I appreciate the encouraging reviews. I love to hear what y'all think. This chapter is a bit shorter than previous ones. Grad school is demanding more of my time than I'd like.

Olivia bit her lip as she continued to drive, glancing at her adopted son in the passenger seat. They were in her black mustang, the car that she didn't take out too often and almost no one knew she had.

Calvin had been over the moon when she'd showed it to him. He couldn't understand why she didn't drive it all the time.

Going back and forth in her mind, she couldn't truly decide if this was the right decision or not. He'd insisted on coming. She was going to leave him at home for a couple of hours. Calvin was old enough to stay by himself for a little while and for the most part, she trusted him.

Olivia had tried to talk her way around where she was going before she finally gave up and confessed that she was going to her mother's grave. The boy had asked shyly if he could go, it was a mixture of wanted to know more about the woman who'd adopted him and wanted to know more about the woman who would have been his adopted grandmother.

Her first instinct was to say no. She didn't want him there. She didn't want him to see her cry if that did in fact happen, but she also didn't want him to see the other gravestones that were at the site.

He'd have questions, questions that she wasn't sure she wanted to answer just yet but, in the end, she'd decided he could come.

"This is a big cemetery..." Calvin commented as Olivia drove her car through the main gate and made her way towards where Serena was buried.

"Yeah…" Olivia responded as she pulled the car to a halt and put it in park. "It's one of the city cemeteries so people who don't have families get buried here if they aren't cremated or if they can't be identified when a murder has been committed." She told him. "But most of them are from families who have chosen to place them here." Olivia added quickly as she watched Calvin scan all the tombstones that surrounded them.

"Did your mom wanna be buried here?" He asked as they walked together down the path that weaved in and out.

Olivia shrugged.

"I don't know. We never talked about it, but I didn't think she'd want to be cremated and we don't have a family cemetery so here's where I chose…"

Calvin nodded in acknowledgement but didn't say anything further.

Olivia was glad that there weren't a ton of people buried around her mother and that it wasn't over crowded in that particular area.

They walked up to a bench that Olivia had had installed when she'd lost the little girl at the hospital only hours after being given legal custody. A bench had seemed appropriate since she had been coming to the cemetery often afterword, it'd brought back up feelings from her miscarriage and she was getting too old to sit on the ground for long periods of time.

She wasn't on call, but she still dressed in her work attire accompanied by her gun and badge. It made her feel better sometimes like a protective shield.

Olivia chose to stand beside the bench as Calvin sat down and stared at the gravestones in front of him. Serena's stone was the most worn and discolored since it was the oldest. The other two were still looking fairly new.

"The baby girl you told me died at the hospital?" He asked gently.

Olivia nodded and pointed to the stone that belonged to the infant she'd been given custody of for a short period of time before passing away in the hospital.

She saw his eyes scan over the one he was most unfamiliar with, the one that he hadn't been told about.

Calvin glanced at her, then looked back as his eyes re-scanned the words written on the stone. For a moment, Olivia wondered if she could piece together the situation. The only date on the tombstone would eliminate the girl from being her sister.

"What happened to her?" He asked gently.

Olivia took a step towards him and sat down on the bench.

"I got pregnant a few years ago. My body couldn't carry the baby, so I had a miscarriage." She explained. It was almost eerie how calm and somber she was.

Talking to Calvin wasn't like talking to anyone else though, with him it was easier sometimes. She loved him unconditionally and she knew that he loved her. Olivia was raising him to not be judgmental and to help others, to try and be understanding even if he may not agree with whatever is happening.

She let the silence engulf them, knowing Calvin was trying to take in what she said.

"May twenty-fifth, two thousand six is when you found out you were pregnant?" He asked softly, clearly confused about the one date on the stone, which was understandable since the baby technically hadn't been born.

Olivia shook her head softly and turned to look at him.

"It's the date I lost her. She was never technically born so I didn't know what to put on the gravestone, but I knew I wanted her to have one…." And Elliot would have too, but she didn't dare mention his name or reference a father figure for the girl. "They told me most people either put the date they found out about the pregnancy or the date they miscarried. Unfortunately, both were the same day for me."

Another bout of silence hit them, and Olivia was grateful. She didn't really know what to tell him about the daughter that she had never known.

They sat in silence for a while. It was nice, or as nice as it could be in a cemetery.

Olivia thought about her mother as her eyes traced over Serena's name on the big stone before them. She wondered just how proud her mother would be. Olivia had never gotten married, she hadn't even been able to have a biological child and while this didn't necessarily matter to her, it might have to Serena.

Then she thought about how close she'd come to walking down her mother's same path with vodka and she wondered if Serena would have ever been able to get sober after years of vodka dependency.

"Will you tell me more about your mom?" Calvin asked quietly from beside her, pulling her out of her own thoughts. "Not the bad stuff but… just normal stuff like more about her being a professor and maybe more about you?" He asked, looking at her with big, wide eyes.

Olivia gave him a small smile. He just wanted to know more about her, to learn about her history and her past but he wasn't focusing on her trauma, he was focusing on her and her mom. It warmed her heart.

"Well…" Olivia said with a small smile, looking up and thinking. "You know she was an English professor. I don't know a lot about her parents or how she grew up. Her father died when she was a teenager and her mother died when I was a little girl. And I only know that because I used the computer at work to look it up when I started working for SVU…"

She told Calvin of good memories and she added a few bad ones just because she wanted to be honest with him and she wanted him to know more about her trauma and that they'd experienced some of the same things.

Before they knew it, they'd been sitting there for almost two hours talking. When they finally made it back to the car, Olivia decided she was grateful that Calvin had asked to come. Initially, she thought this trip was about her mom, but she'd realized that it was about her and Calvin.

Olivia cranked the car as Calvin climbed in the passenger seat. She picked at her nail for a moment before turning to Calvin and addressing him.

"I'd never ask you to lie to someone unless you absolutely had to…." She started as a frown graced her face. "But I need you to keep the stuff about the baby and my pregnancy between us…"

"I'm the only one that knows?" He asked in confusion.

"No." She replied with a small smile. "Fin and Trevor know, but that's it. It's something personal for me and I'd like to keep it personal, but I trust you, otherwise I wouldn't have told you."

"Okay. I won't tell anyone." He promised.

"C'mere" She whispered as she reached for him. He leaned in and she wrapped her arms around him. "I'm so, so happy that you're my son."

"Me too." He replied.

…

Olivia reached up to begin mashing buttons on the radio station. They'd been sitting in the car for over two hours now and she felt like they'd heard the same song four times already. Not only that, but she was slightly annoyed at the lame stakeout they were on.

Neither of them figured they would catch the guy. Hell, they weren't even sure he was home and there'd been nothing to indicate that he was home so far.

He glanced at his phone for what seemed like the billionth time. It was currently plugged into a car phone charger because he'd been fidgeting with it so much.

"Stop looking at your phone…" Olivia told him. "It's on loud and vibrate and so is mine. If she goes into labor, you'll know." She promised him, giving Elliot a knowing look.

"I'm just… worried." He replied softly, looking out his driver side window.

"I know…" She said softly, using her left hand to give his right leg a small squeeze. "She'll call or someone will. She's done this four times already on top of being a nurse. I promise she knows what she's doing." Olivia reassured him.

Elliot was silent for a few moments. His nerves were getting the best of him, especially since today was Kathy's due date.

"She's just never carried to term before…" He finally replied. His experience with this birth was different from all the rest for many reasons. Kathy had actually managed to carry the baby to full term, which she'd never done before and aside from the twins, this was the only pregnancy that she'd been told she probably wouldn't carry to term. Plus, it wasn't even Elliot's child. His feelings were all messed up.

"It's a good thing." Olivia promised as she lightly shook his leg until he finally looked at her to see her smiling. "But if she goes into labor, you're on your own." She told him as she began to laugh. "Literally seeing your wife give birth and having to help her in the process… once was enough for me. It's your turn."

He laughed until his laughed faded into a smile. Then he leaned in to kiss her on the lips. She saw him coming and let it happen.

"I'm sorry for skipping Eli's birthday party…" She said after they'd broken apart and pulled back.

"No, you're not…." Elliot said. "But I understand it. I know it's not easy watching me with my pregnant wife hosting a big family-oriented event."

Olivia exhaled in relief. He always seemed to get her.

That wasn't the whole reason she hadn't come. Part of it was that she wasn't sure she could handle another intimate conversation with Kathy and it just hurt in general to see her carrying a child again knowing Elliot was taking on the role as father even if the child wasn't biologically his.

"He like his gift?" She asked, glancing at him.

Elliot shot her an annoyed look.

"Of course he did. His parents? Not so much…"

She shrugged, giving him an innocent look. Olivia couldn't help that she thought one of the loudest toys was the best choice to get Eli. She'd seen it and had known instantly that he'd love the toy police car with lights and sirens, especially since the boy was on a police officer kick now that he was getting older and realizing what his dad did for a living.

The birthday party had only been two days ago. From what she'd heard, Kathy and Elliot had gone back and forth about having one because they weren't sure when Kathy was going to give birth but since the actual birthday date and party had passed, nether were as worried before and were merely happy that they weren't going to end up with another set of kids that shared the same birthday.

"She's just ready for the baby to get here. We thought she'd be here two weeks ago with the high-risk pregnancy but it's looking like she may be late…." Elliot commented. "We've done just about everything to send her into labor. God, she's miserable."

Olivia snorted.

"What haven't you done?"

"Fuck." He replied easily.

The car fell silent. She didn't know if it was a good thing or bad thing.

On one hand, she didn't want Elliot to sleep with anyone else much less his currently estranged wife, but on the other hand, she was still his wife and Olivia knew how horny pregnant women got. She couldn't imagine going without sex for nine months while having an overactive sex drive due to hormones. On top of that, if Olivia could technically still sleep with whoever she wanted, then Elliot should be allowed to as well.

"I'm not stopping you. She's still your wife and I'm not being celibate just for you…" Olivia told him quietly as she gazed out her own window, not wanting to look at him for the moment.

Truth be told, Olivia had thought about calling up the young woman that she'd met at the Swing Set. She was getting lonely and wouldn't call Elliot away from his pregnant wife to satisfy her needs and Trevor wasn't an option anymore. He may still be in her life, but she wouldn't use him like that.

"I don't feel that way about her anymore. It feels wrong to do that to her… and you."

Olivia cut her head to him and stared at him.

"Have you ever had sex with anyone that you haven't had feelings for?" She asked, being sure to keep the judgement out of her voice.

"You know I've only been with you and Kathy." He shot back.

"That didn't answer my question." She replied.

Elliot ignored her and took this moment to look out his own window. He didn't want to talk about this anymore.

"How's Cal liking camp?" He asked, looking down at his lap and changing the subject.

Olivia decided to give in, she wasn't too interested in the previous conversation they were having either.

"He seems to like it a lot… and I can tell because the first few days he called me every day, sometimes twice a day…. Now, it's once every couple of days." She replied

"He picked a favorite yet?" Elliot asked, looking at her.

She shrugged.

"He seems to like basketball again, but I think his newest interest is hockey." Olivia explained.

Calvin was at a three-week sports camp and had just a little over two weeks to go. Trevor had been the one to tell her about it, and with much persuasion and him paying for over half of it, she agreed to let Calvin go if it's what her boy wanted. The only problem she had was that it seemed to be for more privileged kids whose parents had a healthy amount of money.

In the end, she really wanted Calvin to go though. It was a camp specifically to teach kids a bit about each sport with the goal of helping the figure out which sports they like and were good at, then the last week of camp the kids and young teens would spend time working on the specific sports they wanted to in order to learn the most. Olivia figured there'd be more children there then actual young teenagers but when Calvin had called her, he'd seemed to make at least a couple of friends his age and she got the idea that there were a significant number of boys there in his age range.

Olivia was confident that he'd come back liking at least one sport that he could try out for at school.

"Hockey's good. The girls were into soccer and cheerleading… Dickie tried football for a year, but I don't think he really liked it. It was the school and… he was friends with Shane then. I think his high school career was just a big mess." Elliot told her, going on a bit of a ramble.

"I don't think any teenager has the exact high school career that they want…" She replied lightly.

Fin's voice interrupted them before they could take the conversation any further.

"We got 'em. He tried to sneak out the back, we're headed to booking. Meet you back at the house."

"Ten-Four." Elliot replied.

"Hmm." Olivia commented. "I really didn't think he was in there…" She said, looking up at the building one more time before he started to pull away.

"We're getting old…" Elliot commented as he put his sun glasses on.

…

Later that night

She heard soft knocking on her bedroom door as she was waking up from her deep, interrupted slumber.

Olivia knew his knock. It was Fin. She was now worried but apparently so was he because before she could verbally respond he opened the door and called her name.

A loud gasp came from the blonde that had been curled into her side then a small shriek followed.

"Shit! I'm sorry, I'm SO sorry…. Fuck…." Fin said quickly as he began to shut the door moments after realized Olivia had company in bed with her. Luckily for him, both women had been sleeping instead of doing something else.

"I'll be out in a sec, just wait on the couch!" She half yelled to him, knowing he'd follow her orders.

The blonde woman beside Olivia was now shaking slightly and she seemed to be breathing faster than normal. There was no doubt in the detective's mind that Fin had been a trigger. PTSD was such a bitch.

"Cameron, it's okay…" Olivia tried her best to sooth the younger woman without touching her. She reached up and turned the lamp on at her bedside table. "It's Olivia Benson. You're safe."

Okay, so Olivia had given in and called the girl from the club after all.

"I thought you said you and your boyfriend broke up…." She replied as she tried to catch her breath, clearly wanting to change the subject and not seem weak.

"We did. He's not my ex. That was Detective Tutuola. Remember the man I was talking to in my ear at the club? That as him. He has a key for emergencies and if he's here then something is obviously happening." Olivia tried to explain.

Cameron nodded her head in understanding.

"Can I touch you? Can I hug you." Olivia asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, yes, of course." The girl replied, as if it were a crazy question, although both of them knew it wasn't.

Olivia leaned over and wrapped her arms around Cameron, rubbing her shoulder.

"I wouldn't let anything happen to you." The detective whispered words of comfort in the blonde's ear before kissing her on the cheek. "I'm so honored that you let me into your personal space and personal life. I feel privileged that you opened up to me today… in so many ways…" She said as she kissed Cameron on the lips. There was a double meaning behind her words, a dirty meaning and Olivia knew Cameron got it because she could feel the girl smile beneath her lips.

"I have to go see what's going on with my squad, but I'll be back…" Olivia promised as she leaned down for another peck on the lips before getting up.

….

FLASHBACK:

Olivia had gone back and forth about calling Cameron once she'd gotten home. Her body was buzzing, and she really didn't feel like playing with a vibrator tonight. She wanted someone real.

She'd ended up texting her at first to see if she was free and where she could talk. Once Cameron had replied, Olivia called her and invited her to hang out, hinting that she had ulterior motives and wanted to see if Cameron was interested.

Of course, the blonde jumped at the chance. She took down Olivia's address and arrived within the hour. Clothes flew all over the apartment once Cameron arrived.

In fact, they didn't even make it to the bedroom.

"Oh godddd…." Olivia whimpered as she lay on the couch, totally naked with her head thrown back and legs spread wide for the blonde head currently between them.

The younger woman was clearly skilled with her tongue.

"So good…." Olivia whispered as her mouth hung open. "You're so fucking good."

It didn't get past the brunette that Cameron was really putting on a show for her. She'd already told Olivia she'd looked up to her and been attracted to her.

When Olivia climaxed, she made sure to scream Cameron's name, knowing it's what the blonde would have wanted to hear, and Olivia didn't mind saying it. After a couple more orgasms, they both finally just laid around and talked while in bed.

Olivia ordered them take out and she really took the time to get to know Cameron a little, knowing the woman was comfortable with her and wondering if Cameron had ever had anyone that she felt comfortable enough disclosing too.

"I'm the product of rape…" Olivia tried to say lightly as she ate her pizza, lying in bed, propped up on one arm with the sheet covering her chest. Cameron was in the same position opposite of Olivia.

The other woman swallowed.

"That makes me sad." She replied.

Olivia shook her head quickly. "I'm alright now, but I'm telling you because you'd told me before that you daughter was the product of your assault and I just… I want you to know that she's not alone, neither are you."

"Thanks." She smiled.

The first conversation Olivia had had with her after their first round of sex was about Cameron's boyfriend that she came with to the Swing Set. Turns out, they aren't actually dating, they just say they are because you have to be a couple in order to get into the Swing Set. Once inside, you can split up and pair off with other people and the club doesn't think twice about it since it's a swinger's club.

Then they'd talked about how this was clearly a friends-with-benefits arrangement and Olivia was going to make extra sure that what happened with Trevor wouldn't happen with Cameron. In fact, Olivia wasn't even sure that there would be a next time for them, it honestly depended on Elliot and what he was actually planning on doing when the baby was born, which could be any minute…

"I worry about her growing up and coming from such a traumatic background." Cameron explained.

Olivia shook her head quickly after swallowing her bite of pizza.

"You're already a much, much better mother than mine was. Just be there for her, get through it with her. She'll be alright and so will you." Olivia smiled at her warmly.

It saddened her to know that this amazing young woman was violated in the worse way for probably many more years than she was letting on, but it was nice that Olivia could see how open and carefree she was with sex.

They didn't get to see that in their victims a lot. The main job is to investigate and get them through a trial or court hearing and try to put the perp away for as long as appropriately possible. They rarely get to see victims years after their assaults to see how they are doing mentally and physically and it'd be inappropriate to ask a survivor if they had a healthy sex life, although some of them do openly share that information with Olivia on occasion but it's usually recently after the assault and they will confide in Olivia that they have no sex life and are too scared to try anything.

The two women ate and continued talking for a while more, then things heated up again and after two more rounds of fucking, they fell asleep in Olivia's bed.

It helped that spending the night had already been discussed since Calvin was away at camp and Cameron's daughter was at a sleepover with a very close and trustworthy friend.

…

PRESENT TIME:

Olivia came out in the living room in her silk robe and nothing else, almost worried at what Fin would have to tell her.

"What's going on?" She asked, sitting on the couch with her arms crossed and looking at him with a concerned face.

"Liv, I'm so sorry. This is all my fault…." Fin said. She could tell he felt bad. "Is she okay?" He asked.

Olivia nodded.

"She has some PTSD but she's alright. You just gave her a little scare. She'll be fine."

Fin shook his head and leaned down.

"What's going on?" Olivia asked again.

"I'm sorry. I misread the situation. Stabler text me earlier and asked me to cover for him tomorrow because Kathy went into labor. Then I saw you walking in the liquor store when I drove by on my way home… then I got this cute ass pic of his kid and I just… I thought…"

Clearly, Fin thought Olivia knew about the baby and that Elliot had notified her.

"Kathy had the baby?" Olivia said with wide eyes. She didn't even know what time it was, but she was starting to realize that it was sometime in the middle of the night. "Let me see!" She said, reaching for his phone. She didn't even know where hers was.

Sure enough, Elliot had text that Kathy's water had broken around seven p.m. and around ten, Fin had received a photo of Elliot and Kathy with Kathy holding their new baby girl. They were clearly in a hospital room. You couldn't tell much about the baby. Her eyes were closed tight and the only part of her peeking out from beneath the blanket she was swaddled in was her tiny, red face.

Olivia's eyes began to water.

"I… I just thought…" Fin started.

"I know what you thought." She finished for him, looking up and handing the phone back to him. "You thought I was spiraling, that I'd gone to get vodka at the liquor store and was drinking myself into a stupor."

Fin reached out and placed a hand on the knee that was poking out of her robe.

"I'm so sorry, Liv." He replied. "I didn't mean to invade your privacy or assume…" Fin insisted.

Olivia looked down at her knee and let out a small laugh while looking up at Fin. "I'm naked under this robe, Fin…" She told him, and he snatched his hand away so quickly you would have thought he was on fire.

Now she really did laugh even though there were still tears in her eyes.

"That ain't cool, Liv." He said, shooting her a dirty look. His nerves were already shot.

"Sorry…" She laughed again. "But I'm okay. And I don't blame you. My past actions give you plenty of reason to think that I would have gone down that path tonight, but I didn't…" She said glancing down the hall to where the bedroom is located. "I'm not saying what I'm doing is better but…"

"You know I ain't judging you, baby girl…." He promised her. She looked at him with warm eyes. "It is better though. I'd rather you fuck her than down a bottle of vodka any day." Olivia smiled. She loved their relationship.

"Your phone says it's nearing two in the morning. I don't even know where my phone is…" She commented. "All this… won't hit me until the morning. I'm glad I have tomorrow off."

"Are you okay?" He asked softly, looking at her, studying her features to read her.

"Not even close." She replied in a whisper.

Fin nodded in understanding.

"The man that I'm in love with just had a sixth child with his wife…." Olivia told him.

"I'd hug you if you… had more clothes on…" He told her.

Olivia began to laugh again.

"They probably won't be on for long…" She said.

"And that's my cue to leave…" Fin said as he stood up. He always worried about Olivia, always. He loved her so much. She was his family and he'd never really known family growing up, neither of them had.

"Thank you for checking on me." She told him and leaned up to kiss his cheek before he left. This time, she made sure to lock the deadbolt on the door, so they wouldn't have any surprise visitors. She also needed to locate her phone…