Jo Marlowe wasn't afraid to speak her mind and anyone who knew her, were clued in to this specific quirk about her. If she liked someone, they knew it. If she hated someone, they knew it.

She and Elliot had been bantering back and forth playfully for days now, ever since she was assigned to SVU to take Alex Cabot's place.

Two female children were burned to death, now they had to investigate and Olivia was left to get use to the new ADA because as she'd discovered, Elliot's old partner stories about Jo were not about a male partner but female partner.

All these years Olivia had assumed Jo was a man and never once had she questioned Elliot. And not once had he mentioned his former partner was a woman.

Their latest suspect was "Pizza Face" who liked fire way too much.

"You're double dipping into the motive pool…" Jo told the two detectives as she crossed her arms in front of her body and leaned up against the desk.

Elliot smiled.

"I told you she'd say that." He said as he looked to Olivia, then turned around and clicked on the screen to show their new ADA more evidence.

They'd had police video the crowd at the crime scene because as everyone knows, arsonists like to watch their handy work. And there was Pizza Face in the crowd.

"He's got his eyes closed." Jo said.

Olivia looked to the blonde.

"He's ah… having a private moment…" Olivia told her, insinuating that he was masturbating to the fire.

"He's getting off." Elliot stated bluntly looking at Jo. A little too bluntly for Olivia's taste.

"I light a few candles when I want to get in the mood… I don't set my house on fire." Jo replied, more so to Elliot than Olivia.

Elliot smiled again. "A pyrophiliac does though… I'd bet my paycheck on it." He replied.

Olivia looked at him like he was crazy.

Jo smiled.

"You can't afford to lose…" She challenged.

"Then I won't." He accepted.

Olivia felt physically ill watched the two banter back and forth. Lucky for her, Elliot headed to the interview room where Pizza Face was. He was intent on winning his bed.

Jo and Olivia followed to the double-sided mirror to watch.

Within twenty minutes, Elliot had his confession by stuffing paper in the garbage can and lighting it on fire, piece by piece in front of Pizza Face.

Jo watched his every move, recalling what she'd taught him when she'd trained him, and Olivia watched Jo's every move.

As soon as they heard the confession Olivia turned to Jo.

"There goes your paycheck…" The brunette said, looking to their ADA.

"That's not all it's going to cost me…" She replied as she began to walk away.

Olivia spun around and cocked an eyebrow, demanding to know what Jo was talking about.

Jo rolled her eyes.

"I can hear them now. 'You're honor, Detective Stabler sexually aroused my client to elicit a confession out of him. He was raped at SVU.' And that's the last thing I need…" The older woman stated.

Olivia stalked after the other woman, readying herself to defend Elliot.

"We have him on video and he molested Kienzie." She said.

"Yes." Jo agreed, since they'd already gotten a confession from two others who knew about the molestation. "He did but those charges died with her. There's nothing I can do about it now that she's passed."

Jo stated she was going to re-interview the father to see if he remembered anything or saw anything. But Olivia had already interviewed him the previous night, he'd said he hadn't heard or seen anything and Olivia voiced that to Jo.

"You think I don't trust your interview skills?" The ADA questioned even though it was more so a statement. She could tell Olivia was hesitant about her, but that was to be expected with any new ADA that the unit got.

"I think you have a much more hands-on approach than most ADA's…" Olivia responded. What Jo said was true, but Olivia didn't care to admit it at the moment.

"Cut it out, Olivia." Jo said with an eye roll, ready to walk away.

"Just because you were a cop doesn't mean you're on our side…" Olivia stated, keeping her guard up and doing her best to protect her partner.

Jo took a deep breath and stepped into Olivia's personal space.

"I wasn't just a cop, I was Elliot's partner." She said, looking Olivia straight in the eyes. "And I wouldn't betray him any more than you would." Jo finished, grabbing her coat and beginning to put it on.

Olivia narrowed her eyes and stepped closer to Jo as the woman put her arm in the sleeve of her jacket. "You transferred here to work with him again…" She stated slowly, as if she'd just begun piecing the information together. But Jo just shrugged Olivia's accusation off.

"Jack McCoy needed to replace Alex Cabot and I was drafted, it was a happy accident." She replied, slipping her other arm into her jacket and shrugging it over her shoulders.

Olivia nodded while staring down at the papers she'd picked up just moments before. She wasn't going to argue with the older woman but she could see right through the blonde as if she were transparent.

"And speaking of Elliot…" Jo said with a flirtier tone, making Olivia look up to see the woman with a inquiring facial expression. "You and he ever… fuck?" The words rolled off of Jo's tongue so easily that Olivia was slightly taken aback, and she was usually so good at reading people.

"No." Olivia said strongly, perhaps not as strongly as she had when Dickie had asked the question but it was still firm and she was going to stand by her answer no matter how big of a lie it was. "He's married." She said, giving her reasoning, knowing Jo had probably picked up on she and Elliot's chemistry.

Jo smiled and gave Olivia a nod as she walked out of the precinct.

After she was gone, Olivia swallowed hard and excused herself to the lady's room where she was once again grateful that she was one of the few females that worked here, making it almost certain that she wouldn't run into anyone else and would have time to collect herself.

…

"You volunteer us for this?" Elliot asked, looking over at Olivia as they sat in the dark car.

She snorted.

"Come on… you know me better than that." She replied with a small smile.

Elliot huffed. It must have been Cragen that sent the orders then.

"What's wrong with Munch and Fin anyways?" He asked, looking to her.

Olivia shrugged as she gazed out the window, keeping an eye on the house they were supposed to be staking out to see if their co-workers' suspect was going to make a move.

"Something about not making it back from Boston in time… I don't know…" She said as she yawned.

"What held them up? Why the hell did they go to Boston in the first place?" Elliot asked.

Olivia shrugged again.

"Don't know that either… haven't heard a lot of details on their case…" She said as she maneuvered her elbow to rest on the passenger door so she could put her hand under her chin to prop up her head.

Elliot nodded even though she wasn't looking at him. He was tired and ready to go home but now they were stuck on this stake out.

He took a deep breath and reached down for his coffee, grabbing the cup and tilting it up to take a sip from the small opening in the brown, plastic lid, Elliot ended up choking and almost spitting it out all over the car.

Olivia turned to him quickly with wide eyes, curious and worried about what had happened.

Elliot swallowed unwillingly and made a disgusted face, sitting the cup back down.

"You're back on your tea kick?" He asked as he reached beside him for a napkin and blotted his chin.

She smiled when she realized he'd picked up her drink by mistake.

"Yeah… I go back and forth between tea and coffee… just depends on my mood at the time, I guess." Olivia replied, picking up her cup and inspecting it, making sure he hadn't damaged it.

Elliot picked up his coffee this time and took a big, long sip, trying to erase the taste of Olivia's herbal tea that did not in his opinion taste anything like tea.

Olivia watched him as he sat his coffee back down.

"So…" He said as he ducked his head to get a better look at the house they were watching and not seeing anything happening. "What do you think about Jo?" Elliot asked her.

She kept her eyes trained on the building outside of her window.

"She's alright." Olivia responded.

Elliot's ears perked up. Olivia's voice tone and lack of eye contact spoke volumes to him. It was clear that his partner did not thing Jo Marlowe was okay.

"Liv…" He started, wondering what was on her mind and what had caused this reaction of their new ADA.

Olivia huffed and leaned back in her seat, away from the window.

"She wants to fuck you." She told him in a small voice, gazing through the glass of the windshield.

Elliot's eye brows shot up in surprise as a small smile graced his face. He turned his head towards Olivia once again.

"That make you jealous?" He asked, causing Olivia to turn her head towards him quickly with a puzzled look on her face.

"You knew…" She whispered, as she slowly came to the realization that Elliot knew Jo's intentions already. "Wow… okay. Well, do what you want. Just thought I would give you a heads up…" Olivia told him, shrugging off his question as she turned to look out her window again.

They'd been doing so good. It'd been four months since she'd completely broken things off with him and stopped them from being intimate.

Four long months.

Their friendship took some damage at first, it took them some time to fall back into just being Benson and Stabler. She never told him it had been Trevor that night in her room and he never asked. It was like they had an unspoken rule about certain topics now that were off the table to discuss.

There'd been moments where the rule hadn't applied in the past four months because of something happening in a case or a personal conflict but neither one had resorted to their old ways to being intimate. At least not yet.

Olivia didn't necessarily like it.

Elliot sure as hell didn't like it but it's what they had to do to.

They both were hurting, missing each other, needing comfort but that was only allowed to a certain extent now. They were keeping each other at a distance.

But Olivia was crossing into dangerous territory with her comment, and since she opened the door, Elliot was going to try and walk through it.

"Liv…" He said, casting his eyes on the side of her face that he could barely see since she'd turned herself so much into the passenger door. "She's wanted me for years… even when we were partners she made that much clear…"

"I don't care what you do with her or what you've done with her… just… keep it to yourself…" Olivia said. Her voice was cold and so were her facial features, the ones that he could make out.

"Hey…" He said gently.

Her left hand was resting on her left thigh and Elliot reached for it. As soon as his fingers grazed the top of her hand, she jerked her arm away quickly and turned her head to glare at him, shooting daggers with her eyes.

This wasn't allowed. They didn't touch for intimacy or comfort anymore.

Elliot huffed and rolled his eyes, getting annoyed at her response. She was blowing things out of proportion, acting like he was trying to fuck her in their squad car or something when he really just wanted to connect with her before he spoke.

As he drew his own hand back in his lap, he spoke anyways.

"I've NEVER done anything with Jo Marlowe and I never will." Elliot told her, putting extra emphasis on the word 'never'. "It's a never-ending cat and mouse game, that's all."

It was all Olivia could do not to roll her eyes.

In order to keep up her stance, to keep herself closed off and away from him, she had to dislike him, she had to find things to turn her off from him, even if they weren't realistic. Olivia knew deep down he would have never done anything with Jo and that they'd reached the level of friendship long ago where if he had had an affair with his previous partner, he would have confessed it by now.

She scoffed at him and turned her head back towards the window.

Her actions angered Elliot, making him reach out and grab her hand even though he knew this was off limits now.

Olivia struggled, she tried to yank it back but he was prepared this time. He had a firm hold of her.

"Look at me." He said forcefully.

She swallowed hard and finally stopped struggling to look up at Elliot. His eyes were shining bright in the moonlight.

"I've never been intimate with anyone other than you and Kathy." He told her truthfully. She could hear the sincere-ness in his voice.

Olivia struggled with what to say to him and what to do, so she remained quiet and gazed at him.

"Okay?" He asked, seeking her belief and approval of him and his choices, of what he was telling her or rather confessing to her.

She took a deep breath and glanced around before looking at him again.

"Okay." Olivia replied in a small voice. It was a voice that conveyed a feeling of 'I hear you and I believe you, but I don't want to discuss it'.

Elliot nodded as relief flooded his face.

"Can I have my hand back now?" She asked calmly and raised her eye brows for dramatic effect.

He'd forgotten he'd been holding her hand and released it immediately.

Silence engulfed them again and they stared at the home where the suspect was supposed to be sleeping. Olivia began to think about the last time he'd touched her. He'd only done so a couple of times over the past four months and she hadn't fussed too much or rejected him because it had been a dangerous situation.

…

FLASHBACK

They'd been working a case where a young girl was trying to uncover and expose a multimillion-dollar meatpacking industry for not going by the law and keeping a clean house, in turn making people very sick.

She'd been found out, sexually assaulted, then killed.

After trying for a few days to get a break in the case, Cragen decided he wanted Olivia to go undercover as a cleaning lady. The company only accepted possible illegals and she had dark hair and olive skin, it'd be easy enough to pass her off as someone of a foreign ethnicity, so that's what they did.

Of course, Cragen was never clued in on what happened at Sealview so he didn't understand Elliot's hesitancy to send Olivia in, and sent her anyways.

After a couple hours of practicing her Russian accent, she, Elliot, and Cragen put together her undercover profile. Then the next day, she started the new job.

It wasn't difficult, she looked the part of all the cleaning ladies at the meat packing plan. Olive skin, dark hair, and her Russian accent was spot on. She was hit on by one of the workers instantly who told her to call him 'Kiki'.

Then she asked another cleaning lady some questions and was warned not to do so. The other woman was able to tell Olivia about another young woman who asked too many questions, got caught snooping, and went missing.

Elliot was in her ear on the tiny device listening to every word. He was parked outside in an undercover van with a police unit waiting around in case his partner needed back up.

Olivia had spotted roaches, uncleanliness, flies, and maggots. She was truly disgusted herself and the sight made her seriously consider being a vegan or vegetarian.

"I'm gonna go up to the office and snoop around…" She told Elliot silently in the microphone attached to her body. Then continued up the stairs to the main office and put down her bucket and cleaning supplies just so it'd look like she was actually cleaning in case someone came in.

She searched through desk drawers and filing cabinets, under chairs and behind the end tables but nothing. The pictures of what looked like immediate family members caught her eyes. She walked over and behind one of the photos was a tape, but as soon as she picked it up, the owner of the office walked in.

"What the hell are you doing in here?" He asked, clearly angry.

Elliot listened intently in the van.

"I was just cleaning…" Olivia said in her Russian accent.

"That's funny…" the man said. "Looks like snooping to me." And then a sound of skin hitting skin could be heard through the mic.

Elliot couldn't tell if she'd been slapped or hit with a closed fist but he immediately jumped out of his seat and dashed out the back of the white van. Sprinting across the street to the building, he signaled for the police team to follow him in.

Upon arriving upstairs in the office, he saw that the man had Olivia by the waist. She looked panicked and was doing everything in her power to keep him from throwing her to the ground where no doubt, he had every intent of doing what he'd done to their victim.

"Get the fuck off of her!" Elliot yelled at the man as he grabbed him and pulled him off Olivia, throwing him into the filing cabinets that were lined up.

The tape was crumbled up on the floor, broken by the altercation that had taken place.

Olivia made a b-line for the door and Elliot announced himself as an NYPD Detective and made the arrest, then handed him off to the officers that had followed him in. When he went to look for Olivia, she'd already fled the scene.

…

Elliot drove like crazy to the precinct, hoping that's where she'd gone. She would've had to taken a cab though because he'd driven her to the scene in the white van.

He parked the van out front and walked swiftly inside.

As soon as he exited the elevators, he quickly walked into the squad room and saw Munch and Fin.

"Seen Liv?" Elliot asked cautiously, not wishing to alert them that anything was wrong.

"Yeah, she came in a few minutes ago and headed to the lockers… probably changing out of that god-awful attire…." Much responded, noting Olivia's undercover outfit for being a cleaning lady wasn't exactly flattering or what anyone would ever want to wear.

Elliot nodded and put the keys for the van on Munch's desk.

"They'll be here for the van soon. Here's the keys, it's parked out front."

Munch nodded as Elliot swiftly made his way towards. Fin's eyes closely followed Elliot's but he made no move to follow him.

Fin had been clued in by Olivia. She'd told him she'd broken things off with Elliot, probably more so for herself, hoping he'd keep her on the straight and narrow.

Elliot on the other hand, had figured out Fin knew something was up. He wasn't sure how much about his relationship with Olivia that the other detective knew, but he could tell she'd confided in their mutual friend and co-worker to some extent.

Fin would shoot Elliot glances if he'd say something a certain way or breech a certain topic.

It was enough to make Elliot's detective senses tingle, which had been exactly what Fin wanted. Fin had been aiming for his distant friend to know and realize he was now in the loop and he'd do whatever it took to have Olivia's back. Stabler had never been overly close to Fin, mostly causal and friendly but he knew Olivia was closer, that they held a special bond, especially after what happened at Sealview.

Elliot walked through the doors of the locker room and headed to the right, down the row of lockers and was instantly met with a shirtless Olivia clad in only a black bra and jeans. She startled at first, but upon realizing it was Elliot, she relaxed and continued to shrug her shirt over her shoulders so she could began buttoning the front.

He turned around quickly and muttered a "Sorry" towards her, apologizing for walking in on her when she wasn't decent but then again, she knew the risks of changing here and not in the bathroom.

After a few seconds of hearing clothing move and buttons snap, she spoke.

"You can turn around now." Olivia said softly.

He did so and saw her adjusting the collar of her shirt. It was clear her nose had been bleeding and she'd tried to stop it, which she had been successful but she hadn't gotten off all the dried blood from her face.

Elliot huffed and walked towards her.

She watched him closely, praying he wasn't going to make a move on her, not now. Because right now, she'd give in. If he was about to kiss her, she'd let him. She'd do just about anything to get the feeling of that grubby man's hands off of her.

Instead, Elliot walked straight past her to the sinks in the next room.

Her eye brows knitted in confusion as she followed him curiously. He grabbed a paper towel from the rack on the wall and wet it briefly before ringing it out. Then he turned to Olivia, who was now standing behind him and Elliot began to dab at her nose with the paper towel.

She winced and pulled back slightly.

"I don't think it's broken but he got ya good." He said as he tenderly wiped under her nose and around the right side of her face.

"It's not broken." Olivia confirmed as she winced again, deciding to just let him do his work. "I've had a broken nose before…. This isn't broken."

He held her chin with his left hand as he continued to wipe the bridge of her nose that was now swelling. It's not that it had blood on it, but he wanted to feel the swelling just to be sure and he knew the cool, damp paper towel would ease her pain when he touched her.

"You need to put some ice on it… and it'll probably bruise." He told her as he glanced at the paper towel in his hand, mixed with her bronze make up and blood, before chunking it in the trash can to his left.

Olivia walked to his right, getting closer to the mirror to get a better look at her face. She hadn't truly inspected it quite yet. She'd just made sure to stop the bleeding and had wanted to get out of her horrible clothes first.

"I'll be fine…" She said dismissively as she turned on the sink below her and began washing her dried blood off her hands.

"I know." Elliot said with a small smile and nod of his head. He'd leaned his ass against the porcelain sink and crossed his arms over his chest as he watched her to his right.

Her hands were shaking. He'd noticed it from the moment he'd turned around and watched her fix the collar of her shirt.

Elliot swallowed hard and took a small breath.

"Did you flash back?" He asked in a small voice.

"Almost…" She replied instantly, voice and tone matching his. At least she was being honest.

He used his right hand to rub his stubble that's he'd been growing from the previous day.

"I was coming in, Liv." He said calmly.

Olivia turned the water off and stepped around him to his left, grabbing some paper towels from the wall to dry her hands with.

"I know…" She whispered as her eyes began to water so she tried to busy herself with drying her hands off.

She walked over and threw the paper towels away and stared at the floor for a moment. Elliot reached over and gently grabbed her wrist, causing her to look at him.

"C'mere?" He asked gently, giving her wrist a small tug. He knew this wasn't allowed. She'd implied a new set of rules, ones that included no physical contact unless absolutely necessary, no comforting, or anything intimate.

Olivia surprised them both by relenting and walking into his arms. She loosely let her hands rest on his lower back as his arms wrapped around her shoulders. Her chin rested on his right shoulder.

"I don't think I want to do anymore undercover operations." She whispered, looking down at the sink that Elliot's ass was perched on.

"You're not going to." He promised her, causing Olivia to jerk back quickly.

Her eyes narrowed and she went from vulnerable to angry rather quickly.

"I'd kill you if you rat me out." She said angrily, her nostrils flaring despite being sore and swollen.

Elliot gave her a small smile.

"You aren't going to kill me anymore than I'm gonna rat you out." He told her and then tugged her back to his chest. She took a deep breath as her chin resumed its spot on her partner's shoulder. "We'll find a way around it… I won't let you go back undercover, at least not like that… not when it puts you in a similar position as Sealview." Her assault was just that, hers. It was her story to tell and her choice who she told. He'd never take that away from her and rat her out to Cragen unless it were dire circumstances.

Her body shivered at the mention of the correctional facility where she was sexually assaulted, causing Elliot's arms to tighten around her.

"Liv, I woulda…" Elliot huffed as he held her close and felt her grip his lower back more. "I would have never let him… Jesus, I've never run so fast in my life." He felt her body shake slightly and he knew she must be crying as she listened to him.

"I know…" Came her throaty whisper.

"I… if by god, some off the wall way he had… he'd…" Elliot sucked in a breath. "I would have shot him… on sight. He'd be dead, I swear to you."

Olivia slowly leaned back and brought her arms up, hooking her hands behind his neck. Elliot let his arms fall away from her as he gripped the sink he was leaning on. His eyes were now watery.

Tears made their way down Olivia's face, showcasing just how scared she had been and how re-traumatizing it'd been for her to almost flashback.

"Elliot…" She started as she took a deep breath and looked around the room, also glancing at the lockers through the door frame. "If I'm ever… if something happens and I get ra-" Olivia shut her mouth quickly, not wanting to actually say the word. "I'll kill him… I don't care if it's not in self-defense or if it's murder, I'll…"

In the back of her mind, she corrected herself. She should have said she'd kill him or her because women could be rapists too but she was too caught up in the moment to correct her mistake.

She stared at Elliot and their eyes locked.

"Not if I get to him first." Elliot replied, his words even and chilling to the bone, willingly admitting that if his partner was ever raped, he'd commit murder for her in a heartbeat. His grip on the sing tightened.

A pitiful smile graced her face through her tears as she gave him a sad look. Even if she wouldn't want her attacker to be killed, she would have no choice in the matter, Elliot would go after him. It's partially why she didn't tell Elliot about Lowell Harris. He'd have beaten the man to a pulp. Elliot had connections. Prison or no prison, her partner would have found a way to come face-to-face with the corrections officer. She was lucky Elliot hadn't been fueled to do so when she'd told him the few bits and pieces of what had happened to her.

"El…" She whispered as her face contorted, her tears fell faster at the omission she was about to make. "I… I wouldn't want to live either…" Olivia cried.

He sucked in a deep breath and pulled her close, burying her face in his shoulder as her hot tears took refuge in the clothing of his shirt.

"I never want to be my mother…" She whimpered into his chest as she began truly crying now.

Elliot's arms held her close. His tears fell now too.

"I'll never let you be Serena." He reminded her. "And I'll never let you… I'll never let you commit…" He couldn't say the words. It hurt him too much, it hurt his heart too much to know that the woman in his arms would contemplate taking her own life if she were ever raped. "I won't let you… I just won't." Elliot promised her.

His right hand rubbed up and down her back and his left hand cradled the back of her head until her tears and sniffles finally slowed a few minutes later.

Olivia finally pulled back and Elliot released her, using the back of his hands to wipe the tears from his face. She grabbed a paper towel and attempted to fix her make-up.

Taking a deep breath, Olivia moved away from the mirror she'd been perched at and threw the paper towel away.

"I've gotta go give my statement…" She said, wiping her eyes again. "Cragen is gonna know I've been crying…"

Elliot shook his head. "Explain you got punched in the nose, it's an automatic reflex for your eyes to water, it's still quite swollen, he should be able to tell."

He was right, so that's what she would do.

And with that, she left.

…

PRESENT DAY

It still gave her chills to remember she'd admitted to Elliot the thoughts about suicide. It wasn't something she actively thought about, but something she knew would enter her head if she was ever, in fact, raped.

Maybe she'd told Elliot because unconsciously, she'd been trying to let him know that she'd need saving, that she wouldn't actually want to commit suicide but she'd be at risk for suicidal ideation. She wasn't sure but she was almost embarrassed by her omission.

"How are the twins?" She decided to ask, changing the subject and stopping the awkward silence, but she didn't exactly know what she was stepping into.

Elliot took a deep breath.

"Dickie, excuse me… Richard… turns eighteen in about a month…" He said, huffing.

"Oh…" Olivia replied, her eyebrows shooting up. That was fast. She still wasn't sure why he was focusing on Dickie and not Elizabeth… they had the same birthday after all.

He knew Olivia wasn't connecting the dots so he filled in the blanks for her.

"He's still set on pursuing the army…" Elliot said grimly, taking a page out of Olivia's book and staring out his own window.

"El…" She said sadly. "But… you gotta be proud of that… at least a little?" She asked gingerly.

Elliot bit his bottom lip and huffed, deciding to look at her, he turned his head to the right.

"I didn't want that life for him." He said. "He's only doing it 'cause he's mad at me… he wants to get as far away from me as possible. He still hates me."

Olivia stared at him intently. She didn't know what to say but she wished she did. Her partner was hurting, a kind of hurt that she had never felt and would never experience. She'd never be able to get into yelling matches with her teenage daughter and hear the words "I hate you" yelled at her across her home upon hearing a bedroom door slammed. Although, Olivia was almost certain that wasn't how she and her child would act with each other. She doubted the kids acted like that with Kathy either.

"Well…" Olivia said. "At least you have Eli, so you have a do-over son?" She said, giving him a small smile as the moonlight made her eyes shine.

"That's not funny…" He said, but he ducked his head because the corners of his lips were turning up.

She snorted at her own joke.

"I love Richard, I really do but he's been a handful, more so than Kathleen was." Olivia explained.

"Kathleen was sick." Elliot said, his eyes darting to Olivia's. She'd known Kathleen was bipolar when Elliot had found out. It's when she'd also learned about his mother.

"I know, El." She said tenderly. "This might be good for Richard. He needs… stability and discipline, from someone he'll listen to and take orders from." Olivia told him. Elliot looked at her intently. "I'm sorry but… he stopped seeing you as an authority figure a couple years ago…" She gave him a sympathetic look.

"It's my fault."

"It's no one's fault." Olivia said. "Some kids just don't turn out how you want them to and all of your children are so different. Even little Eli."

Elliot huffed and reached down, this time making sure to grab his coffee and not her god-awful tea. After taking a few swallows, he returned the coffee to its cup holder.

"You know, he keeps asking when 'Livia' is coming to visit him…" Elliot replied, giving her a knowing look.

She shook her head.

"I've only seen him seven or eight times since he was born… he shouldn't know me or remember me that well…" She said, scratching her head and huffing.

Olivia almost hated how much the boy seemed to love her. He'd be three in a few months and she was certain she'd be expected at this birthday party, especially since she'd missed the last one.

"If you don't wanna see him, it's okay, you know?" Elliot told her. The words stung coming from his mouth but it was the truth. If she wanted no part of Eli's life, then he wouldn't force her to be there for his son. She'd just expected she'd step into that role naturally since she had done so with his other children. Well, minus Dickie.

"It's not that I don't want to… it just… Elliot, it hurts sometimes." Olivia's brutal honesty came flying out of her mouth before she could stop it. They were entering dangerous territories again but he didn't seem phased.

"Because of me?" He asked, looking a little hurt.

"Well… kind of." She said honestly. "And… because I don't have any kids of my own… it's sometimes hard to watch other families grow and thrive when I don't have one, you know?" She replied, hoping he wasn't hurt by her answer. It was honest and open.

Elliot nodded. He understood. He wanted to correct her and tell her that she was family to him but he refrained from doing so.

Olivia never knew what it would have looked like to see him play with their daughter. She didn't know what they would have named her or if she would have been a tomboy or girly girl. She didn't know if her daughter would have gotten along with all her half siblings or how the situation would have worked out. Olivia's eyes almost watered just thinking about it.

"I won't shut him out though." She said boldly, looking back up at Elliot. "I… I love your son very much, El." Olivia stated. "And I won't shut him out or abandon him just because I can't get my shit together. I will never let a child suffer because of my mistakes."

Her eyes were shining bright now, brighter than before and they were locked onto Elliot's eyes intensely.

He swallowed hard, wondering if he was one of her mistakes.

As some of y'all know, I live in the Southern United States and we were just hit by two hurricanes back-to-back, and it looks like a third one is coming. Luckily, my home is okay. I have some family that took some damage but it wasn't too bad. So, things have been busy.

Thank you for keeping up with this story and for the reviews. I really thrive on review and suggestions. I'm working on updating "Aftermath" But it might still be a while.