I've been gone for quite a while, haven't I? Sorry about that. I've been busy trying not to get behind in school while also juggling some other stuff. Sadly, I ended up quitting my education yesterday, as it was too advanced for me, and I had no chance of finishing it. I failed an important test as well. This is where this angsty idea came from.

I do not own Ao No Exorcist/Blue Exorcist.

He had always hated tests. What good did they do, Aside from showing people their true selves? Nothing! It was nothing but a stress factor in an already hectic life. And this time, his life depended on it.

The older Okumura had gotten private lessons from his younger brother, heck, even extra lessons given by Suguro, yet it had done nothing but confuse him more. He wasn't good at studying, and theory made no sense to him. The only thing that made him learn, was doing, being practical and on the move, to use the body he had been given. What was in front of him was far from physical.

He knew he had to get himself together, he had to understand, he had to catch whatever the others had caught that made them wiser far beyond his level of knowledge, but whenever someone tried to explain, he just dozed off halfway through. Their words were nothing but white noise, and the sentences a cacophony that made his ears ring and head hurt. He learned nothing, understood nothing and hated himself for it.

Could it be possible that Yukio was right? Was he just being lazy? Blaming it all on stress and self-doubt, when he in fact just tried to avoid being responsible and mature? Or maybe it was a great mixture of it all, coming together in one big melting pot of emotions that took up all the energy that he used to have plenty of.

Rin also never got sick before, and he usually didn't have nightmares. If he did, he would fend off the demons in his head by telling himself that they weren't real, but now that he knew they were actual living creatures, he couldn't go with telling himself lies anymore. Was stress really the cause of all this? He knew what it could do to people, especially to his younger brother, who had a bad habit of neglecting himself to the point where he would become feverish, and yet, he never realized just how hard it was to take proper care of yourself, when a million things were happening around you at once. There was no time for breaks and the usual eleven hours of sleep had turned into six, seven if he was lucky, which was far from ideal.

So, by the time the test arrived at his desk, Rin started to panic as he stared at the backside of the paper. His hands were clammy, and he could barely hold onto the pen he had been given earlier. He had forgotten his own in his attempt to get to class on time and had been lucky to make it within the time threshold.

The clock struck eight, it was time to turn the papers and see what was hidden on the other

Side.

What was sleep? Did he sleep at all? Barely even ate breakfast, too worried and stressed about the test to even try to keep food down. So many thoughts clouded his mind, his stomach ached, and his head pounded, and all he could decipher from the latin on the paper was his own death sentence written in fancy letters of confusion and despair. He was screwed and he knew it. His whole life depended on tests like these, that much he knew, and he felt beyond stupid and useless upon looking at the paper of truth. The truth was that he was nothing but a slacker. He wasn't working hard enough for this, he didn't stay up every other night to prepare himself, he didn't try and memories viral sentences despite getting hints about the importance of knowing them by heart, and he didn't look up words that he didn't understand. All the raven-haired boy did was try to survive. Try not to fall too far behind the others as he grasps at straws that aren't there, try to reach dry land while the water kept rising. Already left behind, unintentionally.

Rin felt like puking. It had been half an hour already, and all he had managed to do was translating the paper. He still had to actually answer the questions and explain it in great detail. He had one and a half hour left to do so and that was far from enough to finish it. He was shaking, heart pounding so hard that it felt like it was going to burst, the writing barely readable and his right leg bounced up and down on repeat, most likely annoying the ones around him. He couldn't do this; the words made no sense and the sentences were far too short.

He dropped the pen on the floor when there were twenty minutes left, stopping its journey when it reached the table in front of him where Shiemi was sitting. Ruiji and Izumo had left the room half an hour ago, already done with the death test. That's what it felt like anyway. He glared at the pen as if he could mentally call for it to come back.

The stressed teen sighed and let his head hit the table with a loud, agonizing thud. He was missing the last question, something about demonic possessions in the medieval age...

He was close to giving up, to just saying 'screw it' and walking off, maybe hide away somewhere far from True Cross when something was placed on his table. Looking up, he found his pen laying in front of him, Yukio heading off in another direction.

Yukio wanted his older brother to pass this test. He couldn't give up knowing that. His pride wouldn't let a piece of paper be his downfall.