Hi everyone! As promised, here is the third chapter. So in this chapter I will be introducing Helga's family, but I want to focus on her relationship with Olga. Obviously, they have never been close, but let's see when Helga asks her one important question...Enjoy!
It was an early weekend afternoon and Helga has been in her pink pajamas all day, playing some music when she realized that she was getting late to see an upcoming action movie she had wanted to see.
Oh crap! I'd better get dressed! I do not want to be late for the movie. She thought.
She quickly grabbed a cleaned shirt from her drawer, then she tied her pink bow and put on her big blue hat. However, she realized that she had no cleaned jeans to wear today.
you have got to be kidding me! She thought.
*sigh*
Reluctantly, she went to her dirty laundry basket to see if she can find a pair of jeans. Yet to her surprise, the basket was empty.
What the...? Where are my clothes? Was I robbed last night? No, Miriam must have done the laundry today. She thought.
"Mom! Did you do the laundry today? I ran out of clean jeans to wear!" Helga cried to her mom.
"I did dear. I left them on top of your desk, along with your other cleaned clothes!" Miriam replied back to her.
"Oh. Thanks Miriam" Helga said back.
Helga looked toward her desk and saw a full stack of cleaned clothes. She was surprised that her mom did the laundry today. She had expected her to say something irrelevant, only to contradict herself, much to Helga's annoyance, an indication that she forgot to do it, which would usually result in Helga doing her own laundry.
"I guess those anonymous meetings are really working." She said to herself, although she was not holding much hope into it.
It was not the first time that Miriam had attended these meetings, but it is the first time where she had been going to them consistently for months now and there had been some improvements. Although Helga was happy about that, it hurt her knowing these improvements only came out due to Olga arriving back home. When Olga was away, Miriam made little to no effort to attend these meetings and no improvement in her drinking or behavior showed.
Why couldn't she have made the effort for me? she thought sadly, as she fiddled with her folded cleaned clothes.
Nevertheless, she put such negative and sad thoughts away because, at least Miriam was now getting the help that she needed and Helga hoped that she could eventually start becoming a Mom to her again.
As she put her clothes on, she was just about to step out of her room when she heard a commotion downstairs between Olga and Big Bob.
"I'm sorry Olga but I can't make it to your acting interview today. I have an important meeting to attend to with some high ranking clientele." Big Bob said to her.
Ever since the introduction of cell phones and !Phones, Big Bob had to completely redo his inventory with the new technology in order to stay in business. It was hard work but he pulled through. His business continued to thrive and he became more wealthy. However, it came at a cost to both Miriam and Helga. He continued to ignore Miriam's alcoholism, while also not spending any time with Helga. Worse still, his business transition came at a time when Helga was reeling from the loss of Arnold moving away. He was completely clueless to Helga's deteriorating mental condition, considering it nothing more than a woman's 'time of the month'.
It was only when he come home late one night and saw Helga in tears on the couch that he realized something was wrong and attempted to comfort her, as any father would. Although in the grand scheme of things, it was too little, it was not too late because on that every day, Helga had seriously considered cutting herself. It was only due to her father's intervention on that fateful day that Helga managed to find enough strength to not go through with it.
"But Daddy, can't you just reschedule it? It would really mean a lot if someone went with me to the rehearsal. It is an important piece that I'm sure that I can get it. Mom has another meeting today so she can't make it."
Ever since Helga put her foot down, Big Bob reluctantly accepted Olga's new career choice, but he was never happy about it. He felt that all the effort that was put into Olga over the years were a total waste. Big Bob knew that Olga had so much more potential than being just an actress. She could have been anything really. But now, unwilling to lose his two daughters, he had to accept the reality and allow to make her choice.
"Oh for crying out loud! Olga, I never liked your career choice in the first place, so I don't know why you would even want me there. Can't you take someone else with you?"
"Like who?" Olga asked him, almost choking.
"Like ummm..ummm...oh the other Olga...what's her name...Helga!" Big Bob called out to her, just as Helga was slowly creeping towards the door to make her escape.
"Helga, why don't you tag with your older sister to her interview today?"
"What? But I have made big plans today, Bob." Helga complained.
"Oh ya? What sort of plans do you have today?" he asked her while raising one eyebrow.
"Well they are ummm...you know big like... going to the movies?" Helga responded with a nervous smile.
Big Bob just lower his eyelids and simply said to her, "Your going with your sister to her interview today." Then he walked away to get ready for his meeting, leaving Helga stunned with her mouth open.
"Oh please baby sister, it would mean the world to me if you came to my interview" Olga pleaded with her. "Especially since you were the only one that supported me."
"Oh crimeny fine! I'll go to your interview with you." Helga responded back while pouting.
"Oooohhh goody! Thank you baby sister!" Olga cried while she tightly hugged Helga.
"Ya ya, just get ready so we can go already." Helga said as she shoved Olga away.
"Right, let me get my script and purse and we will be on our way."
I cannot believe I am stuck here going to some stupid acting interview on a perfectly good day. I am starting to regret supporting her in her career choice. Helga thought frustratingly.
As they were driving, so as to 'support her', Helga asked Olga, "So what role are you going to be interviewing for?"
"It's one of the main roles for this play. It is a female detective investigating a murder, but little does she know that the murder involves some highly powerful people. It is kind of like the movie Citizen Kane or the Manchurian Candidate." Olga explained.
"Sure to be a thrill Olga." Helga said non-enthusiastically.
Once they arrived, the girls were surprised it was such a big theatre. It was able seat an audience of more than 1,000 people. However, the interview was not located on the stage itself. Both Helga and Olga had to go downstairs to the basement, where they saw other candidates waiting for their turn. At the end as a door that said 'interviews'.
They did not have to wait long before Olga was called in for her interview.
"Wish me luck baby sister" Olga said with a wink.
Helga simply gave Olga a thumbs up as she went inside.
Within 30 seconds, Olga came back out, visibly upset.
Surprised, Helga got up and said to her, "Well that was fast. They hired you on the spot eh?" with a smile.
Looks like I'm going to be able to make to the movies after all. She thought happily.
"No, they didn't. I only said a few words of my lines before the director interrupted me and said 'thank you' and that they will call me if I am hired." Olga explained sadly. "That usually means that I was not a good fit."
"Oh. I'm sorry Olga" Helga said, now a little concerned.
"It's ok. There is always another role." Olga said, trying to be positive.
Helga was now concerned about Olga. Not only was this the sixth time that she had been rejected from a role, but instead of her usual annoying crying and squeaky tone of voice, Olga simply looked demoralized and sad. And these were only the roles that they called her for an interview. She had applied to many different roles, most of them minor ones, but she only managed to get called for six.
The car ride home was silent. Wanting to cheer her up, Helga spoke up, breaking the silence, "You'll get more roles again. Screw them, they do not know what they doing."
"Thank you baby sister, but...don't tell daddy this, but I am now having second thoughts about this career choice. It's been six months since I arrived back home and I have not yet landed a single role on any stage. Six months and I have nothing to show for it." Olga explained sadly.
This was too much for Helga. Although she never fancied her older sister, she couldn't help but feel bad for her. Olga had always triumphed in any area, but this is the first time where she has been experiencing failure after failure. Helga remembered back when she was nine years old when she, out of jealousy, intentionally changed Olga's grade from straight A's to B's, resulting in Olga having a complete meltdown. She was now concerned that she might experience another meltdown, only this time a serious one.
*sigh*, I'm going to be regret this. Helga thought to herself.
Wanting to cheer her up, Helga said as genuinely as she could, "Listen Olga, instead of going home, why don't we spend some time together and get some hot chocolate."
"Really?" Olga asked, to which Helga nodded.
"Oh baby sister that would be wonderful!" Olga cried out as she let go of the steering wheel as she attempted to hug Helga, inadvertently letting car steer right onto oncoming traffic.
"Olga! the wheel! grab the wheel!" Helga shouted at her while panicking. Just at the nick of time Olga grabbed the wheel and steered the car to the right side of the road.
"Don't...*panting* do that...*panting* again!" Helga warned Olga, while grabbing her heart.
"Sorry baby sister, I got a little carried away" Olga said.
"A little?!" Helga barked back.
Yup, I'm already regretting this. Helga thought
After a few minutes, they saw a café and decided to go there. After parking and paying the fee, they went inside, ordered some hot chocolate and sat down to...talk.
Five minutes later and there was still dead silence. Neither of them knew what to talk about. Both soon realized that they never did take an opportunity to simply sit down and talk. It soon dawned on Helga that despite being sisters, she knew nothing about her. She had been so resentful and jealous of here that she never took the time to get to know her.
Getting anxious about the silence and wanting to break it, Helga soon thought of a topic that she wanted to ask Olga about. It was something that Olga had said to her when she was nine, the same day when she had her meltdown over her grades changing.
She honestly did not want to touch this subject, but she had always been curious about what it was liked to have so much attention drawn towards you. She would not know what it was like, but Olga does. Besides, it's not like they had anything else to talk about.
"Olga?" Helga began to ask her with a rather timid tone, "What was it like?"
"What was what like?" Olga asked her.
"Remember when I was nine years old and I changed your grades and you had a mental breakdown? You said to me that I must think that it must be nice to have to constantly perform and exceed our parent's expectations like a windup doll. I was just wondering...what was it like to have all that attention?"
Olga was surprised by Helga's question. She was expecting to talk to her about what has been going on in her life, if there are any boys, what activities is she currently into, etc. However, deep down she knew that Helga would one day ask her about this; she just did not expect it to be so soon, especially at her age. She took a moment before deciding to respond. After sometime, she finally spoke up,
"Terrible. It made me blind really, about things, about myself...and about you. I mean, on the one hand, I was happy that I was always getting praises and compliments from our parents. I wanted to make them proud, and I initially liked doing the activities that I was doing. I got good grades, I never got into trouble, I was the perfect child etc. But it soon became tiresome, which, as time moved on, later evolved into an existential crisis for me."
"I realized that my identity, who I was, was not within me, but on our parents' and everyone's expectations. I was never able to become the person that I wanted to be; only the person that everyone else wanted me to be. You'd think that I could have just rebelled or at least just did things that I wanted to do, even the simple things. But it was not that easy. I became so accustomed to everyone else's expectation that it became my whole world. I found that the only thing that I was ever good at was to perform as a windup doll for everyone. I let that identity become my identity, without ever questioning it. It was, as how in political philosophy they say, a totalitarian ideology, where any sense of individualism was eradicated."
Olga stopped for a moment, allowing Helga to absorb everything that she just heard. Then she continued,
"The worst part is that it blinded me from not-so-good things that were occurring at our family. Because I was brought up to be perfect, I reflected that illusion onto our family, believing that our family was also perfect. Hence, not only did I ignore, but I chose not see our mother's alcoholism, I chose not to see with the way our father influenced us..." Olga choked up a bit, before continuing on, "... and I chose to ignore the way they were treating you."
Olga was no longer able to hold it in and let out a few tears drop down her face, but she reframed from sobbing and continued on, "Helga, you were are not a bad child. You NEVER were a bad child. If anything, you were the only one that did not get sucked up into this illusion of a 'perfect family'. You were the only one that was able to be your own person, to rise above it all and continue on with your head high. I envy you baby sister, you were always far stronger than I ever was, and I am sorry that you had to suffer for it."
Helga was speechless and in complete shock. She did not expect Olga to come out this clean, but before she could respond, Olga continued on,
"That is why I decided to become an actress. It was not simply a form of rebellion, but also because I enjoy it. I liked performing on plays, only this time I know that the characters are fictional. I know that the stage is fictional. Plus I always had a fancy for theatre, plays and movies, I just never told daddy about it because I knew he would not approve."
"I was so scared before of what would have happened if I ever did something that they would not approve of. It was not just a form of cowardice, but worse, it was a form of mental/symbolic death. I had actually believed that if I did not do what made them happy, that I would die, mentally speaking, in their eyes. And to me, that would have been devastating."
"But I no longer care anymore. I don't care if they approve of what I am doing in my life or not. While I was taking psychology courses I realized that I still do have a choice, and if I still have a choice, then I must exist in my own right. I couldn't take it anymore."
"I know what you are thinking; that our parents, especially daddy is this mean dictator that took away all our freedoms, but no, it is not that simple baby sister. I don't think that neither mommy or daddy were ever conscious about what they were doing. They were not consciously imposing this false view of me onto me. I know that they have their own problems and because of that, because of their own failures, they wanted to see only the good in me."
Olga knew something that Helga did not. When Miriam was informed that she was pregnant with Helga, she told Big Bob, who did not take the news well. Because he was just getting his business off the ground at that time, he had wanted Miriam to get an abortion. After some serious arguments, Miriam finally relented. However, Olga was happy that she was going to have a baby sister, and wanting to save her, stood up to Big Bob and demanded that Miriam have Helga, otherwise Olga threatened that she would run away. Seeing this, Big Bob relented and gave his approval to have Helga. This was a piece of information that Olga was determined to take to her grave. She knows that this information would break any lasting hope Helga may have in reconciling with her parents. She knows that if Helga ever does find out, she would never forgive them.
Helga was in such a shock from all of this that she started shaking. She didn't know what to make of this.
She knew? Olga knew what I was going through and yet she did nothing? Just like our parents, she also ignored me on that day when I had to go to pre-school, letting me go of on my own like that?
After some time, once she regain herself, she became angry and starting scowling at Olga,
"You knew the way I was being treated in that house and you did nothing? You pretended that everything was ok, while I rotted in that house for years, forever thinking that I was nothing but a shadow, a leftover, an ugly thing that had to be put away in some attic where no one could see me! How do you think I felt, how to you think I was feeling when I saw our parents giving you all the love and attention while I got nothing!"
Olga just stood there with her eyes wide open, but she was not surprised by Helga's outburst. However, before she could say anything, Helga abruptly got it and started walking away. She decided to let Helga cool down a bit, but still followed her.
After about an hour, Helga went to the nearest park and sat down on a bent, being deep into her thoughts about what just transpired.
It was a beautiful day, with the sun still shining, warming up the earth with its ray, with barely a cloud in the sky. The birds were still chirping away and the ducks were still swimming in the pond. Helga sat there, trying to absorb nature's beauty, hoping to relax and allow just to enjoy the scenery. Yet alas, she was not able to.
She was fuming! To think that her own sister would just stand by and not only do nothing, but worse, be part of the neglect that she experienced all of her life, all awhile pretending that everything was ok while she suffered. She couldn't believe it. She felt betrayed.
It is because of them why I am always so angry and resentful. It is because of them why I have been obsessing over Arnold since I was three. It is because of them why, despite it being more two years since he left, I am still obsessing over him! He was the only one that saw anything of value in me, not my family!
As she continued to sit on the bent, she thought about running away. She could not take it anymore. She had to run away, what else was left for her to do? But where would she go? The boarding house? Arnold's grandparents still lived there and Helga was sure that they could accommodate her. But knowing them, they would inform Arnold of this, to which he would respond back to her, urging her to move back home and reconcile with her parents, like it was that easy.
As she thought more and more about this, she became more and more angry, bringing her almost to tears.
Ugh! This is why I do not like thinking about this. I can't think about what had already happened; it is infuriating! Helga cried out in her head.
Then, she remembered what Rodrigo had said in their history class on their first day; about those that did not like history simply did not like their own history; they did not want, or are not able to look back into the past and those that did not, had no future, no way out. Without history, there was no future, no way to move on.
Initially, Helga scoffed at the idea, but try as she might, she was not able to get it out of her head. Something about what he said stuck with her and it wasn't letting go. It was not just about the past, but whose past? Olga's? someone else's? As she continued ponder about it, she then remembered what Olga had said about watching how their parents treated her, but pretended as if everything was OK. Again, she started to become angry, but then a thought appeared: What if Olga was pretending that everything was OK because she saw what the consequences would be if she did not continue to meet their parents' expectations?
Helga continued to sit there, but with eyes wide open at the thought that just came through her head: Both sisters were at the extreme end of their parents' expectations and attention. With Olga being older and more conscious of her environment, she realized, with the way Helga was been neglected and how angry and resentful she was becoming to everyone, Olga was probably afraid that this would have happened to her as well.
Wow, Olga was right; this is totalitarianism in its extreme. I cannot image the amount of fear that she must have felt if she ever stepped out of line. It was as if our parents were taunting her with the fearful image of what would happen to her if she ever failed. She thought.
With Rodrigo's idea of history still at the back of her mind, she then remembered about an important political and social event that had occurred in France in 1789 that she learned from last year's history class and realized its similarities with Olga's situation,
This wasn't cowardice. This was terror, not much different from the terror that was exercised during the French Revolution. Their motto was that if you did not meet its 'revolutionary' expectation and conform, you would be guillotined. Sure, people physically died during that time, but how is it any different than if a person was mentally/psychologically killed? At the very least, if you physically died, you no longer suffered. You only died once. But with Olga, she must have died numerous times. Ugh, crimeny I have been so caught up in my own feelings and my own needs that I did not think about what Olga must have felt about all of this. She realized.
Huh. I guess this history stuff really does have its uses. She continued to think.
Unbeknownst to her, Olga had been following her during her walk but stayed well behind the sidelines, waiting for Helga to calm down before she can approach her.
Then, as if right on cue, Olga walked towards her, then sat down on the other side of the same bench where Helga was sitting. After a short period of silence, Helga finally spoke up and said,
"I'm sorry Olga."
"You have nothing to be sorry about, baby sister." Olga responded back. "You have every right to be upset about all of this."
"Our parents are not perfect, Helga; far from it. Really far from it, actually. But they are not bad people; they are just…very misguided and ignorant. Despite what we went through, we still had a good house to live in, had toys, clothes and the ability to live…creatively. I think also part of the reason why they are like this is because I did not speak up. I know you tried to tell me before and I know that I ignored it. I let it happen."
Pfft, no argument there. Helga thought.
"But you should also know that, daddy is proud of what you have accomplished." Olga said.
"Eh? Excuse me?" Helga asked while raising an eyebrow.
*Flashback* Two years earlier….
During one of Olga's visits, she was in the car with Big Bob, conversing about the future…
"You know Olga, now that my business is booming again you can go to any prestigious university; you have the grades of them."
"Thank you daddy but I am happy where I currently am. I made a lot friends and good connections for the future." Olga said
"That's my girl."
"You should use that extra money for Helga for when she goes to university, daddy." Olga suggested.
"Huh? Oh right, her. Sure, but I don't think she will need it." Big Bob said.
"What do you mean she won't need it?"
"She won't need it because I don't think she will accept it. She will find her own way to do things."
Olga looked at her father with curious eyes, waiting for him to further explain himself.
"Look Olga, this is one of the areas where Helga excels at; independence. She has always been like that, ever since she was a baby. She took her first steps by herself without any help; she would grab her own food by herself, even if sometimes it was not the right one. She did not mind playing by herself and she never backed down from a fight. Eventually, I realized that there was very little that Miriam and I could really do for her, so we let her be."
"I know at times her behavior can be troublesome, but seeing as she is my daughter, she has that part of my personality, an independent spirit, and I tried not to get in her way. I always knew that whatever she wanted to do in life, she would need very little help and I trusted her enough that I felt that I did not need to intervene or even guide her, and for that, I am proud of her." Big Bob said with a smile.
Olga looked on with amazement. Big Bob had never praised Helga like that.
"Did you ever tell Helga that, daddy?" Olga asked
"No. I figured I did not have to. Like I said, she is an independent girl." Big Bog replied back.
*Flashback* to the present….
"Oh…" was all Helga could say.
Olga simply smiled and added, "I know daddy does not have the best way of expressing himself, Helga. But you need to know that they still love you, even though they are not good at showing it. Think about all the time when they were there for you. I know that it was not all the time, but there must have been a few of them at least."
Helga knew there were times when her parents did step up and became actual parents to her. It was not often, but they did pull through, whenever they could. Miriam had quit her job as the new Beeper Queen when Big Bob injured himself, her father had tried to spend more time with her, then there was that Thanksgiving when she walked out of her home feeling unwanted, only for her family to come through and express that they were grateful that she was with them. There were many other times, too many to count really.
After a short while, Helga got up from the bench, walked towards her sister, then, while nervously grabbing one her own hands, said, "Thanks Olga." Suddenly, she went and gave her older sister a big hug, which surprised Olga, but then quickly hugged her back. In one of those rare moments, Helga did not let go for quite a while.
After talking for a while longer, they then started to walk back towards their car to go home.
As they were driving, with Helga feeling much more relaxed and feeling more..closer to her sister than ever, Olga spoke up and said,
"You know, we should do this more often; talking I mean."
"Ya, that'd be great, Olga" Helga replied back genuinely, while looking at her.
"Oohh we can also go shopping and do our make-up and get our nails down…." Olga started to add excitedly before Helga cut her off.
"Uh no, thanks Olga. I like myself just the way I am. How about we go for some hot chocolate again? It worked well last time." Helga offered with a smile.
"Sure baby sister" Olga said, while getting emotional again. Then, unable to withstand herself, she suddenly lunged herself towards Helga to hug her again, releasing the steering wheel, which cause the car to once again, move towards oncoming traffic.
"Olga! The Wheel! Grab the wheel!" Helga shouted back at her in horror.
…Well, there you have it football head, I almost died twice today. Yet thankfully, fortune smiled upon us that day and we were spared from becoming road kill. Needless to say, I had a good time with Olga today, so I guess it was worth the risk, and I guess you were right about…this whole reconciliation thing. But, don't let that get into your ego, football head, got it?
I hope your time with your family has been wonderful, which I am sure it has been. Looking forward to your next letter.
Your infamous but loving friend,
Helga G. Pataki
That about wraps it up. I wanted Olga to have a say about her own situation. In other fan stories, she has been almost universally hated and has been antagonized, like her parents. To some extent, she deserves it, but just like Helga, Olga deserves to also be heard and listen to. It is just a new perspective that I wanted to provide.
In addition, there is a reason why I chose to compare Olga's situation with the French Revolution, instead of comparing it to Adolf Hitler's Nazi regime, or other dictators. You will find out why as I write more chapters.