Hey, y'all remember that one time I updated after I was a bit drunk? Well here you go. Hope you like it, sorry if you don't. Either way, drop me a review and let me know!

"Oh god!" She hissed as his tongue entered her while his fingers massaged the flesh at her hips.

Olivia moved in rhythm with his tongue. She was laying on her bed with both hands running through his hair. Ecstasy was what she was feeling now. After a very long bout of depression, she'd decided she had needs and wanted stress relief, she needed it. She refused to feel guilty about it too.

There was enough guilt weighing on her as it was. She didn't need to also feel guilty for her sex drive and for the way her body wanted to be relieved of stress.

"Ohhhhh that's good… so fucking good…" She said as she pushed his head harder between her thighs. "I'm close… so close… mmmhmmmm." Olivia moaned as her back arched.

She removed her hands from his head to grab her own breasts and lightly massage them, running her palms over her nipples several times.

"Yeah, like that. Just like that…" She whispered as his tongue licked her slit up and down, then entered her opening and began moving up and down slowly.

Olivia was a vision when she was in her state of sexual bliss.

It amazed him how open and honest she was about what she wanted, and how she wasn't afraid to be blunt, to the point, and tell him what he could and couldn't do with her. Not a lot of women were as comfortable in the bedroom as Olivia was.

"Go a little faster… that's it… yes! YES!" She said rather loudly. "Oh, fuck yes!" Olivia nearly screamed as her orgasm hit. "Mmmmnnn… mmnnnn…. mmnnnn" she moaned lowly in pants as she rode out her waves of pleasure.

Olivia was very thankful that she wasn't one of those women whose body released fluids when their orgasms hit. Not only would it be extremely messy each time, but she'd feel bad asking anyone to go down on her. She'd always had fluid buildup between her legs of course, but it was never like when a man climaxed.

"God, you're a vision…" He said as he looked up at her to find her hands still grasping her chest.

She smiled at him in return as she finally caught her breath.

"Come here…" She said huskily, and he climbed his way up her body until his dick was resting at the entrance between her legs.

"Are you sure about this?" He asked hesitantly. He knew she had some concerns even though he wasn't entirely sure why.

Olivia nodded her head.

"You put the condom on, right?" She asked. In hindsight, she knew he'd put it on, she just wanted to make extra sure.

He nodded.

"Okay…" She said as she smiled and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "Just remember what we talked about…"

He also nodded, smiling. "I know." He said. "I'd never do something that you didn't want me to… you know that, right?" He asked, looking into her eyes as he bent down over her, closer to her face.

"I know… that's why we're doing this." Olivia said with conviction. She trusted him.

He took a deep breath. "Ready?" He asked. "This is the point of no return so if you're gonna back out, you need to do it now… I mean, if you said stop, obviously I'd stop. Hell, if you seem off or like something is wrong I'm going to stop and check on you but you know what I mean, once I'm inside, then I've been inside, there's no going back and saying we didn't have sex today or-"

"Trevor." She said, cutting him off but also getting amusement out of his word vomit. "Just fuck me…" She said as she smiled up at him.

"Yes ma'am…" He whispered, leaning down and kissing her as he slid inside her.

Olivia grasped his forearms that were beside her head to steady herself. He stopped once he was fully inside her.

"You okay?" He asked, concerned. Trevor could see a hint of pain etched into her features.

"Yeah… yeah… it's just… it's been a while…" She said, rather embarrassed. "Just start moving… my body will adjust…" She promised him. It took him a second to get into action because he was studying her face. Trevor Langan wasn't quite as good at reading people as Olivia was, but eventually, he relented and slowly began to move his hips back and forth.

"Fuck, I've missed this…" She whispered as she closed her eyes, enjoying the pleasure that was taking over her body. Olivia bit her lip and tightened her grip on his arms. "Mmmm…" She moaned as she opened her eyes and stared into his green ones. "I'm gonna be honest… I never thought you'd be this big or this…"

"Affectionate?" He asked, chuckling as he watched her facial features change as he sped up his pace.

"Yeah…" She said, bringing her knees up to pick her feet up and fully wrap them around his waist now.

"That's how most women are… it comes with the territory of being a defense attorney…" He said, not bothering to call her out on the comment about his penis, then let out a grunt as he sped up a considerable amount, beginning to slam into her.

"Oh, fuck!" Olivia half yelled, removing her arms from his and wrapping them around his neck, causing him to bury his face in her shoulder.

"God, you're beautiful…" He said as he took his right hand and placed it over her left breast, squeezing it.

"I'm gonna come again…" She announced as her arms tightened around him, as well as her legs. "Trevorrrr…." She moaned and it sent pleasuring tingles through his entire body.

"Sweet…. Ugh…. Jesus…. Ugh…" He said as he grunted as he thrusted into her.

Olivia slipped her right hand between them, surprising him as she rubbed the top of her mound. She was determined to have a second orgasm and to make it as powerful as possible.

Trevor looked at her with her eyes shut, her head tilted back, her mouth open, and her hand going fast between them. He'd give anything to have a recording of Olivia in the state that she was in right now.

"I'm… I'm gonna… shitshitshi! mhhmmmm…" She meshed her words together as her spasms hit her and she fell off the edge. She was enjoying herself probably more than she should be, especially when she was sleeping with someone that she probably shouldn't be.

Her hand stopped moving as she pulled it back, opening her now dilated eyes to stare at him, biting her lip. She couldn't believe Trevor Langan was giving her such wonderful sex. Who knew he had it in him?

"Olivia…" He said in a half wine half warning.

She almost asked him what he needed, what he wanted her to do but instead she just went with what was in her head. She looked up at him with innocent eyes and pushed her chest out more, into his so he could feel her nipples against him. Then she began thrusting her hips into his as her hands made their way to his ass as she started moaning for him.

"Fuck!" he said quickly as he moved his ass back and pulled out of her, using his right hand to pump his dick while he came into the condom, aiming himself at her lower belly in case something had happened to the condom or he spilled.

She loved the sight of him, it was a sight that she thought she'd never see to be honest. It had all happened rather quickly.

Trevor had showed up at her apartment and even though she'd been turning most people away because she didn't wish to see anyone, she was so surprised that she opened the door to him for fear that something had gone terribly wrong at work.

Then, he'd explained about how everyone at his office had heard about what happened and they all had signed a card for her and sent her a "condolences" basket, nominating him to bring it to her squad room because he'd been the one that worked with her the most.

"I didn't want to leave it in the squad room… there's some pretty good stuff in there and I was worried some of your co-workers might help themselves…" He'd explained as he handed her the basket at her front door.

Olivia had invited him in and her counter that was full of dishes and casseroles didn't go unnoticed. She'd been surprised herself when she'd began receiving food almost two weeks ago from colleagues that she didn't know too well and from some of the nurses and doctors that had been at the hospital.

She didn't have any of this when she'd lost her first child but she also hadn't told anyone either. Even when her mom died, she didn't get this kind of outpouring love from strangers, just a few flowers from co-workers and a couple of her mother's old friends.

They'd sat on the couch and talked for a while. His concern was surprising to her, just as it had been when he'd offered to represent her when she was on trial for murder.

She gave him a few details about the burial and she didn't even shed a tear, thank god.

After about two hours of talking about several topics, he looked at his watch, saying it was getting later in the afternoon and that he needed to head out. He still wasn't sure she'd been comfortable with him there and originally, he'd tried to pass on being volunteered by colleagues to bring her the card and basket because he didn't think he was the person she wanted to see at the moment.

They'd gotten up and Olivia walked him to her door.

"I'm glad you're doing better, but yeah, I have to get going…" He said as he placed his hand on her door knob but remained facing her, waiting for Olivia to give him her finale goodbyes so he could leave.

She surprised herself and him as she leaned on her toes to kiss him. It lasted longer than a peck and she shouldn't have been too surprised since she'd felt a similar buzz in the bottom of her belly ever since he'd arrived.

"Umm, you don't have to…" She said almost shyly as she glanced around the apartment, not daring to look at his reaction for fear that she'd done something that he was repulsed by.

Trevor took a deep breath and blew it out, trying to assess the situation as quickly as possible.

"Do you want me to stay?" He asked her, but Olivia wasn't looking at him, she was looking towards her feet. "Olivia, do you want me to stay?" He asked her softly, causing her to look up at him. Shit, half the people in his office wanted to fuck her. She had an ass and a rack that could easily send men to their knees but Trever wasn't like his co-workers, he wouldn't treat her like a piece of meat. She deserved dignity and respect.

"Yeah… I'd like you to… yeah." She'd said as her heart nearly beat out of her chest at what she was proposing, and not entirely sure that he was getting her offer.

"You sure?" He asked with a small smile, trying to see if she was just having a moment of weakness that she'd regret later.

Olivia made eye contact with him and nodded. Trevor nodded in reply and Olivia locked the deadbolt on her apartment door before they made their way back to one of her couches.

This time, instead of sitting across from him, she sat beside him with their bodies barely touching.

She looked at him, wanting to apologize now but with the way he was looking at her, it made her feel things and want things. She stared at his lips, probably for too long because he leaned down and gently kissed her.

Olivia's hands instantly went to his face, holding him in place as she kissed him, her tongue licking his lips and seeking entrance, which didn't take long for him to grant. After a few long seconds of lip locking, she pulled back and closed her eyes, trying not to think too harshly about what she was doing and who she was doing it with. She also tried not to think about Elliot.

Trevor gave her a look of sadness that was somehow mixed with concern and arousal. She huffed and leaned to lay her head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry if this is awkward and weird…" She said in a small voice.

Trevor took a deep breath and shifted to where his arm was resting behind her on the couch, it was more for her support than his but she didn't know that.

"I don't know much about you, Olivia." He began and she listened intently. "I know that you're great with victims, that you have one of the biggest hearts, but I also know that you are alone and have no family… You're one of the strongest women I've ever met and up until about two hours ago, I was sure that you hated my guts…"

"I thought I did too…" She said in a whisper. "I still could…" She leaned back and looked at him with a grin. "You do represent the scum of the Earth…"

He let out a small laugh. "Just remember that every time you say that now, you're putting yourself in that category…"

They talked for a few minutes and eventually, she'd been blunt. Olivia had told him she needed stress relief, a distraction, something sexual. She made sure to let him know that she wasn't looking for a relationship and she didn't know if she ever would be.

To her surprise, Trevor had kissed her right after she'd spoken.

"You're by far the hottest detective I've ever met…" He said boldly as he pulled back from her lips but stayed in her face. She smiled in return as her face reddened.

They'd talked some more and she'd explained that he'd have to wear a condom and he wasn't allowed to finish inside of her. She'd been very specific and very precise when she'd been explaining it to him, leaving out the reasons why, of course, which raised red flags for him.

Eventually, they'd moved to the bedroom and now, they were both laying under her covers after what turned out to be a very fulfilling round of sex.

Olivia laid on her left side, her arm propping her head up and staring at him. Trevor was clearly deep in thought.

"What are you thinking about?" She asked lightly.

He was laying flat on his back with the covers pooled at his side while the were up past Olivia's chest. Trevor turned his head to his right to look at her.

"Nothing…" He replied.

Olivia shook her head. "No, I can read you better than that."

He smiled. Of course she could.

"I don't want to ruin the mood." He told her honestly.

"You won't…" She tried to promise him but he shook his head, disagreeing.

"I will… and I'm not sure you'd answer my question anyways but I'm positive that I shouldn't ask it…" Trevor replied.

"Ask me… I might surprise you…" She said, a hint of mischief in her smile as her messy hair cascaded around her face.

He was quiet for a minute, gathering his thoughts. Trevor wanted to properly phrase his question in the best possible way that showed no judgement. To be honest, he was scared of asking her, but he felt like he needed to. They'd just slept together and there was a possibility that they might do it again.

"Have… Were you sexually assaulted?" He asked in a very calm and lowered voice.

The smile immediately fell from her face and he noted instantly that her mood changed.

"Don't answer it… I shouldn't have asked… I'm sorry…" He said, stumbling over his words and pulling the covers up more past his waist because now he felt more exposed.

Olivia inhaled a deep breath.

"No, it's okay, let's talk about it…" She said as she ran her left hand through her hair before dropping her head from her right hand onto her pillow and gazing at him as she pulled the covers tighter against her chest. "What sparked this question?" She asked.

Trevor shook his head. "I shouldn't have asked." He said, staring at the ceiling.

"But you did." She told him. "So, we're going to address it…"

It wasn't that he should have asked, it was just that the question had thrown her.

He was quite again, gathering his thoughts, worried he'd fucked up already.

"You said some things that raised red flags… I couldn't do certain things and the way you said I need to wear a condom… it's not how women usually tell me things like that…" He replied, turning to look at her again.

Olivia nodded, understanding and making a mental note to re-assess how she talked about those things if she decided to sleep with another man sometime in the future.

"I was sexually assaulted…" Olivia admitted. "But that's not why I was so adamant on you wearing a condom and pulling out… I have other reasons behind that, reasons that I can't tell you." She tried to explain, looking him in the eye so he'd know she was honest.

Trevor looked very sad all the sudden.

"You were assaulted on the job?" He asked hesitantly.

Olivia closed her eyes briefly and nodded.

"I was." She answered. "But I wasn't raped, it was just sexual assault…" She said, as if it was no big deal, as if she hadn't been handcuffed to a prison door in the basement and had an erect penis mere centimeters from her lips.

Trevor nodded and returned his gaze to her bedroom ceiling. He seemed to be thinking hard about something.

"Did… did I represent him?" He asked in a small voice.

Olivia was so bothered by his sincere fear of something he hadn't done that she didn't even bother correcting his statement that she hadn't said a man assaulted her, that a woman could have and men assaulting women was just the social norm about rape and sexual assault.

"No…" She said quickly, trying to mask her look of panic.

"Because if I did…" He continued.

"God, no." Olivia said quickly, scooting towards him. "Trever, you didn't." She insisted. "You wouldn't be in my bed if you had, I promise you that."

Trevor seemed to let out a breath of relief, like he'd been terrified he'd done something to hurt her.

"He's in jail?" he asked, turning his head towards her again. Olivia said up on her right elbow and cocked her head to look at him.

"Trevor, I didn't report it…" His eyes seemed to widen at this realization. "Only my partner and Detective Tutuola know what happened aside from a therapist I saw… and I need to keep it that way…" She raised her eyebrows slightly, trying to get her message across that he was sworn to secrecy. He couldn't tell anyone or ask any questions, or even go digging for more information.

"You let him go free?" He asked in astonishment because after all, Olivia Benson was a badass and a great detective, she'd put every single perp on the planet in jail if she could.

"Do you really think I'm the kind of woman that would allow my assailant to get off scot free?" Olivia asked, cocking an eyebrow. "Better yet, do you really think Elliot would let someone go who'd sexually assaulted me? Or Fin for that matter?"

Trevor covered his eyes with his right hand as he turned his face back towards the ceiling.

"Oh god, you did something illegal, didn't you? Stabler killed him? Don't tell me, fuck don't tell me. I'm a lawyer, you can't tell me." He said as he began to mildly panic.

Olivia laughed and lightly hit his shoulder.

"No!" She said, smiling at him as he peaked out from under his hand. "He's in jail for raping another woman… several women actually…" Olivia said as the smile faded from her face at the seriousness of her statement. "But I wasn't raped." She added quickly.

Trevor gave her a thin smile.

"You don't have to convince me… I believe you, Olivia." He said gently.

Olivia was feeling a bit overwhelmed so she scooted over and wrapped her arms around his waist pulling the covers with her as she laid her head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around her body.

She looked up at him with her hair messy and half way in her face.

"Can you stay for a while?" She asked.

"Yeah… yeah, I can." He replied as he leaned down to kiss her, then held her closely.

…

The knocking at her door was persistent. She could hear it all the way from her room and her phone kept dinging with multiple text messages that were no doubt from him trying to lure her out from the depths of her bed where she was nested and had been for the better part of two weeks, except at the moment, her newest bed companion was still occupying the bed with her from their earlier activities.

Olivia and Trevor had fallen asleep not long after their conversation and Olivia was honestly just content to let him lay with her for as long as he wished.

Olivia groaned and nuzzled herself deeper into Trevor's side. She'd even lost a bit of weight due to not eating as much lately due to her mood and recent bout of depression even though her counter was full of food.

Taking two weeks off work was something that Olivia Benson had never done before. Everyone was worried, even Cragen but he'd respected her wishes to take two weeks of her vacation time. It wasn't like she didn't have many vacation days saved up. In fact, she had several and several weeks of vacation time saved up.

Still, she had answered her captain's calls every few days when he checked in on her but it was more so out of fear that he'd send Elliot to check on her.

Her partner had showed up after the first week, knocking on her door, trying to come in to comfort her in whatever way she needed. Elliot had also been worried about her. At that point, she'd ignored his texts and calls all week. He would have come over sooner but he had Fin to rely on and tell him that Olivia was okay, that she was trying to cope.

After the second week, he couldn't take her silent treatment any longer. Elliot caved and went to her apartment again.

This time, he wasn't going away without a fight.

Olivia rolled her eyes, this time at the ringing of her phone.

Reaching a hand out from under the covers, she felt around on the side table until she grabbed it and then tugged it under the covers where the rest of her body was, while Trevor tightened his arms around her waist.

Of course, it was Elliot calling her. The previous four missed calls were from him as well as the past seven text messages. She hit 'ignore' on her phone and quickly flipped through the text messages even though she'd already read the first few.

"Hey, how are you doing?"

"Is there anything you need? Anything I can do?"

"I'm worried about you, Liv."

"If you need anything from me, please let me know."

"I need to know you're okay."

"I'm coming over."

And then there was the most recent one sent only a couple of minutes ago.

"Please open the door, I know you're in there."

She huffed as she closed her eyes tightly. Olivia didn't want to see him and she didn't want him there while Trevor was there. Seeing Elliot was actually the last thing that she wanted to do. Then she felt the phone vibrate in her hand, causing her to look at the screen again.

"If you don't answer me, I'm using my key." He threatened her.

She almost laughed as she typed back her reply.

"Go ahead, the deadbolt is locked." She dared him.

"You're gonna piss him off…" Trevor said as he peered over her shoulder. He knew how Elliot could be, he'd experienced Elliot's anger first hand in the precinct.

Olivia could almost feel Elliot roll his eyes as she sent the message. It took a few seconds but he sent his reply.

"I'll kick it in. You know I will." The detective had replied.

"Told you…" Trevor whispered behind her.

She rolled her own eyes and quickly typed back her reply.

"Hold on, I'm coming." He really would kick it in, this she knew from past experience when he'd thought she was in danger before. Sure, she wasn't in immediate danger now but she knew he could and would kick her door down if he deemed it necessary.

Then Olivia took a deep breath as she threw the covers off herself.

"Stay here and keep quiet…" She told Trevor as she grabbed her robe and threw it on, pulling the belt tight at her waist in the middle.

Trevor smiled at her but didn't give any inclination that he was going to disobey her.

She walked to the door in a timely manner, not wanting to give Elliot a reason to fuck up her apartment door.

"What do you need, El?" She asked as she slowly opened the door and huffed.

He looked the same for the most part except he had darker circles under his eyes and he looked concerned.

Elliot shrugged and looked past her into her apartment.

"I just need to check on you…" He replied.

"No, you just wanted to check on me…" She corrected, rolling her eyes.

Elliot tried to walk past her into the apartment but she put her arms up, bracing herself on the door frame and the door.

He narrowed his eyes at her.

"I'm not allowed in now?" He asked in almost an accusatory tone.

Olivia's eyes visibly softened towards him. She could see genuine concern for her and care for her well-being.

"You came to make sure I'm okay… I'm fine." She said. "You've seen me. You can go…" Olivia tried to say it as politely and gentle as possible. She honestly wasn't up to seeing him.

She'd lost a child. Technically, she'd lost two, one being his that he didn't even know about and it was all still on her mind.

"I'm coming back to work in a couple of days…" Olivia told him when he declined to say anything further.

Elliot nodded and rubbed a hand down his stubble.

"Kathy's allowed in here but I'm not?" He asked, this time it was definitely in an accusatory tone.

Olivia rolled her eyes.

"She came with food and brought Eli… I wasn't going to turn her away…" She told him. It was true, Kathy had stopped by last week with Eli in tow and Olivia had debated letting the blonde in, but when she saw the little boy and dishes of food with them, she couldn't resist opening the door.

…

Flashback:

It'd been a small thing, the burial of the baby. She hadn't even told Elliot when it was or that she was taking two weeks off afterwards, but she'd told Fin to keep an eye on him and he had.

There was no way in hell she'd risk telling him the plans because even if she wouldn't have wanted him there, he would have showed up after she'd left just to pay his respects to the child and then he would have discovered their unborn child's grave.

It had been an emotional day for Olivia. She'd been mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted.

The day after the burial, Kathy and Eli had showed up. Olivia had been so surprised that she'd immediately opened the door and a small Eli slung himself against her left leg.

"Livvia!" He'd said excitedly.

Kathy scolded him instantly, telling him you had to wait to be invited into someone's home before you went inside but the little boy didn't seem to care.

"Miss you…" He'd told Olivia as she picked up the two-year-old.

"You missed me?" She asked, faking surprise as her eyes watered. She couldn't help it. He was so little, cute, and beautiful. She'd give anything to have seen her biological child or the child she'd just buried make it to that age.

Olivia opened the door wider for Kathy to enter.

"You sad?" He asked and Olivia's heart dropped at the fact that he was picking up on her emotions.

Kathy gave her a sympathetic look.

"Happy tears… because I'm happy to see you… I missed you too." Olivia said, realizing that Kathy and Elliot might not have explained death to him yet.

"Oh." Was his only reply, then he hugged her, which just melted her heart.

Olivia reached up to wipe her tears away.

"You didn't have to do this…" Olivia told the blonde as she looked at the food Kathy was setting on the counter. There was a casserole, Olivia couldn't tell what kind yet, and a pie. The pie looked like it was apple.

"It's what you do… or what we do." Kathy replied with a small smile.

Standing barefoot in her kitchen, bouncing Eli on her hip, the weight of her and Elliot's affair hit her at full force along with all the other things she'd been feelings over the past few days.

"I don't deserve this Kathy…" She said.

"Just because she wasn't your biological child doesn't mean it isn't difficult or doesn't hurt…" Kathy tried to explain in a comforting tone that Olivia could tell she'd used on patients at the hospital.

But Kathy was wrong, Olivia didn't mean that she didn't deserve it because she wasn't a mother, she meant because she'd been being intimate with this woman's husband. The very woman that was standing in her kitchen, bringing her hot food after a terrible tragedy had occurred in her life.

Olivia nodded as more tears came. Eli laid his head on her shoulder and she hugged him tighter as she bounced him.

"Why don't we go into the living room?" Kathy suggested as she place her hand on Olivia's lower back and guided her to the couch, probably out of fear that the brunette was about to have a mental breakdown and drop her son on the kitchen floor.

Olivia sat down on one end of the couch cross legged, facing the opposite end, which is where Kathy chose to sit in order to give Olivia some space. Eli settled himself in Olivia's lap and Kathy handed him her phone to keep him busy playing games.

"How are you holding up?" The blonde asked.

"I'm fine." Olivia's automated answer fired off instantly.

"Isn't that the famous Olivia Benson line?" Kathy asked lightly, smiling and Olivia cocked an eyebrow. "Elliot's said as much…" She said, filling in the blanks in Olivia's head.

The brunette nodded in understanding. Everyone in the precinct knew it was her go to answer when talking about herself.

They talked for a little while about the baby and then about how Gladys was nowhere to be found. Olivia caught Kathy staring at her lap and the detective looked down to see Eli fast asleep with his mom's phone sitting in his lap. Olivia smiled warmly at the sight.

"Kathy…" Olivia began, not quite knowing how to ask the question that she knew she needed to ask. Kathy looked to her with concern, sensing a change in Olivia's voice. "Did you… what you heard me say at the hospital… did you mention it to Elliot?"

The brunette's heart was beating nearly out of her chest. She'd been avoiding Elliot for the past two days, terrified he'd ask about her miscarriage because Kathy had told him about it.

But the blonde gave Olivia a thin smile.

"No…" She said. "I figured if you wanted him to know you'd lost a child, then he'd already know."

Olivia nodded, felling sick to her stomach at the fact that she was talking about the child that she'd conceived with Elliot, to his wife while his youngest child lay sleeping in her lap. The weight on her shoulders felt heavier and heavier.

She didn't know if she could bear it anymore, if she could continue things with him. He had a wife, he needed to be with her no matter how she and Elliot felt about each other.

Olivia was the other woman. She always would be, there was no denying that. Once upon a time, she'd thought they could actually, truly be something, when his relationship had gone to hell and he was finalizing his divorce.

If he would have just kept it in his pants for a little while long, then he'd be hers but she wouldn't wish that now, she never would.

Eli was too precious. Olivia loved that little boy like her own child, which is why she kept her distance from him and his mother as much as possible. She had no right to be in their lives, especially with what she and Elliot had been doing.

Olivia's eyes watered at the thought of emotionally and mentally hurting the little boy in her lap but Kathy took her tears as sadness for the biological child she'd once lost.

"It's okay, Liv." The blonde said, using Olivia's pet name. "If you need to talk, I'm here. I understand you not wanting Elliot to know. It's something private and I'm sure it's a painful memory…"

Olivia shook her head vigorously as she used her left hand to wipe her eyes.

"I don't want to talk about it." The brunette said quickly. "I can't… I only discuss it with my therapist… who I'm seeing tomorrow…" She confessed. "Please, don't mention that to Elliot either…"

Kathy nodded in understanding. "You have my word…" Kathy understood how precious secrets were.

After that, they'd reverted to talking to Eli for a bit then Kathy had said they needed to go. Olivia kissed Eli's cheek as he sleepily reached for his mom. The blonde told Olivia to get the dishes back to her whenever she had a chance.

As soon as the two were out the door, Olivia locked it and her knees buckled beneath her, causing her to hit the ground as she cried for the man she loved and for what she was doing to his family. She hated herself, she hated that she had feelings for Elliot and most of all, she hated what she was doing to Eli even if he wasn't aware.

It had to stop.

…

"She wants her dishes back, by the way." Elliot said, looking to Olivia expectantly.

Olivia rolled her eyes at him and held the door open so he could come inside to retrieve them. It was no use making him wait at the door. As soon as she turned her back, he'd be inside, probably searching for vodka, terrified that she was turning into Serena.

He followed her into the kitchen. Olivia saw him looking around.

Luckily, she had Kathy's dished all cleaned and ready to go. Because it was the first casserole and dessert that she receive, and the best, she'd eaten it first before she'd truly lost her appetite and her bout of depression consumed her.

She walked to the counter and retrieved the dishes for him.

"Here." She said, handing them to him.

"Thanks…" Elliot said, seemingly relenting that she was actually coping and had just hit a few rough patches during her mourning process. "I'm really glad you're alright, Liv…" He told her, giving her a smile as he turned to walk towards the door.

Then a sneeze came from her bedroom…

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