Deep inhale through his nose, Castiel sighs. "We already read this book two full times."
"Again!" Sammy grins incredibly wide, the smile he has that looks just like his mother's, up at the angel sitting next to him in his racecar bed.
"I don't think you're getting any sleepier, and…" Castiel pauses and looks at the digital clock on the nightstand. "It's a half hour past your bedtime."
"Again, Cassie!" Sammy yells, wide awake. He grabs the book, Where the Wild Things Are, and opens the cover once again to the first page. He takes Castiel's index finger in hand and presses it to the page under the first word. He makes Cass follow along with his finger as he reads, just like Auntie Louie does.
"Samuel, your mother explicitly told me your bedtime was to be eight o'clock on the dot," Castiel tries to get tough.
"But I wanna hear da story again," Sammy pouts, going for the cute angle.
"And your mother also told me you'd do anything you could to stay up late."
"Nah-uh!" Sammy denies.
"Yes-huh," Castiel rebuts childishly despite his serious tone. "You, my small friend, are a con artist."
"What's dat?" Sammy questions, face scrunched with the new term.
"It's an insistent child that doesn't know when to quit," Castiel quickly responds, closing the book and starting to stand. "Bedtime."
"No!" Sammy whines, a little fear in his voice. He grasps onto Castiel's coat sleeve with the tightest grip he has. "One more!"
"Not possible," Castiel shakes his head. "I made a vow to your parents that I would care for you to the very best of my ability. Already, you have me bending rules. Sleep is important to your health and development…."
"Don't go!" Sammy suddenly yells, his grip still on Castiel's trench coat. His expression changes right then, the veil of mischief and enjoyment completely gone. Now it's just worry and fright. "Cassie, stay!"
And bedtime is no longer his main concern. Castiel is baffled. "What's wrong, Samuel?"
"You don't leave!" Sammy keeps panicking, his arms wound around the angel's forearm like a boa constrictor.
"You're scared," Castiel says, putting it together. "Why are you scared?"
"Daddy's gone," Sammy says with pure sadness. "Daddy always tell me nothing bad happen to me if he's here. He not here!"
"Ah," Castiel relaxes and understand everything right away. Since Lizzy disappeared into Purgatory, Dean was Sammy's one solid lifeline. Dean was his everything, his protector, his mother and father, his caregiver, and his entire world. And Castiel knows well that Dean's big line in life is to keep every single person he cares even a small amount about safe and sound. "You think you're unsafe when Dean isn't here."
Sammy nods yes vigorously.
"Samuel, if you think you're safe with your father then I have to tell you, you're even safer with me around," Castiel spills out without thinking.
"You better than daddy?" Sammy asks, honestly trying to understand.
"Better…? Oh! No!" Cass backtracks immediately. "I'm… not better than your father. Stronger… maybe…."
"You stronger?" Sammy tries to clarify.
"Well, I do have an advantage over him being that I'm an ang…." Castiel stops right there. He almost gave it away. Sammy doesn't know exactly what he is. If he did know that his bestie for life was an actual angel of the Lord then it would be very hard to hide the rest of the supernatural world from him. This is a whole dilemma they have yet to deal with. For now, he's more like the weirdo uncle and that is just fine with him. "Being… that I'm older."
"You older than daddy?" Sammy asks with surprise.
"Yes. Much older."
"Okay… so, you keep me safe?" Sammy questions, his grip on Castiel loosening.
"Absolutely," Castiel answers very quickly and with all the confidence in the world. He leans back against the back of the racecar bed, his arm lifting and hooking around the small child's shoulders. "Samuel, I promise you I will always keep you safe from everything I possibly can. Believe in that."
Sammy looks up at his so kind best friend and smiles. He then leans his head onto Castiel's chest and relaxes finally. Cass can't help but grin with how comfortable the young child is with him, knowing he is fully trusted. The moment is truly sweet and something he's never quite experienced before.
After a moment, Sammy speaks up. "One more time?" he questions, knowing he has his best friend right where he wants him.
Castiel sighs, knowing he shouldn't but…. "Sure. Why not?"
"Yeah!" Sammy cheers and pulls the book into the space between their laps, opening it to the first page.
Castiel sits for another second, watching as Sammy takes his hand, placing his index finger on the first word. The boy is so pure and kind, something he remembers quite clearly from Lizzy when she was this young. It's refreshing and promising in a way that calms him. There have been a few places in his life that have been special to him. The eternal Tuesday afternoon of an Autistic man's heaven. The field of an untouched midwestern United States in the early 1800's. Lizzy's quite colorful and joyful dreams when she was just a child. An Alaskan glacier in its milder months. And this right here, sitting with the offspring that is meant to save the world as he stays up too late and looks for safety and protection from his best friend.
Best friend. It may be unconventional but… Castiel's never really had a best friend before. Yes, Lizzy and Dean and Sam are family. Even Lou these days. They are his kin and he'd die for them. But Samuel? He's beyond just that already.
"The night Max wore his wolf suit and made mischief of one kind or another…" Castiel begins for the third time that night and knows deep down that there is no other place on the entire planet… or universe, for that matter… that he'd rather be.
Hands shaking, Lou keeps staring. That stupid button. That stupid, boring, off white button… it taunts her. "I've never been so scared of an inanimate object in my life before now."
"You've never been scared of a knife?" Sam challenges, trying to lighten up the moment.
"I can shoot anything holding a knife way faster than it can stab me," Lou brushed off. She sighs. "I ring that doorbell and this whole fucking thing begins."
"What whole fucking thing?"
"The whole my-brother-hates-me-and-is-pissed-but-he-needs-my-help-and-I'm-still-super-fucking-pissed-he-didn't-even-come-to-my-funeral-and-cut-Lizzy-off-completely-even-when-she-needed-him-to-be-there-for-her… thing.
"Oh, that small thing," Sam shakes his head and quickly reaches around her. He pressed the button, the sound of buzzing blaring from the intercom speaker.
"Sam!" Lou gets mad and pushes him a little.
"Hey! It was either I do that or we stand here forever…."
"Hello?" a male voice, somewhat nervous, calls out from the speaker.
"D-Derek?" Lou asks, making sure.
"Yeah, Louie. Come on up," Derek answers without any excitement at all and a second buzzing sounds while the front door of the apartment building unlocks.
Lou exhales hard and pulls the door open. Together, Sam and Lou climb one flight to the second-floor door with a six on it. Derek opens the door and for the first time in nearly a decade, the brother and sister come face to face.
Lou opens her mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. She promptly shuts it.
"Not even a hi, huh?" Derek rolls his eyes and walks into the apartment, keeping the door open to let the visitors in.
"Nice, I see your shitty attitude is still firmly in place," Lou gripes automatically and enters the apartment, Sam following close by. They both plop their oversized duffle bags on the floor in the middle of the living room.
Derek spins around and stares right at his sister. "My shitty attitude?"
"You did hide from me for ten years and when I finally see you, not even a kind greeting."
"When your sister abandons you after your parents are brutally murdered… yeah, you don't get kind."
Lou nods, having known all along that this was exactly what created the rift between them and that he still puts full, one-hundred percent of the blame on her. Her anger falls away when the guilt hits. "I… Derek, I…." She fails.
"You what, Lou? Didn't mean to hurt me? Never meant to leave me alone at seventeen to fend for my fucking self while you decided to disappear into the world and become completely unreliable?"
The anger in his expression, the balled-up fists by his sides, the way his voice cuts through her heart like a hot knife through butter… it hurts. She wasn't prepared for how much this was going to hurt.
"I didn't mean to… ditch you," Lou tells him, knowing her words sound so damn hollow.
"Oh no? You didn't mean to leave me alone while I was underage and still in fucking high school!?" Derek yells. "You were my sister! You were old enough to help me, at least for a year until I became legal, but you chose your best friend over me! Like always, you picked Lizzy!"
"That wasn't what it was about!" Lou shouts back but as she does Sam steps between the two of them.
"That's what it was always about!"
"Alright! I'm ringing the bell!" he shouts over them and holds out a flexed hand to each. "Get back to your corners and focus. We need to deal with the demon problem first. Then you can scream at each other about the past for as long as you want."
"Who the shit is this guy!?" Derek fires out, offended by being told what to do by the giant stranger in the room.
"This is Sam. He's gonna back me up on this whole… situation," Lou sighs out.
"So, he's your hunting buddy?" Derek asks with disgust. "What happened to Lizzy? She ditch you like you ditched me? Feels pretty shitty, huh?"
"Lizzy is handing another case right. She's in Louisiana." Lou glances at Sam, hoping he can stow the whole vampire-crap right now.
"Nice to know that hunting is still more important than me," Derek bitingly comments, looking away.
Lou just sighs and shakes her head. "She wanted to be here. I told her not to come. I told her to help a good friend while I came here to help my little brother."
Derek keeps his focus elsewhere. He expected Lizzy with his sister. He's mad she couldn't even be there, even if he has no right to be mad.
"Derek… I missed you," Lou tells him, her chin quivering slightly as she blinks away the moisture in her eyes. "A lot. And I never meant for this to work out this way. I had a calling… and I was mad as hell for what happened to our parents. I… couldn't stay. I just couldn't."
"Yeah, well… I had to. And I had no one left," Derek blames once more, not feeling very forgiving. He crosses his arms and stands there, staring at his feet.
The thick, terrible silence is too much and it's not at all productive. Sam claps his hands together once before announcing, "Okay. Emotional baggage later, warding now. Let's get going. Then we can sit down and figure out what our next step is." When no one answers, Sam elbows Lou. "Lou?"
"Yeah, fine," she answers in a sad, miserable tone before grabbing their weapon bag and getting to work.
"Ugh…" Lizzy walks into the motel room with a sullen attitude, sad to see where she will be sleeping. She left a cozy home that she loves for this? She sighs and turns around to Dean as he walks through the door and she plops her duffle bag onto the stained carpet. "How about we turn around and head back towards that big, giant, comfy bed of ours at home?" She then smiles to show she's joking.
Dean just gives her a glance before dropping his own bag onto the full-sized bed in the room.
"Hey, I'd make it worth your while," Lizzy jokingly winks, trying her best once more with her surly husband. "Maybe we head back, get these stuffy clothes off, roll around in some sheets…."
"Don't do that," Dean says calmly despite his irritation, his eyes actually meeting hers as he pulls his jacket down his arms, tossing it onto the upholstered chair in the corner.
"Do what? Talk about sex?" Lizzy asks, knowing that isn't what he's saying at all.
"We're here because we need to clean up your mess. Don't try and joke your way out."
She's hurt by that. They joke around all the time and she just wanted to get back to that. Lizzy is always the one that can lighten up Dean's mood… except for the few times when she can't. That's when it's bad. That's when next to nothing can crack through his bad mood.
"This isn't my mess," Lizzy defiantly responds, yanking her bag off the floor and slamming it down on the opposite side of the mattress as Dean. She pulls the zipper open with too much force and grabs her toiletry bag, all while glaring at her husband. If he's going to keep being a pain in the ass, she can be a double sized pain in the ass. Now she's just plain angry. "This is some random vamp's mess."
"You don't know that," Dean sing-song rebuts, pulling out a pair of old, worn cotton sweatpants.
"Oh, I know that," she fights right back, pulling out a hair elastic and hastily putting her hair into a knot on top of her head.
"You don't. Stop pretending you don't deep down think that Benny did this," he gets fired up again, pulling his flannel off with force, followed by untying his boot laces.
"I sure as shit know he didn't do this," she petulantly calls back, turning on the faucet and splashing her face with water. "It was our agreement. I help him get out, he never kills a human again."
"Oh yeah, trust the promise of a monster…."
"Never… unless you know the monster really well."
"And you think vampires don't ever lie?" Dean counters while toeing his boots off and dropping his jeans before stepping out of them. While stepping into his gray sweatpants, he huffs a disgusted sigh.
"No more than you do, dear," she fires back with a bitchy tone as she scrubs her face with face wash from her toiletry bag.
"I lie all the time!" Dean shouts back, outing himself as he pulls his toothbrush out of his bag and walks for the sink.
"Look, I know you don't trust him. And, honestly, you shouldn't. You don't know him like I do," Lizzy relents as she splashes more water on her face to clear the soap off. Once she's done she turns off the faucet and wipes the water from her eyes. Straightening up, she looks at Dean as he holds out a motel towel for her. She takes it and dries her face as she says, "I just wish you could trust me. That's all this boils down to. You not trusting me. And that's the same thing that always ruins everything for us."
Dean shakes his head as he steals the toothpaste from her toiletry bag and puts some on his toothbrush. "The only thing this boils down to is that you're cool with knowing that a free blood-sucker is out there killing people. And I'm not. I can't be cool with sitting by and letting him be free to do whatever and kill whoever he wants."
Lizzy stops right there, facing the mirror and gripping the edge of the sink with both hands. She pushes out a deep breath and meets his eyes in the mirror as he pops his toothbrush into his mouth. "We're just going in circles about this."
While brushing, Dean nods sadly. "Yeah."
"We've said all these things already."
In an ever more somber tone, Dean repeats, "Yeah."
Thinking in the silence, the only sound that of teeth being brushed, Lizzy decides on how to temporarily fix the hostility while she gets out her own toothbrush. "Why don't we just agree to not talk about this until we get to work tomorrow? Talking isn't getting us anywhere and it just ends up getting us all pissed off." She then extends her brush, silently asking for him to put toothpaste on it for her… and to agree to the peace treaty she offers.
Rolling his eyes, Dean grabs the tube while keeping his own brush in his mouth. He squeezes a stripe onto Lizzy's toothbrush and together they silently clean their teeth.
When done, they still silently walk back into the motel room. Dean gets into bed on the side closest to the front door while Lizzy strips down to her underwear and tank top. Without thought, he pulls back the blankets on her side as she crawls in. Settling quickly, they face away from each other and Lizzy clicks off the bedside lamp.
"Goodnight," Lizzy says to him in a small, sad voice. She really is hating being at such odds with him.
"Night," Dean says quickly back.
Silence descends on the room, thick and depressing. They both are uncomfortable. It's been a long time that they've acted like this with each other.
Dean can't take it.
After a good five minutes of both Dean and Lizzy laying there, backs to each other, eyes wide open and hearts heavy, Dean reaches blindly behind him. His hand lands on her hip and he slips it under the edge of her tank, pressing his palm to her warm skin. He closes his eyes, absorbs the feel of her, and tells her low and with sincerity, "I love you."
Lizzy smiles small to herself, dropping her hand on top of his and gripping it tight. "Love you, too."
Simultaneously, they turn to each other and get into the same position they sleep in every night. Dean on his back, Lizzy curled up into his side with his arm around her. They both fall asleep very quickly.
"Alright," Sam nods, scanning Derek's apartment and liking how secure they seem now. Devil's traps under all possibly entries, salt across all doors and windows, holy water and salt accessible and in several different places, and Ruby's knife is in his hand. They are as safe as they'll get. "I think we're good."
"I'm not getting my security deposit back, am I?" Derek complains as he also looks around.
"We'll reimburse you," Sam half smirks at the petty worry within the situation. "Let's just sit down and talk. Sounds like there's a lot to get through."
"Understatement," Derek mutters and flops down into his well-loved upholstered chair.
Lou rolls her eyes yet bites her tongue. She sits down onto the couch and Sam sits next to her, keeping some distance.
It's a bit awkward through the brief silence but it doesn't last long.
"I'm sorry," Lou blurts out with a shaky voice, already too emotional from everything. Warding the apartment gave her time to think and she's decided she's taking Derek's side after all these years. "You're right. I should have stayed with you. You should have been my priority and instead of help you… I ditched. Derek, I shouldn't have ditched." She wipes her eyes while looking at the floor. She can't face him. "I should have stayed."
Wide eyed, Derek stares at his sister. She's far too stubborn to have just admitted her failure as a sister. But she just did. "I… uh… I'm not sure what to say. I just… never expected that."
"Me neither. But I'm getting better at the whole seeing-things-from-the-other-side thing. If I put myself in your shoes… I'd be super fucking pissed at me. I left you. You weren't even eighteen yet. And… I left with Lizzy. I know you've always been, I don't know, jealous of the bond I have with her."
"It was like you were her sister and I was just some kid that lived with you sometimes," Derek tells her. "I always felt like you guys were closer than we ever were."
"You and I have nothing in common, Derek."
"Neither do you and Lizzy," Derek rebuts quickly. "You guys were like opposites. But you were still best friends. You were always with her… and I was always left out. I never got to know you. I never got to… be your brother."
As Lou sits there, her heart shatters. She had no idea how bad it was for him. She knew she spent a little too much time with Lizzy growing up but she didn't see how neglectful she was their whole lives.
"I never meant for you to feel that way," Lou says quietly, the guilt crushing. "I… I don't know. I wish I could pull a do over."
Derek sigh. "I mean, it's not like I didn't get it. Lizzy was your age and she was a girl. She was always really fun and I was the pain in the ass little brother. Like… it was kinda normal, in a way. For you to want to hang with her more."
"But it wasn't normal for me to make you feel like you didn't matter," Lou tells him, her voice sincere and devastated. "Just because we didn't always get along didn't mean I didn't care. Or love you. Derek… I haven't heard from you in nearly a fucking decade but you're still my brother. You're still my family. I… I still love you."
Derek doesn't speak, just stares at her. His expression is finally melting just a touch with her honesty and her understanding.
"And when you needed me, when you found me and asked for help?" She presses her hands over her heart. "I'm here. Derek, I came as fast as I could. I'm here to help you. I will always be here when you need me the most."
Thinking it over, Derek sighs and rolls his eyes. "Thanks for that. For coming."
Lou just smiles small. "I just hope you get that I had to leave for good reason. I had a calling. I had to help people and stop other families from going through what we did. And what Lizzy did. It was… it was bigger than me and bigger than us. I had to…."
"Risk your life every day?" Derek asks, not exactly able to see it through her eyes.
"If that's what it took," she nods. "Soldiers do it every day."
"You're not a soldier."
"Not a registered one," Sam steps in there. "But she's fighting for the safety of people she doesn't even know. Still pretty noble."
Looking to her side, Lou just smiles thankfully at her husband. He's always got her back. She really needs that right now. Without a word, she steals his hand from his lap and yanks it into her own, clamping onto it with both her smaller ones.
The move doesn't fool Derek, and neither does that fact that his sister and this hunting partner of hers are both wearing wedding rings, but he saves the questioning for after. "Did you end up… saving people?"
Lou smiles slightly wider. "It's the family business, after all."
Derek's face scrunches. "Huh?"
"Nothing," she huffs a laugh. "I saved a lot. Not all of them. I had to… watch people, kinda… slip through my fingers. But I saved a lot, yeah."
Thinking it over, Derek nods once. "Good. People shouldn't have to experience what we did. Ever."
Lou's entire form relaxes. "I completely agree."
After taking a deep breath, Derek closes his eyes a second before speaking up. "And I'm sorry… I didn't come to your funeral or whatever," Derek says, clearly very confused. "Even though you're not dead."
Lou lets out a half laugh at that. "Forgiven. I'm not dead, anyways. At least, not anymore."
Derek's face screws up at that, not getting it. "Huh!?"
"Long story. And I promise to tell you everything, and I mean everything, as soon as we find what's after you. When I kill that demon dead… then we can have one hell of a family reunion and meeting. Okay?"
Derek shrugs. "Okay with me. I mean, I feel like I'm about to find out way more than I ever wanted about… I guess, the world. And you. But okay."
Daylight is starting to break, he can see the pinks and oranges just starting to light up the sky outside of Sammy's bedroom window, but still… the angel doesn't move.
The entire night, Castiel stayed put. He didn't have it in him to move. What if his leaving Sammy to sleep alone woke the boy up? Or what if he had a nightmare when Castiel wasn't near him to pull him out of it angelically? Or what if something came for him, something evil, and he wasn't there to smite the ever-living-crap out of it? Too many things can go wrong, so Castiel stayed.
The little boy moved a lot in his sleep, ending up on his side with his face squished against Castiel's thigh. The angel has his hand in the mop of dark hair that's sticking up every which way with a good night's sleep. With his cheek pressed and hair a mess… the little boy looks so sweet. He looks as innocent as he is.
And through the night, Castiel ran through all the scenarios. All the things that could go wrong for Samuel. He could become God's vessel. He could be hunted down for being God's vessel by any number of demonic things. Crowley could decide he wants him. A monster could decide it wants him. Hell, he could fall in the bathtub or choke on a price of chicken nugget he didn't chew since he inhales food not unlike his father. Or he could get into a car accident.
Anything could happen. Anything could come and take Samuel away from his family, away from his guardian angel, and the thought is completely terrifying.
Castiel sighs, looking down on the little miracle, and says to himself, "If this is how your parents feel everyday of their lives… I don't understand how they live every day."
He truly doesn't. He's starting to see through a parent's eyes… and it's both spectacular and so wonderful. But it's also awful in its own ways.
Holding the boy closer, Castiel sits and waits for another day to begin. He still has no plans to leave Samuel alone.