Hi everyone! After the whole dating rumor fiasco, Rodrigo decides to take it easy and take a break from Helga, figuring this is what is needed at the moment. But what does Helga think about this? And what secret will she reveal to him?

Rodrigo kept his promise in getting all of Helga's homework and assignments from her classes for the next three days during her suspension. Sometimes they would go for short walks after around the block just to catch up and to ensure Helga does not go insane after being cooped up in her room all day, if the weather permitted.

Upon her first day back, to her surprise, she was happily greeted by her friends, who welcomed her back with open arms, but not literally. Even Gerald, offering his hand, welcomed her back. After the whole dating rumor fiasco, things finally quieted down throughout the school. No longer were the students talking behind Helga's back about whether she was dating Rodrigo, much to both teens' relieve. Rodrigo had decided that once Helga returned, he would take a break and would focus on other areas of interest. He felt he deserved it and it was necessary, just for things to return to normal.

After first, Helga noticed Rodrigo's absence and initially did not worry about it. If anything, she also preferred it. However as the days went by, she realized that Rodrigo had not been showing up as much even to hang out during lunchtime, neither with her, nor their friends. Sometimes he was nowhere to be found, which resulted in her having to text him to find out where he was. He would respond to any calls or text she sent to him with no issue and they even agreed to continue practicing their dance after school, but that was it.

It soon dawned on Helga that she felt that Rodrigo was avoiding her. That was not the problem though. What was bothering her about this is that it actually bothered her, yet she couldn't understand why.

What does this guy mean to me? Why am I so bothered that he is avoiding me, or at least I think he is avoiding me? But at the same time, I don't think he is. He answers his calls and text and we still talk and meet up after school like it is no issue. He just seems distant though. She thought.

I shouldn't be surprised really. The whole dating fiasco must have really shaken him up and I guess he just wants his space for now. I should understand that, but it is still bothering me! I was just as bothered with Phoebe when she started doing the same thing. I knew why she was doing it and I understood it, but I was still bothered by it. Worse, with Rodrigo, it is only more intense, more hurtful? I don't know! Ugh, crimeny, why am I such a basket case?!

Despite her frustration, she decided to respect Rodrigo's wish to be left alone. After all, it is probably best if they did take break, especially for her.

With Rodrigo, he was not avoiding her, but he was keeping his distance. The whole dating rumor scandal proved too much for him to handle. He was still willing to be Helga's friend, but he had concluded that trying to be her friend came at a high cost. It bothered him that he felt that way, but he nevertheless had to accept that his friendship with Helga was becoming stressful, and they were only friends! There had been severe high and lows between them, with little leeway for stability and just genuine enjoyment for each other's company. If anything, he had been fighting the urge to side with Gerald and everyone else's behavior on how distant they were to her. He just felt a little time to himself and doing the things he enjoyed doing was good for him. After a while, they can perhaps start improving on their friendship, but for now he just wanted to be left alone.

Hmm, I should not have judged Helga for her habit of disappearing days on end. I'm doing the same thing. Maybe that is why she does that; she just wants to be alone with her thoughts. He thought.

There was also another reason why Rodrigo was keeping his distance. Despite the major breakthrough in Helga telling him about her family situation, Rodrigo felt that she was still not opening up to him...about anything! Despite making small talks about music, dancing and other small areas, Helga rarely showed any real interest in having a full-long conversation with him. He had to constantly either ask her about something or choose a topic of discussion just to get her to talk, yet even that sometimes proved insufficient, as Helga would often respond with a simply 'Yes' or 'No' or sometimes not at all. This became even more frustrating, considering that Rodrigo was somewhat introverted, and having to constantly talk first was proving to be hard for him.

He had also noticed that Helga often looked distracted, as if she was thinking about something or someone. Yet the times when he asked her about that, her only response was 'nothing'.

In the end, the enter enterprise of trying to get to know Helga was becoming tiresome. Whatever information he did have of her, the majority of it came from their friends.

Frustrated, Rodrigo went to ask Phoebe to inquiry on this, but all she said that was 'Helga is a carefully guarded person and it will take time to open up.'

Take time to open up? I wasn't asking about anything personal or deep. I just want to know about the little things first, like what's her favorite color, or is she into politics, why doesn't she like history, Who is her favorite author etc.? This is driving me insane! He thought bitterly.

Several days into their 'break', during lunchtime, Helga was walking down the hallway on the first floor when she stumbled upon a group of students, clambered together while listening to reggaeton. Curious if perhaps Rodrigo was there, she walked towards the group, gently pushed her way into them and saw Rodrigo dancing away with Carmen.

Ever since the dating rumor died down, Carmen began to pay more attention to Rodrigo. Although it is not known if they were dating, the way they were dancing together showed that there definitely was an aura of emotional and sexual attraction.

Helga looked on as she started to experience the same feeling she had felt when she saw Rodrigo dancing with her at Rhonda's party; this anger, jealous type of emotion. She had initially thought that it was only due to Rodrigo regretting in asking Helga and not Carmen, as a form of rejection. But now that she is experiencing it again, it confused her even more.

Again with this feeling? Why am I feeling angry that he is dancing with her? So what? He is not my boyfriend, he is single, so he can do whatever he wants, yet this is making my blood boil! She thought.

It wasn't just the dancing that was irritating her. It was also the way Rodrigo was smiling. He looked happy dancing with Carmen, happy to be away from her. It soon became clear that there was something more going on between them then at first realized. Their grinding became more intense, more physical. She could see it by their facial expression that it was a very sexualized experience. As it got more and more intense, their heads started to get closer and closer, until their foreheads and noses were touching each other. Realizing what was about to happen, Helga watched helplessly as to what was about to unfold in front of her; they were about to kiss…but it never happened. The music ended and despite still being close, they eventually separated themselves.

Right when it ended, Helga simply walked away, unsure on how she felt about this. She was simultaneously experiencing conflicting emotions. She felt angry and jealous at just seeing him dance with someone so closely, she feels hurt and lonesome that he has been avoiding her, yet she does not harbor any strong affection towards him. Although she is glad when she sees him, she has not experienced any of the usual emotional reactions she would experience if she liked him; getting into a love trance, having butterflies in your stomach etc.

Then, another emotion that she had just started experiencing popped up: sadness. The possibility of Rodrigo having romantic feelings for someone else saddened her.

It's probably just because everyone is finding that special someone, while I'm still clinging to a past that has no future. That, or now that Rodrigo is dating Carmen; he will have less time to hang out. She thought.

She thought about speaking to Phoebe about this, but she reframed from doing so. She felt that she had been too much of a burden to her best friend and did not want her to get entangled with anymore drama. There was only one option left for her; talk to Rodrigo.

Pfft, ya right! Like I'm going to talk to that guy about my feelings about him! 'Oh Rodrigo, I'm confused about my emotions. You see, I like you, but I don't like you. You make me angry and jealous when you dance with someone, but I also don't get those butterflies in my stomach when I see you, blah blah blah'. She mockingly thought to herself.

Seeing as how this was going nowhere, she decided to put these thoughts aside and just concentrate on getting by today.

The next day…

Rodrigo and Helga had just finished their after school dancing lessons. After more than a month of practicing, Helga has gotten a lot better and more confident with her moves. Actually, it got up to the point where Rodrigo felt he had nothing else to teach her, but he reframed from saying anything to her, lest she may decide to put an end to their practice.

After packing up their belongings, they exited the theatre and locked the door when Rodrigo spoke and said,

"Hey, did you want to grab a bite to eat?"

Helga was surprised by the sudden invitation.

"Umm…sure, but you're buying. I didn't bring any money." She said.

"Sure. Do you know good areas around this school where we can go?" he asked.

"Wow, you sure know how to take a girl out on a date by not having a clue on where to eat." She said sarcastically with a smirk.

"I actually would be prepared, if this was a date." He responded back jokingly, which then he stuck his tongue out at her.

"Real mature Rodrigo. Alright, I know where we can go."

They settled on a small burger joint not far from their school. After ordering their meals, they sat down to eat.

After some minutes, Helga was debating on whether to bring up the question if he was dating Carmen, or anyone for that matter.

Should I do it, or not do it? Yes or no? This is the best time to ask him; we are alone and not going to be bothered. No, No, it is none of your business and besides why do you care who he is dating? Crimeny , just ask him already! She thought.

"I saw you yesterday dancing with Carmen." She confessed.

"Really? How come you didn't say hi?" He asked.

"You guys were really into each other and I didn't want to interrupt your moment like last time." She said while she smirked.

She then asked the big question, "Are you guys…"

This sudden interest in his personal affairs was not lost to Rodrigo. Based on his talks with other people and with her, she would rarely ask these kinds of questions. He knew full well that Helga was not a gossiper and often did not care about other people's personal affairs.

So why start now? He thought. He decided to leave her hanging for a moment and play around.

"Who's asking?" He asked her casually.

"Doi, I am. Why? Is it a secret?"

"Maybe" he responded back with a smile.

"Oh jeez, just tell me! Relax; this is not going to become another rumor, if that is what you're afraid of." She assured him irritatingly.

He then relented.

"No, we're not together." Rodrigo responded.

"Oh, but you guys seemed really close while dancing." She stated.

"You North Americans mistake that just because we get physically close, it does not mean that we are romantically into you." He explained.

"But you were not that far off from your assertion. I was interested in her and when the rumors died down, we started spending more time together. However, I realized that she was not the one for me. I found that we had…too much in common. We were so similar that I think I would have become bored." He continued to explain.

Helga then instantly thought of the time when Arnold was infatuated with Lila. After he and Helga started dating, Arnold came to the same realization that had he had succeed in dating Lila, he would have become bored with her. They were way too similar for them to have lasted.

Needless to say, Helga felt…relieved, if not happy that Rodrigo was not interested in Carmen.

"So what are you looking for?" she asked him.

Rodrigo was trying to figure out why she is all of a sudden interested in whom he is dating or interested in. He does not know if she is just trying to have a conversation, or just trying to get to know him, or trying to get some useful information from them. Yet at the same time, he didn't want to jeopardize the possibility for them actually getting to know each other, so he let it go, for now.

"Not sure, really. I guess someone different. I can tell you why it would not have worked out with Carmen. Perhaps that can give you a better idea." He said.

"Carmen is beautiful and smart and is an outgoing person. But she is a stereotypical Latina. She is very feminine, wears make up and does her nails, which I honestly find it annoyed if they over do it. She may be smart, but I would not consider her an intellectual. She goes to Church, which I don't have a problem with, but it is an issue with her and her family, and she only hangs out with other Latinos, which can make her a little narrow-minded when it comes to other cultures, if not ignorant."

"Does race play a role?" She asked him.

"Race or ethnicity? No. Culture? Yes" he responded back.

"So you like someone that keeps you on your toes?" She asked him while trying not to smile.

I hope she is not talking about herself because she really keeps me on my toes. He thought.

"Ya, I guess." He responded back. "I think that you need both the opposite and the things in common. You need the opposite to attract each other, but the things you have in common, that will ensure you guys remain together. Too much in either end will inevitably result in a broken, if not an unstable relationship."

"Ah, Aristotle's concept of the Golden Mean." she stated.

"You got it." he responded back with a smile.

"Now it's my turn. Why Arnold?" He asked her.

Oh crap! Nice going, Helga. She thought while mentally slapping herself in the face.

"Whhatt do you mean 'why him'?" She asked him nervously.

"I mean, why did you fall in love with him? What is it about this guy that you like so much about?"

"Oh look at the time, it's getting late. We'd better get going." She said with a nervous smile as she quickly stood up and started leaving.

Rodrigo was not finding this amusing. He sighed, got up and chased after her.

"Whoa whoa, Helga, we are just talking, that's it. I'm not here to judge you." He tried to assure her.

Helga was not having any of it. She ignored him and continued walking with Rodrigo still walking right behind her.

"Look if you don't want to answer that question, that's fine. We can talk about something else."

Again Helga said nothing and continued walking.

"Helga, stop! You don't get to ask personal questions and then not expect to be asked in return." He said with a serious tone.

That finally stopped her in her tracks. She then turned to face him.

"Look, I'm not an idiot. You are a strong and independent girl. You don't take crap from anyone. Yet this Arnold guy seems to be the only person who can make you so nervous that you would fall to your knees just by you looking at him, metaphorically speaking. So if that's what you trying to hide, I already know. That's not a secret." he said.

"Up to that point, it doesn't really interest me. What does interest, if not concern me is that despite it being more than two years, you still behave as if he just left yesterday. I am only asking what is it about him that would make you feel that he is your 'everything', as you put it?"

By instinct, Helga was starting feel her defensive mechanism getting the better of her. She tried to resist it, but she was unable to. She had always hated being vulnerable to Arnold; she was not going to allow herself to be vulnerable to someone else.

"You don't know what you are asking, ok? Why do you care?!" She retorted back with a raised voice.

"I care because I am you're friend. And don't tell me again that we're not friends. You may not know or even want to realize it, but this infatuation with this guy is what is causing you to be distant with everyone, even Phoebe. It is what's causing you to be alone and not move on. I know you guys are in a long-distance relationship, but even with the assurance that he is still your boyfriend, you act as if you lost him."

I did lose him…She thought sadly, trying not to coke up as she yelled at him,

"That's none of your business Rodrigo! I'm sorry I asked you all those 'personal' questions, OK? I was just trying to get to know you!"

Despite her nervousness and aggression coming up, Rodrigo remained calm throughout.

"Helga, What do you think I am trying to do? I want to get to know you too. I want to know who this person is deep down, under that damned tough exterior that you always pull. I know there is way more to you than that, but you won't let me. You won't let anyone get near you. I don't expect you to tell me anything deep and personal, but I do expect you to tell me something just so I can understand you a bit better. Just the little things." He explained.

By now, Helga was getting visibly upset. Her anxiety and nervousness was giving away towards anger, but she was able to restrain it.

"Rodrigo…just let me go home ok? Let's call it a night and forget this ever happened." She said while looking straight at his eyes.

Rodrigo could only look in absolute astonishment at just how upset Helga was getting over this. She was acting as if he was hurting her.

Why is it so hard for her just talk? She is never going to open up to me. Why do I even bother?

Despite wanting to continue, Rodrigo relented and said, "OK"

The walk back to the bus lane and the bus ride home was long and silent. Neither attempted to talk to the other. There was nothing else to say really. To make matters more depressing, the evening was very cloudy and windy, with slight drizzles from time to time.

Once they got off the bus, Rodrigo said,

"Look, I'm sorry if I pushed the wrong button this evening. That was not my intention at all. All I wanted was to just talk and get to know you more, that's it."

When Helga said nothing, Rodrigo then simply said,

"Good night Helga." And started walking away towards his house.

Helga just looked on in deep sadness as he continued walking away. After a short while she started walking home, deep in thought.

I have to talk to Dr. Bliss about this. She thought.

The week after, at Dr. Bliss' office…

Helga had been seeing Dr. Bliss one session per week since she was nine years old. Only Phoebe and eventually Arnold knew about this. Needless to say, the therapy sessions have been helpful, especially when Arnold left. Going to see Dr. Bliss during those dreadful times were crucial in ensuring Helga got the much needed help and support that she needed. Often times, Dr. Bliss had to physically hug and comfort Helga when she saw her deteriorating condition. Even at times Dr. Bliss was barely able to maintain her posture and professionalism during that period. She never seen someone so sad and lost for losing someone.

Helga waited patiently for her appointment. She struggled to occupy her mind before succumbing into remembering that evening's encounter with Rodrigo. Things did not worse, but they did not improve between them. She continued to feel that he was avoiding her, now more than ever. If she had any reservations about that, after that evening's debacle, it was now confirmed.

Just then the door opened and out came her recent patient. Dr. Bliss came out and greeted Helga.

"Helga, please come in."

Helga got up, went inside and sat down on the couch.

"So how have you been doing lately?" Dr. Bliss asked.

"*sigh* not good Doc. I'm having problems with a recent friend and I need help."

"OK, why don't you give me some background so I can understand better?" She asked.

Helga then proceeded to tell to Dr. Bliss the whole story between her and Rodrigo, including her ambivalent feelings towards him, the dating rumor scandal, and how she is not able to just talk to him, especially about anything personal.

"I'm not sure what to make of this. I don't know why this is a big deal for me. I want to be friends with him, but I'm not able to. He's right, I don't let him in."

"Well Helga, there are two areas that we can cover. One would be your ambivalent feelings towards him, while the other is you wanting to open up to him. Unfortunately, we only have time to cover one of them. Which one do you want to cover today?"

"Opening up to him." She confirmed.

"Ok, well let's start by discussing why do you feel you want to be friends with him? Take your time." She asked.

"I feel that he can understand me, I guess. As I said, he reminds me of Arnold. He wants to help me and he wants to understand me. He sees in me more than just a tough, aggressive girl. And, he is also more mature than the others. And just like Arnold, despite how many times I try to push him away, he keeps coming back to help me. So, I guess I have the confidence that he can understand what I go through and will not push it aside as if it is not a big deal. Plus since I have been a little distant with Phoebe, I have been feeling…alone. So I guess that is why I want to be friends with him." She explained.

Dr. Bliss knew that there was a connection between the two areas, but for now she will just focus on helping Helga to open up to her friend.

"And why do still feel that you have to push him away and not open up to him?"

"I never liked showing my vulnerability, even to Arnold. I don't trust people with that part of me, only Arnold and that was only after years of bullying him."

"And that's what I don't understand. I understand with Arnold, I was in love with him, so it is obvious why I was so defensive. But with Rodrigo, I don't know why I am still defensive against him. I'm not giving him my heart, my soul to him. He just wants to get to know me, but I won't open up." She continued.

"Does he make you nervous?" She asked.

"Yes. He has this mysteriousness around him, which I like, but it also makes me nervous because it makes me unable to trust him. We have been taking dancing lessons together after school and the way he dances with me sometimes, also makes me nervous in a way that I have not felt since Arnold."

"Yet, he has proven that he can be trusted. I mean, our other friends trust him with their personal information. I heard from Phoebe that Gerald is trusting him almost as much as Arnold. It's like I keep coming with excuses not to trust him."

"Well Helga, there is a big difference between you trusting Arnold and Rodrigo, and it is not just based on romantic feelings. You have known Arnold since you were three years old, so he would have proven to you countless times that he can be trusted. With Rodrigo, you have only known him for two months. So don't be too concerned if he has not yet gained your full trust."

"I guess."

"It is OK to be a little guarded, but you should also just take baby steps. That is how friendships are formed. You do not have to reveal your personal affairs so quickly. You can provide your personal opinions about a certain topics, such as politics, or who is your favorite artists etc. That information alone does tell you a lot about that person. But if I may ask, what do you two talk about?"

"I guess that's the problem, very little. We talk about music, dancing and we have talked about some of our personal lives. He has told me about his issues with his extended family and how they have ostracized him because he is an atheist and I told him about my family issues. But other than that, our conversations have not progressed. It is as if there is gap between us and it is only getting bigger. Whenever he tries to ask me about something, I usually just give him a small remark or if it is too much of a personal question, I may redirect it back to him or avoid it all together." Helga said.

"Whenever we do talk about something deep or personal, it is usually after we have a huge fight. I have not been able to just sit down with him and just talk without getting upset. We actually tried that about a week ago. I asked him if he was going out with someone and everything was ok, until he asked me about Arnold, then I got very nervous and left. He chased me and tried to get me to talk to him, but all we did was argue until I almost had to beg him to stop." She continued.

"Then this goes back to what we have been discussing since you started here. You are in two extremes where you either say nothing or you say it very explicitly with a burst of energy. Is there a place or an area that calms you down?" Dr. Bliss asked.

"Yes, when I dance. It calms me down." She responded back.

"Well, try doing this: Go somewhere with him where you will not be disturbed. Then put on a music that calms you down and just talk. If you need to, make it clear to him to not ask you any questions that may make you uncomfortable or nervous."

Helga thought about it for a moment and realized its potential. Indeed, the times when they did talk with no tension was during their after school dancing lessons.

"That could work."

"Now, I also want to ask you something. How do you think Rodrigo feels about you not trusting him?"

"I know it bothers him. It has been stressful for him as well. I'm actually surprised he has still managed to stick around." She responded back.

"And why do you think that is?"

"Because he cares about me, I guess."

"Yes, but there is also something else. I know this is a bit extreme, but just listen. How would you feel if Arnold told you that he did not trust you?"

"I cannot really blame him for that. But I would find that hurtful that he wouldn't trust me. Even anything, I would feel that I would be first person that he can trust." Helga responded back.

"I think that's what Rodrigo also feels. I think he wants to gain your trust but you are not letting him. So I believe that he must feel hurt that despite all his efforts, it amounts to nothing. You have already told him about your family and you trust him enough to dance with you. And yet, he must feel that even that is not enough." Dr. Bliss said.

Helga took a long pause to reflect on that. In the same way as she had been oblivious about Olga's feelings about their family, Helga had not considered how much this has been hurting Rodrigo.

"Ok, I get your point, doc. I'll try that out." She said.

Two days later…

As Rodrigo was making his way to his locker after classes ended, he was still reeling over what happened with Helga at the burger joint. All he wanted to do was talk to her, to just have a relaxing conversation about whatever. Yet it is like pulling teeth when trying to speak to her. She rarely gives her opinion unless she is usually trying to make a smart remark. She won't talk about her private affairs. So, what is there left to talk about?

He went to his locker, opened it to grab his stuff and radio. He was surprised that Helga had texted him earlier that day, asking if they can do their dancing lessons today. Since their argument at the burger joint, Helga had cancelled all of their schedule dancing lessons, much to his dismay. Yet he reframed from trying to convince her otherwise. He decided to give her some space. He closed his locker, which suddenly revealed Helga standing right behind it, so much so that he jumped.

"Jeez, Helga! Stop doing that!" He cried out.

"Boy you are jumpy today." She said with a smirk on her face.

"Only when you sneak up on me like that." He retorted back.

"You ready?" She asked him.

"Ya, let's go." He said.

At least she is in a good mood today. He thought.

As they made their way into the theatre, Helga was preparing herself. She had thought long and hard about what she was going to say to him, but she felt that this was the only way for her to open up. She had to take the risk, she has to be vulnerable.

For the last two days, she had tried to come up with topics to talk with him. However, either these were topics that she had no interest, nor a opinion of, or they were too personal to discuss. That was the problem. Her main focus and area of interest for the last two years had been her love and obsession with Arnold. Everything else was secondary, if not nonexistent. She realized to her dismay that she had no real interest in any area. Her entire existence since she was three years of age had been around Arnold. Yet even when he left, she felt unable move on in other areas that would interest her. She couldn't even discuss with Rodrigo her love of writing poetry or short stories because she had not written anything for more than two years! There was really nothing about herself that she found interesting.

Upon realizing this, Helga almost fell into despair. She not only felt utterly boring in herself, but also felt that she did not warrant anyone's attention or interest in her, even as friends. It then dawned on her that there was one particular subject that she could discuss with Rodrigo. However, it was of the most sensitive topic, one she had guarded viciously from anyone.

Throughout that night, she struggled to decide if she should tell him or not. She walked back and forth throughout her room, deep in thought. She then eventually ended up writing down a list of pros and cons to visually see if it was worth letting one of her most guarded secrets out. Upon looking at the list, she finally made the decision that she would tell him, albeit with some reluctance.

She thought about asking Dr. Bliss in their next week's session if she should go through with this. However, she knew that the doc would never tell her directly to go for it or not. This was her choice. She had to weigh out the pros and cons and she had to ultimately take this step; if not with Rodrigo, then with someone else. But there was no one else. Finally, she decided to just go through with it the next day.

This is harder than I thought it would be. She thought. Her hands were getting sweaty and cold. Her stomach was turning, but she had thought this through and she was not going to back down.

Once they entered the theatre, they closed and locked the doors and made their way towards the stage. Once on it, she began to talk,

"Before we start, I have something to say to you...or rather, something to show you." She said nervously.

"OK. What?"

"First, let me put on some music, it'll help me relax." She said.

She plugged on the radio, put a CD inside, when the first song played, she adjusted the volume to ensure it was not too loud enough.

"Sit" she told him.

Rodrigo sat down without saying a word. She sat down close to him. He could instantly see that she was really nervous. But before she could say anything, Rodrigo cut her off.

"Listen Helga, whatever it is that you are going to show me, you don't have to do it if you don't want to. I do not want to put you in that position again." He said.

"I know. But this time, this is my choice that I am making it for myself. I want to show this to you because this will not only help you understand me, but also help me open up." She responded back.

"Before I do, you must swear to never reveal this to anyone; not our friends, not your family, or your friends back home. Got it?" she said.

"Ok, I promise." he said.

"Even if you are kidnapped and horribly tortured and your family is forced to watch you, you must swear to never, EVER, reveal this to anyone." she said.

"Umm OK, yes I promise, Helga." he said worryingly.

"Even if they mutilate you and cut off your genitals in front of your family while you are still alive..."

"Helga! I get the point, I won't say this to anyone, on pain of death. You don't have get so gruesome." he retorted back. Then extended his hand and said, "I promise."

Helga shook his hand and replied, "OK."

She then slowly lifted her hands towards her head, and then began to untie the knots that were around her hair. Once untied, she then took a deep breath, closed her eyes, then allowed her big blue hat to slide down from her head, revealing to Rodrigo, her pink bow.

Rodrigo waited until she opened her eyes again. He did not understand why she was showing him this. He thought about it for a while, just looking at her pink bow. Then suddenly, it occurred to him that it was the pink bow and not the hat that was important to her.

"That day when I flickered your hat, you were afraid for your pink now and not your hat weren't you?" He asked her.

"Yes" she responded back.

Rodrigo waited for her to say something. It was a long wait until she finally spoke.

"You asked me why Arnold means everything to me. This pink bow explains it all. On my first day of pre-school, I reminded my parents that they needed to take me there, but they were too busy giving their attention to my older sister who was playing the piano, that they did not bother with me. So I decided to walk by myself there. It was raining and cold. On the way, I lost my lunch to a stray dog and I got wet and mud all over my clothes when I stopped for the lights. When I finally got there, I felt so miserable and alone that I just stood there, not bothering to go inside. Then Arnold came with his grandfather, opened his umbrella for me and said with a smile, 'Hi I like your pink bow because it matches your pants'. Arnold was the first person to ever notice that I ever existed, the first person that see of anything of value in me. And I have been in love with him since then." She sadly told her story.

Rodrigo just stood her, completely motionless and silent. He had no idea what to say over this revelation. In one stroke, he had almost completely understood her, but she had also revealed to him why she was so self-conscious about her hat and about why it is so hard to talk about Arnold. It was overwhelming. He had no idea just how important Arnold was to her. He did not need to know any further details; it all now made sense. Her love for Arnold literally kept her alive! He took of his hat and just looked down on the floor in complete anguish and shame. There were so many questions that he wanted to ask her, but he was having trouble just absorbing what Helga had just told him.

"I'm so, so sorry Helga." Was all he could say.

If Helga was expecting Rodrigo to feel better, it only made it worse. He now felt more terrible than ever. He felt he pushed her into showing her this.

Well I did not expect to break him so easily like that. She thought to herself jokingly.

After regaining his composure, he continued,

"I'm sorry Helga. I just did not think you were going to tell me this. I was just hoping for you to tell me some information about why you like him, such as, he is a sweet guy, or he is smart or something like that. I'm not saying that I don't appreciate what you just showed me, I'm just…at a loss."

"I'm not able to just tell bits and pieces of information about myself. That's one of the problems that I have. I either tell it all, or none of it. I thought about this long and hard before I decided to show this to you. I just have...no other way to tell you other than just to show you." She explained.

"Does anyone else know about this?" he asked.

"No. Only Phoebe." she replied.

"Again, not that I'm not appreciating it, but I have to know; why did you show it to me?" he asked.

Helga took a few moments to carefully find the right words to explain. She inhaled deeply, let it out, then began to say,

"I have to start by saying this: you remind me of Arnold. I know that you don't like to be compared to him, but it is important for you to know that you possess a lot of the same qualities that made Arnold such a wonderful guy. They are not the same, but similar enough that even Gerald saw it. I guess that's why I trust you. I know you are not Arnold, and I'm not imagining that you are him. But it allows me to trust you. And like him, despite how many times I tried to push you and how many times I upset you, you were able to see, despite my aggression and toughness, something more. You kept on coming back to be my friend." She explained with a smile.

"Umm...thanks" was all Rodrigo could say. But then he continued, "but you are not able to trust anyone else? Even though you grew up with them? What about Gerald? He is Arnold's best friend."

"Gerald was never able to see past my bullying and aggression. I feel like every time he looks at me, he does it with contempt and judgment. I don't think he ever liked me, much less accepted my relationship with Arnold. I don't think he was able to realize that there was something else besides my toughness." she explained.

I have to talk to Gerald about this. This has to stop. Rodrigo thought.

"What about everyone else?"

"I was never close to them. Plus I also felt that they were judging me, although less so than Gerald. Rhonda changed and we did warmed up a bit, but I would not really call her my friend. The same goes with Lila. When Arnold was here, everyone would come together to hang out, myself included. But I was mostly there just to tag along really."

"This does not make any sense. I mean, our friends are a very diverse group. I'm actually quite fascinated as to how Rhonda and Nadine are really close friends, despite being so different. This group should be the most open minded, yet I'm seeing that they never gave you a proper chance, even after what you did for Arnold in finding his parents. That alone was incredible!" exclaimed Rodrigo.

"It wasn't all just them. When Arnold left and I had my depression, they would call me to check up on me. But given my defensiveness as a habit, I never answered my phone and I told Phoebe not to give out any specifics. I'm a difficult person to deal with, and I guess they eventually just got tired of it. Eventually they stopped calling."

"They didn't meet your standard in order for you to trust them." Rodrigo stated.

"I guess." she replied back.

Rodrigo then thought about her parents, which caused his blood to boil. He wanted to ask her about her parents, about how they could do this to her. Why did they allow her to walk to pre-school on her own? Why did they ignore her? What kind of parents were they? He wanted to ask her, but he reframed from doing so. He saw that it was pointless to ask such questions. The damage had already been done and he did not want to upset her.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked him, interrupting him from this thoughts.

"Huh? Oh ummm, I was just thinking about everything you just told me. Thank you for sharing it with me, it means a lot." he said with a smile.

"Hope I didn't break you." she asked, trying not to giggle.

"Huh? No, sorry, it was just ummm...uhhh...very touching story." he said while blushing.

Before another awkward silence started developing,

"Well ummm, did you want to start practicing?" he asked.

"Actually, I'd preferred to just talk a bit more." she said with a small smile.

Later the evening...

Football head, I don't know what came over me today, but I told Rodrigo...no I showed him my pink bow that I always wear. Out of everyone that I knew, I showed it to him. I swore that no one would ever see it. I must be crazy to have done that! But, I don't feel as if I lost something. If anything, I feel as if I gained something from it.

He did swear that he would never reveal it to anyone, so I am hoping that he will keep his word. It is makes me nervous really, to put something that I cherish so much into the hands of someone else. I only felt comfortable enough to do that with you. But I trust him enough to give him a chance. At the very least, if he does say something, I will have good old Betsy here that he will have to answer to.

I haven't seen any letters from you recently. Hope you are not having too much fund without me, Arnoldo.

Yours truly,

Helga G. Pataki