehow appear.
##
"You're moping," Temari accuses. "Stop it. It's giving me hives."
"I'm not moping," Sakura snaps back. "You're just disgustingly happy at the moment and everyone else just looks depressed in comparison."
Temari rolls her eyes. "A. Yes, I am disgustingly happy, thank you. You see, Shika just does this thing with his tongue and—"
"Stop!" Sakura orders, trying to clamp her hand around Temari's mouth. "Nope. I don't want to know. Please stop. I want to be able to still look Shikamaru in the eye."
Temari fights her off. "Are you sure? Because, like—"
"Yes! I'm sure! Please stop."
"Alright," Temari says, "but I think you're missing out. Trust me, Sakura, get you a guy—or girl—who knows what to do with their tongue."
"Thank you, Temari."
"Anyways. Don't think you can distract me. You're moping. What's up?"
"It's nothing," Sakura insists. "I'm not moping."
Temari stares her down. "Ok. If you say so."
"She's moping," Kankuro agrees, throwing his arms around their shoulders as he comes up behind them.
Sakura goes to elbow him in the gut, but he dodges.
"I think she's pining."
"I'm not pining."
"Yup," Kankuro continues, undeterred. "She's fallen in love with our little brother but knows that an inter-Village relationship will never work. So she's breaking her own heart before the distance can break it for her."
"Kankuro," Temari croons, "I know where you sleep."
"I can't believe you eloped!" he yells.
Again.
For the fourth time in two days.
Sakura slips away, and leaves the siblings to their argument.
She isn't pining.
It's stupid anyway.
You can't fall in love with someone who is so very far away.
##
Sakura,
The pining is worse.
At least with Shikamaru back, Naruto has stopped whining. Mostly.
Also, apparently Shikamaru is ever more petty when he's pining for his wife and not his girlfriend, and you know how delightfully diabolical he can be when he's feeling petty.
Operation: Cupcakes and Unicorns is finally a go. It's been nine years. I bet Ami thought I had forgotten.
Ino
Sakura has no memory of Operation: Cupcakes and Unicorns but she feels kind of bad. Ten year old Sakura and Ino were really creative.
(There are flowers again this time. Poisonous. Sakura puts them in a vase on her bedside table.)
##
"And how are you today, Sakura-sama," the fruit seller asks.
Sakura looks up from where she's inspecting peaches and smiles. "I had a very productive morning in the lab, Obaa-san. How are you, this afternoon? Has Isamu-chan gotten over her cold?"
"Yes!" the little woman enthuses. "That tea you sent over cleared the congestion right up! And Isamu-chan made you a card, in thanks."
"Oh!" Sakura exclaims as she accepts a brightly coloured piece of construction paper that's been decorated in a delightfully enthusiastic number of stickers. "Wow! This is amazing! I'll have to make sure I tell Isamu-chan what an excellent artist she is when I see her next."
The fruit seller beams.
They trade more pleasantries before Sakura walks off with her peaches, closing the old woman's fingers over the money.
"No, Obaa-san, I insist. Please. Helping Isamu-chan was a duty, and a pleasure."
She hums under her breath as she slides through the crowded market streets, colour every where, greeting people as she goes.
Sakura loves it here. Loves the smells and the heat and the people.
She thinks she could be happy here.
She is happy here.
But the soles of her feet are beginning to itch, and the forest is calling.
It's almost time to go home.
It's almost time to face her past and the choices she's made, and the choices she's going to make.
She'll be back, one day. Sakura just needs to figure out if it will be permanent.
She can't keep running.
(Even Tsunade-shishō came home, in the end.)
##
Sakura, reads the note the hawk brings. It's time to come home.
The pale blue starflower says "courage, dear heart".
##
"You will always be welcome here, Haruno Sakura of the Leaf," Gaara promises.
"I know," she says as she prepares to leap from the walls.
The desert stretches out ahead of her.
"I'll see you soon," she promises back. "And I will never forget what you have done for me."
"It was only a little grain against the balance of our debt to you."
"There are no debts between friends, Gaara," Sakura smiles.
She's still smiling as she plummets.
She looks back once to see the small figures atop the wall waving.
Sakura waves back.
It's not hard to turn back around and keep moving forward.
She's tired of running.
Ino was right.
It's time to go home.
##
"Sakura-chan," Naruto greets her when she walks through the gates.
She wonders how long he's been waiting for her.
"Naruto," she says.
He smiles, but it's a tarnished thing.
They stand in silence, just looking at each other.
It's awkward.
She hates that it's awkward.
"I'm—" Naruto starts.
"I had to go," Sakura interrupts him. "It wasn't fair for you to ask me to stay."
Her voice is firm.
Her heart wavers.
He looks tired.
Naruto breathes out, a long exhalation, and looks down, hand coming up to rub at the back of his head.
"I know. But I just—" he laughs.
It isn't a happy thing.
Sakura refuses to wince.
"I just wanted things to go back. I just wanted us to be a team again."
Sakura closes her eyes and wills the ache away.
"I don't want to go back," she finally says.
It feels like a summer thunderstorm, to finally say it.
"I don't want to go back," she repeats, stronger this time. "I don't want to go back to being that girl. I fought too hard to become what I am, Naruto. I grew up."
"I just wanted you to be happy," Naruto says.
Sakura bites her lip and shakes her head.
"No," she says. "You wanted me to be that girl you remember. You wanted to erase everything, to pretend like it all didn't happen. But Naruto"—her voice cracks—"it did happen. And I refuse to obliterate myself so that Sasuke doesn't have to repent for what he's done."
Naruto flinches like she's struck him.
"That's not—"
"Yes," she says, refusing to back down, refusing to feel guilty. "That's exactly what you were going to ask of me. And I refuse. I'm not his repentance. I'm not his absolution. I'm my own godsdamned person, Naruto. I refuse to be something I'm not. Not ever again."
He's crying.
Sakura clenches her jaw and doesn't reach out to soothe him.
"We're never going to be what we were again, Naruto. That team that you remember so fondly? I don't want it back. Not even if it meant we could forget what Sasuke has done." She nods. "I deserve more than being just the girl or the love interest or some fucking consolation prize."
"You aren't—"
"You're right. I'm not. And I refuse to ever let anyone make me into that ever again."
"But we were a team," Naruto whispers.
Sakura smiles, a tired cracked thing.
"No," she says, "you two were a team. I was just the girl, and that meant I was deadweight to be cut loose when it became too much to keep carrying me."
Finally she relents, and walks forward to cup his cheek.
"I don't blame you for that, Naruto. But if we were a team, if you cared about me the way you care about Sasuke, you would have never asked me to give up all that I have become to be that girl again, like somehow loving Uchiha Sasuke was enough to make up for all the hurt he's caused."
"Sakura!"
Sakura kisses him on the cheek, soft and sad, and walks away.
There's someone she needs to see.
##
"I'm not going to marry you."
Sasuke makes no outward motion that she's startled him, but she can practically smell the adrenaline spiking in his veins.
"Hn."
Sakura smiles tightly.
"Yes, well, thank you for that desperate pledge of your undying love, but I'm still going to have to refuse. I'll see you around, Sasuke."
His voice stops her as she turns to leave the clearing where he's been training.
"I never asked for the Council to try to make you do it," he says. "I never asked anything of them."
Sakura clenches her hands.
"Maybe not," Sakura answers, "but you sure as hell were willing to stand by and reap the benefits of them making me."
He doesn't say anything.
Sakura barks out a laughter. "Yeah. That's what I fucking thought. You know, Sasuke, people might not hate you quite so much if you actually admitted for once in your godsdamned life that you made a fucking mistake."
"I don't owe this village anything," he snarls.
Sakura looks over her shoulder at him.
His face is twisted up in a rictus of hatred and for a terrible moment she freezes, the memory of the sound of lightning screaming in her ears.
But she still smells of the desert sun, and Sakura knows exactly how much force she holds in her hands.
"Maybe not," Sakura says as she looks at the last lean shadows of the Uchiha clan. "But I thought maybe you still had a shred of fucking decency in you, maybe a shred of fucking hope."
She starts walking away again.
"For Naruto's sake," she calls over her shoulder, "I hope you at least learn to ask forgiveness from your fucking self."
Sakura doesn't look back.
She trusts herself and her abilities enough to know she can handle leaving Sasuke at her back.
She doesn't trust him, maybe never again, but Sakura is not Naruto, is not her shishō.
She'll put her teammate in the ground if it comes to that.
##
"Hi," Sakura says.
She feels every layer of dust coating her skin.
Ino's eyes are wide.
Sakura sinks into her embrace as Ino tugs her forward, pressing her face into the crook of Sakura's neck.
"You're home," Ino breathes into her skin, uncaring of the grime now sticking to them both.
"Yeah," Sakura murmurs into Ino's hair, her arms too tight around Ino's back. "I'm home."
##
"Alright, you're paperwork is all sorted, is there anything else you need to submit to me before we finish?" Kakashi-sensei asks her.
"I've the last of the results of the medical research I was doing to hand over to Shizune, but that's it for you, Hokage-sama."
"Sakura-chan," Kakashi-sensei scolds. "How many times do I have to tell you that Kakashi is just fine."
"At least once more, Hokage-sama," Sakura says, her smile only a little tight.
Kakashi-sensei sighs, a fond but tired thing.
Sakura forces herself to hold onto her resentment.
She isn't being unreasonable.
She has a reason to be angry.
"Now, one last thing before I let you go," Kakashi-sensei says.
Sakura tilts her head.
"I would like to offer you a position. If you're back for good, that is."
Sakura raises an eyebrow in question. "Position?"
"Mm, yes. On the Council."
Sakura blinks.
"The Council."
Kakashi-sensei nods.
"The Council of Elders?"
Her voice is bone-dry, desert-dry.
"Oh!" Kakashi-sensei says, all fake surprise. "Has the news not reached Suna yet?"
Sakura narrows her eyes at him. "What news?" she grits out. She doesn't have the patience for his games.
"The Elders, in their wisdom, decided that they had served their village to the best of their skills and that it was now their duty to hand off village governance to the younger generation, who they have so carefully and faithfully nurtured."
Sakura has to swallow her laughter at the sheer vicious glee hiding under Kakashi-sensei's mien of staid deference.
"I see," she says. "And the new Council?"
"Mah, mah, Sakura-chan," Kakashi-sensei scolds, "it's impolite to fish for compliments so. You know very well that you are not only a senior medical officer in the village, but also an important diplomatic figure well known and respected across the Elemental Nations for your skills and your exploits before and after the War. Not to mention your understanding of the Village's civilian population's needs or your connections to Sand and the Daimyo."
Sakura adamantly does not blush. "I am honoured by your offer," she says, bowing her head deeply.
"Then you accept?"
Sakura's lips twitch. "Who am I to refuse my Hokage's request?"
Kakashi-sensei smiles. "You're Haruno Sakura. I think you can do anything you'd like."
Sakura stares at him.
Familiar dark eyes stare back at her.
She doesn't think he's ever looked at her straight on like this before. She doesn't think he's ever looked at her like more than the girl she once was.
"I accept," Sakura says, "with the utmost thanks."
Kakashi-sensei nods, and Sakura stands to leave.
"What prompted the Elders to make their decision?" she asks as she pauses by the door.
"Certain clan heads might have suggested that they might wish to enjoy their last years in peace," Kakashi-sensei drawls. "Yamanaka-sama was very kind in her worry for their health. In fact, she was quite adamant about the possible side effects of to much stress and very delicately addressed the issue of the prevalence of dementia and other cognitive disorders that come with age. Sometimes it can set in alarmingly fast, as I'm sure you know, with little prior warning. It would be a shame if any of the Elders had been forced to retire before their time due to illness."
Sakura's lips curl up into a smile.
"A real tragedy," she agrees.
"Sakura-chan," Kakashi-sensei says as she opens the door. "I've no right to it, but I'm proud of you."
Sakura looks at him over her shoulder. "I know you fought for me, Kakashi-sensei. I forgive you for taking so long; I know how you're always late to things."
He's laughing as she closes the door behind her.
It's only a little sad.
##
"Ino," Sakura says, helplessly. "How could you risk it?"
Ino sighs when she looks at her, and drops down on to the couch.
"I wasn't risking anything."
Sakura whirls. "Not risking anything?" she shouts. "Ino, you threatened the Elders."
Ino smiles. "I did no such thing."
"You told them to retire or you would scramble their brains!" Sakura's hands tremble as they cut through the air.
"Dementia is a real problem in the elderly," Ino shrugs, disinterestedly.
Sakura scrubs her hands though her hair. "Ino," she says again, raw and scared and gods, but what Ino risked?
"Sakura," Ino says, firm and steady. "I wasn't going to let them force you into marrying Sasuke."
"I'm one person, Ino. One! And you risked your entire clan—"
Ino stands, blazing. "You think I would risk my clan for you? I am Yamanaka Ino, daughter of Inoichi, and I know exactly what I owe my family. I owe them a Village that will protect them, not a Village that will sell them out for a false peace. I refused to let those old vultures ruin anymore of my people. I love you Sakura, but I wouldn't have risked my clan if it meant saving just you."
Ino is in Sakura's face, rage dripping from her mouth like honey, blazing and brilliant and the most beautiful thing Sakura has ever seen.
"You love me?" Sakura asks, barely more than a breath.
Ino grabs Sakura's face in her hands. "Of course I do, you fucking idiot. Of course I do."
Ino shakes her slightly.
"How could you ever think differently?"
Sakura swallows.
"You never said."
Ino's mouth twists in a mockery of a smile.
"You didn't want to hear it."
"Ino," Sakura gasps.
"I wrote you love letters."
"You insulted me and called me names."
Ino stares at her, blue eyes all Sakura can see.
"Don't tell me you've forgotten how to speak the language of flowers."
Sakura touches a hand to Ino's cheek.
"You should have said something."
Ino closes her eyes.
"I didn't want to make you feel guilty. I didn't want to make you feel like you had to come back if you didn't want to."
"Ino," Sakura says.
Ino shakes her head, a refusal.
So Sakura does the only thing she can think of to make this better, to soothe the furrow of pain in Ino's brow, to calm the aching beat of her own heart.
So Sakura does the one thing she wanted since longer than she can remember, the one thing she didn't know she wanted until Ino wrote her love letters and pretended that every pressed flower wasn't a declaration.
So Sakura does the only thing she can in this moment with Ino the most precious thing she's ever held.
Sakura pulls her forward, and kisses her.
##
Sandstorms are less consuming than the way Ino kisses Sakura like she's something wonderful.
##
"Are you going to leave again?" Ino asks when they're curled together in her bed.
The covers are hot and stifling, but Sakura doesn't ever want to leave the small cocoon they've wrapped themselves up in.
"Why would I leave?" Sakura says. "I'm finally home."
##
Sakura dreams of Ino spilled across the sand in the moonlight.
The stars dance up above them, but all Sakura has ever needed is under her fingertips.
"I love you," Sakura says to the stars, to the moon, to the sand.
The desert swallows the sound up.
Sakura doesn't mind. She will say it every day for the rest of her life, and it will never not be true.
The sands scoured her clean; Sakura loves, it's what she carries in her bones, and there is no hiding in the desert.
"I love you," Sakura whispers into Ino's mouth.
Ino swallows the words down.
Flowers sprout around them.
"I love you."
Sakura plants her feet, and stops running.
She's home.